Stillers-Bungals Postgame Analysis and Grades

Bengals 23, Stillers 20� ���. Sep 27, 2009 ����Game #3

 

Stillers-Bungals Postgame Analysis and Grades

 

The Stillers stormed out to an early 13-0 lead, totally dominating host Cinci in the 1st quarter.� But you could just see the leftovers the team left on the table in the 1st half, scoring 13 points when they very easily could have scored 20 or even 23.�� In the 2nd half, the offense had 1 good scoring march, but otherwise played fiddle-faddle.� Meanwhile, Dick LeBeau went soft and vanilla in the 4th quarter, enabling Cinci to compile 2 lonnnngg scoring marches to snatch defeat from victory.���

 

Grades:

 

QB:� Ben had a strong overall game, going 22 of 31 with 1 TD, plus another perfect TD pass that was dropped by Limas Peed.�� He had the pick 6 in the 3Q, although all indications point to Tonio Holmes as the culprit for botching his pattern.�� The only really pitiful play by Ben was the Stull-like pass attempt on 3rd & goal at the 5 in the 2Q, which was about 9 feet too high for Miller to corral.������ A-

 

RB:� Parker snapped out of his funk with by far his best effort this season, rushing for 93 yards on 25 carries, plus a rare TD grab (his 1st in 3 years) off some nice RAC work.�� Parker showed a burst and the speed we hadn�t see much of this season; clearly the fast track of the Cinci field-turf field helped out.��

 

Moore had 1 carry and 1 grab, each for 6 yards.�� Mendenhall is evidently in Tomlin�s doghouse, as he was not permitted to participate in even a single offensive play the entire game.�� Maybe the feeble, imbecilic local media can find out why this guy�s in the doghouse.�������� Parker:� A��� Moore: B���� Mendy: Inc

 

FB: Johnson started the game at FB and was quickly rebuffed on the 1st play, a 1-yard loss by Parker.� He got injured late in the 1Q.�� Miller ended up doing some FB chores with very limited success.�� Summers, the fullback who can�t block, did not dress.� ����Inc

 

WR:� Leading the way was Hines, no, er, rookie Mike Wallace, with 7 grabs for 102 yards in a very stellar display of football.�� Wally made some clutch 3D catches in traffic and had zero drops.�� The only knock on Wally was the long bomb he caught, in which he drifted OOB instead of maintaining his footwork and balance.� Instead of scoring a TD, the offense did its usual pussyfied bogdown inside the 10, and the team settled for 3 instead of 6.� Not an easy play to stay in-bounds, mind you, but eminently do-able.�

 

Ward had a solid game, snaring 4 for 82.� But he committed 2 OPI penalties.�� The play after his 2nd OPI (which negated an 11-yard gain) was the pick 6.��

 

Tonio Holmes picked up right where he left off in last week�s shameful effort, with yet another lackluster, half-hearted effort.� �He finished with a whopping 1 grab for 18 yards.� He dropped a WIDE open curl pass late in the 1Q.� Then, late in the 2Q, he caught a deep stop pattern, but lazily and carelessly did his footwork, and his 2nd foot landed OOB.� A really sloppy, lethargic, lazy, careless play by a guy who claimed ALL offseason how he wanted �to take my game to the next level.��� His current level is kindergarten, so he has nowhere to go but up.�� Then, in the 3Q, Holmes apparently ran the wrong pattern, and the resultant throw was picked and returned for a TD.�

 

Limas Peed, who peed the bed as a toddler and still does, had another dropped TOUCHDOWN.� On a 3rd & 4 in the 3Q, Ben rifled a PERFECT pass to a WIDE open Peed on a post in the EZ for an apparent 34-yard TD.�� Peed HAD the ball firmly in his hands, but when� he softly hit the ground without ANY hit from a defender, the ball popped out for a shitty incompletion.�� To make matters worse, the faggott sat there on the ground, claiming he had possession when clearly he did not.�� What a pile of shit.�

 

Wallace:� A-���� Ward: B���� Holmes:� D-����� Peed:�� F

 

TE:� Miller had 5 grabs for a lowly 20 yards, as well as a drop in the 1st series.�� Spaeth had his usual, piddly output of 1 grab, for 7 yards.� Spaeth also had a shit-laden, lethargic blocking effort on a Parker 2d & 7 run in the 4Q, in which he lazily allowed the defender to loop around him and then maul Parker for no-gain.� On this play, all Spaeth had to do was simply get a pinkie on the defender, but he was entirely incapable of doing even that.����� Miller:� B+���� Spaeth:� C-�

 

OL: The line had an overall decent game.� Benji consistently had EONS of time, including on the 41-yard pass to Ward and the deep ball to Wallace, as well as on the dropped TD pass to Limas Peed.�� Starks did a solid job of keeping Antwan Odom at bay, although he was flagged for a hold (declined) late in the 2Q.� The tackles did a good job in the 1H of influencing the outside rushers out wide for off-tackle runs.�

 

The 2nd half saw some lazy leakage.� Ramon Foster, who saw a fair amount of time as a tackle eligible, was lazy on the backside seal of Odom, who chased down Parker on the OTHER side of the field for a 1-yard gain in the 3Q.� Colon was flagged for a really ticky-tack holding call on a 3-yard run in the 3Q.� Hartwig failed to maintain his block and Parker was obliterated on a plunge at 9:00 4Q.�� Hartwig and Kemo both stood there, with thumbs up anal orifices, while Odom SPLIT them and sacked Ben on a pivotal 3rd & 6 at 5:54 4Q. ��A really, really ballsucking effort by these 2 kumquats.�� �B

 

DL:� This crew did very, very, very little the entire game.�� Aside from Fat Casey slipping by the center for a sack in the 1Q, they mostly just titty-jousted and played pom-pom pullaway.�� Benson gashed them repeatedly to the tune of 76 yards on only 16 rushes.� Keisel was blown off the ball on Benson�s 7-yard run in the 2Q.� The pocket push was entirely non-existent.���� I don�t know how many MONTHS it will take to get Ziggy Hood into the lineup, but right now, with how feeble and meek the DL is playing, he warrants a shot.������ C-

 

LB:� Harrison led the way with a strong, revving effort.� No huge plays, but plenty of strong, solid, consistent plays.�� He slashed in and hauled down Benson for a 2-yard loss late in the 3Q.�

 

Taunto Farrior, the supposed �All Pro� linebacker, had an utterly reprehensible, shit-laden game and clearly was 1 of THE primary goats.�� He actually had a pass defensed -- his first in about the last 13 games -- on a deep curl on 3d & 15 in the 1Q.�� Stop the presses !!��� Farrior actually had a pass defensed!�� That�s really the lone play he made the ENTIRE game.�� Never leaving the field, Big Taunto finished the game with a whopping 2 solos and 3 A�s.�� He slashed in on a run blitz in the 1Q, but true to his nature, he WHIFFED.�� Things totally unraveled in the 4Q for The Big Taunter.�� Lined up at ROLB, he literally got PANCAKED and stomped into the turf on Benson�s 23-yard TD jaunt.�� A sickening, utterly pitiful play by Big Taunto.�� Then, on the BIGGEST play of the game, Taunto had ISOLATED coverage on the RB on a 4th & 10 with less than 1:00 left in the game.� A stop here and the game is OVER.�� Palmer, under pressure, scrambled to his right, and then hit Leonard out of the backfield on a simple OUT pass at the 10-yard line.�� The 1st down marker was at the FIVE.��� Taunto saw Leonard slip out into his pattern, and was in PERFECT position, just 4 feet away, to make the stop well SHORT of the sticks.� Instead, like a complete assfuck, Farrior SLOWS UP and then does this feeble-fuck ankle-grab of Leonard, which allowed Leonard to stumble forward and make the 1st down by about 18 inches.�� This play SHOULD have been stopped 2 yards SHORT of the sticks.�� For a �Pro Bowl� LB who is supposed to be God�s Gift to LB Pass Coverage, this was as shitty and shoddy a play that could have possible been made.� Then, not to be outdone, Farrior, just as he did last week, sat back 6 yards deep in the EZ and allowed the ONLY man near him to corral the WINNING TD pass with 14 seconds remaining.�� What a putrid, wretched, pile o� shit.��

 

Jason Woodley had yet another BIG GAME (sic), amassing a whopping 1 solo and 0 assists.�� Yes, he had a bat of a 2-point pass that was going to the FLATS and probably wouldn�t have scored.��� He had a rare jam-up of a running play late in the 1Q.�� At this rate, Big Jason, er Big LaMarr, will finish the season with (hold your laughter) 11 solos and 5 assists.��� What another pile of shit.��

 

Timmons returned to the starting lineup.�� He, like Farrior, over-pursued on the Benson run of 8 yards in the 4Q.� To his credit, he delivered the D�s best lick of the game, drilling Benson on a plunge for no gain in the 2Q.� �He also blitzed and batted a pass early in the 3Q.�

 

Harrison:�� B+���� Timmons:� B���� �Farrior:� F- �����Woodley:�� F�

 

DB:� The secondary played okay, and then got riddled in the 4Q.� Ike had by far his strongest game of the season, busting up 4 passes, including 3 late in the 4Q (2 of which would have been TD passes).� Gay played ok early on, but then faltered badly in the 4Q.� He missed a tackle after a short slant by Coles.� He got away with a grab of Henry in the EZ late in the game.�

 

