Tampon Bay 27, Stillers 24 ……. Sep 28, 2014…………Game # 4
Stillers-Sucs Postgame Analysis and Grades
The Stillers hosted winless, hapless, 0-3 Tampon Bay at Heinz Field in a game that figured to be an easy mop-up. Of course, for those of us who have watched Dumblin stoop down and shit the bed against weak-assed, out-manned teams, we held our breath. Sure enough, Dumblin decided to ape Pitt Coach Paul Cyst, whose Panthers got whipped the day before on this same slop field to lowly Akron. The Stillers had the lead going into the 4Q, but sure enough, their Softee Defense and Little Play offense did just little enough to allow lowly Tampa to score with 7 tics remaining for a stunning Stillers loss.
Grades:
QB: Ben held onto the ball too long on 2d down of the 1st series, taking the sack. Not satisfied, he careless had the ball dangling about, and was stripped on the very next play, giving TB the ball deep in PIT territory. Injured his hand on Fat Marcus Gilbert’s helmet after releasing a pass, on a play in which Fat Marcus had been wheeled, as is often the case, back into the QB’s face. Like a complete stupid fuk, Ben held onto the ball forever late in the 2Q on a play from the TB 26 that he could not take a sack, but he did, forcing Suisham to try a 50-yarder instead of amore manageable 43-yarder. You simply CANNOT take a sack in that situation, late in the half, with no timeouts, on 3rd down. CANNOT. Ben had Wheaton WIDE open down the s-line after a fake screen pump fake, but Ben poorly overthrew him by 17 feet. The deep ball to AB in the 4Q, which should have been caught by Brown, was still a shit throw by Ben. It had ZERO loft on it, and instead it was a laser-like liner that gives the WR little chance to see and adjust the ball as it arrives. An ok game, but hardly dominant. And not nearly good enough C+
RB:
Bell - Stutter Bell was slow on the blitz pickup, 1st series, which allowed the strip sack. Nicked up, late 2Q, but came back. Content to ape Pitt’s James Connor, Stutter gained only 63 yards on 19 carries. The worse was when he dashed off for a 16-yard run in the 1Q, but then, like a selfish dumbass, picked up a taunting flag that pushed the ball back 15 yards. What an asshole. C-
Blunt – good 11 yard blast, 2Q. Had only 4 rushes, for a good 25 yards. Question -- why did this man get the ball so little?? Inc
Archer: Pee Pee Archer had no carries. He’s just so fast and dominant, though.
FB: Will Johnson got some PT and chipped in a little. W ill rot the bench the entire season. Never mind that he’s 5 times the blocker and receiver than a pile o’ shit like Matthew Spaeth. Inc
WR:
Brownie – dropped 0-step hitch pass, 3d series. Shows the kind of focus this team had today. Good TD grab on a slant, late 1Q. Made a stellar TD grab on a deep ball in the EZ for a 2Q TD. He blatantly pushed off, but no flag was thrown. On 3d & 10 in the 3Q, Brown grabbed a flag pass near the s-line and got both feet IB. It was ruled OOB but overturned on replay, although the challenge was the team’s 2nd and final challenge. On the next play, he completed a 17-yard pass to Bell. Dropped the deep ball from Ben on a flea flicker in the 4Q. Not a cake-easy grab, but he alligator armed the ball instead of extending and diving if need be. Also flagged for a moronic unsp. Conduct flag after his 1H TD. Act like you’ve been there before, bitch. B-
Pinkie Wheaton - good grab of deepish seamer, after Brown and Miller had dropped easy passes the prior 2 plays. Of course, on the very next play, he clumsily dropped an easy sideline-out pass. Somehow, despite a challenge, it was ruled a catch. 4 grabs for 57 yards, which is decent, but still not nearly enough for a #2 WR. B-
Justin Brown – failed to corral a slant pass in the EZ in the mid-1Q, which forced a FG try. Tough grab in tight coverage, but this kind of play is what separates the men from the boys in the NFL. Had 1 grab for 5. C
Archer: Finally dressed. Had 1 grab for (hold your laughter, please) 1 yard. By the way, he’s just so fast & explosive, and quick, too. Good thing Doltbert rabidly reached for this smurf in the 3rd round…! C
Lance “Yancey” Moore - finally got his first catch as a Stiller, grabbing a curl near the 1D marker on a 3d & 13. Had only 1 grab. Inc
Margavis Bryant - did not dress again. Brilliant 4th round pick by the omnipotent Kevin DoltBert.
