Stillers 42, Bungals 21... Dec. 7, 2014…………Game # 13
Stillers-Bungals Postgame Analysis and Grades
The Stillers went to Cinci for the first of two Dec. meetings against the Bungals. It was a see-saw affair through 3 quarters, literally, as the Bungals torched Dick’s Softee D for an 81-yard TD pass to take the lead on the final play of the 3Q. The Stillers stormed back in the 4Q, however, scoring 25 points en route to a fairly easy 42-21 whipping.
Grades:
QB: Ben had an ok game, going 25 of 39 for 350, and perhaps most importantly, no boneheaded INTs. But he had his struggles….far too many, in fact. Just over-threw Brown on a deep post, 1Q. Poor misfire to Bell - both high and wide -- on a 3d & 8, late 1Q. His mechanics have regressed into something resembling a timid 8th grader just learning the position. His footwork is atrocious and it’s hampering his accuracy. Making matters worse, Benji is not taking off with the ball, AT ALL. He’s become a wooden, chained-to-the-pocket passer, which negates a.) the yards he’s gained running the ball for key 5 or 10 yards, and b.) his ability to spot an open receiver while ON the run, and then rifling the ball to that open receiver. If ya never take off, ya never create those kinds of plays. To his credit, he finally -- after about 38 failed attempts this season -- connected on a deep ball, hitting Bryant in stride for a killer 94-yard TD in the 4Q. B-
RB:
Bell - Stutter Bell had another monster game, rushing 26 times for 185 (and 2 TDs) and grabbing 6 passes for 50 yards and 1 TD. Got off to a good start, toting the ball 9 times in the 1Q for 44 yards. Dropped an early mid dump, 1Q.
Finished off a nice 3Q drive by running a superb out route and then taking the short grab to the pylon for a 10-yard TD on 3d & 6 at the CIN 10-yard line. Weaving, powerful run for 14 yards, late 3Q. Early in the 4Q, ripped off a 53-yard run. Punishing, rumbling 13-yard TD run, 11:27 4Q. Bell iced the game with a 22-yard TD run at 5:09 4Q. Quite obviously, this is the best all-around RB the Stillers have had since Franco Harris. Not even close. A++
Josh Harris - carried on a plunge for 1 yard after Bell’s long jaunt, 4Q. In late game garbage time, got 3 more carries for meager yardage. Inc
Archer - Pee Pee Archer, that vaunted 3d round draftee, did not dress, despite being healthy. Clever draft pick by GM Kevin Doltbert…!
FB:
Superb block at the POA to spring Bell on the 53-yard jaunt. Also had a good block on Mauluga on Bell’s 13-yard TD run. Wilbur Johnson was a key cog to the big day by Bell. A
WR:
Brownie – good RAC, late 2Q, but then stupidly failed to get OOB when he had plenty of room to do so, forcing the Stillers to use their final TO. Clutch grab on 3d & 8, mid 3Q, good for 12 yards. Followed that immediately with a 32-yard catch n’ run. Big grab on 3d & 7, 4Q, for a clutch 8 yard gainer. Finished with 9 grabs for 117. Not shabby. A
Pinkie Wheaton - Nice RAC, 3d & 6, 1st play of 2Q, good for 16 yards. Good grab of curl pass, late 2Q. Had only those 2 grabs, for 31 yards. At least the YPC is up far more than his usual piddly stuff. B
Justin Brown – thankfully, did not dress. Can anyone justify how this slow-footed simpleton dressed in lieu of Bryant ??
Archer: Did not dress. By the way, he’s just so fast & explosive, and quick, too. Good thing Doltbert rabidly reached for this smurf in the 3rd round…!
Lance “Yancey” Moore - grabbed a deep curl, good for 29 yards, early 2Q. This was his lone grab. B-
Martavis Bryant - good grab on a 3d & 2 slant, 3Q, good for 12 yards. Broke the game open by running a simple fly route and burning past the CB and then hauling in a 94-yard TD bomb. Just think: this fellow sat and rotted -- not even dressing -- the first 6 games while a complete stiff dressed instead. Remember this every time you hear the bullshit babble about, “Well, the coaches are around these players every day and know who should be playing….” A-
Heyward-Gay - fortunately wasn’t thrown any passes. I’m going to go ape the next time this sorry bastard is targeted with a pass in a meaningful game. Really. I am.
