Jest 20, Stillers 13 ……. Nov 9, 2014…………Game # 10
Stillers-Jest Postgame Analysis and Grades
The supposedly high-flying Stillers went up to Jersey to face the Jest, looking to expand on their 3-game wining streak against the pitifully inept 1-8 Jest. But just as I warned in last week’s postgame report, this is a Stillers team long famous for colossal egg lays against inferior opponents. You’ll recall that I’d written -- “Of course, not to be the skunk at the picnic, but if there is a team capable of going to NY next week and laying an egg against the 1-8 Jets, it’s this-here team. They cannot afford a Tampa-like letdown. “ Sure enough, this collective band of bumblers did precisely that. They collectively laid an egg, sucking egg and sucking ass from start to finish in an embarrassing 20-13 loss to the NYJ.
Grades:
QB: Ben had come off two 6-TD games, and apparently spent most of the week reading press clippings rather than honing his technique and mechanics. Shitlesberger had a piss-poor game, and don’t let the final stats sway you otherwise. He sucked ass from the get-go, and only a fairly meaningless 80-yard bomb with a minute left in the game padded his stats. Ben apparently watched the Thursday nite game and thought it might be a clever idea to mimic Andy Dalton, as you couldn’t discern much, if any, difference between the two.
Ben clearly showed his head wasn’t in the game, when, on the 1st series of the game, he hit a well-covered Will Johnson out in the flats, just a few feet from the sideline.….for a 5-yard loss. This pass didn’t need to be thrown, and with Ben moving to his right, he could have simply flung this OOB for an incompletion. You’ll recall that this was basically the same play as the opening play in last week’s 2nd half, which gained Zero yards. This was simply a no-brained play by a veteran QB with this much experience and savvy. It might seem small and trivial, but on a 1st & 10 play, it clearly showed a man whose head was nowhere in the game. Then, two plays later, on a 3d & 15, Ben had plenty of initial time, but then stood there, still as a statue, and then basically took a sack. If you didn’t know any better, Ben already looked like he was throwing the game as a favor for a Vegas gambler. The INT at the goal line in the 2Q was a moronic attempt to jam a slant pass into a blanketed receiver (Bryant). There wasn’t a terrible amount of pressure on the QB on this play, so there was no need for Ben to try to foolishly jam this one in there. On this 2nd & 8 at the NY 10, Ben should have looked for a secondary receiver and then, if no one was available, he should have simply flung the ball thru the goal posts.
Ben literally had an eternity in the pocket early in the 3Q, and then threw this bizarre, lolli-popped, Kordellian lob down the seam that was about 9 feet over the intended receiver (Wheaton), and was Dong intercepted for a silly-assed turnover. Horribly under-threw Bryant on a deep ball, first play of next possession, with the pass being, oh, about 11 yards under-thrown on a dogshit pass. Two plays later, under only light pressure, he did a new-fangled, bizarre throwing technique by which he hopped backward as he threw. It was so wretched and ass-awkward, that I myself cannot adequately describe it. Horribly under-threw Bryant on a deep ball, next series, but the rookie made a nice adjustment to snag it for a 45-yard gain. Not satisfied with the pabulum he spewed all over the field, Ben meekly whiffed on a SG snap in the 4Q, creating a 16-yard loss. Ben hit Bryant for a long TD with only 1:18 left in the game….a classic case of whipped cream on shit. A dogshit effort by Benji in today’s game. Had he colored his hair red, he’d have looked just like Andy Dalton’s twin brother. D-
RB:
Bell - Stutter Bell had a quiet day, rushing only 11 times for 36 yards. He added 8 grabs, although many were just fire-drill valve dumps. His short yardage running left a bit to be desired. Allowed a slightly high, but very catchable b all, to slip thru his hands, first series. B-
Blunt – Good 3d & 1 plunge, 2Q. Good low plow to convert a 3d & 1, early 3Q. Stupidly ran backwards on a 2d & G plunge, losing 8 yards and totally trashing what had been 1st & goal at the 1. B-
Archer: Pee Pee Archer - did absolutely nothing the entire game. A complete waste of oxygen and a game-day spot. F
FB: Will Johnson grabbed a pass in the 1Q and was immediately stopped for a 5-yard loss. Such was today’s game.
James Harrison- used as a FB on 1st & G 4Q, and then was stunningly thrown a pass that fell inc. This play typifies today’s game, where you have a perfectly capable FB who cutely gets replaced by an aging OLB who has never, ever played a snap in this offense.
