Tony Choke-o: the new
'Sucks Says
December 5 2008
Like Carson Palmer was a few years ago, Dallas QB Tony Romo is the NFL's most pampered player, throwing to an All-World cast of receivers, supported by an outstanding run game and protected by a wall of blockers that allows him to sip tea and nibble on scones while waiting for WRs to break open.
How bad is it? Well, consider that none other than Troy Aikman made this comment re: Choke-o on Thanksgiving Day: "I don't think I've ever seen a quarterback get more time to throw." On top of that, Choke-o gets to play most of his games in the cushy, quasi-indoor confines of Texas Stadium, where the wind is gentle and the footballs float on angels' wings. Yes, life is good when you're Tony Choke-o.
Choke-o's even better suited for the hype machine than the Cincy gagger, what with his
His 26-9 record as a starter rivals Roethlisberger's sparkling 27-4 record his first two campaigns -- but here's where the similarities stop.
I've put together a little comparison of both guys' records in December, the time when the real contenders start to raise their games a notch. Have a look, and see what you think:
CAREER DECEMBER RECORDS
BEN ROETHLISBERGER (13-3 record): 258-of-417 (61.9 percent), 3,594 yards (224.6 per game), 25 TD, 14 INT
TONY CHOKE-O (4-5 record): 178-of-295 (60.3 percent), 2,106 yards (234.0 per game), 9 TD, 13 INT
(Source:
In true Palmerian fashion, Choke-o goes from Superman to Clark
No doubt that's from having to face the colder-weather away games and greater-magnitude contests -- the classic m.o. of the pampered choker. The Steelers have the chance to expose his fraudulence just as they normally do with Palmer. However, that's certainly not a given -- with time, Choke-o can pick apart about any defense, and his improvisational skills are a good deal better than duckfoot Palmer's. Choke-o reads the field about as well as anyone in the game right now, and if fave target T.O. is covered deep, he has the luxury of checking off to the best receiving TE in the game.
Still, no QB in football makes dumber mistakes under pressure than Tony Choke-o, and he's good for at least one really boneheaded play every game. The one time I saw him face any kind of rush against Seattle last Thursday, he panic-pitched it right to the defensive back, who in true holiday-giving spirit dropped the ball rather than return it for a TD. The Stillers will have their own chances to get their mitts on some Choke-o passes; the question is, can they wipe the gravy off their fingers and start holding onto the ball themselves?
Remember, pampering is a two-way street. A QB used to cruising past lesser opponents often has trouble dealing with the adversity that comes from real competition. No wonder then, Choke-o's first two forays into the playoffs have been such throat-clutching gagfests. Come Sunday, we'll see which way the windpipe blows.
THE CHOKER CHECKLIST
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PUTS UP BIG NUMBERS IN SMALL GAMES?
Tony Choke-o: Yes
FADES AS SEASON PROGRESSES?
Tony Choke-o: Yes
OVERRATED THANKS TO CASUAL FAN BEING DUPED BY MEDIA HYPE?
Tony Choke-o: Yes
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DEFENSIVE GAME KEY: Make
The Stillers will be facing one of the NFL's warriors this week, the most excellent Marion Barber.
According to NFL breakdown, this year
The Stillers get a break not having to face super-rookie Felix the Cat Jones, the lightning to Barber's thunder. Like Mendenhall, he's gone for the season thanks to injury.
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Speaking of Barber, what took the Stillers so long to discover Gary Russell's skills? I've been banging the drum for Russell for some time, and here's why: the guy managed to thrive in a college backfield that included both the Barberian AND Laurence Maroney. The dude can play.
Mewelde Moore's proved to be an excellent pickup. But as fine a back as he is, he's NOT suited for goal-line situations. Flash back to that infamous second-and-goal in the Colts' game: yeah, a) Eric Foster made a nice submarine move on the play, and yeah, b) you can blame the stupid guard for not just flopping on top of him, but look at how Moore was posed going in: upright and stiff as a teenage boy on Red Bull and Viagra. That's as much the running back's fault there as it is the lineman's.
Russell's line-blasts have people talking, especially his second efforts to gain critical third-down
conversions. But at 215 lbs. Russell's no Bettis, and in fact roughly the same weight as
Blame the coaches too -- this is pee-wee level fundamentals we're talking about here. Who DOESN'T teach their rushers to get low on short-yardage plunges? Apparently, the
What's worse is that Russell's obviously turned around the Stillers' kickoff return game, yet somehow not long ago they had given the job to Najeh Davenport -- right off the street! Management deserves a good ass-roasting for this, an embarrassing display of unawareness of its own players' skill sets.
The sad fact is, it took a game-costing goal-line failure to cure Gary Russell's case of bench rot. Remember this next time you hear the coaching staff "knows better than we do."
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Am I the only one with a mancrush on Patrick Bailey? If you don't know who he is, please, watch closely for #55 the next time the Stillers kick off. Like
Well that�s it for now, Stiller fans. Until next time, I'm PalmerSucks, and this is what I say.
The views of PalmerSucks are not necessarily those of Stillers.com -- but should be.