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Stillers-Cowpokes Postgame Analysis and Grades

December 17, 2012 by Still Mill

Cowpokes 27, Stillers 24 (OT) ……. Dec 16, 2012 …………Game # 14
Stillers-Cowpokes Postgame Analysis and Grades

The Stillers clawed back from an early 10-0 deficit, and then took the lead in the 4Q.  Sure enough, they quickly surrendered the lead, and then a hidous rash of brain-dead mistakes just avalanched upon the Stillers late in the 4Q and in OT, and the Cowpokes eked out a FG to win it in OT.  



Ben -  Ben was a spotty in the 1H, but then caught fire late in the half.  Clutch eluding of heavy blitz and then a lofted pass to Brown that gained 18, late 2Q.  Two plays later, he pumped 3 times and pirouetted once, before hitting a wide open Miller for a 30-yard TD that tied the game at 10 just before halftime.  

Held the ball forever on 3d & 4 at the Dall 37, and took a 2-yard sack that forced a punt.  A throw-away here sets up a makeable 54-yarder with just over 3 minutes in the game. 

Lollipopped the out pass in OT, and threw it to the INSIDE, and it was picked off.  A wretched pass.  24 of 40 passing isn’t overly impressive, either.   C+ 


Redman – good RAC and 2nd effort, got 14 on a dumpoff, 2Q.  .Broke 4 tackles on a 22-yard run late in the 3Q.  Good blitz pickup on the completion to Cotch early in the 4Q.  Had 30 yards rushing on only 3 carries, and the 1 grab for 14. 

Dwyer -  Too fucking lazy to stoop down and catch a low dumpoff, early 3Q.  His TD plunge in the 3Q was fairly lucky, as he ran as upright as a giraffe.   Finished with 22 yards on 9 carries.   Very mediocre.  

Rainey – on 3d && 5 early in the 2Q, Rainey had an ACRE of daylight, but diddle-fucked for a split second as he hit the hole.  Sure as shit, the diddle-fucking caused him to get nabbed by a LB a yard short of the sticks. Had 3 carries for 15 and no catches.  

Socrates Mendenhall - inactive, due to the 1 game suspension for failing to even show up at last week’s game.    Good thing he was rushed off the PUP list (sic).          B-

Redman - B+.   All others - C


Johnson -  good 13 yard gain on a short dumpoff, 2Q.  Good lead block on the Dwyner TD plunge.  Good grab along the sideline on a longish wheel route for 21 yards in the 4Q.  B


Wally - Mister Holdout had what initially appeared to be incredibly rare GRAB of a pass, on a backshoulder out pass.  True to his nature, The Clanger actually bobbled the ball in his hands, and his one foot did not come down in bounds.   Sloppy-assed hand and foot work.  The Cryboys correctly challenged the play, and the replay review over-turned the catch.  What a pile o’ shit.   The Clanger managed to cradle in an underthrown deep ball in the 3Q for a 60-yard gainer.  On the INT in OT, The Clanger just STOOD THERE, and WATCHED the DB land on the ground and then get up, WITH THE BALL.   Had Wally not been such a lazy fuck, the ball is turned over at the Dall 37, not the PIT 1-yard line.   

Brown – clutch 3rd down grab, 2nd series, got 15 and took a good lick.    Dropped a short curl, mid 2Q.   Superb catch of a low pass, and then a lunge into the EZ for a go-ahead TD at 12:37 4Q.  Like a complete stupid-fuk, he ran OOB after a lil’ 11-yard grab on 3d & 26 with under a minute in regulation, allowing Dall to preserve a TO.   Just a brainless, stupid play by a player whose football IQ is around 65.  

Sanders – fumbled a deep seamer after a bit hit, 1st series.  Luckily, replay review ruled it incomplete.   It’s a play that a #3 WR simply MUST make.  Like the rest of his pussy teammates, Sandy got a rib injury in the 1H and did not return. 

Cotch – cluch grab over the middle on 3d & 5, 2Q.  Good block on the Wally slant-screen on the final play of the 3Q, which gained 20.    Outstanding leap and pluck on the 2d play of the 4Q, good for 21 yards. 