Heyward-Gey - Had a penalty on spec teams. He has more penalties, and last names, than he does receptions. D-
TE:
Miller - with no defender within 20 feet, he dropped a pass right in his hands on a short seam route, 3d series. He redeemed himself with a solid effort, grabbing 10 passes (a career high) for 85 and 1 TD.
Spaeth - dressed, and wasted oxygen, plus a scare spot on the 45-man game-day dress roster. Did jack shit all game long. Assigned to block for Bell on a 2d & G flip pass late in the 1Q, he didn’t block jack shit, and his man chipped in on the stop, which created a 3-yard loss. D
OL:
Beacham - Kelvin Beachbum got thoroughly abused by Scott Solomon for a sack, mid 2Q. A shit play by a shit blocker. A few plays later, he got abused by Michael Johnson for a sack. He completed the natural hat trick when he was abused AGAIN for a sack late in the 2Q, pushing the ball back and forcing a 50-yard FG as the half expired. He got totally abused to the inside by Johnson and committed a hold, which negated Miller’s TD grab in the 3Q. There’s a reason that there are ZERO other starting OTs in the entire NFL who are shorter than 6-4”, as BeachBum is. NONE. F
Gilbert - FatAss Marcus did okay, but hardly great. Flagged for a false start late in the game. Gee, it’s a good thing GM Kevin Doltbert rushed out to extend this stiff. Even better, I suppose, that Dolbert overpaid him. B-
Foster - did not play, due to injury.
Wallace - got totally tooled and abused, 2d play of game, for a sack. Did little in the run blocking dept. C+
Pouncey – his SG snaps were continually low and shitty the entire game. Flagged for a false start/illegal snap late in the game, when the team could ill afford such imbecility. Had a few good blocks, but remains vastly overrated. C
DeCastro - Chipped in a few decent blocks. On a 2d & goal at the 3, DeAsstro committed a jack-assed false start. C
DL:
Cam Thomas - did next to nothing, aside from setting the tone early with a dumb-assed masking penalty on the game’s 2d series. C-
Keisel - helped bottle a draw play on 2d & 30, 2Q. Did little else the entire rest of the game, and did absolutely jack-shit nothing in the 4Q when the Bucs were marching up and down the field. Flagged for a hands to face penalty that was declined in the 3Q. D
McLendon - Did very little, although the Bucs didn’t do much on the ground. B
Heyward – good slash and stuff in the backfield, 1Q. Finished with 2 solos and very little impact. Flagged for a silly, needless unsp. Conduct penalty after the TB TD in the 3Q.
Tuitt - the vaunted 2nd rounder did jack fuking shit. He’s just so dominant and vaunted, according to Kevin Dolt Bert. Inc
LB:
Timmons – led the D with 7 solos and 3 assists. Solid effort. B
Shaquier – did not dress, due to the sprained knee.
Worilds - Again, I thought Big LaMarr went to the Raidas. What, praytell, is he still doing with the Stillers ?? Oh wait, that was The Hokie Hooker, Jason Worilds, who once again STOOD AROUND doing nothing the entire game. He did exactly JACK SHIT the entire game, recording 1 (one) solo slop stop and applying zero pressure on the QB. What a sack o’ dung. ALL he did the entire game was play paw-paw with a solo opposing blocker. THAT WAS IT. Sure as shit, though, Kevin Doltbert will rush out and lavish this stiff with a 5-year, $68M contract. Most everyone believes Big LaMarr started loafing after his big contract, but if you go back and read my reports, LaMarr started loafing the entire season leading up to the fatty deal. F
Jones - missed the first of what will likely be 8 games due to the wrist injury. inc
Moats - timed the snap perfectly, attacked the QB, and drew a holding call, with the D getting a rare sack. Didn’t do much else. C+
Harrison - got sucked in on an end around early in the 4Q, good for 20 yards. Held off the stat sheet and had zero impact. C
Spence - got a ton of PT. Chipped in with 3 solos. Got blatantly held on a 3Q TD run, but no flag was tossed. B-
DB
Ike - did not dress, due to the broken arm.