TE:
Miller - grabbed a cake-easy lollipop on 1st & goal at the 1-foot line, early 2Q, for an easy TD. Juggled a 3D pass, 2Q, and then allowed the LB to bust up the pass. Very poor. Grabbed a 2-point pass, 4Q. Had only 1 reception, the lil’ lollipop TD in the 1Q, which is a poor reflection on the dim-bulbed OC. Chipped in some good blocking on ground plays. B
Spaeth - Despite fawning and praise by the CBS crew, Spaeth basically had a “got in the way” block on Bell’s 18-yard run, 1Q. Two plays later, Shitlesberger had about 8 seconds in the pocket, and then dumped the ball of to Spaeth, who gained all of 2 yards. Spaeth also grabbed a 5th-option out pass for 11 yards, which is probably his career high. Stunned he didn’t drop it. C+
OL: Fine job all game long. They opened gaping holes for Bell, and Ben was rarely harassed unless he held onto the ball beyond 4-5 seconds. Nicely done.
Beacham - Surprisingly wasn’t wheeled back into the face of the QB.
Gilbert - FatAss Marcus again did not dress, due to a knee.
Sadman Adams - Stunningly wasn’t overwhelmed and overmatched as he usually is. Perhaps he was on a personal high when his Ohio Baters snuck into the NCAA Final Four.
Foster - Adequate game.
Pouncey – Solid game; helped lead the rushing attack at the POA.
DeCastro - Pulled on the counter-power play about 17 times, mowing down Bungal defenders the way a prison crew mows down grass along the highway. Very nice to see DeAsstro not playing like ass. A
DL:
Cam Thomas - As usual, didn’t make the score sheet and didn’t do anything noticeable all day. C-
McLendon - finally returned to the lineup. Stopped Bernard on an early plunge. Seemed to help solidify the DL that was gashed during his hiatus.
Heyward – Mostly held in check, and had just 1 solo. Got a Dong Sack, and applied some pressure on a couple occasions. B
Tuitt - the vaunted 2nd rounder from Notre Homo got his 1st career start. Did almost nothing the entire game, but then landed atop Dalton after a pass, mid 4Q, which injured the Cinci QB. Got an ankle-nip stop of the backup QB, late in garbage time. Didn’t do much. Of course, thanks to Dick's 750-page playbook, D-lineman are tasked with performing trigonometric calculations prior to each snap. This forces a young defender to become wooden, and feeble… doing far too much thinking and far too little DOING. B-
LB:
Timmons – drilled Hill on a plunge, early 3Q. Then drilled Bernard way out in the flats on a 3d & 3, late 3Q, forcing an inc pass and a punt. Finished with only 2 solos, which is far, far too little for an inside ‘backer in this defense. B-
Shaquier – The brittle Ohio Bater finally dressed. Didn’t see him do shit the entire ballgame. Not sure he got onto the field. Am getting weary and out of patience with the brittle pansie. F
Worilds - Again, I thought Big LaMarr went to the Raidas. What, praytell, is he still doing with the Stillers ?? Oh wait, that was The Hokie Hooker, Jason Worilds, who got totally bamboozled on a plunge fake, in Lamarr-like fashion, and totally BIT on the plunge fake, enabling Dalton to scoot untouched around end for a walk-in 20-yard TD run, late 2Q. Got manhandled on the Hill 15-yard run, mid 2Q. His silly-assed illegal use of hands penalty negated Gay’s INT in the 2Q, and soon enough Gresham scored a TD on that drive. Finished with 3 flimsy solos. Sure as shit, though, Kevin Doltbert will rush out and lavish this stiff with a 5-year, $68M contract. D
Jones - finally returned to the lineup after weeks out of the lineup due to the broken wrist. Chipped in quite well on a 3d & 2 running play, 1Q, stopping the RB short of the sticks. Gave way to Moats after the 1Q and didn’t seem to get much PT.
