Loose Slag from The Still Mill Nov. 19, 2007 ����
First, some thoughts on egg laying --
After this latest collective egg lay, I�ve come up with a new moniker for this edition of the Stillers�..the Pittsburgh MudHens. The nickname fits, because not only does the team play its home game in the mud bog known as Heinz Cow Pasture, but it also has successfully laid more eggs than a poultry farmer could possibly dream of. (For more information on egg laying, check out this informative scientific guide on laying an egg�)
WR Hines Ward agreed on the egg lay. �We just came out and laid an egg,� admitted Ward in the Trib Review.
The problem is, this isn�t a 1-game, out-of-the-ordinary happening. The collective egg lay has occurred two weeks in a row, and 4 times this season. And make no mistake, these egg lays haven�t been isolated cases where one phase of the game was just a wee bit out of synch, while everything else was decent. To me, that�s what is most alarming -- the collective nature of these egg lays, in which all 3 phases of the game (offense, defense, and spec teams) have all been horrifically poor during the same game. You can, for example, win in the NFL when your offense sputters, as your defense can put points on the scoreboard, &/or at least create turnovers and win the field position battle or at least provide some spark and momentum with punishing hits. You can, for example, win when your defense sputters, by merely controlling the clock on offense and putting points on the board. It�s almost impossible, however, to win in the NFL when all 3 phases not only sputter, but actually smell with some of the most vile stench ever emitted on this planet.
The egg lay against Arizona was understandable, to a degree, in that it was early in the season; the Stillers were 3-0; and the Cheezenhunt-led Cards were all fired up. Of course, this should have been a lesson learner for the staff and team. Two games later, they repeated the collective egg lay with the woeful loss to Denver (who, by the way, are 3-7 in their last 10 home games). Again, this should have been a lesson learner for the staff and team. It clearly wasn�t, as the team slept and slothed during the entire 1st half last week in the collective egg lay versus Clev. Once again, this should have been a lesson learner for the staff and team. That�s what makes this latest egg lay so reprehensible. This team should have learned something from the previous egg lays, but sadly, they came out flat as a tortilla and laid yet another collective egg.
Sadly further, the collective egg lays have been dismissed, and glossed over, by every major Steeler outlet except this one. Too many fans, most of whom are your typical yinzers with black n� gold colored glasses, have also dismissed the egg lays with a host of rationalized babble and foolish denial.
This column has been the lone wolf -- until today, of course -- pointing out these egg lays and the major flaws that plague this team. I wrote similar concerns last week in my postgame grades as well as my Loose Slag, only to be met with cries of:
- I�m too negative. I should be proud of such a great win against such a great team like the Clev Browns.
- Bruce Arians is a great OC and is doing a fine job.
- The defense is great, dominant, and probably better than the �85 Bears. The defense played great yesterday vs. Clev.
- Derrick Anderson is a great QB and to even hold this guy under anything like 57 points is an amazing feat .
The same babblers and rationalizers are, of course, nowhere to be found today.
- If nothing else, in the long run this loss actually serves the team better than a flimsy-assed win like the team weakly obtained against Cleveland last week. The weak-assed wins gloss over the warts and give players a false sense of superiority. This, then, is what leads the #1 ranked defense to get shredded on a 14-play march in the last 2 minutes of the game by the 29th ranked offense, and what prevents a solid running offense from doing much of anything against the NFL�s worst run defense. Given this team�s staunch refusal to learn lessons, the horrific loss to an over-manned opponent has the greater potential to do more good down the road than the weak-assed win.
- I�ve stated several times now in this same column, and I�ll repeat it, because: a.) it needs to be repeated, and b.) some people have difficulty comprehending simple English --
It all leads to the very obvious conclusion that not only is Arians running a grab-bag offense, but he has no clue as to game planning and shifting gears. As each week goes by, I can�t help but see the massive resemblance between Arians and Chan Gayboy. Both are quite capable of the science of sitting around a chalkboard, and sitting around a film room, and sitting around the austere environment of a practice field and walking through plays.
Problem is, each is a complete incompetent when it comes to being AT a game, DURING a game, amidst the ebb and flow of battle. This aspect is an art, not a science, and neither one of these daft simpletons is remotely close to being a master at this art. Arians has no clue to having a feel for the game, and seeing where he can exploit a defense. Instead, just like Chan Gayboy, he simply pulls plays blindly out of a velvet grab-bag and send them in, tactics and strategy be damned. Only be the grace of having a super QB; a superb RB; a strong starting WR duo; a superb TE; and an average OL is Arians able to muster anything. Put Arians in, say, Cleveland, and he�d be run out of town. Oh, wait, that has already happened before.
Here�s a major part of Arian�s problem. There are no set-ups, no exploitations, no putting pressure on the seams of the opposing defense, no element of surprise, and no creating favorable mismatches. Instead, this team is blindly doing the modern-day version of the Persian attack at Thermopylae, as portrayed in the recent movie 300.
- For all the Arians fans out there, please see me in mid-late January and remind me of just how great this guy is as an OC.
On to other bits of slag --
- Watching Alan Faneca just stand there in the 1H, with thumb up ass, while Marvel Smith passed his rusher inside to a totally unoccupied Faneca (and then rumbled in to beat on Benji) made me sick. And this turd wants $10 million per year�.? My gawd, we can only hope, and pray, that Snyder and other idiots lavish this stumblebum with gobs of money. Right now, Faneca isn�t worth $4M per year, much less 10.