WR:
Brownie – Costly fumble in the 1H. Had 8 grabs for 74, thereby keeping alive his extremely critical “NFL record” of 5 grabs & 50 yards. Gee, I’m so enthralled. B-
Pinkie Wheaton - Had 4 grabs for 41. Was extremely disappointed with his RAC work today. This guy catches the ball, and then takes like 3 full seconds to gather himself, get his feet ready, and swivel his head before he can perform any RAC. It sucks. C
Archer - Did nothing, as usual, as a receiver. By the way, he’s just so fast & explosive, and quick, too. Good thing Doltbert rabidly reached for this smurf in the 3rd round…!
Lance “Yancey” Moore - chipped in with 2 grabs for 28 yards in a rare fit of contribution.
Bryant - grabbed 4 for 145, including the late 80-yard bomb TD. Made a nice adjustment on the shitty, underthrown quail that Ben threw in the 3Q. A
Heyward-Gay - dropped a short pass, 2nd play of the 3Q. Had zero catches despite being on the field for what looked like at least 35 snaps. He has more penalties, and last names, than he does receptions. C.
Justin Brown –thankfully was not involved at all.
TE:
Miller - Not targeted, even once, the entire 1H, spending most of his time having to help the completely incompetent Kelvin Beachbum. Had 3 grabs in the 2H for 29. B
Spaeth - dressed, and wasted oxygen, plus a scare spot on the 45-man game-day dress roster. Did jack shit all day long.
OL:
Beacham - got savagely mauled, off his feet no less, by DT Leger Douzable for a sack, mid 3Q. With how good the Jest front 7 is, BeachBum needed near-constant help from either Bell or Miller to help in pass pro. This man has no business starting at LT on a team with playoff aspirations. D
Gilbert - FatAss Marcus allowed several pressures, and was flagged for a false start in the 3Q. C-
Foster - got totally blown up on a 2nd & G plunge, 4Q, which forced an 8-yard loss. Continually played the role of the fat-assed, clumsy clown. D
Pouncey – good block, opening play of 2Q, on a Bell screen pass, which gained 12. His SG snaps were spotty and vomity much of the game, including a terribly high snap on the play in which Babin cheap-shotted Ben in the knees after the play had been declared dead-ball due to a DOG flag. Ditto for the botched SG snap in the 4Q. Sure, Ben should have caught it, but it was a less than stellar snap. C-
DeCastro - Got totally bullied and wheeled back on the dead-ball play in which Babin nearly took out Ben’s knees. Sure, the refs had blown their whistles, but as an OG, you never, ever stop protecting your $100M franchise QB with diarrhea-soft play like this. Did jack dick on the GL running plays. D+
DL:
Cam Thomas - Fatty Thomas did little, as is usual. A PennDOT barrel filled with sand would be just as effective as this fat-ass. D+
Keisel - for all the raving and fawning over this fellow, he did jack shit the entire game. His contributions were next to nothing, and finished with 1 solo and 1 A. C-
McLendon - did far too little, especially in the 1Q when the Jets gashed the D on the ground. D+
Heyward – failed to read and disengage on his middle rush, on a 3d & 3 during the 1st series, which allowed Michael Lick to scoot for 4 yards. Very poor. Only player on the field to have the sense to recover the loose ball just before the 2MW in the 2Q. Had a decent game compared to most of his mates. B-
Tuitt - the vaunted 2nd rounder got blown off the ball -- as is his penchant -- on a 1st down run, 1st series, which gained 12 yards. Finished with zero solos and 1 A. Gee, aren’t Notre Flamers just so dominant in the NFL….! C-
LB:
Timmons – Rushing from the ROLB spot in the 3Q, Timmy stupidly lost contain to a QB who ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS runs to his LEFT. The result was an acre of open room, good for an 18 yard run. Led the team with 7 solos and 6 As, but not nearly good enough. C+
Shaquier – did not dress.
Worilds - Again, I thought Big LaMarr went to the Raidas. What, praytell, is he still doing with the Stillers ?? Oh wait, that was The Hokie Hooker, Jason Worilds, who once again STOOD AROUND doing nothing the entire game. Got a half-Dong sack in the 1Q, when Vick hastily left the pocket and was stopped for a meager 1-yard loss. On the very next play, Jason got sucked waaaay inside on his passrush, allowing Michael Lick an ACRE of open room, which he scampered wide right for an 18-yard gain that set up a TD. On a 3d & 2 at the NY 19, 2Q, Big Jason got totally duped and SUCKED IN, which helped allow Harvin to run the ball on a jet sweep around The Hokie Hooker’s end for an easy 6-yard gain. Came in totally UNTOUCHED for a Dong sack, early 4Q. Quick -- sign this fellow to a $68M deal. Why, look at what a dominant sacker he is….!! D+
Moats - got sucked in, opening play of game, on a jet sweep, which gained 13. Did little to impress. C-
Harrison - good hustle and chase-down of Vick, late 2Q, which created a fumble but then was ridiculously ruled by replay review as a no-fumble. Had 4 solos and 2 As in a half-decent performance. B-
V. Williams - got a ton of PT and did very, very little. You have to wonder what kind of pictures he has of Dick and Dumblin, and with what particular animals. C-
Jones - did not dress.
