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Stillers-Patriots Postgame Analysis and Grades

November 04, 2013 by Still Mill

Patsies 55,  Stillers 31  ……. Nov. 3, 2013 …………Game # 8
Stillers-Patriots Postgame Analysis and Grades

The Stillers, as is their penchant, stumbled early and often, and soon were down 14-0 and 17-3.   But in the 3Q, the Stillers stormed back and tied the game at 24.  Then the roof caved in.  Dick and his Softee Defense resembled a screen door on a submarine, and the Pats waltzed for 31 more points en route to scoring 55 points in a humiliating 55-31 assbeating that ends all foolish bullshit about “playoff contention”.    




QB:  On the first drive, Ben had a 3d & 2, with ALL DAY in the pocket.  He held and held and held, and then was striped for a stupid-assed turnover at the NE 42.   Threw a hurried quail from his own EZ that was easily INTd by NE on the PIT 39. 

Threw a completely dogshit pass to a wide open Sanders on 3d & 5 at the NE 12, mid 2Q.    This should have been 6 points, but instead it became only 3.   Finally threw a good, pass, hitting Brown in stride for a 27-yard TD pass. 

On a 1st & 10 at the NE 19 early in the 3Q, Ben pumped and pumped, and then took a sack for a short loss.  Very timid.   On the next play, he had Bell in a perfect matchup on Hightower on a wheel route, but Ben meekly lollipopped the ball, which was underthrown and hit the LB in the back or head.   Nearly had a screen INT’d by a DL, early 4Q.  Two plays later, held the ball forever, and took a 3rd down sack.  Underthrew Brown on a deep ball, 8:45 4Q. 

Ben managed to pile up some gaudy stats, but much of that was simply whipped cream on shit.     C-



Jones - Had 1 rush for 5 yards.   Caught 1 ball for 4.   Inc.  


Bell - god jump cut and good power running, 10 yards, first carry.   On a 3d & 6, 2nd series, Bell grabbed a short pass, but instead of burrowing north-south, he diddle-fuked and stuttered, and came up 1 yards short,   Very poor.   Good burrow on 3d & 3, late 1Q, and got the 1D.  Good RAC on a screen on 3d & 30, gaining 29-3/4 yards.  Superb draw run on 1st & 20 for 21 yards.  Went the wrong way on a busted play late in the 3Q.   Dropped a perfectly thrown wheel route, mid 4Q.   Finished with 74 yards on 16 carries.  Flagged for a completely bullshit chop- block penalty in the 1Q; the refs clauimed he blocked a rusher engaged by Velasco, but fact was, Valasco never even touched the rusher.     B-


Dwyer - rotted, until entering the game late in the 2Q, and on his first series, gashed NE for 30 yards.  Of course, this was his only carry of the game.     Inc


FB: Will Johnson had a shit block on the 4th & 1 plunge early 2Q.   Didn’t do much and wasn’t used at all in the passing game.    B- 



Brownie - made a good pluck on a sort-of back-shoulder pas, 2Q.   Grabbed the perfect pass for a 27-yard TD, late 2Q.  Finished with 5 grabs for 71, which just isn’t enough from a #1 WR in this day in age.     B

Sandy -  Took a bubble screen, 1st series, and ran it back across the field.  High  risk, but it gained 8.   Got open and grabbed a deep lob, mid 2Q, for 42 yards.  Allowed a perfectly thrown sideline lob to CLANG off his chest plate late in the 3Q.   Had 6 grabs for 98 yards.      B

Cotch - superb TD grab, early 3Q.  The crafty veteran then got open again on a 3rd down at the NE 8 and grabbed a TD pass that enabled the Stillers to tie the game at 24 with the PAT.   Dropped a short mid-dump, mid 4Q.  Made a couple grabs of 17 and 14 yards on the drive, mid 4Q, and then snared a 1-handed grab for his third TD at 6:15 4Q.     A+ 

Wheat -  once again did not dress, keeping alive his attempt at an NFL record for number of game missed due to a broken finger. 

Moye - played some, but caught no passes.   Inc. 



Miler - grabbed an out pass on 2d & 10, but clumsily stumbled OOB for 9 yards instead of keeping in bounds and getting the extra yard, which wasn’t all that hard of a task.   On the ensuing 3rd and 4th down plunge attempts, the offense was stopped.   It’s the little things -- like ass-clumsily stumbling OOB a yard short of the sticks -- that add up to losing football in the NFL.   Had 4 grabs for 43 yards.   Provided some ok blocking in the ground game, but also had a few boloes there as well.     B- 


OL:  The game can be summarized by this shit group failing to get any push whatsoever on a 4th & 5inches line plunge on the first play of the 2Q, which Bell barely converted.  A few plays later, this sorry-assed crew failed to get any push at all, which the Pats then stuffed a 3rd and 4th down plunge to turn the ball over on downs. 