Pola - swooped in a on a blitz (unblocked) and forced a hurried pass, mid 3Q. Flashed up to ankle nip Evans after a short grab, for 2 yards. Finished with 3 solos in a very meager performance lowlighted by a silly, needless masking penalty in the backfield of what would have been a 3-yard TB loss, plus an offsides penalty. C
Mitchell – once again did next to nothing. Nowhere to be found on the big plays downfield. 4 games into the season, and this stiff has yet to use his hands to, you know, actually break up a thrown pigskin. D+
Gay - torched by Evans on a deep ball, 3Q. As usual with Gay, he never once made a play on the football on this play. Tooled on the game-winning TD. C-
Sharko Thomas – mostly not permitted to play. I guess he might get some PT in 2016. Remember, we have Brice McCain and at least 9 other DBs who are better than Sharko. Inc
C. Allen - allowed a TD on the 1st series, on a shitty, poorly thrown lob into the EZ that not only should have been easily batted away, but rightfully should have been INTD’s. Got scorched by Evans on a deep ball, next series, but Evans was able to get only 1 foot in bounds. Got a Dong INT when Evans pulled up lame on a deep ball and Allen basically fair caught it with no Buc within 20 yards. Was entirely feeble and in no-man’s land on the late, 41-yard catch and run by Murphy. Flagged for a hands to face, which was declined. Simply put, Cortez sucks ass. Good thing DoltBert lavished this clumsy stiff with a 4-year extension. F
Brice McCain - solid coverage on short, useless pass on 3d & 18,early 2Q. Flagged for hands to the face in the 4Q, which was declined. Doesn’t look swift, smart, or worthwhile. C
Spec teams:
Wing – shitty, low first punt, which allowed a chunky 20-yard return. Dogshit punt late in the game, which went all of 29 yards. D
Suisham - badly missed wide on a 50-yard FG try at the end of the 1H. Made 1 FG. Good KOs. B-
Archer – Did nothing in the return dept. He’s just so fast and explosive, though. An absolute steal in the 3rd round. Colbert once again fools the rest of the NFL.
AB – FC the punts he fielded. Inc
Blake had good KO coverage and stop after AB’s assaholic penalty forced PITT to KO from its own 20, late 1Q.
OC:
Haley’s offense started out slow and sluggish, as happens all too often. I utterly hated the blocking scheme on the 3d down pass play, 1st series, which had BeachBum blocking DOWN and leaving Michael Johnson to storm untouched into the backfield.
The late-game faggott-fuk turtling was a disgrace. Now, I realize Haley probably caved in to Coward Dumblin’s cowardly demands. Still, a disgrace. C-
DC:
Dick had all sorts of luxuries today. At home, he got to face a pitiful Tampa offense that was down 56-0 in its last game before scoring a few points in garbage time. He got to face an OC in his FIRST ever NFL season as a coordinator. The QB, Glennon, is a BACKUP, 2nd year greenhorn who was forced to start due to the injury to McCown. One main WR, Louis Murphy, was just signed THIS WEEK off the street. And the Tampon Bay offense was in such disarray, QBs coach Marcus Arroyo — filling in for offensive coordinator Jeff Tedford, who had heart surgery — couldn't get the play call to Glennon on time at least 6 or 7 times during this game.
TB had scored a grand total of 7 points in the 1Q the past 3 games COMBINED. Sure as shit, Dick allows 10. Yes, the first TD drive was only 9 yards, but how about making a fuking STAND there and forcing a FG? The 2nd drive was only 23 yards long, but again, make a fuking play and get the fuk off the field before allowing a FG try.
3d & 10, 1st drive of 3Q, and Dick allows an easy pitch n’ catch for 19 yards to move the chains. Sure as a bear shits in the woods, Tampa continued the march, and soon scored a TD to tie the game. An 80-yard march by a sack o’ shit offense, on the road, to tie the ballgame. How in the fuking hell does Dick -- supposedly the Papal Deity of Defensive Coaching -- come out of the locker room after halftime and allow this shit offense to march the length of the field for a tying TD ??? The Succaneers scored a touchdown on their opening possession of the first and second half, keeping alive a streak in which the opponent has scored either a touchdown (5) or field goal (3) at the start of every half this season. But remember, Dick is the Supreme Almighty Lord of Defensive Coaching….!
