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Stillers-Ratbirds Postgame Analysis and Grades

October 02, 2015 by Still Mill

Poebirds 23, Stillers 20  (OT)……. Oct 1, 2015…………Game # 4


Stillers-Ratbirds Postgame Analysis and Grades


The Stillers hosted the hated Poebirds on Thur nite.    With a chance to stick the dagger into the reeling 0-3 Ratbirds, the Stillers instead played a meek, gutless brand of 2H football, and pissed away a 13-point lead in regulation.   In OT, without a competent kicker on their roster, they turned the ball over on downs and then watched an injury ravaged Balt offense march down for a FG to win the game.  




QB:  Vick started in place of the injured Ben.  Dogshit first play, an easy one, that sailed 7 feet over the receiver’s head on a simple screen play.   Took a sack, 2Q, that pushed the Stillers out of FG range, 2Q.  Threw a good block on Webb to help Bell get to the EZ, late 2Q.   Nice effort.     Took a foolish sack, after having ALL DAY, at 7:00  3Q.    Followed that play, with another eternity of time, by lamely taking ANOTHER sack, forcing the Stillers to punt from their own  EZ.   Fumbled a snap at 3:20 4Q, and luckily he recovered.    Vick bubbled himself too deep and wide on the OT 4th & 2, and by the time he went north, it was too late.  The CREASE is there, to the INSIDE of the left end.   Instead, Vick fails to read it, and bubbles waaay wide and deep, and takes it OUTSIDE into the face of TWO defenders.   Dogshit pass to AB on 4th & 1 in OT.  Very poor.      An overall substandard outing for Michael Lick, although he was victimized  by the AB TD drop that might have been the winning margin.   C-  



Bell -  Stutter Bell had a solid evening.     Stellar run late in the 4Q, good for  21 yards.   Good 22 yard run in OT.       A-


DeAngelo – got his 1 token carry & touch in the 1Q.   Then was promptly sent to the bench.   Ditto for the 2H, in which he got a token carry on the 1st play, and then was stapled to the bench.   And people wonder why Blount walked off the field early after weeks of rotting.   Inc


Archer:  Pee Pee Archer did nothing at RB.  Thankfully he never touched the ball.    A colossal waste of a premium draft pick by Kevin Doltbert.  



Will Johnson -  stupidly got his arm around the neck of a Raven defender on the Bell 2Q TD run, and could have easily been called for a hold. 


Nix – good block in OT on Bell’s long run.   



Brownie – lazily and feebly dropped a routine catch in the EZ, 2Q, that would have given the team the lead.   A really sorry, sloppy effort.    I’m actually pleased the faggot-like “streak” of “5 passes with 50 or more yards” has  now come to an end.  It was an entirely meaningless streak that meant jack sh!t, especially when you have a star WR dropping a routine TD catch.   C-   


Pinkie Wheaton –  got nicked up blocking, 2Q, and got a sprained ankle.   Did not return.   What a flimsy pansie.     C


Archer:   Did nothing, as usual.   A colossal waste of a premium draft pick by Kevin Doltbert.  


Bryant -  served his final game of the 4 game susp. 


Heyward-Gay – grabbed an out pass, late 2Q.    Turned a cake-easy TD catch into a circus catch when he foolishly allowed the perfectly thrown ball to slither 89% through his arms before finally seizing the ball just before landing and falling out of the EZ.  I’d have choked this bastard if he’d allowed this to be an INC pass.     Nice high grab of an out, 4Q.     B


Coates – grabbed his first NFL pass, 2Q, good for 11 yards.   Dropped a tough but very catchable pass on 3d & 5 late in the 4Q that could have salted away the game.   Very poor.      C  



Miller – the stat of the game…the big, trusty TE target had 1 grab for 1 yard in a brainless, numbskulled gameplan.       