Adams - Puffer Adams  started the game as an extra TE.   When Gilbert got hurt in the 4Q, Puffer replaced him at RT.  He was far from great, but much better than the pile o’ shit performances he gave early this season. 

Gilbert -  FatAss Marcus committed a dumbassed false start on 1st & 10 at is own 1.  On the very next play, he got his ass whipped and scalded, allowing extremely fast pass pressure right into the face of the QB, who had to rush his throw to avoid a safety.  Sure enough, it was INT’d at the PIT 39.  Got injured, 9:16 4Q, and did not return.     C-  

Foster - after getting nicked up last week, he resumed his starting chores at LG.  Played okay.  Didn’t get enough push on the short yardage failures.   C+

Velasco -   played decently.    I would have liked to have seen some better push on the short yardage plays.   Flagged for a block to the back, 3Q.    B

DeCastro - did not dress. 

Beacham - started at LT.  Tried some dumbassed dive at a rusher‘s knees, late 1Q, totally whiffing and getting his QB sacked.   A shit play by a shit OT.   Got totally abused to the inside on the 4th & inches plunge up RG on the 1st play of the 2Q, with his man blowing the play up and nearly stopping it short of the 1D.   Decent block on Dwy’s long run, late 2Q.  In all, another game in which Shorty Beacham was physically overmatched.     C- 

Whimper - started at RG.  At times, was adequate.   At other times, struggled like a banshee with his acute lack of quickness and athleticism.     C



Keisel -  had a very quiet game.   Finished with 1 assist and zero solos.    Not that anyone expects him to compile 9 solos in this scheme, but this was far, far too quiet.   C-

McLendon -  totally blown off the ball on the 13-yard run by Ridley, early 2Q.   Another quiet d-lineman who finished with 1 assist and zero solos.    C

Hood  - had a chance to finally do something by stopping Blount on a simple line plunge at 2:41 4Q, but instead, like the weak-assed pussy that he is, he allowed Blount to spin out of his grasp and rumble into the EZ for a TD.   D- 

Heyward - made a rare solo stop, early 2Q.    In a bigger rarity, Heyward powered his way into the backfield for a sack in the 2Q.   Then, on a 3d & 3 play at the PIT 5 in the 3Q, Heyward stunningly beat his man and got a hakf-sack with Worilds to force the FG.   Finished with 2 solos and 3 A’s in what was, by far, his most impactful game of his otherwise bland career.     A- 



Timmons - Had 54 solos and 7 assists, but the run stuffing was spotty at times.   It seemed his injured hand is still bothering him, as he had some struggles warding off blockers and bringing down runners.    B-

V. Williams - was too high, and too soft, on a GL plunge by Ridley late in the 1H that Ridley scored the TD.   Very soft, and very poor.   Got nicked up with a concussion  and helped off the field, early 4Q.  C-

Sylvester- came in at ILB when Williams got injured, 4Q.    Inc

Worilds - credited with a Dong Sack when Brady scrambled a wee bit and then did a chickenshit slide a yard or so behind the LOS.  Strung out a Ridley run and made the stop, 12:00 4Q.  Actually looked competent at times and applied some good pressure on the QB, including when he subbed for Big LaMarr at LOLB.    B

Jones - tooled on Gronko’s TD grab, 10:30 2Q.   Got some PT, but finished with a paltry 1 A and zero solos.     Just not enough.    C

Big LaMarr -  On a 1st & G in the 1Q, The $61M He-Man literally JOG-LOAFED on the play, in which the RB skirted The Dogger and appeared to score.   It was ruled no TD, but still -- what a lazy pile ‘o shit.     In the 2Q, got a slop assist, and on the next play, got trucked by the much smaller Ridley near the end of a 13-yard gain.   On a 3d & 17 at 4:37 2Q, the Pats ran a draw play up a gaping hole.  LaMarr ambled over and was in perfect position to deliver a blindsided BLAST to the RB -- perhaps actually doing something by forcing a fumble -- but instead meekly pawed at the runner as though the RB was coated with barbed wire and touch-sensitive explosives.   What a complete fuking pussy.    Got a slop assist after an 8 yard run, late 2Q.  Got another slop assist near the end of an 11-yard run, late 2Q.   Totally unblocked, Big LaMarr got a slop solo on a plunge at 10:55 3Q.     Casper Woodley finished with 2 weak-assed solo and 6 slop assists, rarely ever harassing the QB or doing anything to provide IMPACT.     But, oh, he recovered a fumble.   Gee, give this guy a $2M per year pay raise.   D.  