Plex – was inactive, which, given Plex’s demeanor, means he’ll be sour and malcontented the rest of the season. 

Wally- D-     Sanders and Brown - D.       Cotch: B.


Miller -  good grab in blanketed coverage for his 400th career grab.  Clutch 3D grab, late 2Q.  Had 7 grabs for 92 yards.  Saved a TD in OT with a gutsy tackle inside the 1-yard line.   One of the very few players to earn his paycheck each week on this slothful team.  

Paulson – adroitly recovered a fumble that was ruled incomplete, early 1Q.  Got totally abused by Spencer on the 1st play of the 4Q, which caused a hit on Ben and a throw-away. 

Miller: A-    Paulson - C+ 


Starks: Once again quietly held his end of the line.   Well done. 

DeCastro – started at RG, his first NFL start.  Lazily stopped working and allowed a sack, 5:40 3Q.  Gave help to the inside -- where none was needed -- and allowed his man to rush untouched for a sack at 1:18 4Q. 

Foster – feebly failed to even remotely tie up the ‘backer on the 3d & 5 early in the 2Q, and the run got stopped a yard short.  ANY kind of half-assed block here gains 12-15 yards.      

Pouncey - Had some weak pass blocking in the 2H that caused pressure.  

Beacham – started at RT.  Got literally steamrolled onto his back and gave up a sack at 1:02 4Q.   A shit play. 

In all, the run blocking wasn’t good enough and the pass blocking crumbled in the 4Q.    C+


Keisel – tried a new tackling technique, whereby he used NEITHER arm, and Murray easily bounced off the feeble-fuk attempt and dashed for a 28 yard gain.  He whiffed on Murray a few plays later, and while lying on the ground with his dick in the dirt, he managed to recover a loose ball.  Got savagely mauled on the Murray walk-in TD to tie the game at 6:55 4Q.  

Hood – rare run stop, early 3Q.  Otherwise, did nothing.

Hampton - played the vast majority of snaps and failed to show up on the stat sheet.   To be sure, a NT isn’t a stat getter, but the fatty impacted nothing the entire game.          

Heyward – The Blind Man over-ran a simple plunge, 1Q, and Murray gained 11 yards.  I’ve never seen a D-lineman at this level more oblivious to WHO has the ball and WHAT is going on, than this piss-drinking faggott from Ohio Bate. 

McLendon - sparingly played, if at all.     

The line got ZERO push at all in the QBs face and got gashed far too much against the run.  A shit effort by a shit crew.    D 


Foote -  on an early 3d & 1, Foote literally got 1-handed SHOVED by DeMarco Murray for 6 (SIX) yards – as Foote just backpedaled and offered no resistance -- on an 8 yard gain.   For anyone but a Steeler fan, this play was as laughable as it gets in the NFL.  Totally unblocked, he had a CAKE EASY Dong Sack of Homo, but meekly whiffed and ended up with his dick in the dirt.  Totally tooled by Hanna on a short route that gained 16.  

Timmons – did next to nothing the entire 1H.  Early in the 3Q, on a 3d & 1, he flashed up and simply buried Murray for no gain, forcing a rare punt.   Flashed in after Homo eluded Harrison, and the dropped Homo for  a 13yard loss.  Finished with 5 solos, which is just too mild for an ILB in this defense with his hitting and skills.    

Woodley – stop the presses….Big LaMarr made a stop on a ground play, on the 2nd play of the game, although the RB still gained 3 yards, which isn’t a shabby gain.  Of course, on the very next play, he was victimized on a pass in the flats – his SOLE responsibility – for 9 yards.  Got easily sealed on a wide Jones run, early 2Q, which gained 4 on 1st down.  Finished the game with 2 piddly-assed solos and ZERO impact whatsoever.  Was invisible the entire 2nd half and did jack shit nothing, despite facing a RT that leads the league in holding penalties for an O-lineman.  

Worilds – Came in for Big LaMarr in the 2Q.  Did little.  

