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Stillers-Bengals Postgame Analysis and Grades

September 17, 2013 by Still Mill

Bungals 20, Stillers 10 ……. Sep 16, 2013 …………Game #2
Stillers-Bengals Postgame Analysis and Grades

The Stillers slopped around Paul Brown Stadium, and eventually succumbed to a mediocre Cinci team, 20-10.  It was 10-10 at the half, but the vaunted defense allowed a 78-yard TD march, followed by a clock-chewing, 14-play march in the 4Q that added a FG and made it a 2-score game.  The offense, of course, did little all game long in the losing effort.  



QB:  Nice accidental read option, keeper for 6 yards in the 1Q…gained 6 when a handoff to Jones would have netted minus-3.   Poor misfire a few plays later on boot right pass to Cotch.  Poormisfires on deepish lobs to Cotch (1Q) and then Brown (2Q).  Ben caught fire late in the 2Q, going 5 of 5 on the drive and finishing it with a deft lob to Moye to tie the game. On 3d & 20 in the 3Q, Ben held and heldand held and held the ball forever, and then rightfully took 3 hits from the two defenders during the sack.   Threw a shit pass that Hall nearly picked off, mid-4Q.  Threw high on 3d & 2, which glanced off Cotch’s fingers and to a Bengal for a crushing INT.  Simply a barf-inducing, wretched pass.    D+ 



Redman - was being diagnosed for a concussion in the 1Q and mercifully didn’t start.  He entered the game in the 2Q.  For no apparent reason, he started the 2H, even though Jones played very solidly in the 1H.  Meekly tip-toed on 3d & 2 in the 3Q, showing all the intensity of a librarian.   C- 

Jones -  Started in place of the injured Redman and carried 1st 3 plays of the game, for 5 yards. Nice draw run for 14 yards, 2nd series.   Showed a nice ability to slice and slash for some positive yardage when there was little room to run.  Ran for 37 yards on 10 carries in the 1H…and then rotted the bench in the 3Q.  He played a little bit in the 4Q, but never touched the ball in the 2nd half.    Inc. 

Dwyer - carried once for 2 yards.   Inc.

FB: Will Johnson played some FB.    Inc.



Brownie - Nice RAC in 2Q on quick hitch for a 14-yard gain, although like a fag he slipped on the bone-dry field turf.  Nice RAC for 33 yards in the 3Q, but was negated by a ticky tack tripping flag on FatAss Gilbert.  Not producing enough as a #1 WR.    B

Sandy -  Unable to corral a deep ball, 2nd series;  just a bit long.   Sanders is proving that he’s not a vertical receiver.   Good grab in tight coverage on out, 2Q.  Superb pluck of a high crosser on 3d & 8, late 2Q, for 19 yards.  He followed that play with a slant and RAC for 43 yards just before the 2MW.   B+

Cotch - dropped a cake-easy short crosser, late 1Q, to help abort that drive.  Good pluck and 1D, 7:00 4Q.  The late INT was too high; the fault lies with the QB on this play, not Cotch.   B-

Moye - thrown his first pass in the NFL -- a lob from the 1 -- and he snared it for the tying TD late in the 2Q.   B+

Wheat -  After all the gushing during camp and preseason about what a weapon this guy was/is, he has been relegated to the far end of the bench and is now seemingly buried behind even Derrick Moye.   Inc. 



Nice grab and run by Paulson for 34 yards to the Cinci 16 in the 1Q.  However, he was stripped just before he landed, and like a dumbass, failed to even try to corral the loose ball, which was just lying there some 2 feet away.  What a complete dumbass.    His run blocking was atrocious.    D 


No other TE made any impact whatsoever.  Good thing the roster is clogged with the vast plethora of TEs.  



