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Stillers-Texans Postgame Analysis and Grades

October 21, 2014 by Still Mill



Stillers 30, Texans 23 ……. Oct 20, 2014…………Game # 7

 

Stillers-Texans  Postgame Analysis and Grades

The Stillers hosted the Texans on MNF, bent on revitalizing a season that has arced downwards with lax, sloppy-assed play the past 3 games.   The got off to their typical ass-clumsy start, and were down 13-0 before most fans even got comfortable in their seats.    Boos rightfully rained down on a struggling offense.   But then, late in the 1st half, an incredible series of luck and fortune fell upon the downtrodden home club, and the Stillers scored a month’s worth of points in the final 3 minutes of the half to take a lead they managed to clutch onto.   (Due to the late nite finish of this game, this report will be a bit shorter.) 

 

Grades:

QB:  Ben had a spotty evening.   His play the first 25 minutes of the half was chock full of timidity, indecision, and scattershot passing.    Assaholically overthrew Bryant on a deep ball, 1st series.   Stupidly held onto the ball, and then was stripped for a turnover, 2d series.  Stupidly double-pumped and held onto the ball, and was sacked by Watt on 1st down, mid 2Q.    But then Benji managed to turn it around late in the half.    Good TD pass to Bryant, late 2Q.   Then there was a TD pass, from the red zone no less, to Yancey Moore.  No wait…that pass was thrown by a WR.   To his credit, Ben threw a half-decent cut block on this play.   Benji finished 23 of 33 for 265 and no INTs, albeit the careless fumble.      B 

 

RB:  

Bell -  Stutter Bell had light work in the ground game, carrying only 12 times but gaining a nice 57 yards.   It was in the passing game where Stutter made his mark tonite.    Nice 360 spin after a middle dumpoff, 1st series.   Huge RAC off a 3rd & 10 dumpoff, 2Q, good for 43 yards.  This really was the play that sparked what was an extremely moribund offense up to that point of the game.    Good TD grab late in the half.    Had 8 grabs for 88.      A 

Blunt – good spin move on a 3Q 3d & 2 dumpoff, which got the needed yardage to move the sticks.   Had 7 carries for 9 yards.      B- 

Archer -   Pee Pee Archer had a decent carry for 9 yards.   The next time he carried, he returned to his normalcy with a run for minus-2 yards.    Did you read about his Combine workout and how fast and dangerous he is…?   C+

 

FB:  Wilbur Johnson was thrown a valve dump that was deflected, late 2Q.   Got marginal PT.    Inc

WR: 

Brownie – didn’t do much in the 1H, but had a superb TD pass to Moore late in the 2Q.   Superb grab along the sideline on a deep flag for 30 yards, oddly but effectively securing the ball into his crotch to make the grab.   On the very next play, AB was thrown a deep lob into the EZ.   Initially, it was ruled a TD, but his 2nd foot landed about an inch OOB and it was correctly ruled incomplete during review.   What really sucked was that the shit grass field at Heinz Bog basically gave away the ground truth (no pun intended).   A real field could have obscured whether the foot was in-bounds or not.     A+ 

 

Pinkie Wheaton - had his typical mis-commo’s with Ben in the 1H.    He didn’t catch a ball all evening, and perhaps he was benched or simply phased out.      D 

Justin Brown – Rightfully did not dress.  Only took this staff 6 weeks to see how outrageously mediocre this fellow is.   

Archer -  did nothing as a WR.    By the way, he’s just so fast & explosive, and quick, too.   Good thing Doltbert rabidly reached for this smurf in the 3rd round…!  

 

Lance “Yancey” Moore - hauled in AB’s TD pass, late 2Q.   Stupidly reached the ball out -- with no chance of getting the 1D -- and coughed up the ball on the 1st play of the 4Q.   Luckily, the turnover was reviewed and over-turned.   Still, a careless, sloppy play by a veteran who should know better.     B- 

 

Margavis Bryant - finally dressed for the first time in his NFL career.  Hauled in a TD pass near the end of the 1H on his first NFL grab.    Made a good attempt at high pointing a deep ball, late 3Q.    Just think -- this guy sat and rotted the first 6 weeks of the season in favor of Justin Brown and Heyward-Gay ???    What a fuking travesty.       B+ 

 

Heyward-Gay - amazingly, he finally did something.   Grabbed a pass on 3d & 9 at the PIT 2, good for 17 yards.   He still has as many penalties, and last names, as he does receptions.    B-

 

TE:  

Miller - good block to spring Bell on a 20-yard run, 4Q.  Had just 1 grab, for 13 yards.      B

Spaeth - dressed, and wasted oxygen, plus a scare spot on the 45-man game-day dress roster.   Did jack shit all evening long.     Utterly amazing how this clod gets a regular NFL salary.      D 

 

OL: 

Beacham  -  had help from Bell, but still got abused by Watt for a sack, mid 2Q.   Got nicked up on the final play of the 3Q.   Got thoroughly abused by Watt on a running play in the 4Q, causing Blunt to get mauled.  