Harrison –  stripped Murray with a stellar effort at the PIT 7, late in the 1Q, which created an extremely rare PIT FF.  Lumbered after Hanna on a horrific mismatch in the 2Q that gained 29 yards.  Whiffed on a short dumpoff to Murray, late 3Q, which gained 9. Sniffed out a QB reverse boot on 3d & 1 late in the 3Q, for a 5-yard loss.   Applied pressure on Romo on the late 3d & 4. 

Overall, the run stuffing wasn’t nearly good enough and the pass pressure was far too mild.   

Timmy, Harrison - B-.    Foote - C-     Woodley - D-.


Pola -  whiffed on the long 28-yard run by Murray,  Then committed an asinine hold the next play, which negated a Dallas holding flag.  Jumped over Harris and completely whiffed on the 17-yard play in the 4Q.  Led the team with 7 solos, almost exclusively on slop stops after receptions. Had zero meaningful impact the entire game.   Very mediocre.  

Ike – did not dress, due to the fractured tibia.    

Lewis – Bryant grabbed an out-curl right in front of PeeBoy, but instead of, you know, making a TACKLE, PeeBoy just meekly pawed at Bryant, who churned for another 6 yards.  Just stood there and WATCHED at Bryant hauled in a 24-yard TD pass in the 3Q.  PeeBoy, with help on a jam by Timmons, had good deep overage on Bryant on a bomb.   Whiffed like a turd on a WR screen in the 4Q, allowing a 17-yard gain that should have been only 3 or 4.   Busted up an EZ pass to the 1-handed Bryant a couple plays later, but landed on his hip and injured it.

Mundy - fortunately, did not play on defense.   Funny how this guy, for YEARS, was the automatic replacement for either starting safety, and now he’s like #9 on the depth chart. 

Cortez Allen – sat out with a groin. 

Clark -  flew in and hauled down a draw play on 3d & forever, later 2Q.  Good run stop, 9:18 4Q.   Once again failed to bust up any passes.   

Victorian – started at CB.   Got unmercifully picked on right from the get-go, time and time and time and time again .   Actually busted up a deep crosser by getting a finger on the ball as it arrived.   In the 3Q, used NO HANDS or ARMS at all on a RAC tackle attempt on the FB, who easily bounced off and gained an extra 8 yards on a 15-yard gainer.  Gave up a 1st down catch 2 plays later.  A few plays later, he was in PERFECT position to stop a screen pass for minus-1, but instead whiffed like a complete turd, and the play gained 18 yards.  At 12:30 4Q, Vic had Murray dead to rights after a lil’ 4-yard dumpoff,  Instead, Josh The Shitbag just STOOD there, and Murray simply dashed at an angle away, gaining 13 yards instead of 5.  I guess we should grudgingly give Vickie some credit.   He can’t tackle and he can’t cover, yet he’s been able to fool enough NFL “experts” into giving him a $20K per week paycheck to do a job he’s incapable of doing.   Brilliant.  

Van Dick – injured his shoulder on an early punt coverage and did not return.

Golden – inserted into the game in the 2Q and then proceed to watch Witten haul in a 17-yard TD. 

Curtis Brown – came in for PeeBoy when PeeBoy got nicked up (hip) in the 4Q. 

In all, a wretched, sorry-assed effort by the secondary.    D 

Spec teams: 

Butler -  The biggest pile o’ shit punter in the league had a chance late in the 1Q to pin Dall deep, but his punt hit around the 7 and shot rapidly into the EZ.  From the Dall 45 early in the 3Q, Assler again had a golden chance to pin Dall deep, but he boomed a punt that landed at the 4 and then rocketed into the EZ for a harmless touchback.  

Suisham – booted a short FG.  His KOs were good and deep 

Brown - had a good punt return for 29 yards early in the 3Q, setting up the offense at midfield.   Incredibly, no flag was thrown for a hold, a clip, a mask, a trip, or any other jackassed stupidity.   He muffed a punt late in the 3Q, but luckily it was recovered.  On the next punt return, Brown ripped off a nice return of 22 yards, but while lazily carrying the ball AWAY from his body, he got stripped like a $10 whore, giving Dall the ball at the PIT 44.   Then, on the late punt, Brown set up literally 60 yards down the field, and then watched as the routine 40-yard punt landed…..and watched some more as he got a charity hop that he could have fielded, but chose not to.   By the time the punt stopped rolling, it went 59 yards to the PIT 20.   What an assfucker.    