Adams - Puffer Adams got wheeled back to the QB near end of 1Q.  Got eaten alive by Johnson all first half.   Beaten on a routine, simple INSIDE move late in the 3Q, forcing a TA.  This is now the 97th time in his short NFL career that he has been whipped badly by a simple, routine, inside move.    D

Gilbert -  feeble, lazy sack give-up, 2nd series.   Simply lazy as fuk.   Flagged for a trip on the 33-yard RAC by Brown in the 3Q, on a really cheesy, ticky-tack flag.   C

Foster - totally mis-READ the block on his pull on 3d & 2 in the 3Q.  Instead of, you know, hitting & blocking SOMONE, Foster bypasses every black shit he saw and lumbered 6 yards down the field….without hitting a soul.   What a fat, sorry fuk.  C-  

Velasco - Fared okay in his first start with a new team.   Hardly Mike Webster, though.  

DeCastro - supposedly a stud O-lineman, he got totally manhandled by Atkins late in the game o a pass rush.  His run blocking remains mediocre.  C+  

Beacham - played some jumbo TE.   Inc.  



Keisel -  good chase down of Sanu on quick screen to the outside, 3Q.  Got a rare bat on a 3d & goal play midway 4Q.  Finished with only 1 solo, which ain’t quite enough.   B-

McLendon -  far too quiet.  Got tied up too often in the running game and allowed too much leakage at the POA.    C

Hood  - made a rare stop on a 3Q plunge.  Good crisp stop midway 4Q.  B

Heyward - got a rare bat of a pass, early 2Q   For a man with his frame length, he should have about 15 more bats in his career than he does.  Late in the 1st half, Heyward nipped Dalton and forced an incomplete pass, his first ever in the NFL.    B



Timmons - delivered a good lick on Bernard on a 3Q plunge.  Totally pussed out facing the lead block of Peko on the late 3d & 6, getting thrashed and bullied like a little bitch.   B-

K. Wilson - easily walled off, Green-Ellis plunge up LG for 10 yards, 1Q.  Gave way to Vinnie Williams in the 1Q, but wasn’t injured, as he was still covering punts.   Wilson was then re-inserted at ILB in the 2Q.  Adequate stop on a toss sweep, first play of the 3Q.    on bone-dry field turf, fell on his face on the Bernard TD catch & run, and then showed the agility and mobility of a trash barrel as Bernard sped by.   C- 

Worilds - ended up on his back after being trucked by Bernard on the TD run, late 1Q.   Spelled Jones here and there, for no apparent reason.    D 

Jones - slashed in and dropped Green Ellis for no-gain, 2Q.    Had a lot of slop stops, but struggled in run support.   B- 

Big LaMarr -  flailing whiff on Green on short out pass, 10:25 1Q.  Sealed off on widish run, 8:10 1Q, but Gay came up in run support to save The Big He-Man.  Got a slop stop on a deflected bootleg pass to Eifert at the LOS, which was easily stopped for no gain.  Rare hustle and chase down of Dalton across the field, 2nd play of 3Q.   Applied some pressure the next play on an inside rush, although Dalton easily scooted from it.  Totally unblocked and untouched, BigLaMarr got a lick on the QB, who calmly dumped off to his TE for 8 yards and a first down.  Bernard ran around his end for 11 yards and a 1D late in the 3Q, but LaMarr had his bacon saved by a completely phantom holding call on Gresham to call the play back.  Stunted up the middle, untouched, and whiffed on an easy sack on 3d & 8 late in the 3Q.  Got manhandled on a key 3d & 1 in PIT territory at 10:30 4Q.  On a 3d & 3 at 8:52 4Q, deep in PIT territory, DumFuk LMarr went offsides, which, after an incomplete Cinci pass, gave Cinci a 1st & goal.  What a dumb assed simpleton.  After Green-Ellisran right for 4 yards at 3:04 4Q -- a play in which Woodley stood around and did NOTHING -- he then shoved a Bengal for a totally moronic 15-yard roughing penalty.   Hey, if ya can’t hit anyone all game long, ya might as well hit someone well after the whistle.   Finished with a whopping 2 solos and 1 A in yet another uninspiring effort.   After the game, The Big He-man stated, "Man, we got to do a better job of stopping the run.  Our job is to get off the field on third down or get a turnover. We didn't do that."   No, LaMarr didn’t do that.    D+    
Vince Williams - rabidly over-pursued Bernard on an 8-yard carry, late 1Q.   Very poor technique.  Stood around and did nothing on the 7-yard Bernard TD run, late 1Q.  Made a few slop stops.    C+   



