The 2002 Regular Season-in-Review GilDong Report

January 04, 2003 by Still Mill

2002 Reg. Season in review for Jason GilDong...

�� The 2002 Regular Season-in-Review GilDong Report�

In light of many a fan being bamboozled and ga-ga over Jason Gildong's paper statistics the past 4-plus seasons I've devoted considerable time the past 3 seasons to monitor the work of the exceptionally average Jason Gildon. Big Jason has been famous enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment sacks, and so on, that the NFL designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack�", in honor of Jason Gildong. (Some fantasy football leagues are incorporating this into their point systems.) Again in '01, I'll take time to expose Jason Gildon for the fraud that he truly is.

As faithful readers here can attest to, each week during the entire season I pored through every inch of tape to review the work of Big Jason Gildon, the fearsome OLB of the Stillers. (Each Gildong Report is available for your perusal here on the Stillers.com web site.)� This report is without peer in the world of sports reporting, as no analyst in America has studied the tape of The Paper Tiger or the Pittsburgh Stillers to the extent this analyst has.� Some so-called analysts do nothing more than look at the boxscsore the following day; this one puts in the time, the rigorous research, the football knowledge, and the elbow grease to study the game in a manner that it's supposed to be.�

The table below, exclusive to Stillers.com, summarizes each of Jason Gildong's sacks during 2002, as well as his productivity -- or lack thereof -- in each contest:

Game

Opp.

Game Time

Down/ Dist.

Whom beat

Added Description

Result

Jar or strip

Earned/ Dong

Additional notes

# plays Rushing the QB

# plays in coverage

@ NE

none

N/A

no one

Faced RT Kenyatta Jones

N/A

none

----

Had 4 solos, 6 A's -- not the 8 S and 2 A as stated in boxscore

Oak

none

N/A

no one

Faced RT Lincoln Kennedy plus a backup RT

N/A

none

----

1 solo, 4 A

Clev

none

N/A

no one

Faced RT Ryan Tucker.

N/A

none

----

Made 1 solo all day, & 1 A

@ NO

11:31 2Q

3d & 10

RT Spencer Folau

Jason did WLR around RT.� Brooks was in SG formation and foolishly took what amounted to a 9-yard drop, which does not exist in the NFL.

Sack, -3

none

Dong

Had Brooks not taken such a foolishly deep drop, he easily is "under" the WLR. Had 3 solos and 0 A's

@ Cinci

none

N/A

no one

Faced RT Willie Anderson

N/A

none

-----

Finished game with 1 solo and 1 A

Indy

none

N/A

no one

Faced RT Adam Meadows

N/A

none

----

Finished game with 1 solo & 3 A's

@ Balt.

none

N/A

no one

Faced RT was Ethan Brooks

N/A

none

---

Finished game with 3 solos, 1 A

1.5

@ Clev.

1:49 2Q

1st & 10

no one

Gild did designed inside stunt, tittyfought with G/C, QB flushed by Smith & Hagg.� Gild given credit for cheezy 1/2 sack 3 days later by overly generous Steelers staff.

Half-sack, -2

none

Dong (half)

Finished game with 0 solos, 3 A's

2.5

Atlanta

10:46 4Q

3d & 10

RT Todd Weiner

After WLR'ing all day long, Jason finally veered inside of a stunned Weiner for sack

Sack, -8

none

Earned

Finished game with 3 solos, 1 A

3.5

Atlanta

3:57 4Q

2d & 9

RT Todd Weiner

Gild. cut inside RT, and he and Bailey combined for stop of short GAIN.

