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Random Rants by PalmerSucks

November 02, 2013 by Palmer Sucks

Random Rants by PalmerSucks

By PalmerSucks

November 1, 2013


So, how ya likin’ the 2013 campaign so far? Here are a few more bits to chew on as you savor the shit sandwich that is the Stillers ’13 season.


--Good thing the Ravens had off last week. They’ve got to be exhausted from carrying Flacco all the time.


By the way, anyone catch a glimpse of Flacco’s stats lately??  Average Joe has responded to getting the big money by posting the worst season of his career. Flacco’s lame 78.9 rating ranks even lower than the numbers he put up his rookie year. The Stillers beat Baltimore by doing exactly what I’d said: not giving up the special teams or defensive scores that always seem to bail out this dead weight. The Ravens made a huge mistake paying a serviceable quarterback franchise-QB money. It’s upset the balance of the team.


--Haley this, Tomlin that… you’re hearing all kinds of reasons for the Stillers’ horrible record. The real reason for the meltdown: there’s a brand-new problem with the team itself. Through just one half of the season, the Stillers’ defense has given up a whopping six plays of 51 yards or longer. It’s one thing not to create turnovers; it’s another thing entirely to cough up splash plays in bunches. The Stillers defense used to excel at keeping everything in front of them. Unfortunately, even the big-cushion scheme isn’t working anymore. And the difference is showing up in the loss column.


--Congratulations, Big Ben: you’re on pace to break your own record for getting sacked in a season. A few weeks ago, Bill Polian called Roethlisberger’s game vs. Minnesota one of the greatest QB performances he’d ever seen. (This in a losing effort no less.) Polian knows what smart observers do: that Roethlisberger is in a league of his own considering his circumstances. The morons who list guys like Drew Brees in the “elite” category but not Roethlisberger just can’t see the big picture. Put Brees, Peyton Manning or Tom Brady on the Stillers and see how many games they win. Chances are very few games, because for starters they probably wouldn’t last an entire season. Why is that you can watch any other team but Pittsburgh and the pass protection seems to get take for granted?


--That same Discovery Channel special on the London game that featured Jared Allen yukking it up at the expense of Mike Adams also showed another interesting bit. On one of the replays, a Big Ben scramble, I caught the sight of a Stillers’ lineman literally going down and cut-blocking nobody. In truly comic fashion, this lineman was running around looking for someone to block, when he suddenly just dove at the ground; there wasn’t another player around for a good five yards. You have to see it to believe it. The whole thing makes me see DeCastro’s taking out of Pouncey in a new light.


--If Tomlin wants to single out Jarvis Jones, a rookie, for not living up to the standard, well, whatever. Jones has an excuse; namely, he’s got about 8 entire games under his belt. By calling out Jones, and not naming underachieving veterans like Woodley and Clark, Tomlin’s just embarrassing himself. Was Jones the guy who missed his assignment to follow Pryor last Sunday? These older guys have no excuses – but continue to skate by, scot-free and un-called-out. It kind of makes me want to puke.


--I won’t go into a rant over the blown-read-option fiasco in Oakland; besides, Mill’s already got that covered. I do want to ask a question though: how is it that the same defense that did a masterful job last season against RGIII could utterly fail against Terrelle Pryor? Maybe if LeBeau had used the same game plan against Oakland as he did versus Washington, the Stillers take the win.


--The Zoltan Mesko experiment has officially ended. I was rooting for Mesko given his family history, but the fact is, his punting was atrocious. Let’s hope the next foreigner to come in, Australian Mat McBriar, does a better job.


--The latest player to get on my nerves: Gio Bernard. I’ve mentioned before how “Hard Knocks” exposed this rookie for what he is: mush. Bernard is softer than squeezable Charmin; right now, however, he’s the trendy new lapdog of the dumb sports media. No doubt you’ll be seeing highlights of Bernard’s June-bug scamper against the Dolphins from now until the end of time. But lost in all the gushing is the fact that Bernard took himself out of the game at crunch time, when the Bengals needed him most. From now on, Bernard will be known here by the following name: “Mr. Softee.”


--The 2013 New England Patriots are a truly beatable team. Unfortunately, they will be facing the 2013 Pittsburgh Stillers this week. Still, nothing would be sweeter than to beat the Patsies up in Foxboro with Brady -- if for no other reason than to avenge the game a few years ago which Brady sat out and let Matt Cassell absorb the beating that Mr. Bundchen so richly deserved.


--Expect the Pats to come out using their standard formula vs. LeBeau: spread the field whether it’s run or pass. No doubt New England will be spreading more than a $20 whore at a Shriner’s convention. Rather than just sit back and take it as usual, the Stillers should get after the pretty boy; Brett Keisel, for one, has a real chance to dominate versus finesse Patriots LT Nate Solder.


--The Stillers could win this game, but they have no chance if the defense continues to give up the long gainers. But again, just remember, it’s Tom Brady; pretty boy no likey getting hit. In case you haven’t yet seen it, here’s a little something to get the party started:


--Q: What do you call a Red Sox fan with nothing to do?

  A: A diehard Patriots fan.


--See you soon, Sean Spence. We hope.


--Enjoy the game!


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