The WoodenDong Report� (Game #5, vs. Tenn)
In
the spirit of the famous GilDong Report, we now bring
you The
WoodenDong Report.
In
light of many a fan (and GM Kevin Colbert as well) being bamboozled and ga-ga over LaMarr Woodley�s paper statistics the past 2
seasons, I've devoted considerable time to monitor the work of the
exceptionally average LaMarr Woodley.�
As longtime Stillers.com readers may recall,
Big Jason had been famous enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the
QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment
sacks, and so on, that the NFL designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack�", in honor of
Jason Gildong. (Some fantasy football leagues have
incorporated this into their point systems for well over a decade.)��
Here
in 2011, we'll take time to expose The Dogger, LaMarr Woodley, for the
outrageous fraud that he truly is.�
�
In
the game against the Titans, Big LaMarr had yet another lukewarm effort.� He managed to get on the stat sheet --
causing many writers and fans to proclaim �He�s back� -- �but the grim, sad reality was that it
was just another crap game by a crapping player.��
Big
LaMarr, The Paper Tiger himself, was credited with (hold your laughter)
1 solo and 2 assists in a game that saw Tenn run 67 offensive plays.� In reality, the stats were Dong stops, and
his impact was minimal.
His
solo was a classic Dong Sack, in which he was SOLO
blocked by a backup RB, Ahmard Hall, and rumbled by
the huge mismatch for the sack.��� That
shows the clear -- and correct -- lack of respect the Titans had with the $61M
Man.�� While it was nice that, for once,
Big LaMarr was able to beat a solo-blocking RB, we here at Stillers.com don�t
fawn over a $61M, cap-eating starting OLB making such a routine, elementary
play, much like we wouldn�t fawn over a WR beating a DE for a routine 4-yard
reception on 2nd down and 14.�� ����
Big
LaMarr teamed with Hood for a coverage sack in the 2Q, when Hasseljack
had plenty of time, and then spun around and simply fell to the ground like a
coward.��
LaMarr
picked up his other assist on a slop assist on the 1st Titans play of the 2H,
in which he was mauled off the LOS a good 5 yards, and then nudged into the ballcarrier at the end of a nice 5-yard gainer.� This is a classic slop assist that a 7th round, 3rd string OLB can make.����
Big
LaMarr has a couple (as in TWO) �pressures� during the game, 1 of which he came
in totally unblocked and untouched.�
There
were loads of barf-laden plays that, unfortunately, do not show up on any stat
sheets.��
���� - Big LaMarr was far too soft on a 1st
& 10 counter play up RT in the 1Q, feebly taking on the pulling lineman and
getting shoved wide, allowing a 6-yard gainer.��
SIX yards on 1st down is a WIN for the offense and a LOSS for the
defense.���
��� - On a 3Q pass play, LaMarr immediately
dropped into middle-coverage at the snap, and was far too slow to converge on
Nate Washington on a crossing route.��
Worse, as Nate steamed toward the sideline and upfield, Big LaMarr
basically QUIT on the play and started JOGGING as Nate sped away for a 21-yard
gain.�� Simply a shit
play by a shit player.�� To see a
guy LOAF and JAKE is just sickening.....but then again, few fans actually see the game.� Instead, they gawk at the stat sheet and then
blindly proclaim that a loafing stiff like Woodley had a �big game�.��
Lest
we forget, Big LaMarr had an INT.�� But
again, that�s where defensive stats are so misleading and meaningless.�� Brett Keisel MADE that INT occur with a bat,
with popped the ball up into the air a good 25-feet.�� All LaMarr had to do was out-joust a clumsy
O-lineman -- whose back was to the ball and had NO IDEA where the ball actually
was -- and haul in a plopped ball that was falling so softly that it wouldn�t
have broken thru a wet paper bag.�� A classic Dong interception by a dong of a player.�� Just as we wouldn�t fawn over Larry Brown�s Dong
INTs in Super Bowl 30 -- where he basically fair-caught 2 horrific mis-throws -- we won�t fawn over a Dong INT like that
one.��
Big hits?� NONE.��� Heavy QB pressure?��� Very little.��� Harassment ?�� Very little.�� Blown
up plays?�� NONE.�� Meaningful impact?�� Very, very little.� The $61M Man spent the entire day titty-jousting and playing pussy paw-paw with opposing
blockers.�
Apparently,
this is all ya get for $61M.�� Lesson
learned -- ya can�t polish a turd, no matter how much money you might lavish
him with.� Just ask Jason GilDong, the original Donger
himself.�
Season to date totals
for Big LaMarr, in 3 games:
Earned
Sacks: 0
Dong
Sacks�: 3.0 ��
Strips,
Jars, fumbles caused: 0�
Flailing
Whiffs: 3
First
downs allowed:� 7
TDs
allowed:� 1