Ike - was having a decent game, but then totally tooled by Amendola on a seamer for 22 yards at 4:30 3Q.   Moved as feeble as shit and got burned on the 93-yard TD bomb, 4Q.     C- 

Pola - Bit way too far to his left on the Amendola TD catch in the 1Q.  Forced a fumble after a grab, early 3Q, his first truly-forced turnover of the season.    Had 5 solos and 2 As.  Achieved a rare penalty hat trick.  Getting flagged for a foolish offsides on 1st & Goal; a PI late in the 2Q, and a really ticky-tack personal foul on the Gronko TD catch in which he delivered the blow a millisecond after the ball was caught, which is what a DB is supposed to do in this league.   C. 

Clark - missed a tackle of Ridley on the 13-yard gain, early 2Q.  On the next play, got trucked by backup TE  Mike Hoomanawanui and left the game for a few plays like the pansie that he is.     Delivered a clean hit to Gronko , mid 3Q, which forced Gronko to the sideline for a few plays.  Moved as slow as a jam-packed grocery cart and got totally humiliated on the 93-yard bomb TD late in the 4Q.   D- 

Gay -   missed an easy tackle of a short hitch late 2Q, allowing 10 extra yards and also allowing the WR to get OOB to stop the clock.   Flagged for a ticky-tack PI in the 4Q.  

Thomas - Saved a TD with a rapid shove of Gronko after a 1Q catch near the GL.   2 plays later, it was Sharko Thomas playing like a ROLB and standing up the blocker at the POA, which bottled the entire play and enabled the Stillers to stop this 4th & G run from inside the 1-yard line.   Was rightfully flagged for a PI in the EZ in the 2Q, when he clearly grabbed and tugged the back of Gronko’s jersey.   Got spun around like a top on a 3d & 6 pattern and grab by Amendola, early 3Q, which gained 10 yards.     Simply over-powered by the much larger Gronko on a 3d down grab at 10:20 4Q, in which Gronko was able to bronco bust for the yards needed for the 1D.      B

C. Allen -   wasn’t tooled for any of the big plays.   


Spec teams:  

McBriar  - on his first punt with the Stillers, which was late in the 3Q, he got off a shitty, low, 41-yard punt, which allowed the returner an ACRE of open room, and the ball was returned 43 yards to the PIT 34.     Had a good 51-yard punt, early 4Q.   B- 

Suisham -  Surprisingly converted the chippie 30-yard FG in the 1H, his only attempt.   Inc

Felix has a strong KO return to open the game.   But on a KO late in the 4Q, Felix ran laterally from the GL and gained all of 11 yards on the KO return. 

Tonio Brown had a stellar 24-yard punt return at 9:45 3Q.  

Terrence Garvin meekly whiffed on the long punt return, late 3Q.   Antwan Blake immediately dropped the returner after a 51-yard punt early in the 4Q.  



Facing the 2nd worst rush D in the NFL, Imbecile Haley insisted on passing the ball -- with an empty back set, no less, that took away the threat of a PAP  -- on the first series, at the NE    .  Sure as shit, Ben is sacked and striped.   For a desperate team, this should have been 2-down territory at this spot on the field, and there’s no reason a ground play couldn’t have been called. 

The ploddingly slow pace of this offense is just maddening.   At this level of football, it should not take 18 seconds to get the playcall into the huddle and the play announced.    This offense fights the playclock more than any other in the NFL. 

To their credit, the offense put points on the board tonite and settled for only 1 chippie FG.    B



Dick had the luxury of facing a struggling offense that had amassed all of 116 passing yards last week, with the opposing QB hampered by an injured hand.  Didn’t matter, of course, as Dick got savagely carved up -- and then smashed -- like a Halloween pumpkin. 

A clipping call made it 1st & 25 in the 2nd series.  No sweat, of course, for anyone facing Dick’s Softee Defense.  After an incomplete pass, the Pats gashed Dick for an 11-yard run.   On the ensuing  3d & 14, Dick gets ABUSED by a pass to Gronko for 34 yards. 