Spaeth – Thankfully was inactive.  What took the staff so long to figure out the wasted oxygen, plus a scarce spot on the 45-man game-day dress roster?? 



Beacham  -  Surprisingly wasn’t overly tooled and abused as he often is.   


Gilbert -  FatAss Marcus stupidly went after a DB to block instead of Dumerville, which caused a sack of Vick late in the 3Q.      C  


Foster –  Moved like a pylon on a routine stunt that sacked Vick, 2Q.   Complete vomit of a play for an OG at this level with his much experience.    C 


DeCastro – imitated a turd much of the game.      Flagged for a false start in the 1Q and another in the 3Q.   Had a good pull and block to spring Bell for 21 yards, late 4Q.  



Cam Thomas –  Waddled his fat ass to and fro.   Got totally blown off the ball a good 6 yards on a hefty run up the gut on the Balt TD drive, 1Q.     Got shoved around like a meek 1st grader at the schoolyard.   Completely sucked ass and sucks ass.    D-


McLendon -  no impact whatsoever.    Piss poor.   Can’t recall a worse game that this stiff has ever played.    C-  


Heyward – superb hustle and strip of Jacco early in the 3Q, creating a rare Stiller turnover.   Had a very solid game.  B+


Tuitt – Got a Dong Sack, first series, when Jacco was flushed from the pocket.   Good stop of Forsett, 3Q.       B+




Timmons – good lick on Smith on 3rd & short, late 3Q, ,which prevented the 1st down.   Had 10 solos, but the Ravens gained far too much yards on the ground.     B  


Shaquier – Again did not play.    “Waahh, my shoulder is sore….!    My vagina is sore, too….!”   What a fag.       D-   


Spence –  Mostly stood around on the long 1Q TD march, getting shoved around and just standing and watching.   Got an untouched Dong Sack, late 2Q, although coming from the blind side, he should have attacked the football itself in an attempt for a strip sack.  Instead, he meekly and softly just love tapped Jacco to the ground.    Made a rare stellar play, hauling down a ballcarrier on a fake FG in the 3Q well short of the sticks.    C


Moats – Totally unblocked on a 3d down play deep in PIT territory, this worthless urine drinker feebly whiffed on the jet sweep, which allowed a TD run.   A completely sh!t play by a sh!t player.    Played a ton of snaps and recorded 1 solo.  D-


Harrison – marginal impact.    Got a Dong Sack with Spence late in the 4Q on 4th down, when Jacco had an eternity but could not find anyone open.     Had 5 solos.    C+ 


Jones –  Did nothing the entire evening.   Played soft and did nothing.  I have never, ever seen a player run and jockey AWAY from any possible contact as I saw on that 3rd and 23 screen play early in the 4Q.  What a pansie.  Got a fair amount of snaps and finished with 0 solos and 1 A.     F   


Dupree – Good stop of Forsette, late 3Q.   2 solos.    C+  


Vinnie W -  moved as slow as whalesh!t on a key 3d & 6, 2Q, which allowed a plodding TE to grab a pass and lumber for the 1st down.   WHY, praytell, is this slowfooted pile o dung even on the field on an obvious passing down??    Blatantly over-pursued a simple dive play, 3Q, by about 6 yards, allowing a GAPING hole for a 30-plus yard run.    Had a ton of snaps and had just 2 solos, which sucks ass.    D




Will Allen –   stop the presses !   Busted up the first pass of the game…!    Shit play on the Campanero TD, 1Q.   A complete horse dung play.   Chipped in solidly on run support.     B- 


Mitchell – had a bustup in OT.     That was about it.   Otherwise did nothing, aside from spearing Steve Smith in the 1Q on the typical cheap play by Bitchell.    C- 


Gay  -  no hideous boners.   


Blake –  hit a WR, 2nd play of game, and busted the pass up.    Failed to bring down Boyle on a huge 4th & 1 late in the 3Q.   Good bust-up late in the game.     Solid run support.   B-   


Sharko Thomas – not permitted to play on defense.   