Next drive -- 3d & 8, and Dick AGAIN allows the easy pitch n’ catch, this time for 17 yards. Then, a 3d & 5 was completed for a 1D.
Wing pinned TB down on their own 8 late in the 3Q. Quicker than a rat pisses in a gutter, Dick allows Tampa’s weak-assed offense -- with no Mike Evans, mind you -- to march the length of the field. 3d & 5 on that drive, and Dick puts ZERO pressure on the QB, who had 6 seconds to scan the entire field before completing a pass to a WIDE open WR for 31 yards. Dick was spared from a TD when a Tampa WR dropped a baby-soft 9-yard TD pass that was slightly behind, but eminently catchable in the EZ.
Tampa took over at the PIT 46 with NO timeouts, with only 40 secs left. What does Dick do? He calls some lamefuk scheme that allows Murphy -- the street free agent signed just a few days ago -- to run down the seam, un-bumped and WIDE OPEN, for a 41-yard catch and run. What in the sam fuking hell ???! 2 plays later, Dick’s Softee Defense allows the game-winning TD with 7 secs remaining.
As usual, Dick’s Softee Defense™ did jack dick in terms of FORCING and CREATING turnovers. They had one, which was actually a DONG INT when the WR, Evans, pulled up lame on his fly pattern with a groin pull. Yup, about the only way Dick gets a turnover is when an opposing WR pulls up lame with a groin pull on his pattern. LMAO !! QB pressure? None. Diabolical schemes that confused the greenhorn QB? ? NONE. “Clever disguises” ? NONE. Harassment and heat on the QB? NONE.
Of course, you’ll hear all kinds of sob stories and pity parties for Dick. “He’s missing (sob) 3 starters.” Sure, like Dick is the only DC in the entire NFL missing starters due to injury. Welcome to the club, Dick and his panty-waisted band of crybabies. Dick allowed 245 passing yards to a complete nobody in the 2nd half. Let us not forget, this was Dick getting ass-raped by a BACKUP greenhorned quarterback and a receiver just picked up off the street a few days ago, with their #1 WR sitting out nearly the entire 2H with a groin pull. Hapless and helpless, Dick just stands there, with one thumb in his mouth and the other up his ass. Fuk Dik LeBeau. F-
HC: Mike Dumblin once again had his team playing DOWN to a lowly, weak-assed opponent. They came out slow and soft, and then committed a horrific rash of stupid-assed penalties. The stats show “13 penalties”, but the reality is that there were 18 penalties, with several being declined or offsetting. Of this horrendous avalanche of flags, 6 (six) were of the 15-yard variety. And we can be sure that it was the gutless Dumblin who demanded the faggott-fuck running play on the late 3d & 5, instead of going for the WIN by putting the ball into Ben and Miller or Brown’s hands.
After the game, Dumblin, in his typical macho bravado, emphatically stated, “Obviously, we're not coaching it. We are allowing it to happen,” Tomlin said. “I take responsibility for it. … It's unacceptable. It's inexcusable.” Yeah, sure. Leveon Bell takes a stupid-assed taunting penalty after his big run in the 1Q, and Dumblin ALLOWS him to stay in the game…! Why ? THAT is the perfect teaching opportunity right there, silently sitting the bonehead for a play or two to teach the lesson about selfish asininity. Why not insert Blount, who was ready and able ? But that’s just it with Dumblin. He talks a lot, but does oh-so little. All talk, no action. He sucks ass. F-
Synopsis:
A total team shit-fest. Had the Stillers managed to hold off that vaunted Tampa offense in those final seconds, the shit would have been gleefully cast aside by staff and players, with the typical, “Aw shit, we won anyways, and that’s all that matters.” No, what matters is that this rudderless team sucks ass and is playing a horseshit brand of football. Thus ends a shit weekend at Heinz Field, with Pitt losing to lowly Akron and then Dumblin and his merry band of grab-assers losing to lowly Tampon Bay. I doubt this 13-year old stadium has experienced this much foul-smelling slop n’ shit in one weekend than it did this weekend. Up next, the lowly Jags, who are 0-4. Can Dumblin and crew piss away another game against a lowly, weak-assed opponent ??
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)
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