Sack, ��+ 1/2 yard

none

Dong

Vick actually gained a half-yard on the play, and Bailey actually COMBINED to stop Vick.� Nonetheless, the Steeler stat dept. gave Jason a solo "sack" on this play

@ Tenn

none

N/A

no one

Faced RT Fred Miller, 5th round draft pick '96, not re-signed after Rams won Super Bowl

N/A

none

----

Gild. had 4 solos and 4 A's, not the 5 solo & 3 A as listed in boxscore

Cinci

none

N/A

no one

Faced RT Willie Anderson

N/A

none

----

Jason had 0 solos and 2 A's, not the 1 S & 1 A as listed in boxscore

@ Jax

none

N/A

no one

Faced RT Todd Fordham

N/A

none

----

Jason had 0 solos and 2 A's for 2nd consecutive week

4.5

Hous

11:44 1Q

2d & 8

Rookie FB Jarod Baxter

Solo-blocked by Baxter & only Baxter.� Farrior clearly helped immensely on the sack, and Farrior should have been given a half-sack

Sack, -4

none

Dong

Jason had 2 solos and 4 A's, not the 6 solo & 1 A as listed in boxscore

5.5

Hous

11:19 1Q

3d & 12

RT Ryan Young

Jason feigned the WLR and got under the surprised Young for the sack

sack, -7

Yes

Earned

Carr recov'd own fumble. 92 finished with 2 S's & 4 A's, not the 6 & 1 as listed in boxscore

6.0

Carolina

7:41 1Q

4th & 7

LG Jamar Nesbit

Jason cleverly danced around pulling LEFT GUARD J. Nesbit and got half-sack

Half-sack, -6

none

Dong (half)

7.0

Carolina

5:50 1Q

4th & 13

no one

Peete looked forever for open WR.� Jason looped up hole up gut for untouched sack.

sack, -8

none

Dong

8.0

Carolina

5:48 4Q

3d & 22

LG Jamar Nesbit

WLR around pulling LG.� Peete held onto ball forever and finally 92 looped around for sack

sack, -5

Yes

Dong

2 sacks against a pulling LEFT Guard.� Had 3 cheezy solos and 2 softee assists

@ Tampa

none

N/A

no one

Faced RT Kenyatta Walker

N/A

none

----

Finished with 3 soft, cheezy solos and 0 A

9.0

Balt.

0:16 2Q

2d & 3

RT Ethan Brooks

Looped around oafish RT E. Brooks, who bent over and stumbled over himself.

Sack, -8

Yes

Earned

Finished with 2 solos and 2 A's, not the 3 & 1 as listed in boxscore

�� Totals ===�

420

217

A summary of Big Jason's sacks:

* 6 of his 9 sacks -- or 67% -- of his sacks were Dong Sacks�.

* Of his 3 Earned Sacks --

�. One came when Jason veered inside studly, superstar tackle Todd Weiner and got a sack.�

�. One came when Jason got inside the superstar tackle (Ryan Young) of the worst offense in pro football.�

�. One came when Jason looped around superstar tackle Ethan Brooks of the Ravens.

* Of his 9 sacks --

�one was awarded when the QB, Vick, actually GAINED a half-yard on the play.

�one was gained when Jason looped around the solo block of a rookie FB., despite the constant cries that "every opponent is ganging up to block Jason Gildon".�

�2 were gained when Jason was being blocked by the pulling LEFT guard of Carolina, on a "molly block" tactic that is never, ever attempted on a feared pass rusher.

�� (As you can see in the pics below ��

��

the LEFT guard -- yep, the left guard -- pulls over the solo block Big Jason.�� Jason doesn�t bullrush anything.� Instead, he cleverly dances his way around the LG, Jamar Nesbit, who never got a single finger on GilDong.�

��

(Here's a back-angle view of the 2nd of these plays, which clearly shows Jason being SOLO blocked by the pulling LEFT guard.)

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* In the 6 games he played against teams that ended up making the playoffs (Clev. twice, Oakland, Indy,� Atlanta, and Tampa), Jason was credited with 2-1/2 sacks.� One sack was a farce, as Mike Vick actually gained a half yard.� The half sack against Clev. was a farce, as it was awarded to The Paper Tiger 3 days after the game by� the overly generous, always-happy-to-appease-GilDong Steeler coaching staff.