Clark didn�t get tooled like he usually does, and led the D with 7 solos.� However, he had a costly PI flag on a deep in to Coats in the 4Q.� Carter had a good wrap of Coles on a 3d & 7 that netted only 4.��� Mundy saw some PT.�� ��Townsend played okay, although he was flagged for holding on an inc. pass late in the 2Q.�

 

Ike, Carter:� A-������� Clark, Townsend:� B�������� Gay: C+

 

Spec teams:� Some good, a lot bad.��

 

Hooker Reed opened the game with a barfbag boot that went only to the 12, and a massive hole allowed a 39-yard return.�� The 1st Cinci punt landed dangerously close to 2 Steeler blockers near the GL in the 1Q.� Hooker Reed had a chance on a DRY, turf field to boot a 52-yard FG in the 3Q, but instead hooked it, once again, wide left.�� Late in the 3Q, Cinci lined up for a punt on 4th & 3 at their own 38, down by 11.�� The situation warranted that the Steelers be on the lookout for a fake, but their alignment gave Cinci about an ACRE of room around left end to easily scamper 21 yards for the 1st down.� Frazier didn�t help matters by getting totally sealed in on the play, but a 68-year old Tibetan monk could have easily lumbered around end due to such an assaholic defensive alignment as the Stillers had on this punt.��

 

Sepulveda didn�t punt until the 4Q, and when he did, he felt the situation warranted a thorough study of the pig bladder, air pressure, and lacings, so much so that he nearly had the punt blocked.�� He boomed a 51-yarder later in the quarter, but shoddy coverage allowed a 17-yard return.�

 

There were a few bright spots.� Logan ripped off a 56-yard KLO return after the pick 6, and had enough sense to switch the ball to his OUTSIDE hand once he broke clear of the initial scrum and raced down the sideline.� For the 2nd week in a row, he also had a good, crisp solo tackle on KO coverage, which is very impressive for a diminutive WR/kick returner.� Larry Timmons had a good read of a fake reverse on KO coverage in the 1Q, and then rudely hauled down the returner at the 22-yard line.� Key Fox delivered a huge hit on KO coverage in the 2Q, in which he totally blew up the ballcarrier with a ferocious hit.�

 

Hooker Reed:� D-������� Logan:� A���� �Rest of ST:� D�

 

OC:� Airhead Arians was in the lap of luxury in the 1H, doing whatever he wanted with the Cinci defense.� That is, until he got inside the TEN yard line, after which he fiddle-farted around with amazing regularity.��

 

Facing a 3rd & goal at the 1, Arians calls for a Whaleshit Counter to Parker, which took about 4 seconds to develop and allowed everyone within a 35-yard area, to include the hot dog vendor, to collapse onto the ground attempt and bottle it. ���That close to the GL, you need to call a QUICK HITTING plunge, not some cutesy counter that takes eons of time to develop.��

�

The ground game was dominating in the entire 1st half, with Parker racking up 72 yards.�� So what does Arians, the Airhead, do to start the 2nd half?�� Why, he goes pass happy like a WAC coordinator, calling for 3 passes to start the 2nd half.�� Why?�� Because he�s a dumb fuck, that�s why!�� The 3rd pass, of course, was picked off and returned for a TD.�� This, once again, is a guy who despises smashmouth football and does it out of disdain, not out of want.���

 

This loss belongs far more squarely on the DC than the OC, but clearly Arians is not without blame.���� C�

 

DC:� For the THIRD time this season, Dullard Dick shit the bed in the 4th quarter, pissing away a LEAD with a mind numbing softee, vanilla defense that would make Dairy Queen proud.�� Remember, in the Titan game, he gave up BOTH a FG drive at the end of the 1H, as well as near the end of the 4Q to force OT. �Last week, he shit the bed by allowing a mediocre Chico offense to roll up and down the field in the 4Q, scoring a TD on a 71-yard drive and then the winning FG on a 41-yard march.�

 

Today, of course, Dick gave up yet another point-producing drive LATE in the 2Q, this one giving the Bengals 3 points as time expired in the half.��

 

Then, in the 4Q, he went totally and entirely VANILLA.��� 4-man rushes, few blitzes, DBs playing 12 yards off the LOS, and the Bengals casually marching up and down the field like the Ohio St. band.�� The few blitzes that were called were Dicks� favorite -- The Velcro Blitz, in which each defender latches ONTO the blocker and plays pattycake, creating no pressure nor disruption whatsoever.� Watch Ocho�s out-pass reception at 12:13 4Q for a prime example of this.�

 

Here�s what Cinci did in the 4Q:��� an 85-yard TD march, and then a 71-yard TD march.��� All aided, of course, by a softee, vanilla defense that was just picked apart by Carson LipBalmer, offering no more resistance than the French army did in any major war.�� ��

 