Spence - had rare good coverage and made a stop after a mid dump, 1Q. His blitz late in the 1Q set up Moats’ Dong Sack. Got a ton of PT and finished with 1 solo. C+
Vinnie W. - got some PT and did little. Guy must be another fellow who has photos of Dumblin with farm animals.
Moats - Fairly active here and there. Got a Dong fumble recovery when Smalton botched a handoff/fake handoff on a read-option play, 12:45 4Q. Had a rare strip sack, albeit in garbage time late in the game. B
DB
Ike - got mercilessly picked apart by Green from the very first series. Ike, of course, was giving up larger cushions than a furniture company on a Memorial Day fire sale. Got tooled by Green on a 3d & 8, 5:00 2Q. Got blow-torched by Green on a deep ball that went for an 81-yard score on the final play of the 3Q. Finally was pushed to the bench for what I’m sure will be claimed as injury related but more accurately should be performance related. D
Pola - Failed to pick up the flight of the ball on the deep post to Green in the 2Q. Totally bit and got tooled on the Dalton keeper for a TD, late 2Q. Whiffed on a screen pass RAC by Bernard, late 3Q. Dropped a fairly easy INT, late 4Q. Finished with 2 measly solos in a very quiet,, ineffective effort. C-
Bitchell – As usual, was woefully slow and out of position on the deep ball to Green, 2Q, and then compounded things by getting shrugged off by Green like a toddler. On the deep ball to Green, final play of 3Q, Bitchell again was late providing deep help, and then meekly slipped to the turf, with his dick in the dirt, as Green sauntered by for the TD. On 3d & 10, 9:00 4Q, Bitchell as usual was LATE with deep help. And then fuking dropped an easy INT after the pass was batted by Blake. A completely shit effort by a shit player. F-
Gay - Got totally sucked in and bamboozled on the PAP TD pass to Gresham, 9:00 2Q. Made a rare, nice INT on a 2Q downfield lob, but it was negated by Joggin’ Jason’s penalty. Busted up an out pass, a few plays later. Cut down Bernard short of the sticks on a solid play, mid 4Q. B-
Sharko Thomas – mostly not permitted to play. I guess he might get some PT in 2016. Not 2015, but 2016. Inc
C. Allen - Queertez went on IR on Sat. with a busted thumb.
Blake - Came in for a shaken-up Ike, 3:30 2Q. Had good coverage and busted up a deep lob, 4Q. Delivered some nice licks during the game. Seems to be 1 of the few defenders who understands that cold weather football has to be played with nastiness and malice. B
McCain - got some PT.
Spec teams:
Wing – punted mostly like complete vomit. Dogshit first punt, travelling all of 37 yards, with no hang time whatsoever. This was easily returned 16 yards to set up Cinci with golden FP at the CIN 42. Then boomed a 35 yarder -- with the aid of a nice roll -- to the Cinci 15 late in the 1Q. Padded his stats with a big roll, good for 74 yards in the 2Q, but of course the ball rolled into the EZ, losing any actual utility out of the long boot. It’s incredible that, in a global marketplace where there must be at least 20,000 highly capable soccer players with big legs, that this sorry pile o’ shit has a punting job in the NFL. D
Suisham - booted a chippie in the 1H and nailed a 44-yarder in the 4Q. B+
Archer – Did not dress. He’s just so fast and explosive, though. An absolute steal in the 3rd round. Colbert once again fools the rest of the NFL.
Completely vomit punt coverage on the first punt, early 1Q, which was returned 16 yards.
The punt return team luckily stopped an early Cinci fake punt, on a 4th & 2.
AB – did little in the PR game. Hasn’t had a big PR since the season opener.
OC:
1st series, 3d & 5, WR screen against press coverage, which gained all of 0 yards. A chickenshit playcall by a chickenshit coach.