* Of the top 10 worst teams in the NFL in terms of sacks allowed, Houston finished #1; Carolina #8; & Baltimore #10.� These pass-blocking weaklings were responsible for allowing 5-1/2 of Big Jason's 9 sacks.� This is typical of a paper tiger like Jason The Gimcrack, who pads his stats against inept weaklings, and then is as silenct as the fart from a church mouse against average and above-average competition.�

Bear in mind, of course, that LINEBACKER is also more than collecting slop sacks. Linebackers are SUPPOSED to offer run support, which Jason feebly & infrequently did all year long. I lost track of the number of times Big Jason got totally duped on bootlegs and reverses. Moreover, Jason continually gave up gobs of yardage off-tackle and around end all season long. The way teams continually ran by Big Jason in 2002 was downright shameful and sickening. But hey -- the NFL doesn't keep track of "getting whipped off the snap", or "getting bullied and manhandled by a FB or TE", or "flailing and whiffing at a ballcarrier", or "number of times bamboozled by a bootleg or reverse". The NFL keeps track of sacks, and Big Jason -- who benefits from playing opposite Joey Porter; who benefits from playing against lethargic cupcakes like Houston, Carolina, & Cinci, and who benefits from being on the field for 99% of all snaps, manages to collect enough slop sacks to impress a few simpletons out there.�

We keep track of pertinent stats here at Stillers.com.� In fact, we expanded our "Dong stats" for the 2002 season.� In addition to the ever popular, Generally Accepted Dong Principles (GADP, similar to GAAP) of the Dong Sack, we added a few more for this season, specifically to aid in the accurate tracking of Jason GilDong's value (or lack thereof) to the team.� These new stats are:

- Flailing whiffs.� Jason, the renown master of the Flop & Flail, has done this with such frequency and adroitness that this stat is a surefire addition to the NFL's lexicon.� This stat will include the infamous Flop & Flail, in which Jason flops to his knees and then feebly flails, as well as the numerous varieties of Jason's awkward, duckfooted flails against ballcarriers that are otherwise dead to rights against an NFL tackler who actually knows something about technique, balance, and hitting.�

- 1st downs allowed.� 1st downs are the piranhas that eat away at a defense and allow the offense to chew clock, win field position, and move the ball into scoring range.� Personally allowing a first down is an egregious boner that allows the enemy's offense to remain on the field and forces the defense to stay out longer.

- TDs allowed.� Obviously, the bottom line in football is the scoreboard, and allowing a TD is such a bad play that about 12 sacks are required to even come close to atoning for it.}�

Here are the regular season totals for Jason, in 16 games:

Earned Sacks: 3
Dong Sacks�: 6�
Bullshit "sacks" (included in Dong sack total) on plays that actually netted positive rushing yardage:� 1
Strips, Jars, fumbles caused: 3
INTs caused: 0
INTs made: 0
Flailing Whiffs: 24
First downs allowed: 34
TDs allowed:� 6

Just look at these stats, folks.� 24 flailing whiffs from the "defensive captain" who is playing in his 9th season and is raking in $23M.� 34 first downs allowed, which is an embarrassing number for any defender, much less the highest paid defender on the team.� 6 TDs allowed, which is grossly unacceptable.� But hey, "Jason had 9 sacks".� INT caused -- zero, just like Jason's value to the team.�

Speaking of Big Jason's sacks, look at the numbers.� His 9 sacks produced a cumulative total of 51.5 yards.� On average, then, each of Big Jason's big sacks produced a whopping loss of 5.7 yards to Stiller opponents -- roughly the equivalent of a false start penalty or a running back dropped for a loss.� The sack is the absolute most meaningless statistic in all of pro sports, and when applied under the microscope in respect to Jason GilDong, that truth has never been more clearly evident.�

And note that, despite the season long cries from both Jason and the Pittsburgh� media about, "always dropping into coverage", and "dropping into coverage as much as he rushed", you'll notice that Jason finished the season with 420 rushes versus 217 "drop-backs into coverage."�� 420 to 217 -- nearly double -- yet we're still continually fed the bald-faced babble about how Poor Jason was deprived of his rabid sack-monging because he toiled back in pass defense at such an excessive rate rather than rushing the QB.� Never in the history of sports has such a lame-assed, no brained excuse been bandied about by so many -- and foolishly believed by so many -- yet has been so grossly inaccurate and feeble.��

Then there's Big Jason's value to the team.� Despite playing no less than 99.3% of all the snaps on this defense in '02, according to the stats on NFL.com, Big Jason finished tied for 7th (seventh) on the team in solo tackles (tied with DeWayne), just slightly ahead of backup CB DeShea Townsend.� Remember, there are 11 starters on defense, and Big Jason -- who never missed time to injury (you can't get injured when you avoid contact) finished 7th on his team's defense.� PUH-THETIC.� Had Ken Bell not been so banged up, Jason would have easily finished 8th on his team.� Sure enough, we'll hear the same old saw that we've heard for years now -- "The Steeler defense isn't designed for the OLB to be that active�.all the plays are funneled into the middle."� Oh, sure.� That really explains how the team's leading tackler was the other outside LB, a guy named Joey Porter, who consistently had to face the opponent's very best and highest paid offensive lineman (the LT).�

Gildon, for the record, finished 44th amongst all AFC linebackers in solo tackles and 37th in combined tackles. Putting this into perspective, consider that there are 16 teams in the AFC, and nearly every other team uses the 4-3 defense, so this means there are essentially about 50 starting LBs in the conference. And out of those 50, Big Jason Gildon -- despite rarely ever sitting out a play and never missing time to injury or even being remotely banged up -- finished 44th.� Absolutely pathetic.

2002 was also the Year of the Grande' Excuse for Jason GilDong.� Never before has a player's overly piss-poor play been covered up with some many weak, no-brained, unfactual excuses, as was Jason GilDong's in 2002.� The first part of the season, the #1 lame-assed excuse was, "Jason is back in coverage all the time".� We here at Stillers.com easily dispelled that load of bull.� Then came, "Jason is being gang-blocked by 2, 3, even 4 blockers on every play."� Again, we made a mockery of that fairy tale.� Then it was "the scheme"�it was all Timmy Lewis' fault that all the other LBs were hitting and making plays, while Jason was AVOIDING contact and pussing out.� Late in the season, the new excuse-de-jour for Jason GilDong became, "Jason needs to get back to the bull rush."�� Bullrush??� As you fans can attest to, it looked (and smelled) more like bullshit.

2002 also saw the proliferation of new nicknames for Jason GilDong.�� In random order, his long list of current monikers includes:

The Paper Tiger
Joggin' Jason��
The Kong of Dong�
The Flopper
The Princess of Cheeze�
The $23M Fraud
The Gilded Dong
Mister Cheeze (taken from Lynrd Skynrd's Mr. Breeze)
Jason The Gimcrack�
Roadkill Gildon
The Duckfooted Boy Blunder
The Floppy Dong
The 6 Million Dollar Dong �
The Bullshitting Bullrusher
The Bully of Bullrushing

Some humorous pictures of The Flopper during this 2002 season:

- In the PICTURE OF THE YEAR, Big Jason -- the brawling he-man that he is, TURNS HIS BACK to the blocker in embarrassing fashion.� On a basic running play, Jax's Fred Taylor took a handoff up RG.� At the snap, the LG, Meester, pulled over to block� Big Jason.� What did the he-man, bruising "pro bowl LB" do??� He did what any pussy player would do -- JASON TURNED HIS BACK.�� Yes, as you can see below, the big, tough, Jason GilDong turned his back to the blocker like a COMPLETE COWARD.

��

�.a� total PUSSOUT by the supposed "pro bowl" team captain, Jason The Gimcrack GilDong.� Just look at the 4th photo in the sequence (below), in which the NFL�s biggest wimp has his back turned to the guard.� Yellow, putrid, and pathetic are words that come to mind�.along with chickenshit and vomit-inducing.