Solid KO return by Rainey from -9 to the PIT 24 midway thru the 4Q. 

As usual, the punt coverage team allowed a long punt return, this one in the last minute of regulation that went from the Dal 12 to the PIT 49.   Will Allen deserve kudos for hustling and hauling down the returner before he could get into FG range or to the EZ.  The rest of these shitbags should be cut from the team.  

Assler:  F     Punt coverage:  D-       Brown: F  


As usual, GayLey’s offense coughed and sputtered most of the game. 

Dwyer gained 6 yards on the 1st play from scrimmage, against a Cowpoke defense that was vulnerable to the run.   GayLey then followed that up with 5 consecutive passes.  2 of those passes were the piss-ant WR screen variety that GayLey LOVES, and each was nearly picked off.

Yet another wasted TO, 8:17 2Q, as the playclock was already well under 10 seconds as the offense lined up for the snap.  

On 3d & 2 at the Dall 14 in the 2Q, Buttfucker GayLey actually called a bubble screen, which got deflected by a DL and fell incomplete.   The play wouldn’t have gained jack shit anyway.  A fucking bubble screen, when the defense is UP because they are backed to their own end zone, plus its 3rd and fuking TWO.  

The Stillers were set up, in FG range late in the game (3:35 4Q), with a 3d & 4 at the Cryboy 37.  As desperate as Dallas was to stop this drive in order to have some time on the clock, you HAVE to know that Dallas will go with a heavy blitz.   And, you HAVE to be thinking that it’s okay to “go small” on this play, with a quick-hitting run or a quick, short pop pass.   You’re already IN RANGE, in a mostly indoor stadium, for a 54-yard FG.   What does GayLey do?   We don’t know exactly, but it was the same plodding, meandering type of play that dominated most of the game.  Ben ended up being sacked for a 2-yard sack, and the Stillers had to punt instead of attempting to put the WINNING points on the board.

And therein lies the problem with then Todd GayLey offense.   It’s not much different, AT ALL, from the Arians offense.   This shitbag offense still relies almost exclusively on Ben improvising, out of his ass, in (and out of) the pocket, along with a vast array of incoherent, grab-bag plays.  In fact, this was Ben’s Roethlisberger‘s recap of the schoolyard, 9-second scramblefest that produced the TD pass to Miller: “The play got called, and they went to a prevent defense, so the play that was called wasn‘t a good play. At all. So we just started making a play, I saw Heath and just tried to get it to him.”   That’s the Arians Offense, all over again.  

Finally, there was the inexplicable neglect of Miller the entire 2nd half.  He had 6 grabs for 85 in the 1st half, yet was never targeted -- not even once -- in the entire 2nd half.  He had 1 grab in OT for 7 yards.  Haley truly is a fuking idiot.   D


The Dick Swallower got chewed up and carved up right from the get go.   On the very first play, Tony Homo had ALL DAY, and then had an easy out-completion for 17 yards.   Remember, Dall had scored only 33 points in 1Q all season long. Only a DROPPED pass by Bryant – who has the broken finger and was literally trying to play with ONE hand – stopped the first drive, which went 56 yards on 10 plays for 3 points.  

On the 2nd drive, Dall marched 73 yards, only to be stopped by Murray coughing up the football at the PIT 7.  Dick allowed 129 yards to the Cryboys on the 1Q. 

3d series – Dall began at its own 42 and casually marched 58 yards in only 5 plays for a cake-easy TD.  The drive was low-lighted by Dick assigning Harrison to cover the fleet-footed Hanna downfield, and after Harrison lumbered behind Hanna on a horrific mismatch, the ‘Pokes had gained 29 yards.  You’d have thought that Dick The Dullard would have learned his lesson from earlier this season in regard to putting Harrison in downfield coverage, but no, not The Almighty Lord of Defensive Coaching.   He puts Harrison in a a horrific that gained 29 yards.   That Dick....he’s just so fuking clever...! 

