The home of die hard Pittsburgh Steelers fans. It's not just a team, it's a way of life!

The WoodenDong Report (Game #14, vs. Cinci)

December 18, 2013 by Still Mill

The WoodenDong Report  (Game #14, vs. Cinci) 


In the spirit of the famous GilDong Report, we now bring you the WoodenDong Report.


In light of many a fan (and GM Kevin Colbert as well) being bamboozled and ga-ga over LaMarr Woodley’s paper statistics the past 4 seasons, I've devoted considerable time to monitor the work of the exceptionally average LaMarr Woodley. 


As longtime readers may recall, Big Jason had been famous enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment sacks, and so on, that the NFL designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack™", in honor of Jason Gildong.  (Some fantasy football leagues have incorporated this into their point systems for well over a decade.)  


Here in 2013, we'll again take time to expose The Dogger, LaMarr Woodley, for the fraud that he truly is. 


This will most likely be the easiest WoodenDong Report we’ve had to compile here at  The Big He-Man sat out 3 of the past 4 games with a sore left calf, and finally played 2 weekends ago versus Miami at Right OLB.   In the 14th game of the season against Bengals, Big LaMarr lived up to his reputation as The Dogger, playing all of 2 plays before bowing out with (hold your laughter, please) a sore right calf.    


Yup, that’s it -- 2 plays from the $61M He-Man. 


The season is now over for The Dogger, who was placed on IR on Tuesday.   The Steeler team doctor said in the presser that LaMarr suffers from FWD Syndrome.  When asked to clarify what FWD Syndrome is, the doctor explained that it is Fat Wallet Diseasse Syndrome, which typically affects a player’s legs and buttocks, and makes them succeptible ti soft tissue injuries and softness in general. 


Apparently, this is all ya get for $61M.   What a fraud.  What a disgrace.  What an embarrassment.  What a farce.   Lesson learned -- ya can’t polish a turd, no matter how much money you might lavish him with.  Just ask Jason GilDong, the original Donger himself. 


Season to date totals for Big LaMarr, in 10 games:

Earned Sacks: 1

Dong Sacks™: 4

Strips, Jars, fumbles caused: 0 

Flailing Whiffs: 11

First downs allowed:  15

TDs allowed:  4

Dumbassed penalties:  2


(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1


Like this? Share it with friends: Follow me on Twitter:
Your opinion counts so voice it!! There are 5 comments on this article in the fan forums. Join the discussion.
Don't have an account? Sign up now (it's free)

Other Related Articles
12/19/2013 Hard Hat Award (Game #13, vs. Miami, and Game 14, @ Balt ) by by Still Mill
12/16/2013 Stillers-Bengals Postgame Analysis and Grades by by Still Mill