Cowhard
Quits !!�� Let us Rejoice & be
glad�!!
Our prayers have been answered!!�� Billy Cowher, in typical fashion, quit!!�� He�s gone!!�� Outa here!��
Sayanara!!�� C-ya bye bye!!��
Sing along, everybody!���
"Billy Cowhard is gone, Billy Cowhard is gone!� Let us be glad and rejoice!!�� Billy Cowhard is gone, Billy Cowhard is
gone!�� Let us rejoice and be
glad!"�
In reality, of course, the blowhard quit months ago, way
back in March.� He moved his home and
family out of
Stillers.com is proud to have been the
very first, and the most vocal, critic of Billy Cowher.� We exposed this man as a fraud in March
1998, when the pompous ass had the gaul to threaten to jump ship to CLEVELAND
-- which didn't even have a team at the time -- if he wasn't lavished with a
new contract.� We here at Stillers.com
have dogged this selfish loser ever since.�
Of course, we've heard all sorts quibbling and
rationalization from the CAA (Cowher Apologists Association), blaming this
season's gross failures on everything from global warming to the mating habits
of the South African spotted owl.�� It's
all complete, unadulterated bullshit.��
Billy Cowher, and Billy Cowher alone, ruined this season with dumbassed
decision after dumbassed decision, all the while displaying little more gusto
and enthusiasm than the average librarian.�
Let's quickly review the 2006 season:�
In the offseason, the Stillers lost ONE, and only ONE, key
starter -- Antwan Randle El.�� But the
front office literally went overboard to replace El, drafting Tonio Holmes in
round 1 and highly touted Willie Reid -- who gave Penn St. absolute fits in the
kick return phase of the 2006 Orange Bowl -- in Round 3.�� So, not one, but two fleet receivers
and 2 capable kick returners were added.�
Cowhard was so grateful for these draftees, that he rotted both as
receivers, and then, inexplicably, rotted both as returners, instead going with
Dicardo Colclough, the man that couldn't catch a cold even if he were stranded,
stark naked, in Siberia
for 6 solid months.� Coclough would go
on to muff and fumble more balls than a female porn star, including a horrific
turnover in week 3 versus Cinci that stole defeat from victory.
There was opening night versus Miami, in which (as you read
in my postgame analysis of the Miami game)
the Stillers spent the entire evening slipping and sliding like a hockey player
wearing Armani dress shoes in lieu of skates.�
The Dolphs, meanwhile, had very, very few slips.� Alas, in the next day's PG, Ted
Bouchette makes note of Billy Cowher�s comments about this problem, as
follows:
The Steelers looked as if they were playing
on Chiquita Field rather than Heinz Field Thursday night because players
slipped so often.
Cowher noticed that and the fact that the
Miami Dolphins did not seem to have that kind of trouble with their footing,
and he talked to his players about it.
"I brought it to their attention,"
Cowher said. "Hopefully, it will be something that will be rectified in
the future."
In other
words, he wants his players to wear the proper shoes with cleats of an
appropriate length for the field conditions.
You just had to love Cowhard�s take-charge mentality.� �I
brought it to their attention�, says the blowhard.�� Sure, he brought it to their attention�.and then sat fallow and
watched, for 4 quarters, as player after player slipped and slid like a toddler
in the mud.�
There was no rain during the game, meaning the field wasn�t
in any worse shape during the game than it was in pre-game.� As such, Cowhard, the dufus, should have,
along with his TEN MAN coaching staff, seen the slipping and sliding in
pre-game warm-ups, and then taken immediate action.� And remember, this is Cowhard�s HOME field,
and this field is a well known atrocity that is notorious for poor
footing.��
�Hopefully, it will be something that will be rectified in
the future,� says Billy.� Hopefully, my ass
!!�� It dadgum better get rectified,
right now, ASAP!�� And should a player
show up to pre-game with any cleats less than satisfactory for the surface
being played upon, it�s entirely incumbent upon the mega millionaire, Billy
Cowhard, and his staff to pull the player aside and send his ass over to the
equipment manager to either swap-out screw-in cleats, or change shoes entirely
if wearing molded cleats.�� Anything
less than this is pure dereliction of duty.�
Billy Cowher -- when it comes to attention to detail and
taking immediate action to fix simple problems, no one else does less.�
Yep,
it was that kind of attention to detail that highlighted the 2006
Steelers.� A few weeks into the season,
a Stiller player committed a dumbassed 15-yard penalty, and Cowhard proclaimed
after the game that it would not happen again.�
Ha ha !!� It happened at least 4
more times.�� Stupid-assed celebration
penalties, moronic taunting, and other silly shit, and all the while, the $4M
Fraud stood and watched, and DID NOTHING.�
There
was the week 2 debacle at Jax.� Backup
Charlie Batch had performed superbly in the Week 1 win over Miami.�� Panicking over not having his newfound
security blanket in Ben Roethlisberger, Cowhard panicked and hastily inserted
the still recovering BenRoth into the starting lineup.�� The results were abysmal, and the Stillers
lost a very critical conference game.�
Cowhard
repeated this asininity a few weeks later, hastily shoving BenRoth -- who'd
suffered a concussion the week prior -- into the starting lineup against
Oakland.� Batch had come on in relief and played decently in
the Atlanta game, completing 8 of 13 for 195 yards and 2 TDs.� But Billy Cowhard, clutching to his pacifier
like the juvenile thinker that he is, insisted on starting Benji, even though
Benji was surely still a bit shaken and weak-kneed from the concussion.�� Roth had a horrendous game, and the
Stillers lost what should have been an EASY game against the lowly Raiders.�� The idiot puts the blame on Ben Roth for
the loss; the savvy, a stute analyst correctly puts the blame squarely where it belongs -- on the thick, fat skull of
Billy Cowher.�
Then
there was the Saturday before the first Cleveland game (played on Nov.