 

Gilbert -  FatAss Marcus  got nicked up with a concussion, 2Q, and did not return.      Got replaced by Adams.    Inc.

Adams - came in for FatAss Marcus.   Flagged for a false start, but did okay.    B-

 

Foster - moved like a fat-assed hippopotamus on a simple, routine cross rush, which caused a 3rd down sack at 3:30 2Q.      C+

 

Pouncey –  Played acceptably.     B+ 

 

DeCastro -  As usual, DeAsstro got tooled and abused on the play in which Ben was sacked and stripped for a turnover, 1Q.   Got overpowered by Pickett and got Blount crushed, 2Q.   The way this guy underperforms is mindboggling.      C- 

 

DL:   

Cam Thomas - waddled about to and fro, doing little.    What exactly did the triumvirate of Doltbert, Dumblin, and Dick see in this fatass ??    C-    

Keisel - got a Dong INT late in the 1H in which the ball initially glanced off his pinkie, then bounced off Timmons’ helmet and right back into the hands of the bearded DE.    Had a couple other pressures.       A-

 

McLendon -  did not dress.

Heyward – had a good stop on the play just prior to the Foster fumble.    Not a whole lot of impact tonite.    B-

Tuitt - the vaunted 2nd rounder  was slated to get his first NFL start, but then Dick LeBeau -- who literally poops his pants at the thought of playing a rookie --  went the chickenshit route and started Weisel instead.     Tuitt played little and did little.   Inc

McCullers - got his first NFL playing time.   Proceeded to do nothing.    Inc

 

LB: 

Timmons – Probably from disgust with Dick’s Softee game plan the entire 1Q, Timmy puked on the field for the 2nd time this season.    Chased down Fitzhue for a sack, late 2Q.   Gashed thru a block on 3d & 1, early 3Q, to led the stop short of the sticks.   Had an amazing 11 solos, with a stellar sideline-to-sideline effort.   Well done.     A

Shaquier – did not dress.

Worilds - The Hokie Hooker, Jason Worilds, started off slowly and poorly, as is his nature.    Completely whiffed on an EASY sack of the bootfooted Fitzpatrick on 3d & 6, 1st series, which was then completed for 15 yards.  Two plays later, he feebly was shrugged off by Foster on a hefty ground gain.   He actually chipped in later with a modest amount of help.  Helped force a fumble late in the 2Q by Foster.   Really, more of careless ballhandling by Foster than anything.    Applied some pressure a couple times on the QB.    Still ain’t worth even 30% of the fatty $9M he’s being paid this season.        C- 

Jones - did not dress

Spence - feebly whiffed on Foster, 3d & 3, which gained 6 yards or so.   Helped force the fumble by Foster and recovered it.    Had 5 solos in a decent effort.     B- 

Garvin - foolishly tried to stop Foster near the GL without using his ARMS, at 1:30 4Q, and Foster was able to bounce off and get into the EZ.     C-  

Harrison - got some PT and did very little, aside from a needless, senseless roughing-the-QB flag in the 4Q.  

DB

Ike - did not dress. 

Pola - fairly quiet nite, with only 2 solos and no pass bust-ups.   Committed an incredibly selfish, foolish offsides late in the game near the PIT goal line.   The key here is that the clock HAD been running as the Texans were lined up for this play.   Troy tried his cutesy vault over the stack, but was way offsides, thereby stopping the clock.     C 

 

Mitchell – did next to nothing the entire nite, although he got a Dong FF when he managed to paw the ball away from Hopkins after a 32-yard catch in the 4Q.   Collected a bunch of slop stops after hefty gains by RBs and TEs.     C- 

Gay  -  played decently.   

Sharko Thomas – did not dress, due to a nagging injury. 

Queertez Allen -  tooled by Hopkins on a 23-yard back-shoulder pass, 2Q.   Never made a play ON the ball on this play.     With technique befitting a drunken lumberjack, he was flagged for PI early in the 4Q.   On the next play, he was tooled for a 24-yard gain.   Finally busted up a pass late in the 4Q.   C+

McCain - started for the struggling Queertez Allen.   Good coverage on deep lob, 2Q.  Managed to paw loose a 3D pass for an incompletion, 4:30 3Q.   B

 

Spec teams:  

Wing – punted okay.   are, good punt on first series, good for 48 yards and downed at the HOU 6.   Had a good pooch punt in the 3Q, pinning HOU down inside their 5.    Of course, he returned to normalcy with a dogshit quail of a punt in the 4Q, good for 35 yards to the HOU 26.    Very poor.      B-

Suisham - 3 for 3 in FGs, and good KOs.       A

 

Archer –   PeePee Archer fielded a KO at his own 3 in the 2Q, and then ran and ran and ran…..laterally, across the entire field….all the way to his own 16 yard line.    Pee Pee took a KO at the GL in the 4Q…and meekly tip-toed to his own 18.   He’s just so fast and explosive, though.   An absolute steal in the 3rd round.   Colbert once again fools the rest of the NFL.  


