How to Lose to a Mediocre Quarterback
Stillers-Ravens
Post-Game by PalmerSucks
November
9, 2011
Let
the hype begin! Joe Flacco, Average Joe, the guy who couldn�t beat out Tyler Palko, the guy who looked like garbage against Jacksonville
and Tennessee, is now an elite QB, thanks to his �miracle� comeback drive
Sunday Night. Yes, the guy they booed off the field just a couple weeks ago in
Baltimore is now the toast of Crabtown. We were with
you all the way, Joe, we knew you could do it!
Of
course, Flacco�s success is more the product of
Stillers stupidity than his own talent. And thanks to this stupidity, some
sportswriter in Baltimore can get away with this piece of brain-deadness in the
local paper: �The
difference between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Ravens is
no longer in the quarterback.�
Last I
looked, the Pittsburgh QB had two rings, and the Baltimore guy is still a
playoff fizzler, but why use common sense at a time like this? The �difference�
in REALITY is that the team around Flacco is now a bit better than the team
around Roethlisberger. And that team has been carrying Flacco all year. Sunday
Night was no exception.
Look �
going on a long TD drive to score on the Stillers late is hardly a Hall of Fame
achievement. It�s been done for years now, by such all-time legends as Bruce Gradkowski. You don�t have to be a great QB to lead a
game-winning drive against the Stillers D � you just have to be good at
accepting gifts.
We�ll
get back to Average Joe and why he REALLY won the game (or more like was
ALLOWED to win it), but first to the Black and Gold. The Stillers suffer from
two basic problems right now, both of which played a big part in losing this
game. (These two issues MUST improve if the Stillers are to have any chance at
post-season success.)
1. A
lack of takeaways from the defense.
2.
Continuing struggles by the offense in the red-zone scoring area.
The
Stillers did get a huge turnover late in the game, but this has to change going
forward to make up for sometimes horrible third-down defense. Likewise, the
Stillers blew at least two chances to score TDs rather than FGs, which would�ve
put the game away before the great Flacco ever had a chance for his epic
comeback.
Flacco,
of course, made his usual late-game choke contribution, co-operating by
coughing up the ball after being hit by Harrison. But once again the Stillers D
came through, bailing him out like Lindsay Lohan�s
lawyer.
Let me
set the scene for you: the final Ravens play, the game-winning pass.
There
are 16 seconds left with the ball at the Stillers 26-yard line. This is
basically a HAIL MARY situation -- 16 seconds means that at least one of the
next two throws will have to go into the end zone � there is NO TIME for
anything else -- there is NO NEED to cover anything short. And yet the Stillers
do exactly that.
Eight
Stiller defenders line up at the scrimmage line � that�s eight defenders who
are about to become useless in pass coverage � eight Stillers who are about to
have no shot to stop the winning TD. Worse, the one Stiller who WILL have the
chance will be the LAST Stiller you�d want to be in that position.
Eight
defenders up � WHY?
This from the defense FAMOUS for yielding ten-yard cushions
to receivers. The one time they SHOULD be laying back, they aren�t. It
boggles the mind.
The
Ravens need a touchdown, not a field goal. In this situation the advantage
should be all Stillers. But as you�ll see, the Stillers gave the advantage away
� and even gave the advantage to the
other team.
You�re
Joe Flacco � you take the snap, you look right, and your eyes light up: you�ve
got the whole right side of the field clean, and Willie Gay, the DB you�ve
picked on all game, is one-on-one with your fastest wide receiver. Even better,
the only other Stiller in the neighborhood is Ryan Clark, the oldest, slowest
DB on the team. You are about to receive the football equivalent of free
government cheese.
Instead
of running eight guys up at the line, the right call was to drop back the
house. Hell, I�d have dropped TEN guys back. The rush was never going to get to
Flacco anyway. Worse, James Harrison, the one guy who might�ve gotten there �
who�d harassed Flacco all day � is assigned to cover Rice out of the backfield,
as if the Ravens are going to DUMP OFF THE BALL with 16 seconds left!