DB
Ike - did not dress.
Pola - did not dress.
Mitchell – As usual, was aimlessly 9 feet away from Amaro as he hauled in the TD pass, late 1Q. After 10 games, Bitchell has broken up exactly, what, 2 passes in over two months worth of rabid gonad sucking. Looked foolish, trying a Pola-type leap over the stack with scant time left in the game and the Jets content to simply kneel on the ball. Of course, when you’re a player who does nothing the entire game, nor the entire season to date of 10 games, I suppose ya might as well do something assaholic like this. Someone remind me of exactly what Doltbert saw when he lavished this stiff with a hefty FA offer this past offseason. F
Gay - Will.i.am.Gay had a perfect chance to blow up a wide run, first series, but then, like the simpleton he is, he dove at the RB’s feet, using NO hands or arms whatsoever, and Ivory easily skirted the weak-assed tackle attempt, gaining 3 yards instead of a 4-yard loss. On the first play of the next series, got tooled on a deep post by PJ Graham for a 67-yard TD. In keeping with today’s theme of slop and grabass, Gay fought off a softee Vick lob as though it were a rabid boar hog, and dropped the CAKE EASY interception on 3d down in the 3Q, which allowed the Jest to tack on a chippie FG the next play to extend their lead by 17. Few players can live up to their name the way Gay did today. F
Blake - chipped in a little, and wasn’t rabidly victimized. B-
McCain - Could have, and should have, nailed PJ Graham after the deep post completion in the 1Q, but instead took a dumbassed angle, not only missing the WR but also taking out Gay in the process. A completely dogshit play. Not to be outdone, he had Lick dead to rights on a 1Q scramble, but then clumsily got stutter-juked by Lick, allowing an extra 5+ yards on the play. A completely wretched play. Feebly whiffed on a short out, early 3Q, which allowed another 4 yards of RAC. D
Sharko Thomas – did not dress, due to injury.
C. Allen - Queertez played little, if at all. What a queer.
Will Allen - started in place of the hobbled Pola. Played okay, but of course zero passes broken up. B-
Spec teams:
Wing – punted okay. Suprisingly didn’t have any 24-yard shanks. B
Suisham - booted a career-long 53-yard FG just before halftime. But in the 2H, totally shit the bed, as perhaps that long FG took all the starch out of him. Taking a page from Pitt’s PK Chris Blewit, Suisham duck-hooked the living shit out of a 23-yard FG on the 1st play of the 4Q, the shortest missed FG in the NFL this season. Stinking-rotten onsides KO late in the game, which was easily recovered by NY. D+
Archer – Did nothing on spec teams. He’s just so fast and explosive, though. An absolute steal in the 3rd round. Colbert once again fools the rest of the NFL.
AB – came racing forward, like a complete jackass, on a low, short punt late in the 2Q, causing yet another turnover. A brainless play on a day where silly-assed, brainless plays were the norm. D-
Spence - good stick in KO coverage, opening KO.
Heyward-Gay - flagged for offsides on a 4Q onsides KO that the Stillers recovered. He continues to have far more boneheaded plays, than last names. D-
OC:
Gayly was all smug and flying high after the past 2 weeks of offensive fireworks, but then quickly came back down to earth. To be fair, it’s hard for an OC to succeed when the $100M QB shows up to the game with his head implanted in his buttocks.
In keeping with the theme of the entire squad showing up in a complete stupor, the offense had to waste a TO, first series of the game, because the playclock was near Zero before the offense could even get lined up for the snap.
I despised the consecutive plays to start the 2Q. The first was a screen left to Bell, which gained 12. Okay, that’s a nice start to the drive. Now, let’s attack this Jest defense. But no, not Haley. He calls a goofy-assed middle screen to Bell, which got engulfed for a 1-yard loss. Consecutive screen plays are every bit as stupid and moronic as, well, screen doors on a submarine.
That Jets’ stop in the RZ in the 2Q….? First NYJ stop in the RZ this season. Thanks, Todd.