Once again, another game with ZERO turnovers for such a vaunted, supposedly hell-raising defense.�� Ya don�t create turnovers when you play gutless, vanilla, softee defense.�� ��I only care about the NOW, not the past.� I could give a shit �what Dullard Dick did as a player for the Detroit Lions forty fucking years ago, or what he did as a DC 10 fuking years ago.� All�s I care about is NOW, and right now this over-aged bed-shitter ain�t worth a rat�s ass.�� F

 

HC:� Tomlin played chickenshit, close to the vest football the ENTIRE game, and it cost him and the team dearly.���

 

On the O�s first drive, they calmly marched 79 yards in 11 plays to the Bengal 1, and faced a 4th & 1.��� Last week, faced with the exact same situation early in the game, Tomlin WENT for it and it produced 7 points.� This week, he pussed out like a chickenshit faggott and settled for the FG.�� We have no idea why he turned into a yellow-bellied coward in just 7 days, but the loss last week obviously affected his choking mannerisms.��

 

Then, facing a 4th & 4 at the Cinci 35 LATE in the 2Q, Tomlin suddenly decides to go for it.�� He won�t go for a 4th & 1, but he will go for a 4th & 4, rather than instilling the so-called confidence he said he had in his kicker, Jeff Reed, who is more than capable of making the 52-yarder.� The offense, of course, feebly failed to make the 1D.� Cinci took over, marched 49 yards, and easily booted a FG as time expired in the half.��

 

What made this decision bizarre was that, facing the same decision in the 3Q (4th & 4 at the 35), Tomlin orders the FG.�� Hooker Reed missed it.�� The point here is: exactly what made the 2nd opportunity so much more appropriate in Tommy�s eyes to try to a FG than the 1st one?�� For the guy who once tried a totally unnecessary 2-point conversion from the TWELVE yard line in a playoff game, I have to question his in-game rationale and decision making.��

 

Then there�s the horrendous alignment on the punt, which allowed Cinci an ACRE of room to run wide for 21 yards.�� Where exactly did Tomlin get this alignment �.from Dave Dummstadt at the next-door Pitt facility??���� Judas Fuking Priest�� a 9-year old ballboy would have a 98% success rate rushing for a 1st down against this juvenile, botchfuked alignment that leaves the ENTIRE side of the field WIDE open.

 

Why�s Mendy in the doghouse??�� Did he miss practice?�� He was the best RB on the field last week, but this week he is suddenly banished to the bench.�� If Tomlin wants to send a message and start benching non-performers, there�s a lonnng line of slouching players who need to grab some pine before Mendenhall, to include Tonio Holmes, Limas Peed, Taunto Farrior, Matt Spaeth, and Jason Woodley.��

 

Lastly, there are the late-game defensive COLLAPSES, which have happened in EVERY game since (and including) the Super Bowl.�� Tomlin knows absolutely NOTHING about offense, but he is supposed to be a defensive guru.�� And yet, there he stands, ossified and flaccid, watching one goatfuck after another with a cheezy, vanilla defense that applies no pressure and no trepidation to the opposing skill players in the 4Q.�� ��Add to that the country club he ran at camp this past summer, and you see a defensive unit lollygagging in EVERY 4th quarter, totally gassed and getting thoroughly outplayed.�� Very, very disappointing that Tommy is just going to sit back, watch, and do NOTHING until the season gets pissed away.��� D�

�

Synopsis:� Following last week�s stinker, this is now 2 horrendous collapses for a team that thrived last year on winning games in the 4th quarter, not pissing them away.�� The idiot among the fan base will quickly proclaim, �Stop worrying�..it�s only 1 loss��� We heard this ribald tripe after last week�s give-away.�� Now, it�s �only� 2 losses 3 weeks into the season, and the lone win was scrabbled out in OT against a team that is now 0-3.�� At this point, with the close to the vest mentality of this team combined with a 4Q defense that couldn�t stop a high school offense,� there are NO softies on this schedule �and every game looks to be a rabid, gut -wrenching adventure.

 

The stench is starting to be overbearing. ��Excrement is everywhere.�� Dropped TD passes are becoming the norm rather than an aberration.�� Blown leads in the 4Q are becoming so normative that it might make better sense to simply give up a TD in 1 play so that the offense can have enough time to counter-attack.��� Soft, vanilla defense, with no intimidation, no attack, and no pressure on ANY skill players, is becoming entrenched as a mandatory requirement come the 4th quarter.�� And you can just see, from Tomlin on down, the entire team getting into choke n� gag mode, starting in the 1Q with 18-yard FGs instead of going for SEVEN points.��� The hole is now deep, and there is no easy way out, aside from more intelligence; better play from a long list of half-assers, and more gusto on defense instead of the laid-back, mamby-pamby style that has reigned supreme since the 4Q of the Super Bowl.��

 

 

(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close�.)