Stupid,
stupid, stupid.
Even worse when you consider that Smith had ALREADY gotten behind the defense a
couple plays earlier � but, like the drunk driver who ignores the tree he�s
about to smack into, the Stillers press on blindly with their ASSAHOLIC scheme.
Clark,
meanwhile, and for some bizarre reason, is given the responsibility to look at
both Boldin and Smith � rather than help out Gay
straight up. The look at Boldin freezes him, long
enough for Smith to run safely by. Clark now has no chance to defend the pass.
The
Stillers show Flacco a Cover 2 look, and stay with it, when they easily
could�ve shifted at the snap to a 3-deep zone and SURPRISED him. But no, we
don�t just want to change Joey�s diaper, we want to powder his ass, too! You
park a bunch of DBs inside the 5-yard line, and wait for the ball � or move
forward to make the tackle in case Flacco is dumb enough to hit a receiver
short. Instead they man up, making it an easy read and throw.
Against
all sanity, Gay is singled up against Smith. It�s as if Dick said, hey that
scheme we ran against Brady worked so well, we�ll do it again! Note to Dick:
you don�t play MAN with 16 seconds left, and the other team needing a TD to
win.
I�ve
watched Flacco for years � he�s in his comfort zone out of the shotgun, facing man coverage � a drop-zone or even a man-zone combo would
take him out of his safe place. If they�d just address this issue, they�d have
as much success against him as every other team in the NFL does.
Instead
of giving Flacco the choice between throwing short and burning clock, or
throwing into the end zone and getting picked -- you give him man coverage with
the worst cover guy the Stillers have. You turn an almost impossible situation
into a cushy, easy one. You set him up for a throw any third-string junior-high
QB could�ve made.
Clark
seals the deal by taking the worst possible angle, though with his speed he�d
probably have come late anyway. The gift TD is now wrapped, and ready to be
handed to Flacco.
So
despite what you hear on TV, this �legendary� TD drive isn�t about the
greatness of Joe Flacco -- it�s simply about stupidity and charity. It�s about
handing out points to Average Joe, Joe Flak Jacket, the
guy who couldn�t beat out Tyler Palko. So pardon me
if I�m not impressed.
Bitter?
That�s another story. I haven�t felt this nauseous since the prime hype days of
Carson Palmer, the Southern Cal Choker. With So Cal gone, enter Flacco, the new
king of undeserved praise in the AFC North.
Thanks
Stiller D for that.
And
you know what�s worst of all? This is the SAME thing that happened last year in
the loss to Baltimore � single coverage on a receiver who�s allowed to get
behind the whole defense in the last few seconds of the game. You�d think the
Stillers would�ve learned from this disaster, but no! Same dumb scheme, same
unnecessary result. Even a dog learns not to piss on the rug when he gets
smacked on the nose enough times. But here are your Pittsburgh Stillers, the
dog that keeps on pissing on the rug. Bravo!
No
other team in football would be foolish enough to play things this way, which
is why Joe Flacco looks like Joe Flacco against Jacksonville, and Joe Montana
against the Stillers. THERE lies the true �greatness� of Joe Flak Jacket.
If the
Ravens fail to score, as they SHOULD have, the sportswriters are back to
ripping on Average Joe, the guy who just can�t get it done when it counts.
Instead, the hype morons get to come out and compare him, once again, to
Roethlisberger. It�s enough to make you sick.
Long
rant over � time to move forward.
Choker�s Wild
So no
way around it, your Pittsburgh Stillers simply choked away a win Sunday Night,
and with that, the season changes completely. Barring a complete Baltimore
collapse, any thoughts of a division title or home-field advantage are done.
But
the news isn�t all bad � as I�ve been saying before the season, �10 wins and
you�re in.� The schedule isn�t horribly tough, and with so many teams in the
conference with .500 or worse records, the Wild Card game is well within reach.
That, my friends, leads to a VERY interesting possibility.