After the missed NY FG late in the 1H, the Stillers took over at their own 35, down 17-0 with only 51 secs left. What does Gayly call on 1st down…? Why, yet another screen play, this one a tunnel screen to a split-out Bell, in which he was nearly decapitated on a play that gained ZERO yards and wasted precious time.
1st & goal at the NY 1, 4Q, and James Harrison is inserted as the FB ?? Where in the fuking hell did Gayly pull this from? His buttocks, or the stadium toilet ? He then follows this with 2 mindless plunges, both of which were entirely engulfed.
All in all, this was a cutesy gameplan that showed little brains or forethought. C-
DC:
Dick had yet another of his near-weekly luxuries, this time with the luxury of facing one of the most inept, most incompetent offenses in all of pro football. How bad was this NYJ offense?
- They were 30th in the NFL in points per game at 17.1.
- They were 32nd in passing yards per game at 184.
And, lest we forget to mention, Dick got to feast against an O-line that started none other than OG Willie Hole-Lone, who often played with his hole, alone, instead of lifting or practicing. Few Stiller fans need reminders on how putrid The Colon was and is, so if there was a weak link to easily take advantage of and dominate, it was Willie The Colon. And, of course, the QB was Michael Lick, a scattershot shadow of his former self who was starting for only the 2nd time this season.
Make no mistake, this was a bumbling, stumbling, putrid offense that limped into the game today. And what did Dick manage to do…? Why, he managed to make this weak-assed, inept Jest offense look as smooth and efficient as the ’72 Dolphins….!
As has been the case in almost every game this season, Dick and his defense came out for the first drive, soft, flaccid, and totally unprepared. The Jest offense, a wretched, sickly offense by any standard one can think of, marched 72 yards in 14 plays to obtain a chippie FG and an early 3-0 lead. This drive, of course, chewed up half an eternity, good for nearly EIGHT minutes of the 1Q. By the time Ben and the offense got on the field, they’d been standing around -- due to pregame ceremonies; the National Anthem; and so forth, for a good 45 minutes. Thanks, Dick, you fucking no-good dickhead.
From the very 1st series, every defender kept taking foolish, inside angles at Vick, and time and time again, Vick easily out skirted the tackler while running wide. It’s as if NO ONE had ever been shown video footage of Lick this entire week.
On the next series, Dick, still stinging from having the ball literally jammed down his throat, allows a PAP deep post for a 67-yard TD. Just like that, the woebegone, hapless Jest have a 10-0 lead, giving them hope, which is something you NEVER want to provide to a hapless 1-8 team that is ready to rolle over and play dead the moment they start getting beat upon.
Then AB fumbles the ball, giving the Jest the ball on the PIT 20. Ok, here’s where ya need a vaunted defense to make a STAND and either force a FG, or perhaps a turnover against a woeful offense that is prone to turning the ball over more often than a child yells “Tricker treat” on Halloween evening. But no, not Dick. He goes soft n’ cheesy, and on 3d & goal at the 5, allows the Jets to tack on a TD, which became the difference in the winning margin of today’s ballgame. On that play, Dick went with a Softee 3-man rush, giving the erratic, scattershot Vick all day in the pocket and easy viewing to hit Amaro for the easy TD. How bad was the 1Q ? The lowly Jest, with 1 of the rottenest offenses in the NFL, outgained the Stillers, 164 to 5.
After Ben’s INT at the goal line, the Jets took over on their own 6, midway 2Q. HERE was yet another chance for Dick to MAKE a fucking stand, with either a STOP and a punt from the NY end zone, or perhaps a turnover. Nope, not Dick. 3d & 2…? Easy 6 yards on a jet sweep. Then a 3d & 6… ? Easy pitch n’ catch with Harvin for 7 yards. By the time the Jets finally punted (aided by an NY OPI penalty), they’d eked the ball up to their 31, and more importantly, had eaten up nearly 5-1/2 minutes of clock, all thanks to the softee ineptitude of one Richard Dick LeBeau. By the time the 1st half had mercifully ended, Dick had allowed the completely inept Jest offense to chew 17:25 of TOP and gain a whopping 202 yards, which for the lowly Jest represented a month’s worth of production.
The Stillers were desperate for a defensive stop in the 3Q. Sure as shit, though, Dick allows a long, laborious 10-play march, which culminated in a chippie 30-yard FG, restoring the NY lead to 17. This was huge, as it forced the Stillers to score 3 times, rather than obviously just two.
