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first round draft picks ... a career prediction
by xombee » Thu Apr 30, 2015 5:28 pm
My quick career predictions for 15 players likely to be drafted tonight:
Jameis Winston- seriously? Jameis? There ain't no "I" in TEAM. But inexplicably there is one in Jameis. Bust.
Marcus Mariota- smiles too much. Too nice. Too easy to get labeled with some girly nickname like "Mar Mar". They recently made a statue of him out of guacamole and fruit. I like guacamole and fruit ... just not as my quarterback. Bust.
Dante Fowler- if drafted by a team with a bird nickname (Falcons, Seahawks, Cardinals) he'll be an All Pro. Otherwise...bust.
Leonard Williams- boring first name. Solid last name. Plays in the trenches. Hall of Famer.
Vic Beasley- short for Victor is "Vick", Vic. The 'K' matters, Vic. Bust.
Alvin Dupree- incorrectly spelled French last name. Chipmunk first name. Goes by the nickname "Bud". Do any of these (Alvin or Bud or Dupree) scare you? Me neither. Bust.
Amari Cooper- according to several very reliable sources, Mama Cooper expected a girl. She was gonna name her little princess "Maria". Mama Cooper bought little wooden blocks to spell out the name. Then... uh oh... it's a boy! Mama Cooper had two choices: (1) choose a new name and buy new blocks or (2) just keep the blocks and wing it. She decided to wing it. Naming options were Iamar, Rimaa, and Amari. She went with Amari. She shoulda named him Jim and bought new blocks. Bust.
Todd Gurley- solid first name. Old Augusta grocery store for last name. All Pro.
Kevin White- what's not to love? First name Kevin. Last name White. Rock solid stuff right there. All Pro.
Brandon Scherff- big pale cow milker from Iowa. Looks like he usually milked the cow directly into his mouth. Last name sounds like Sheriff. Plays offensive line. All Pro.
Trae Waynes- Trae??? Everytime I see the name, my eyes go kinda crossed trying to put the letters in some semblance of order. Bust.
Randy Gregory and Shane Ray- together here and, assuming karma has a say, linked for all time. Recently tied for first in a vote for Most Likely To Smoke Weed In A Car With LeGarrette "Blunt" Blount. Double bust.
Arik Armstead- if he's drafted by the Vikings, he's an absolute, 100% sure-fire lock Hall Of Famer. Otherwise he's a bust.
La'El Collins- unless he's from the planet Krypton, the mid-name punctuation is completely inappropriate. I'll give him partial benefit of the doubt. Assuming he's from Krypton (and assuming the Patriots don't have illegal access to any Kryptonite), Hall Of Famer. Assuming he's not from Krypton, BU'ST.
That's all I got. Enjoy the draft! Go Steelers!
Jameis Winston- seriously? Jameis? There ain't no "I" in TEAM. But inexplicably there is one in Jameis. Bust.
Marcus Mariota- smiles too much. Too nice. Too easy to get labeled with some girly nickname like "Mar Mar". They recently made a statue of him out of guacamole and fruit. I like guacamole and fruit ... just not as my quarterback. Bust.
Dante Fowler- if drafted by a team with a bird nickname (Falcons, Seahawks, Cardinals) he'll be an All Pro. Otherwise...bust.
Leonard Williams- boring first name. Solid last name. Plays in the trenches. Hall of Famer.
Vic Beasley- short for Victor is "Vick", Vic. The 'K' matters, Vic. Bust.
Alvin Dupree- incorrectly spelled French last name. Chipmunk first name. Goes by the nickname "Bud". Do any of these (Alvin or Bud or Dupree) scare you? Me neither. Bust.
Amari Cooper- according to several very reliable sources, Mama Cooper expected a girl. She was gonna name her little princess "Maria". Mama Cooper bought little wooden blocks to spell out the name. Then... uh oh... it's a boy! Mama Cooper had two choices: (1) choose a new name and buy new blocks or (2) just keep the blocks and wing it. She decided to wing it. Naming options were Iamar, Rimaa, and Amari. She went with Amari. She shoulda named him Jim and bought new blocks. Bust.
Todd Gurley- solid first name. Old Augusta grocery store for last name. All Pro.
Kevin White- what's not to love? First name Kevin. Last name White. Rock solid stuff right there. All Pro.
Brandon Scherff- big pale cow milker from Iowa. Looks like he usually milked the cow directly into his mouth. Last name sounds like Sheriff. Plays offensive line. All Pro.
Trae Waynes- Trae??? Everytime I see the name, my eyes go kinda crossed trying to put the letters in some semblance of order. Bust.
Randy Gregory and Shane Ray- together here and, assuming karma has a say, linked for all time. Recently tied for first in a vote for Most Likely To Smoke Weed In A Car With LeGarrette "Blunt" Blount. Double bust.
Arik Armstead- if he's drafted by the Vikings, he's an absolute, 100% sure-fire lock Hall Of Famer. Otherwise he's a bust.
La'El Collins- unless he's from the planet Krypton, the mid-name punctuation is completely inappropriate. I'll give him partial benefit of the doubt. Assuming he's from Krypton (and assuming the Patriots don't have illegal access to any Kryptonite), Hall Of Famer. Assuming he's not from Krypton, BU'ST.
That's all I got. Enjoy the draft! Go Steelers!
- thesteelhammer
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Re: first round draft picks ... a career prediction
by thesteelhammer » Thu Apr 30, 2015 10:03 pm
nice post. welcome to the boards
Re: first round draft picks ... a career prediction
by xombee » Fri May 01, 2015 1:06 pm
Thanks. I'm actually a long time lurker. Love you guys.
Re: first round draft picks ... a career prediction
by Pommah » Tue May 05, 2015 9:05 am
Pretty F'n funny, xombee.
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