The Dream Scenario: Crushing Baltimore
for Good
If the
Stillers can make the Wild Card game, there�s a good chance they�ll win � and
attain what I would most like to see: a rematch with the Ravens, on their
field, in the divisional round. Do I guarantee a win here? No, but I DO promise
you, deep down it�s not something the Ravens fan would want to see. Why? It�s
simple � even the possibility of being knocked out of the playoffs by the
Stillers is enough to give them cold, cold nightmares.
Now
that the Ravens believe they�ve conquered the Stillers, the cruelty quotient of
a future Stillers win would be off the charts. A playoff win over the Ravens
would wipe out the regular-season losses, and send the town into a tailspin
they might never recover from. It couldn�t happen to a nicer bunch of people.
Should
the rematch happen, though, let�s just hope LeBeau learns his lesson from this
whole debacle.
UPDATE:
Harbaugh whined publicly today about � get this � the
Stillers playing a song on the PA system matched up with Flacco�s
picture on the Jumbotron (reportedly it was Lynrd Skynrd�s �What�s Your
Name?� featuring the lyric �what�s your name, little girl?� �
if this was intentional, awesome job!). No, Coach doesn�t have enough to
worry about with his own team, he now cares about what
music the other guys choose to play in their OWN stadium. Can you say �total
douche�? The Stillers must go on a MISSION to make the playoffs, knock these
clowns out and break their hearts forever.
God may own Terrell Suggs�s Soul, But
Max Starks Owns His Ass
One
reason I wouldn�t mind a rematch: the superb job Starks did on Suggs (and any
other Ravens defender that came his way). Suggs of course normally terrorizes
the Stillers, which made the sight of him eating the turf all the more
beautiful a sight. The Stiller line (different as it is from Week 1) did a nice
job of giving Roethlisberger time � a very encouraging sign. Starks OWNING
Suggs is good news for any future rematch.
Sadly,
though, Stiller stupidity led to outrage #2: rather
than hiding in shame, Flacco�s gift TD allows Suggs
to go on ESPN and run his mouth. He even gets to brag up Average Joe, the guy
who stunk against Jacksonville, the guy who couldn�t beat out Tyler Palko at Pitt. (Note to Skip Bayless:
next time you have Suggs on your show, how about asking him how it feels to be
Starks�s biatch?)
That�s
what makes the Suggs pick so ridiculous, by the way � Stiller receivers had no
problem getting open downfield Sunday night. The short-dink stuff simply wasn�t
necessary � especially the puff pass that Suggs caught. It was an unnecessary
call, and an even less necessary throw.
Yes,
through the miracle of Stillers stupidity, Suggs�s one contribution, a
government-cheese interception, gets to overshadow the job Starks did on him.
The guy who spent half the game eating turf now gets to act all big and bad
afterwards. Today there is no justice in the world.
What Can Brown Do for You?
I
can�t close without pointing out the superb play of Antonio Brown, who�s
quickly becoming the best all-around receiver on the team. I�m still not down
with the post-catch celebrations, but that�s a small price to pay for such a
high level of performance. Thanks to Brown, the Ravens dropped their safeties
back (instead of where they usually are, up in the box) most of the game �
THAT�S what you call �run support.�
Up Next, the Bengals
And
notice I didn�t say �Bungals.� As I said before the season, not only would Cincy NOT implode without the Southern Cal Choker, they�d
actually IMPROVE. So while Palmer is busy gagging it up in Oakland, rookie Andy
Dalton is quietly restoring the roar in Cincy. The
Bengals look to prove their 6-2 record is no fluke, and what better way to do
that than with a win over the Stillers.
The
game sets up to be tricky: the Bengals, for whatever reason, appear to have
lost the clown-thug quotient that made them such a joke. Dalton is raw, but not
immature: his recognition skills are advanced, and he understands the checkdown concept better than most first-year guys. The
�Red Rifle� has the arm strength to jam the ball into small windows; he�s a
better pure passer than Cam Newton. The Stillers cannot afford to sleep on him.
This
is a must-win for the Stillers, as a loss would jeopardize the Wild Card hopes.
It�s a game the Stillers SHOULD win � the Wild Card march begins this Sunday.
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