After a NE INT in the 1Q, Brady needed just 1 play -- a pass to a WIDE OPEN Amendola down the seam -- to score on a 39-yard strike to make it 7-0.  Yup, that’s the Dickee Dee for ya…rabid confusion in a secondary that starts ZERO rookies.

I really liked the defense used on the 1 & 10 play by NE at 6:13 2Q.   Brady had ALL DAY in the pocket, and the receiver, Amendola, ran across the field on a deep in and was WIDE OPEN for a 57-yard catch and run.   .   

The Stillers had clawed back into the game with Brown’s TD to make it a 17-10 game, late in the 1H.   After the KO, the Pats took over on heir own with just 1:50 left in the half.   What does Dick do?   He goes soft -- as is his very nature -- and allows Brady to march and march and march, and sure as shit, the Pats get a TD with only 10 tics left in the half to make it a 14-point game.    Brady, 13 of 18, 252 yards, 2 TDs in 1H.   24 points, 318 yards in 1H today.   In the last 4 games versus The Great Dick St. LeBeau, Brady has 14 TDs and ZERO INTs. 

The Stillers tied the game at 24 in the mid 3Q, but as sure as a drug addicts pisses away his next paycheck, Dicks promptly pisses away the tie.  He first allows an 11-play, 60-yard drive for a FG, and then collapsed like a cheap lawn chair and allowed a TD on a short scoring drive to make it a TEN point deficit.   But that Dick -- he’s just so clever and diabolical !!   

The Stillers pinned the Pats down on their 7-yard line in the 4Q.   Alas, a chance to force a TO in NE territory, or a punt from the NE EZ.   Nope, not Dick.   He promptly allows a plunge for 12 yards, and then an 81-yard BOMB to a wide open receiver for a crushing TD to seal the loss.   That Dick -- he’s just so incredibly clever and savvy.  

4 times this season the NE offense has not even managed 300 yards of total offense.   Today, it was over 600 yards against Dick and his vaunted defense.   197 yards rushing allowed.   432 yards passing allowed.   The 55 points allowed were the most ever in Stiller franchise history.   A complete humiliation and embarrassment of Dick St. LeBeau.   Never, ever in the entire history of the NFL has a coordinator been more over-rated and more deified than Dick...and now, his house of cards has crumbled down and he’s left being pitied by broadcasters at the end of a disgraceful humiliation.   High time for Dick to do the right thing and resign, RIGHT NOW.    F-  



The defense was getting savagely ravaged and riddled, and Dumblin, the dumbass that he is, just sat there and did nothing.   Momlin’s one and only forte is defense, yet he once again fails to have his defense prepared and fails to make the defensive adjustments as NE adjusted.   

Of course, after the game, once again there was Macho Mike, the big tough guy, seething and talking about players losing jobs.   Ha ha !    Who, the punter ?    Momlin has made these idle threats for weeks.   Action talks, bullshit walks.   

Why was Ben still in the game, down 55-31 with only 2:41 left in the game ?      How utterly fuking stupid.    Like Ben is going to lead some miraculous comeback while down TWENTY FOUR points with just over 2 minutes left in the game.   In this late series,  Ben needlessly took extra shots that could have ended his season.    And shouldn’t Gradko have gotten some snaps to scrape of some rust for when he’s needed ??  This reminded me of that 49er disaster a couple years ago, when Dumblin -- as dumb as a box of rocks - refused to remove Ben from the game. 

This sorry team continues to regress.    Rome burns, while Dumblin dumbly stumbles about.   No vision.   No leadership.  No inspiration.  No nothing.     D- 


Synopsis:  So much for the bullshit tripe about, “This team could still qualify for the playoffs...”     610 yards and 55 points allowed to a struggling offense that amassed all of 116 passing yards last week.   A complete humiliation.   The only thing this rudderless, sorry-assed group will qualify for, is the toilet bowl.  Which is precisely where they belong.   Now 2-6, this underachieving group of slackards has only the string to play out.   As much as I hate to hope for a loss, the best thing that can happen to this franchise is to get demolished down the stretch and finish at like 4-12.   Any meaningless wins will be nothing more than whipped cream on shit, and mask the hideous warts that have infested this entire operation....the talent evaluation, the depth, the scheme, the front office, and the coaching staff.   This franchise has coasted for far too long in the sea of complacency, and only the cold splash of reality in the form of a 4-12 season will be enough to snap these complacent imbeciles out of their collective funk.  



(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1


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