The Dick Report (Week 4, after loss to Tampa)

The Dick Report  (Week 4, after loss to Tampa)

With all the patronizing, proselytizing, and worship of The Supreme Deity of Defensive Coaching, Saint Dick LeBeau, I felt it prudent to start a regular report  to expose Dick as the fraud that he truly is.    In years past, I’ve spent time exposing other frauds, to include Jason GilDong and LaMarr WoodenDong.    Although Big Jason Worilds has shown to be a complete fraud this season, the bigger fraud is none other than Dick. 

Dick’s loyal legions of worshippers has, for years, made up one quibble and one excuse after another to rationalize for Dick’s outrageous failures.     Dick gives up 316 yards to Little Timmy Teblow in playoff loss?   Why, it’s the offense’s fault.   And the mile-high altitude.   And the phases of the moon.   Dick pisses away the biggest 4th Qtr lead in Sup Bowl history ??    Not Dick’s fault.   And Dick gets totally carved up and ass-raped by the Jackers in the Sup Bowl??    Why, it’s everyone ELSE’S fault, except Saint Dick, who presumably has been given Papal infallibility and thus can never, ever, commit a mistake.  Ever.

The latest excuse du jour is a doozy --  “Dick has to work with 5 (oft times written as 7, if you can believe that) new starters”.     Obviously, it’s pure bullshit at its worst.   Dick essentially has TWO new starters -- rookie ILB Ryan Shazier and SS Mike Mitchell.     That’s it.   Jarvis Jones is not a new starter, as he started 8 games last season.    On paper, Cam Thomas is a starter, but old time Dick favorite Brett Keisel has gotten more of the snaps, and obviously Keisel isn’t new to this defense.   Shaziier is a #1 draft pick out of a major college program.   Mitchell is an experienced veteran in his prime years.    So, there is absolutely no reason to feel sorry for Dick.   There are defensive coordinators around the league who would sever an arm to have 7 (SEVEN) 1st/2nd round picks on their starting defense., which is precisely what Dick has been lavished with.    7 out of 12.  

Going into the Tampa game, Dick was missing (sob) 3 starters.   Waaaahhhh!!    Dick is missing a couple starters…!     He’s the only DC in the entire league, ever, to deal with injury….!! 

The Tampa fiasco showed what a complete dufus and dullard Dick has become.

Below are the d-side stats from the first 4 games.    It’s been ugly.    Dick has been savagely ravaged by 3 of the most mediocre offenses in all of the NFL. 

The Tamps offense is precisely the kind of [plodding, inept offense that Dick easily should have feasted upon and padded his stats.  Tampa, 0-3 coming into this game, was starting a 2nd year greenhorned backup QB.    A starting WR, Murphy, was just signed off the STREET some 5 days prior.  The week prior, they were destroyed by Atlanta, 56-14.   And the Tampon Bay offense was in such disarray, QBs coach Marcus Arroyo — filling in for offensive coordinator Jeff Tedford, who had heart surgery — couldn't get the play call to Glennon on time at least 6 or 7 times during this game.   

3d & 10, 1st drive of 3Q, and Dick allows an easy pitch n’ catch for 19 yards to move the chains.   Sure as a bear shits in the woods, Tampa continued the march, and soon scored a TD to tie the game.   An 80-yard march by a sack o’ shit offense, on the road, to tie the ballgame.   How in the fuking hell does Dick -- supposedly the Papal Deity of Defensive Coaching -- come out of the locker room after halftime and allow this shit offense to march the length of the field for a tying TD ???   The Succaneers scored a touchdown on their opening possession of the first and second half, keeping alive a streak in which the opponent has scored either a touchdown (5) or field goal (3) at the start of every half this season.    But remember, Dick is the Supreme Almighty Lord of Defensive Coaching….!  

Next drive --  3d & 8, and Dick AGAIN allows the easy pitch n’ catch, this time for 17 yards.   Then, a 3d & 5 was completed for a 1D.  

Wing pinned TB down on their own 8 late in the 3Q.    Quicker than a rat pisses in a gutter, Dick allows Tampa’s weak-assed offense -- with no Mike Evans, mind you -- to march the length of the field.   3d & 5 on that drive, and Dick puts ZERO pressure on the QB, who had 6 seconds to scan the entire field before completing a pass to a WIDE open WR for 31 yards.   Dick was spared from a TD when a Tampa WR dropped a baby-soft 9-yard TD pass that was slightly behind, but eminently catchable in the EZ.  