��

For those of us who appreciate what tough, quality linebacking is supposed to look like, here is the consensus response to such a play by a "team captain" and "starting linebacker" --

- Here's an artistic, stylish dance over the scrum at the goal line of a Tenn. touchdown.� Most linebackers commit their bodies at the goal line to prevent the touchdown; Big Jason dances over the scrum in total indifference whether the opponent scores or not.� Notice, below, how nimble and acrobatic Jason can be.� Just look at the way Jason is able to AVOID CONTACT by artfully dancing over this scrum!� This alone should be worth at least 3 or 4 pro bowl votes.� After all, how many LBs around the league are able to avoid contact in order allow a crucial TD with such dainty artistry and elegance?� "Olay!" yelps the Kong of Dong, Jason GilDong

- Below, Fred Taylor runs free as a bird for the TD, while the team's "defensive captain" plays POSSUM and lies down like a dead dog.� Possum Gildon -- the NFL's weakest, biggest fraud.� Of course, because this isn't the "coaches' film" and because we "don't know Jason's assignment", you can ignore what you see here and totally absolve Big Jason for his craven effort on this play.� For all we know, Jason�s assignment was to flop down on all fours and get buried by anyone who blocked him.�

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- In the same game, on 2d & 10, Freddie Taylor ran wide right.� At the snap, TE K. Brady solo blocked Big Jason, and then proceeded to maul the living piss out of the he-man pro bowler.� Brady knocked and belted The Paper Tiger a good 4 yards from his original spot.� Jason had a crack at Taylor, but meekly flopped & flailed in another pathetic flailing whiff that Jason is renown for.� Taylor gained an easy 11 yards while Jason "contained", as the GAA (GilDong Apologists Association) loves to claim.�

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Yep, there�s Jason, below, in an all-too-familiar position: down on all fours like a downtrodden pumperboy, while his less-paid teammates do all the work.�

- Here's an example, below, of Jason's idea of a pass-rush and harassing the QB�What a fearsome bullrush!!�

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- Below, another prime example of Jason's vaunted sack-monging.� As Kitna is just about to release this pass, look at Big Jason GilDong -- getting shoved by Anderson and stumbling a good 5 yards AWAY from the QB like a complete oaf�.like a complete stumblebum.� But hey, when you're making $23M and you're the team captain, you can do anything you want -- even if it is totally worthless & totally ineffective.�� This pass, of course, was completed to Schobel for a TD.�

- Below, Jason assumes a position he's all too familiar with on the gridiron -- sitting on his ass, doing absolutely nothing, while his teammates make the stop�

- Below, Jason seemingly has scrub RB Dee Brown -- one of the most mediocre RBs in the entire NFL -- in his grasp for the easy tackle�.

�but as is his nature, Jason flop and flails, ending up on the ground with his dick in the dirt and holding nothing but air�

�Brown stumbled and fortunately stopped himself for a 12-yard gain, while (below) the big he-man, Jason GilDong, assumed his oft-favorite position of squatting down on all 4's in the middle of the gridiron.� Don�t laugh, though�for this he-man, rousing effort, Big Jason was awarded a solo tackle.�

- Below, just look at the gross illiteracy of the 9-year veteran to read the play and contain the right-handed QB�.

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�and the QB scoots unfettered outside the pocket and fires an easy TD pass, while the $23M Gimcrack stands around playing the skin flute.

- On the first play from scrimmage in the 3Q, Jeff Blake flipped a short pass over to a wide open Lewis on the right side of the field.� Jason, who'd dropped into that short, piss-ant zone, came over and despite having a cake-easy play on Lewis, awkwardly grabbed at the much smaller man�

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�one would think that a big, he-man linebacker like Big Jason Gildon would be able to easily make such a simple stop, especially with Lewis pinned to close to the sideline.� But nope, Lewis shrugs the vaunted GilDong off his back as though GilDong were a toddler�.

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�and Jason ends in one of his most oft-seen positions -- flat on his ass, doing nothing.�

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Don't snicker too loudly, though.� For this hilariously feeble attempt at a tackle, Big Jason -- aka The Paper Tiger -- was actually awarded an assist.�

- Below, the result of a collision between Big Jason and the blocking of FB Sam Gash.�near the end of the play, the pancaked Jason GilDong (red circle) assumes his oft-favorite position -- lying flat on his ass and doing nothing.�

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Stay tuned. Even during the playoffs, we here at Stillers.com will compile The GilDong Report 2-3 days after each game. After all, the great fans of the Steelers deserve to know the real truth behind the team's biggest fraud, The 6 Million Dollar Dong, Jason GilDong.�

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