Blunt - fielded a KO at his one, and got all the way….to the 14.  

The punt return team got gashed in the 3Q by a fake punt gut-run by Blue, good for 7 yards and a 1D. 

 

AB – solid job getting some tough yards on a 12-yard punt return.  

 

Blake had a good solo stick in punt coverage, 2Q.      Ventrone again had solid kick coverage.   

The late offside KO attempt clanged off the hands of Heyward-Gay.   Luckily Palmer recovered.  

We discovered this evening that, of all people, Matthew Spaeth is on the onsides KO recovery team.   My gawd, why ??   You could just as well recruit a 68-year old peanut vendor from the bleachers to do the job more satisfactorily.  

 

OC:

Todd Gayly finally was able to snap out of the offensive funk, thanks in large part to a TD pass thrown by….a WR.     Whatever it takes.   

I utterly despised the chickenshit DOG penalty taken on 4th & 3 inches at the HOU 41, at 10:00 4Q.    You have a HOU team reeling from the bizarre end of the 1H, and then, like a chickenshit faggott, you take your foot off the throat of your opponent?  

For reasons unknown to anyone in mankind, Haley orders a deep lob at 3:54 4Q from the Hous 27, with Hous having ZERO timeouts remaining in an 11-point game.   Why??   At this point, this  late in the game, you chew clock and settle for a FG, not STOP the clock with a lame incomplete pass.

It was nice to see Bryant chip in so well at WR.    You have to ask -- with this team getting NOTHING from its WRs not named AB, why in the hell did it take 7 games to get this fellow involved??          C+   

DC:  

Dick had the luxury of facing yet another dreg QB, this time being Ryan Fitzhue, a bumbling journeyman with a 30-51-1 career record as a starting QB in the NFL. 

Dick had an early luxury, with HOU pinned on their own SIX due to a good Wing punt.   Here’s a chance, early in a home MNF game, to ge2t the crowd into a whooping frenzy with some hard-nosed, fanatical defense.    Oh, wait…Dick didn’t get that memo.   What does Dick do?    Soft as a baby’s ass, Dick allows a Texans march longer than Sherman’s march to Atlanta, with Houston marching….and marching…and marching…..all the way for a 94 (NINETY FOUR) yard TD march.     1st down running play -- let’s have Worilds dropped NINE yards off the LOS at the snap….!    3d & 3 against a ground-oriented Texans offense…..let’s put NO ONE in the middle to stuff a gut plunge…!     1st down at the PIT 11….hey, let’s leave the ENTIRE middle of the field, from the LOS to the goal post, WIDE OPEN for a dumpoff to a backup RB with no defender within 30 feet…!    Brilliant !!    

Dick benefitted from some incredibly good fortune and Houston carelessness, with a couple of Dong turnovers late in the 2Q.  

HOU cut the lead to 8 with a long, easy FG march in the 4Q.  This should have been a TD, but Fitzhue -- the shitbag QB that he is -- badly overthrew a wide open Johnson on a flag route in the EZ.  

Lost amid the gratuity of the butterfingered Texans, is that Dick’s defense was outgained by the Tdexans, 393 to 328.   Giving up nearly 400 yards, especially to a bland offense “led” by a jounreyman Fitzpatrick, is hardly something to be proud of. 

Let’s just see how vaunted and clever Dick and his defense are next week.   8 games into the season, they’ll finally face a legitimate elite QB in Andrew Luck.      C+

 

HC:  Mike Dumblin managed to deflect some heat with a ‘W’ after the disgraceful ass-whipping he received in Cleveland last weekend.   Of course, with the way this yo-yo team has been, you can almost bet the mortgage that Dumblin will allow a sloppy, mistake-filled letdown next week.    B- 

 

Synopsis:  A nice home win against a very mediocre Texans team.   Hard to get all excited and joyous, especially with an erratic, sporadic, inconsistent Stillers team that could just as easily shit the bed next week against the Colts.    Let’s see just 3 half-decent weeks strung together before getting even mildly mpressed. 

 

Admin note - I’ll be having a hip replacement this Thurs.    Will probably be on IR for a week.   I’ll probably watch the Stillers-Dolts game, but probably won’t have the energy to write a postgame.   Bear with me.   

 

(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1

 

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