4th series- 10 plays, counting Dall penalties, but Dall is able to move the ball from its own 20 to their 47 (before the penalties), and the ensuing punt is downed at the PIT 27.   Once again, an opponent has managed to FLIP the field against a softee, vastly over-rated defense.  Tony Homo – 158 yards passing, 1H.

Dick got an extraordinarily rare (for him, at least) 3 and out to start the 2H.   But soon enough, Dick returned to normal, getting sliced, diced and carved on a 9-play, 80 yard TD march.  The drive was so wretched that Tony Homo actually passed for 89 yards on the drive, overcoming a rare sack, and went 7 for 7 on this long scoring march. 

The Stillers took the lead in the 4Q, but true to his nature, Dick pissed the lead away as fast as a thirsty drunkard guzzles a bottle of Night Train.  Dallas tied the game at 3:08 4Q on a 7-play, 44-yard march.   The worst aspect was that Dick had a very easy-to-stop 3rd & goal at the 3, and literally went overboard to stop the pass, merely because Dallas had thrown on 1st and 2nd down.    On that 3rd down, Murray just WALKED in, untouched, for the tying TD.   A shit defensive call by a shit defensive coordinator.  

Dick is regaled as “The Father of the Zone Blitz”, with all of his “diabolical schemes” and “clever disguises”, yet all he could muster was a piddly ONE sack of Romo and very, very little in-your-face-pressure and hits and zero big hits that make Homo wilt and falter faster than Carson LipBalmer on a bad day.  Again, that’s a shit defense by a shit coordinator. 

The Cowpokes came into the game ranked 30th in the NFL in rushing, yet managed to have their 2 RBs rush for 91 yards on only 17 carries.  That’s SHIT defense, no matter how anyone will try to quibble and rationalize.  By the way, the Cowpokes were without their starting center; their best WR was playing with a broken finger requiring surgery and thus was playing with only ONE hand; their right tackle leads the league in holding penalties for offensive linemen; and their running back just came back on a bum ankle.  Plus they lost a day of practice and film review to attend the funeral of the practice squad player tragically killed by his teammate and former college roommate who drove while intoxicated.  All the while, that vaunted #1 defense got riddled and shredded.  D-   


Once again, this team self-imploded, particularly in the 4Q when game are won or lost.   The careless slop -- shitty tackling technique, shitty ball-carry technique, and failing to “touch down” a DB who’d INT’d a pass and was on the GROUND just 4 feet away -- is just some of the slop that played out today.    

I really liked how Tomlin, The Dumbfuk, just stands there and watches his punt returner set up SIXTY yards from the LOS on the late punt.  Brown didn’t just DASH to that spot on the field as the punter put his foot into the ball.  No, Brown camped out there, at least 20 seconds before the ball was ever snapped, and Momlin was too fuking stupid to bark over to him and get him moved up.   I mean, who in the fuck lines up 60 yards from the LOS on a punt ???????   Even when Ray Guy was in his prime, NO ONE did this.   Frankly, I have zero faith or confidence that Momlin has any clue as to where a punt returner should set up.   By the way, how soon before Momlin fires his spec teams coach ?    Coach CleverSpeak talks a good game, but coaches a shitty one.   D-  

Synopsis:  Another shit loss to a shit team.  Which, logically at this point of the season, makes this Stillers team a shit team.  There’s no sense in applying whipped cream on shit and calling it a pie.   This is a shit team, with shit focus, shit leadership, shit dedication, and shit coaching.   Plain and simple.   At this point, it would be better to fail to qualify for the playoffs, which not only would provide a better draft pick, but more importantly also spark some energy, decision making, and adjustments in the offseason.  This team got its ass whipped in the wildcard round last year, and then played grabass in the offseason, doing nothing of any significance and coasting into the ’12 season with very little shake up.  Only a failure to make the playoffs will even remotely shake this stagnant franchise out of its doldrums.  


(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1


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