Tampa took over at the PIT 46 with NO timeouts, with only 40 secs left.   What does Dick do?   He calls some lamefuk scheme that allows Murphy -- the street free agent signed just a few days ago -- to run down the seam, un-bumped and WIDE OPEN, for a 41-yard catch and run.   What in the sam fuking hell ???!     2 plays later, Dick’s Softee Defense allows the game-winning TD with 7 secs remaining. 

As usual, Dick’s Softee Defense™ did jack dick in terms of FORCING and CREATING turnovers.  They had one, which was actually a DONG INT when the WR, Evans, pulled up lame on his fly pattern with a groin pull.   Yup, about the only way Dick gets a turnover is when an opposing WR pulls up lame with a groin pull on his pattern.   LMAO !!     QB pressure?   None.     Diabolical schemes that confused the greenhorn QB? ?   NONE.    “Clever disguises” ?   NONE.     Harassment and heat on the QB?  NONE.  

Of course, you’ll hear all kinds of sob stories and pity parties for Dick.  “He’s missing (sob) 3 starters.”      Sure, like Dick is the only DC in the entire NFL missing starters due to injury.   Welcome to the club, Dick and his panty-waisted band of crybabies.    Dick allowed 245 passing yards to a complete nobody in the 2nd half.    Let us not forget, this was Dick getting ass-raped by a BACKUP greenhorned quarterback and a receiver just picked up off the street a few days ago, with their #1 WR sitting out nearly the entire 2H with a groin pull. Hapless and helpless, Dick just stands there, with one thumb in his mouth and the other up his ass.   While Dicks give gobs of PT to stiffs like Brice McCain, Brett Keisel, and Cam Thomas, Sharko Thomas (0 defensive snaps vs. Tampa) and Stephon Tuitt (2 snaps) continue to ROT the bench, because, hey, they’ve not a 4-year apprenticeship in the NFL like Dick feels they need to.  

Want more grim stats?    Look above at the PPG that Dick is allowing…!    It’s fuking hideous !!     You cannot win consistently giving up 26+ points a game.   And the YPG has also completed sucked well-water.   Historically for this franchise, which has dozens of wretched seasons before the 70s --

Steelers' most yards per game allowed through 4 games:

Season  YPG   Final record

1988   408.25    5-11

1965   368.5      2-12

1960   360.25    5-6-1

1952   356.0      5-7

2014   352.75    ---

1982   349.25    6-3

1981   348.75    8-8

1986   348.25    6-10

1989   343.75    9-7

1962   342.5      9-5

Perhaps the worst stat is the same-old shit of minimal turnovers.    It’s been going on since 2011, with no end in sight.   For the amount of salcap and high draft picks invested in this defense, it sucks ass.   The primary problem, of course, is Dick and his Softee Defense™, with its schemes of the softee sitback.    When ya play soft n’ passive, ya don’t create turnovers.   The only turnovers you’re likely to get, are when the opponent is simply careless or butter-fingered.   Sure enough, though, you’ll continue to be inundated with babble about Dick’s “diabolical schemes” and “clever disguises”.   Clever disguises??     He hasn’t stopped jack shit this season, despise facing offenses that are jack shit.   Clever disguises, my ass.   More like Dick cleverly disguising himself as a competent NFL coordinator.  

Sure enough, you’ll watch a Stiller game on TV and the camera will zoom in on Dick, with the announcer gushing, “There’s Dick LeBeau….the revered coach who has been around the NFL for 62 years.   He invented the zone blitz and has forgotten more about football than most coaches can remember...”    First off, Dick invented the zone blitz….way back in like 1993.    To put that in perspective, the Sony Walkman was all the rage and cell phones were the size of a large hoagie.    Twenty years ago…!      Like offensive coordinators haven’t seen Dick’s tired, worn schemes 600 times since then….??!     And as for forgetting, the decrepit Dick, now 77, has simply forgotten more about football than he can remember.  This is why he gets tooled and schooled by a vanilla dullard like Gary Kubiak, the OC of the PoeBirds.  And Lovi Smith, who probably would have been fired by Tampa had he started out 0-4. 

Here at Stillers.com, we shall not rest until Dick does the right thing, and resigns…..or Mike Dumblin finally grows a pair and sends Dick packing.   We’ll continue to expose Dick as the over-rated fraud and farce that he truly is.   Stay tuned.   

(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

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