Ike - whiffed on a running play, 1st play of 2Q.  Two plays later, he whiffed on a 1-step reception by Jones, allowing an extra 9 yards.  Good bust-up of deep out to Green late in the 1H.  Ike then busted up the Hail Mary pass in the EZ on the final play of the 1H, while every other pass defender stood around and watched.   Did a solid job on Green, although Dalton was scattershot.    A

Pola - busted up a quick pass out in the flat, 2Q.  Failed to tackle Green in-bounds late in the 1H, allowing the clock to be stopped at 0:28.  Did far too little in the pass defense.    B-

Clark - Totally bit on Sanu’s short route and allowed Eifert to be WIDE open for a 61-yard catch and run late in the 1Q, setting up the first Cinci TD score.  But he’s so cerebral, you know, and he’s such a master of this defense.  On the final play of the 1Q, PisFuk Ryan just meekly went after the WR on a bubble screen, and got shoved aside like a toddler, allowing a 2-yard gain to bloat into a 14-yard gainer.  Whiffed on Gresham after a short grab in the 3Q, turning an 8-yard gain into a 26-yard gain.  What a pile o’ shit.   Took a shit angle and moved as slow as whaleshit on the Bernard TD catch & run.  He’s had a lot of these, but this was one of Clark’s worst ever game in the PIT uni.    F+    

Gay -   good run support, 1 Q, forced 2-yard loss.    

Golden - came up and made a nice stop on a TE screen, late 3Q. 

Thomas - saw a good bit of nickel PT.  Timid on 3d & 4, 2Q, and failed to make a stop before the 1D marker on Sanu.  Shows some solid promise.   B-   

C. Allen - did not dress, due to his ankle injury.  


Spec teams: 

Zoltan - okay punting.   Didn’t really boom any of his punts, and didn’t have any chances for a pooch.  Still no opponent muffs from that beguiling left-footed spin that Momlin and others were counting on.  B-

Suisham -  1 for 1 on FGs.   Solid KOs.    A

Good blocking on opening KO, and good return by Felix for about 36 yards. 

Good blocking and good punt return by Brownie, 1Q.  Brown ran backwards and lost 3 yards late in the 2Q.  Big lick by Jarvis Jones on KO coverage late in the 2Q.  Overall, the kick coverage was pretty good.  For once, the spec teams didn’t falter and lead the way to defeat.    A-  



2 plunges to start game, 0 and 1 yard.   Then a shotgun draw for 4 yards.  Very lame.  The grab-bagism continued throughout the game. 

Sanders is not a vertical receiver, but he keeps getting used as such.  Like Hines Ward, his niche is as a horizontal receiver running in’s, drags, and out’s.  You noted the 4 long lobs to him down the sideline, all of which were incomplete as he was easily blanketed.   Then you’ll note where his productivity was -- underneath drags and crossers.  

Wasted TO, 5:26 2Q, as there were 4 WRs and a TE in the huddle in a complete cluster.  WTF is Haley doing on the sideline as he sends personnel into the huddle?

Nice wrinkle, using his slowest WR (Cotch) on an end around, which lost 5 yards.   After all the gushing during camp and preseason about what a weapon Wheaton was/is, he has been relegated to the far end of the bench and is now seemingly buried behind even Derrick Moye.   Nice use of the best pass-catching RB on the team, Felix Jones, who was thrown, oh, zero passes all nite.  Nice use of talent by the OC. 