C. Allen -  Queertez was again inactive.  


Boykin – rotted the bench the entire game. 


Cockrell -  a rare Stiller INT, 2Q.   Of course, with an acre of grass ahead for a pick 6, he managed to get tackled by a plodding OT.    Equally stunning, he had the hands, savvy, and awareness to snag the Jacco fumble before it went OOB for a huge turnover early in the 3Q.    Came back down to earth by stupidly STOPPING on a routine fade pass in the 3Q that was hauled in for a TD.   A lazy, no brained play.      B 



Spec teams:  

Jordan Cherry – dogshit early punt into the wind, for 37 yards.  Then, with the wind in the 2Q, got off a more dogsh!t of a punt for 36 yards.   Meanwhile, booting from his own goal line into the wind, the Ravens punter launches a 53 yard boot to get his team out of trouble.    Mediocre punt, with the wind, from his EZ for 40 yards in the 3Q.    This guy completely sucks monkey cock.    C-  


Scobee – barely eked in a 45-yard FG in the 1Q, just inside the right upright.   Hooked a 49- yarder wide in the 4Q, and then AGAIN HOOKED a cake easy  41-yard FG with about a minute left in the game.    He’s sucked ass all season and he again sucked ass tonite.   He sucked ball so badly that the team simply had to eschew a 51-yard FG in OT, rightfully lacking ANY faith in this sorry bastard.   He’s now missed 4 of 10 FGs and 1 PAT in his stint with the Stillers.  There can be no way this sorry ass is still on the roster come Monday.      F- 


Archer – Pee Pee  had a decent KO return to start OT.  Stunning.     Of course, let’s not go overboard.  That’s the only thing this squat-pissing smurf did the entire evening.  


AB – decent punt return in OT.  




Haley was enamored with the middle screen to Bell amid a FOREST of defenders.    It got engulfed early in the 2Q for a 1 yard loss.


Then, with 21 secs left in the half, the Stillers had the Ravens reeling.   1st down at the Balt 17, with the clock stopped.    PLENTY of time to take 2 or even 3 stabs into the EZ.   THE END ZONE, for SIX points.   What does Haley do??   This faggot fuk calls a designed MIDDLE screen (again!!) to Bell, for no gain.   Are u fuking kidding me ???    No stab at the EZ ???    Miller hasn't been targeted the entire half.    You have Antonio Brown.   The Raven pass defense -- 29th in the NFL -- has been horrendous all season.  This kind of turtling is completely lame and unacceptable.   


3d & 4, mid 4Q, and Haley calls a pussy pass to DHB -- who ran all the way downfield for ONE yard -- for a 2 yard gain.   Yes, this was a valve dump, but who in the hell has a speed WR running a 1 yard pattern on this kind of play ??   And where, praytell, was Heath Miller ???  


3d & 4, under 2:00, and Haley calls a bland plunge up the gut.   Why not try a PAP bootleg and let Vick try to scoot wide??   A first down ICES the game.    A FG does NOTHING.    This 3d down was a disgrace.   They could have easily play faked and rolled out Vick.   The clock meant nothing; the 1st down means everything and ICES the game.    Fuk Dumblin and fuk Haley.  


The game plan was entirely too vanilla and meek.   The Rats had the 29th worst pass defense in the 32 game league, yet Haley couldn’t find a way to target, oh, you know, Antonio Fuking Brown and Heath Miller.  Unbelievable. 