As usual, the offense pissed away TOs needlessly late in the 2Q, and had to settle for a FG from the 4-yard line rather than a TD, which is so, so paramount when you have a defense that completely sucks ass. I’ve never seen an NFL offense, with a veteran, capable QB, piss away TOs so needlessly.
3d & 8, late 3Q, on the PIT 47, and they throw this lil’ piss-ant 1-yard pattern to Bryant, which gained 3 yards. Another chickenshit playcall. Are you striving to go for the gusto and make the playoffs, or are you merely settling for silly grabass ?
Bell ripped off a 53-yard run, early 4Q, and was gassed, so rookie Josh Harris, he of ZERO NFL carries, entered the game. What does Genius Haley do? Why, he fuking wastes a down by giving the ball to Harris on a mindless line plunge that gained all of ONE piss-ant yard. Really ? Like, there weren’t, oh, at least 230 plays in the playbook that could have been run instead of a wasted plunge by a terrified greenhorn???
Wasted TO, early 4Q, when the play clock ran down and the offense was nowhere near ready to get the snap off. To Gayly’s credit, he went for the dagger with the deep ball to Bryant, and he astutely kept running the counter-power when it was evident Cinci was powerless to stop it. B-
DC:
Dick had the luxury of facing QB Andy Smalton, who had a QB rating in a game against CLEV earlier this season of (hold your laughter) 2.0. That’s Two Point Oh. Two.
On the first Cinci drive, Smalton had all day on 3d & 2, but then Gresham simply “hoop caught” a good pass by allowing the ball to go right thru his hands.
The Stillers grabbed the early 7-0 lead, but sure as shit, Dick pisses away the lead faster than a skunk pisses on an attacker. Once again, Dick and his vaunted defense were helpless against the deep ball, with a 56-yard completion to Green to set up the score.
Dick then gets BAMBOOZLED by a Dalton keeper...! They'd carried out that fake like 2-3 times this game, and I was just waiting for them to have Dalton keep it. Worilds and Pola, among others, jumped at the dive play in a ridiculously stupid manner. There were already like 6 defenders, already in place, to make the stop of the plunge. We’ve seen this bad movie before, such as Terrell Pryor’s QB keeper for 93-yards in last year’s loss to OAK. You can always count on Dick and his defense to get sucked in and fooled.
Then, on the final play of the 3Q, Dick’s Softee Defense again allows a deep ball, this one good for an 81-yard TD. Preparation and adjustments by Dick -- NON EXISTENT. Dick never heard the mantra of, “Proper Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Pathetic Performance”. On a related note, why, praytell, is Mike Bitchell still starting ? I mean, Dick benched Queertez Allen. But then you have Bitchell, who, coming into this game, had exactly 2 (two !) passes defenses all season. Given that he defended NOTHING all game, he has now gone 13 games with only 2 passes defended at a position that screams for, you know, passes to be defended.
Dick’s defense finally produced a FF…..with 23 seconds left in the game in garbage time against a shit backup QB in Jason Campbell. Gee, I’m so fuking impressed…! D
HC: Mike Dumblin will be all proud after this win, flimsy as it was for 3 quarters. Sure, the team toughed it out on the road. Dalton’s foolish self-induced fumble really helped things in the 4Q. This win will mean absolutely NOTHING if this team goes down to ATL next Sunday and plays their typical grab-assed brand of meek, timid, over-confident, sloppy-fuk road football. B
Synopsis: A must-win game that was won over a division rival. That’s always nice. But see me in 7 days. As noted just above, this win means nothing if this sputtery, sporadic club goes to 5-7 ATL and gets whipped. Absolutely nothing. Let’s see if this team has learned ANY lessons from the pitiful efforts against Clev, Jax, NYJ, Tampa, or New Orleans. Don’t get fooled into thinking this team has it all figured out. There’s a 50% chance, if not greater, that they’ll go down to Atlanta, all smug and over confident, and then lay a road egg for the 6th time this season. Don’t be fooled and don’t get fooled.
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)
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