If this keeps up, Haley will be gone by year’s end.   That cannot get here fast enough.    F- 



Dick got gashed on the ground in the 1st half, to the tune of 5.3 yards per carry.  Luckily for him, Cinci totally abandoned the run in the 3Q, and tasked the scattershot Dalton to chuck and toss the ball on nearly every down.  Dalton was totally scattershot the entire 1Q.  No pass pressure at all; simply scattershot.  This then continued the entire game, with Dalton spraying the ball around like a Brandon Weeden.  


The Stillers had tied the game late in the 1H, but Dick allowed a long, 78-yard TD march to give Cinci the lead at 6:08 3Q.   What a diabolical genius !   He’s just so clever and shrewd. 


With the score 17-10 Cinci in the 4Q, how 'bout that vaunted defense ?    A FOURTEEN play march that chewed up nearly 7 minutes, ending in a chippie FG for Cinci to make it a 2-scoregame.   Brilliant !! 


3d & 6 late in the 4th, with the Stillers DESPERATE for a STOP, and Senile Dick is, as always, impotent and unable.  Cinci plunges the ball for 7 yards and a 1st down to ice the game. 


Of course, botched coverage ruled the day.   TE Tyler Eifert was left WIDE open on a simple seam route in the 1Q, good for 61 yards.  In the 3Q, Bernard caught a little middle-dumpoff about 3 yards downfield, with nary a defender within 30 feet, and then ran untouched to the EZ.  Both plays were 1st down plays, where Dick, always looking for a line plunge, often gets burned.   (Timmy Tebow in the 1-play OT, anyone??)


Sure would be nice if Dick and his vaunted defense gave the offense golden field position some time.   Just once.   Or maybe a simple TURNOVER.   Oh wait, Dick disdains turnovers.  Which is why we're last in the NFL in forced turnovers.   The Stillers, in fact, are the only team in the NFL without a forced turnover.  Strips?  None.   Big hits?   None.   Game-changing plays?  None.  Heavy harassment of the QB?    Very rarely.   The biggest pressure on Dalton was merely on naked bootlegs where Cinci chose to not block a defender.  The vaunted defense now has 1 sack in 2 games, to go along with a total of about 4 legit pressures.  Gee, so impressive.


Dick begins the game by giving the green-dotted helmet (with speaker) to Pion Wilson, and then the TV cameras show Wilson going to the SIDELINE on the first 3d down play for Cinci.   Brilliant !!    The lone speaker helmet is sitting over by the bench.  What did Dick speak to Wilson about...the flavor quality of the Gatorade ?   “Duh-uh, my name is Dick LeBeau, and I am mentally challenged.” 


Who gets the Green-dot speaker helmet next week?    Robert Golden?   Sharko Thomas?    Hebron Fangupo?     D- 



Another listless team performance, with Momlin presiding over this fiasco.   Dumber than a box of rocks, Momlin has no answers.   No adjustments, no fire, no leadership.  When he was hired, he inherited a Super Bowl caliber team and rode its coattails.   Now, he’s dumfounded as this house of cards collapses around him.   Of course, after the game, Tomlin was his usual self, all full of bravado and clever quotes.  No answers, of course; just clever quips and quotes and his usual trite bravado.   When these sorry bastards are 1-6, let’s see what kind of bullshit he’ll have to spew.   F


GM:  You saw the stark difference with your very eyes.   Cinci drafted Bernard and Eifert this spring, and are bearing the plentiful fruits of those savvy picks.   Seemingly desperate for anything from the TE spot, due to Miller’s 3 ripped ligaments last Dec 23rd, Colbert bypasses Eifert and, in the 2nd round, takes a soft, brittle Little-10 RB who has yet to play a single down in the NFL.   The current offense is abysmal, but having those 2 players -- Eifert and Bernard -- would have make an immense difference.    F 


Synopsis:  A sorry outfit going nowhere fast.   No vision, no leadership, no intelligence, and too little playmaking talent.   It’s 1998-2000 all over again.  Sure, there are plenty of games remaining, but does anyone have the slightest bit of faith in this coaching staff turning around this listless ship?  


(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1


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