This says it all:   62 yards of offense in the 2H.      And then there was the ghastly play on 4th & 2 in OT….a high adventure pass to AB in TIGHT press coverage.   Again, where was Miller ???   So many weapons, against a ravaged, weak defense,,,,,and Haley can’t come up with anything more than bland pabulum time and time and time again.    The stat of the game…the big, trusty TE target had 1 grab for 1 yard in a brainless, numbskulled gameplan.        D-  




Keith Assler had the luxury of facing a weak Balt offense that was missing several key cogs, and then as the game wore on, was missing more.   Yet Buttler was unable to contain the Rats.    The Poebirds came into the came with a platry, struggling running game….and then, time and time and time and time again, found GAPING holes for easy, huge chunks of yards.    Forsett was getting booed out of Balt, and then suddenly looks like Jim Brown against Keith Asssler and his softee defense. 


Had the Ravens pinned down, 3d & 8 at the start of their 2nd drive.   What does this supreme jackass do?   He leave the most dangerous and likely threat, Steve Smith, guarded by slow-footed Larry Timmons….!   The result: an easy 10 yard completion.   Balt then casually marched, and marched, and marched, for a long, clock chewing TD to take the 7-3 lead.  


The Stillers took what looked like a commanding 20-7 lead in the 3Q.  What does Assler do ???   He goes soft, and allows the Ratbirds to easily march 80 yards in 6 plays for an easy TD to crawl back into the game. 


In the 4Q, Campenero was hurt.  Steve Smith was hurt.  Yet there was Balt, marching down the field like the Grambling marching band.     Then late in the 4Q, with lelss than a mnute left,  Assler allows the Rats to start the drive with a 17 yard screen,   Then on 3d & 10, Jacco is able to play pitch n catch to a WIDE  open receoiver for a 20-yard gainer to set up the game-tying chippie FG.    Then in OT, Assler goes soft again, allowing a 12 yard run on 2d & 13 to key the drive.  


Adjustments?  None.    Taking away the comfy ground game from Jacco?   NONE.   Given the feeble nature of the Balt offense, with no downfield threats, getting the ball jammed down his throat by Forsett turned this into a shit effort, plain and simple.    D-  


HC:  Mike Dumblin had a chance to seize control of the AFC North race, at least in terms of keeping pace with Cinci and putting the Ratbirds into a coma.  Instead, callow, chickenshit football led to defeat.  


I despised the decision to kick the FG late in the 4Q.    It’s a 49 yarder, and Scobee has completely sucked ass all season.   Plus, it only gives you a 6 point lead.    You take a STAB at the 1st down there, and if you make it, you could be salting the game away.    This was Billy-Ball (Billy Cowher) at its finest, with constant turtling the entire 2H and playing not to lose, rather than playing to win.   


The sheeplike Pgh media is writing that Vick and the Stiller had only ONE practive this week.   Hello ??    Just ONE ??   Whose fault, praytell, is that?   None other than Michael Dumblin.   ON Sunday, they played a Noon game in St Lou and were back in time for a late supper.   On thur nite, they played at HOME.   There’s no reason on earth why Dumbass Dumblin held only one practice, other than the fact that he’s a tool. 


The team played chickenshit football since late in the 1H, when they essentially TURTLED and settled for a FG when they were set up, with the clock stopped, at the Balt 17 with TWENTY ONE seconds left in the half.   Then hey played timid and scared the ENTIRE 2nd half.  


Bottom line:  Assfuk Mike Dumblin pisses a home game away to a hapless, feeble, injury ravaged Poebird team.    The Ravens team can send a thank you card to Dumblin for his polite allowance in letting the Poebirds back into the race.   Alas, let us not fret.  This kind of chickenshit football and overall slop will simply hasten Dumblin’s firing, which will be a fine day for Stiller fans.   F  


Synopsis: They had a perfect chance, at home, to kick dirt in the face of an 0-3 divisional rival, and instead sh!t the bed with meek, callow tactics the entire 4Q.   You play chickensh!t football, at home, and you deserve to lose. 


Thus ends a shit week for Pgh fans.   The Pahrts had a chance to take a run at the NL Centrla, only to meekly lose 2 of 3 against the Cards.  And then this bed-shitting effort, at home, which would have made this a 2-horse race in the division. 


(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1


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