View topic - look out Chris Collinsworthless and Phil Simps...

[isfry Profile]

Having had more than our share of Sunday Night games the last couple of years, I have had way too many opportunities to listen to, and to grow more and more hateful of, Chris Collinsworthless in the booth. Not only is he a dyed-in-the-wool Bungles lover and a HUGE homer, his analysis is often pointless and inaccurate, to boot. Just when I thought he couldn't be topped, along comes Phil Simms in a handful of CBS games this year, forcing me to actually concede that he might be worse. Alas, for those of you who have found yourself wondering, "Hmmm...where the hell has that annoying ass-fuck Boomer Esiason gone?" I am sorry to report that he is alive and well, and apparently doing radio color for ESPN 1050, covering the Thursday Night games.
I couldn't be near my TV or my NFL Network last Thursday, as I was on my way home from vacationing with my girlfriend up near Kirkwood, Ca. I timed the final leg of the return trip for Thursday evening at 5ish so that I could hear the game in its entirety. Much to my chagrin, I found that Boomer's moronic vomit passes for "analysis" in the eyes of the geniuses at ESPN radio. Bad enough I couldn't see Ben's ankle injury, but Boomer shrieked and wailed for fifteen minutes as if LT had just rebroken Theisman's leg. Making matters worse, from the very moment Ben returned to the field Esiason ranted and raved until the final gun about how Ben should not be back on the field given the severity of his injury (about which he knew nothing because of the radio silence comng from the locker room). He went on to say Tomlin was foolish (and implied he was not doing his job as coach) for letting Ben back out on the field, given the severity of Ben's injury (again, an injury about which he knew nothing.) He forged further into inanity when he proselytized that he would rather have "a 100% healthy Charlie Batch than a 75% healthy Ben Roethlisberger." Really? Really? I mean, no offense to Batch, who has been a team player and a more than serviceable back up for over a decade, but...really?
The icing on the cake for me was when, in an obvious fit of jealousy and sour grapes, Tumor Esiason claimed that he wouldnt have thought it was that bad an idea for Payton Manning or Tom Brady to come back out after an injury like that, but for Ben whose "entire game" revolves around his ability to scramble, it was senseless for him to come back out. Pretty Boy Tom took a hit like that a while back and missed the entire season!! Manning pulled a muscle in his neck doing a fucking Best Buy commercial and might never play again. Esiason's argument that Ben couldn't do anything from the pocket quieted down (a little) when he hooked up with AB on a perfect back shoulder sideline throw (from the pocket) which turned into a 79 yard TD.
Hey Boomer, for a guy whose 80-93 career record includes such highlights as being the guy who was on the other sideline when Joe Montana engineered the first last-minute TD drive to win a Super Bowl, maybe its time to officially walk off into that sunset. We know being a career Bungle and Jet has been rough on you, but please stop taking it out on the listeners...