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Steeler Veterans Enact Locker Room Rules

September 25, 2013 by Still Mill




Steeler Veterans Enact Locker Room Rules

 As you may have heard, the Steeler “veteran committee” met to see if they could solve the team’s lethargy, lack of attention to detail, and generally speaking, the playing of losing football.    and

The Steelers veterans banned players with four years of experience or less from the locker room shuffleboard, ping pong and pool games.  Some Steelers veterans felt the younger players were getting too comfortable and needed to spend more time on football and game preparation.

Of course, a few days later, this crew went out and laid yet another egg, this time to the mediocre Bears.   What a farce of a policy this is.   As though guys like Steve McLendon, Ramon Foster, and Will Johnson need to be treated like high school sophomores.  And beyond that, most of these 4-year veterans are 26 or 27 years of age, not 14

The crack staff at heard that other ideas were proposed by the veterans committee and are still on the table for being implemented.  They include:

 - Rod hockey will be banned for any veteran with less than 5 years of experience, unless the guy played at least high school hockey as a youth.

 - Tape-ball soccer -- a staple in many sports locker rooms -- will also be banned, except for punters and placekickers.

 - Garbage can 3-point shooting (with tape ball) is banned for players with less than 3 years of NFL experience.

 - Corn hole will still be allowed, so long as each board has Mike Tomlin’s head painted on it, with his open mouth serving as the hole. 

 - MP3 and cell phone usage will be allowed only for a veteran with 7 years of NFL experience, unless the player submits a letter from his parent authorizing the technology to be used in the locker room.

 - Stickball, using the ol’ broom handle and tape ball, will be allowed only for those with 5 years of NFL time, unless the player was previously drafted by a MLB team.

 - Foosball is on the banned list, unless a 5-year veteran serves as goalkeeper to monitor the flow of the game, or if the participants are former FIFA soccer players.

 - Chess will be banned, unless supervised by that great chess grandmaster and chief strategist & tactician, Dick LeBeau.   Similar to what the TV announcers say in the 1st quarter of every Steelers TV broadcast, “He’s forgotten more about” chess than Bobby Fischer ever knew. 

 - Circus clowns and jugglers will not be permitted unless approved, in writing, by The Veterans Committee at least 2 weeks prior and with a $25 damage deposit.

Sources have noted that rookies are still encouraged to participate in the veterans' 3-Card Shell games that regularly fleece novices out of $500-$1,000 per week....

With these changes, you can pretty much expect this struggling club to reel off 10 or 11 wins like it was nothin’. 


(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1



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