19th).� You'll recall that the Stillers
barely pulled out this game in the 4Q.�
The day prior, Cowhard spent the day, where?� At the Princeton-Dartmouth Ivy League Championship game.� That's right.� A reader's son was there to see Cowhard receive the halftime
honor of a practice field named for Coach Cowher.� Instead of focusing on the hated Browns -- for which Cowhard was
paid handsomely -- the blowhard was off at an Ivy League game.��
You'll
hear blather about how "Cowher won Sup Bowl 40".�� He didn't win anything.� Fact is, the Stillers won SB 40 in spite
of Billy Cowher, not because of Billy Cowher.� The man grossly lucked into a win in the Wild
Card game, when the opponent's star QB and star WR both were
injured on the 2nd play of the game -- a play that netted an easy 60-plus
yards.� The team had a good effort
versus Indy, and barely escaped a horrific loss when Cowhar'd favorite pacifier
foolishly coughed up the football near the Indy goal line late in
regulation.�� Plsu. The Indy kicker
missed a very makeable FG late in the game as well.�� The AFCC was simply Jack Bummer turning the ball over more than
Cliff Stoudt at his worst.� The Sup Bowl
"win" was less of a win and more of the Seahawks inept bumbling, combined
with a series of horrific officiating mistakes that Cowhard benefited from
enormously.�
Let's review Billy Cowher's rich, glorious successes since
calendar year 1998:�
-� In January '98,
he nearly pulled off one of the greatest choke jobs in NFL history, eeking out
a weak, totally uninspiring 7-6 win at home over a weak New England team
(coached by Pete Carroll) that, mediocre talent aside, was so injury-riddled
that the city of Pittsburgh had 4 ambulances, a medevac chopper, and 5 doctors
on the Pats' sideline during the contest.�
A week later, again at home, Cowher had his ass handed to him by Mike
Shanahan and the Doncos, a scant 5 weeks after having beaten these same
Doncos.�
-� You'd think the
embarrassment of another playoff stench-o-roo would have caused Bilbo Cowher to
go into hiding.� For most coaches, it
would have, but not for an egotistical, megalomaniac like Bilbo Cowher.� Within 6 weeks of the Denver debacle, while
still under contract, Cowher demanded that the Stillers re-do his
contract, lest he was jumping ship to Cleveland, a city that did not even have
an active NFL franchise.� Unbelievably,
rather than calling Cowher's bluff, Rooney caved in and lavished Bilbo Cowher
with a mega-million dollar contract, the highest at the time in the NFL for a non-Super
Bowl winning coach.�
-� Armed with a
mega-million dollar contract, all Billy Cowher did was go out and have a
splendid 7-9 season.
-� Not content with
how well he did in 1998, Billy Cowher went out in '99 and did himself one
better, finishing at 6-10.�
-� Bilbo finished a
slightly-improved 9-7 in 2000, but obviously not good enough for the playoffs. He
was then awarded for this splendid bit of coaching with a 3-year
extension.�
This time,
The Rooney's didn't fall for Cowhard's extortion ploy.� They�ve fully seen through his fa�ade and
realize what a blowhard, and what a farce, the man truly is.�
And so
we proclaim again, BYE BYE, BILLY !!���
See ya later!!�� Good riddance
!!���� Sing
along, everybody!��� "Billy Cowhard
is gone, Billy Cowhard is gone!� Let us
be glad and rejoice!!�� Billy Cowhard is
gone, Billy Cowhard is gone!�� Let us
rejoice and be glad!"�
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when
it comes to the analysis of the