- I can give Indy a pass for their recent woes. After all, they�ve been hobbled by injuries to Harrison, Clark, and Freeney. Who, have the, uh, Stillers been missing lately? Ryan Clark ??
- Two catches all day for Hines Ward, against a sad-sack secondary that gives regular PT to Spank Poteat�.? Yes, he dropped the easy deep-out in the 1H. Still, this ain�t enough. Against this sorry defense, Ward should be open all day on short curls, crossers, and slants.
- For the life of me, I can�t help but wonder if Troy Pola was on drugs, or playing with a concussion, in the 4Q yesterday. The way this guy was totally mis-reading simple curl patterns, much less whiffing at tackles, was appalling.
- For the life of me, I still cannot understand the kneeldown at the end of regulation. The ball was at the Stiller 43. Benji could have unleashed a long ball to deep in Jet territory, and who knows -- a strange bat or bounce could easily happen. Or, an over-eager Jet defender (remember, this Jet defense actually employs a stiff like Hank Poteat in its secondary) could commit pass interference, thereby setting up a short FG since the game cannot end on a defensive penalty. Remember, in OT, there is no guarantee whatsoever that your offense will ever touch the ball, not even for a down. Kneeling down was a chickenshit act of cowardice and the pissing away of a valid opportunity to put the winning points on the board.
- With all the overt fawning and songs of glorious praise about this guy, can someone -- please, anyone -- remind me exactly what positive things Fat Casey Hampton has done lately�.?
- To me, besides the paltry production from Hines Ward, this is the offensive stat that sticks out most from this game -- Willie Parker, 0 receptions, 0 yards. The fastest back in the NFL, on Field Turf, and the Neanderthal Offense of Bruce Arians doesn�t have enough clever innovation to hit Parker with a simple flare or a simple check-down.
- Most everyone is worried about the Pats in Week 13. My gawd, it�s not just the Pats; we face the 7-3 Jags the very next week. You know, the Jags -- the team that has physically dominated us and manhandled us, particularly with their D-line, each of the past 2 seasons. My gawd -- if Clev and the Jets can dominate this O-line, I shudder to think what the Jags are capable of doing. Perhaps, for the sake of protecting BenRoth & Parker, Tomlin may simply want to start Batch and Russell as fodder for the beating.
- What�s the over-under on Teddy Ginn�s return yardage for this upcoming tilt against the Stillers�.? Perhaps, what -- 175 yards?
- I'd pointed this out last week, and it continued versus NY. BenRoth is HOLDING ONTO the ball too long, in chickenshit fashion, and is becoming as gun-shy as a rookie relief pitcher with control problems. Throwing the ball to the ballboy on the sidelines on 2nd & 7 is better than taking a beating and a 7-yard loss. I don't know why Ben started this cowardice routine, but 2 games is long enough and I've seen enough to become extremely irritated.
- This defense, ranked #1 across the board, has been a paper tiger and was once again exposed for its overly lofting ranking that is based on stats that are fairly meaningless. They�d reaped a host of their stats facing lowly offenses like the Bills, 49ers, and Ravens, as well as facing a boobish QB like Charlie Fry. If you�re the #1 ranked defense, you don�t allow Cleveland to come into your house and on the opening drive, march 17 plays for the easy TD. If you�re the #1 defense, you don�t allow Derrick Anderson to finish a game at Heinz Mud Bog with a jersey so white that Tide Detergent would be interested in sponsorship. If you�re the #1 defense, you don�t allow a 13-play march with 2 minutes remaining in regulation to a stiff like Kellen Clemmons, who has made all of 2 prior starts in his NFL career. In fact, there is no difference from the late 4Q march by Clemmons and last week�s methodical 17-play march by Anderson. In both cases, the defense stood by, meek and flaccid, and did nothing to impose their will.
Here�s why this supposedly �#1 defense� is such a fraud:
- Where are the game-changing plays? You know, like the ones Carnell Lake and Rod Woodson used to make 4-5 times a season?
- Where are the big plays, period ? Where are the truly forced turnovers, aside from Jamie Harrison�s work ?
- Where are the punishing hits? More importantly, where is the GANG tackling, where 3, 4, even 5 defenders are mauling and raking a ballcarrier?
- Where is the consistent heat and harassment on the QB?
- Where, and when, will the defense stop the bleeding on long, methodical marches by below-average offenses?
- Aside from the Seattle game, where is the imposition of dominance and physical punishment on an opposing offense?
- The slovenly tackling on defense and the shit-laden blocking on offense leads me to an obvious conclusion. It�s time for Tomlin to take this team back to the basics. Break out the blocking sleds, the tackling dummies, and the simplified drills of training camp. Scrap all but 10 running plays on offense and run them until the players are blue in the face. Right now, it�s more important for this offense to block just half-decently on 10 different ground plays than to not block at all on the 100-plus running plays that are in the playbook. And defensively, it�s high time that every defender -- except for James Harrison, who has rightfully earned an exemption -- go back to the basics of breaking down; keeping the feet moving; and putting the Riddell label of the helmet into the midsection of the ballcarrier.
- We now face the winless, 0-10 Dolphins. Given the vast slather and collective egg lays against overmatched opponents, we should all be terrified at the thought of another egg lay -- on national TV no less -- which would give the clueless Cam Cameron his 1 and only win of the season.
- Perhaps the Stillers can join Miami RB Dicky Williams for a few pre-game tokes of his bong before pre-game warm-ups on Monday nite. With the lazy, lethargic 1st half efforts the past 2 weeks, this couldn�t do much harm.
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close�.)