Of course, by Monday morning, all you’ll hear is the crying and sobbing by the LeBefau Apologists Association. Most Pittsburgh fans will piss and fret about the offense. Never mind, of course, that the defensive gameplan and preparation were a complete pile of shit. Never mind that Dick had the ball jammed down his throat the entire first half, allowing score after score after score and never once keeping the game CLOSE on a day where the offense was clearly off the mark. And whatever happened to the thought of a defense completely snuffing out a lousy offense, thereby allowing the offense to play, if nothing else, in a tie game instead of down SEVENTEEN points by the end of the 1Q ?? Sometimes, a vaunted defense has to make some fuking stops in order to win a fuking ballgame. Never mind, of course, that Dick and his vaunted defense forced ZERO turnovers. No forced fumbles, no INTS, no nothing. They played a soft, cheezy brand of defensive football. Dick has long had problems with Vick, to include a 2006 loss to lowly Atlanta. For a fellow who is supposed to be so papally omnipotent, deified, and glorified, Dick was a complete pile of dung today and obviously this past week. And to think this sorry SOB had the gaul to declare, in Sunday’s Trib Review,that’s he’s already planning to come back in 2015. F
HC: Mike Dumblin -- aka The Great EggLayer -- once again oversaw a complete slop n’ slather against a weak-assed, bumbling opponent. This is far from the first time that Dumblin has allowed this to occur. In fact, the list is exhaustive (courtesty of Badger Bob Smizik) --
- Sept. 28, 2014: A week after routing the Carolina Panthers, the Steelers lose at home to winless Tampa Bay. This still remains Tampon Bay’s only win of this season.
- The following week, they played grabass and barely eked by hapless Jacksonville. Jax has ONE win this entire season.
- Oct. 27, 2013: A week after beating Baltimore, the Steelers lose to the hapless Oakland Raiders, who are 2-4 and headed for 4-12.
- Sept. 23, 2012: It’s those hapless Raiders again. On their way to another 4-12 season, they beat the Steelers, 34-31.
- Dec. 6, 2009: Another shocking loss to the Raiders, who came in with a 3-8 record and this time in front of a stunned crowd at Heinz Field as Bruce Gradkowski, throws three touchdown passes in the fourth quarter to spark a 27-24 Raiders win.
- Dec. 10, 2009: Surely, it couldn’t happen again four days later, but it did as the 1-11 Cleveland Browns win, 13-6.
If any coach can rally his troops to play grab-ass and get mired in their own pig-slopped quagmire of urine and fecal matter against an inept, outmatched opponent, it’s Michael Dumblin. It was abundantly clear from the very first part of the 1st quarter that this team’s mindset, focus, and intensity were nowhere to be found. DeAsstro gets bullied back and allows his QB to get mauled in the knees by a DT. Ben throws a pass to a smothered FB, just inches from the sideline chalk, for a dumbassed 5-yard loss on first down. Gay drops a cake-easy INT near his own GL. AB foolishly fumbles away the ball, twice no less. One defender after another takes a silly-assed angle on Michael Lick. The PK misses a 23-yard chippie on bone-dry field turf. An aging OLB who has never, ever taken a single offensive game snap in this offense is suddenly inserted on 1st & goal, in the FOURTH quarter, and then stunningly is the intended receiver…! The preparation during the week quite obviously sucked ass, and there was no intensity, focus, or malice by anybody as this game began. THAT goes on the head coach, whose 98% of his job duties are JUST THAT.
Lost amid all the slop n’ slather, is the fact that Dumbin actually deferred and chose to kickoff to start the game. Why in the fuck ??? This Softee Defense has continually allowed game-opening marches for SCORES. And your offense is coming off two 6-TD games and is frothing at the mouth to get onto the field. But no, Dumblin makes a moronic, chickenshit decision, which then completely backfires as the Stiller offense had to stand around for literally well over 45 minutes doing nothing at all before they got their first possession. Stone stupid, by a man who is dumber than a box of rocks.
I loved it when Rex Ryan, as the final gun sounded, shouted over to what looked like the Stillers sideline and clearly mouthed the words, “Fuk you”. Hopefully, he was speaking to Dumblin and Dick. F
Synopsis: What more can anyone say. Those of us who fully know Coach Dumblin saw this train wreck coming. In Groundhog Day methodology, this team willingly played down to a weak-assed opponent, as they have done time and time again over the past 4+ seasons. All the glee about “first place in the division” is now nothing but crumbs from a shit sandwich. Next up, the lowly 2-7 Bitans, who could easily issue a whipping to Mike Dumblin and his merry band of underachievers. The Stillers have lost 8 of the past 10 meetings held in Tennessee, and few teams play as feckless and weak on the road as Dumblin’s grab-assers.
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)
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