Loose Slag from The Still Mill (Aug. 25th, 2003)

- Here's what Little Billy Cowher had to say after the Iggles game: "I looked at the tape and there's a lot of very encouraging things that were done in that game. The most important thing now is we don't take any steps backwards or sideways. We just have to move forward."� Since we all saw the follow-on tilt versus the lowly Crackboys, we can all vouch that this team surely didn't "move forward".�

- Like I asked after the Lions game�why the surprise over the slop and vomit out of the O-line?�� There are 3 sure things in life:� death; taxes; and Billy Cowher's offensive line being nowhere close to state of readiness come opening day.� Oh, and there's a 4th -- Billy's team will emit a team stink on opening day�

- Since the Tiny Tim Lewis and the coaching staff are so intent on not only starting the very slowest FS in all of pro football, but also having their CBs play back off the LOS anywhere from 7 to 11 yards -- even when the ball is on the Stiller 8 yard-line -- the new alternate nickname for The Tin Can Defense is the 7-11 Defense.� The defense's new moniker is composed from a two-fold derivation:� a.) The softee coverage schemes have the CBs near-continuously playing 7-to-11 yards off the LOS, thus allowing the easy pitch-and-catch off 3 & 5 step drops that opposing QBs love.� b.)� The softee schemes allow opponents to march up and down the field with 7-11 yard completions with all the ease of cutting warm butter with a hot knife.� Rooney, ever the scrooge, has already arranged a deal in which the 7-11 Corporation will pay an undisclosed sum in return for advertising, marketing, and promotional benefits that will result from the exposure of the 7-11 Defense.� The follow on plans by 7-11 Corporation will be the weekly Slurpee Award, presented by the 7-11 Corporation to the player on the 7-11 Defense that clearly slurped and sucked the most during the most recent game�.

- Clark Haggans started in place of Jason GilDong, who sat out the game with fluid in his knee.� Just as Haggans proved in the 2001 season finale, he once again showed beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is absolutely no difference whatsoever between himself and Jason GilDong.� None.� Except for a difference in the 2003 cap hit of about $3.2M�.

- Ok, there is one difference in their on-field play�.Clark Haggans likes to hit and hustle, and he does it on a regular, routine basis...�

- I wrote back in March/April 2002 about the foolhardy stupidity of using Ken Bell as an outside pass rusher.� I caught a lot of flack from the ignorant of the Steeler fan base.� The Stillers are once again trying to pound the square peg into the round hole by using Bell as an outside rusher in the dime.� This past weekend, Ed Bouchette in the PG basically stole my long-standing theory of why this is such an asinine idea.� Bell's forte is his ability to punch a blocker with a stunning hit in close quarters, typically when the blocker is slightly off-balance &/or a bit confused amidst all the traffic within the interior of the O-line.�� Rushing from ROLB, Bell or any other LB has to go one-on-one with typically the opponent's best blocker�.a blocker who is locked in on the ROLB prior to the snap and has no other responsibilities or worries.� Unlike an OG or C, this LT will have enormously long arms and a huge frame.� Bell simply doesn't have the electric speed & quickness of a Greg Lloyd, a Joey Porter, or even a Zo Jackson in order to beat that LT.� And, he doesn't have the size and brawn to bull over a LT when the element of surprise is lacking.� The Mike Strahan's of the NFL have a chance, but they weigh 280 pounds, not 240.� Clearly, Bell's best, most effective spot is crashing through the interior (OG, C) of the line, not at the LT.� The Stillers have a plethora of gifted outside rushers -- Porter, Haggans, and Zo Jackson -- so they need not fritter away Bell's talents on a task for which he clearly is not optimal.� Let Bell stay in the middle, where he can stuff a draw play, and bust up a screen play, and haul down a scrambling QB, and crisply tackle a RB catching a safety-valve dumpoff.� And, where he can blitz up the gut and maul a guard or center and wreak havoc on the QB, something that happens far too little when the "main pass rusher" is a titty-fighter named Jason GilDong.� This really is a no-brainer�but as happens far too often, we are dealing with a HC and DC who have no brains�.

- Speaking of foolishness, allow me to address the foolishness of using Fat Casey Hampton on each & every down and in obvious passing situations.� First, let me state that Hampton should play a majority of the snaps, regardless of the opponent's offense and so forth.� But that "majority" should never approach 90%, or God forbid, 100%.� Hampton provides some quickness and some pocket push, but over the course of a game, the fat man is going to get tired and weary.�� After all, he plays NT, and on most plays, he'll be the brunt of double team blocking.� It makes no sense to give a 330-pound, double-teamed nose tackle 70 reps a game -- especially in hot, muggy weather -- when he would clearly benefit from a breather now and then.� It also makes no sense to think that Fat Casey is going to be very effective against a nimble QB like a Vick or a McNabb or a Quincy Carter, et al.� It would behoove this defense to occasionally sub another DL or LB in place of Fat Casey -- be it Bailey, Jackson, or Haggans -- for perhaps 15-20 reps a game.��

- Speaking of the D-line, wasn't it practically yesterday when the Steeler fan base was fawning and frothing over the supposedly great potential of the beefed up Brett Kiesel�?�� Turns out that it was all fluff and no substance.� Keisel remains an undersized weakling who is yet another in the long line of BYU flops, as well as Stiller undersized DE draft failures.� Some day -- and we have no idea when -- this franchise will grasp the reality that you can't draft 270-pound, undersized weaklings and expect them to be proficient as a 3-4 DE.�

- Speaking of longstanding theories of the Still Mill, for years now, I have promulgated the idea that the Stillers should try Mark "Hands of Stone" Bruener at TACKLE.� Prior to his hilarious salary cuts the past 2 years, the guy was making $4M a year on a team that disdains the TE like a democrat disdains a Republican.� Most of the pooh-poohers will whine, "It's too hard to move a TE to OT".� Bullshit.� Remember, this isn't any mere mortal TE we're talking about -- this is Mark Bruener, the widely proclaimed God of TE Blocking.� As a blocker, Bruener supposedly is no ordinary TE.� No, according to the Steeler propaganda machine and local media, Big Mark is the supremely greatest blocking TE in modern football history.� Bruener is supposedly capable of mauling a DE or LB like a FB mauling Big Jason Gildon.� Bruener has long been hailed as the mighty, indispensable key cog to the Stiller running game.�� Ergo, if Bruener is even half as good a blocker as his press clippings claim, then he ought to be able to play RT.� Larry Brown made the same switch back in the 70's and did so with aplomb.� And, although Brown was a solid blocker as a TE, he was never, ever fawned over as being the God of TE Blocking the way Big Mark Bruener has been for some 7 years now.� The dimbulbed naysayers will fret that Bruener isn't big enough.� Again, utter bullshit.�� Losing weight is difficult, but as FatBoy Bettis, Fat Casey Hampton, Joel Steed, and Levon Kirkland can attest to, putting on weight is as easy as spitting on the sidewalk.� Had the Stillers coaching staff instructed Bruener 4 months ago to pack on some weight in order to play RT, he could have very easily added 25-30 pounds to his 265-pound weight.� Bruener is 6-4" -- every bit as tall as some tackles currently on the Stiller roster.� The Stillers are intent on having Bruener on the roster for the next 5 years, hell or high water�.so wouldn't it make sense to use him at a position that is in dire need (RT) as opposed to a position that is neglected, unimportant, and in which he's essentially the 3rd stringer�?��

- A recent Pittsburgh newspaper had this gem from Joey Porter:� "Outside linebacker Joey Porter is inspired by Kimo von Oelhoffen's practice habits. "It's not like he's old or anything, but he's been around for a minute," Porter said. "And for him to run to the ball the way he does, it makes you feel like you're cheating yourself if you're not doing it."� Valid point, Joey.� Now, using that same theory, why doesn't Joggin Jason feel as though he's cheating himself by duck-waddling and loafing on nearly every single play?� Must be a matter of pride�some players have it; others act like they have it.� Big difference.�

- Like I said 2 weeks ago, on the topic of O-line slop, Cowher perennially takes MONTHS to get his O-line to JEL.  The Ravens will RUN BLITZ the tar out of us on opening day, and Cowher will be left BEFUDDLED and CONFUSED.  You heard it here first. 

- Note on the Slurpee Award�.7-11 Corp. has already come on line and stated that they will not allow Burnt Alexander nor Jason GilDong to hog the award.� They will do their very best to divvy out the award -- given to the player on the 7-11 Defense who sucked and slurped the most that week -- to as many players as possible, although they admitted that, "It will be awfully tough to rule out Brent or Jason on any given week�"�

- Said Silly Billy before the Dallas game:� "The Cowboys ran the ball pretty well last week," Cowher said. "Maybe we'll get our first taste of someone trying to run the ball. I know when Baltimore comes in here [for the regular-season opener], it will be Jamal Lewis left, Jamal Lewis right, and we have to prepare for that."� That's funny.� I recall just last September, when Billy The Genius was absolutely positive that the Raiders would come to Pittsburgh and play smashmouth football.� Then Rich Gannon nearly threw his arm out after carving up the Stillers defense the entire evening, all the while totally abandoning the running game.� After the game, Billy said, "Gee, I sure was surprised that they threw the ball like that.� We never expected that."�� But, 11 months later, Billy hasn't learned anything, and now he's absolutely positive that the Ravens will do little more than attempt to pound the ball on the ground all day long.� None other than JFK stated, way back in 1963: "Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other."� Too bad Billy Cowher never took heed�.

- Cowher has named Amoz the starting RB, but threw in a load of cover-his-ass by stating that he'll make changes if he sees fit.� Guess what -- Amoz will struggle on opening day vs. Baltimore.� The problem won't be Amoz, but the slop and slather of the O-line and the Cowher offense.� Let's see if Billy gets a nervous trigger finger and puts his favorites son into the game, much like he did with Mike Prozac in the '96 opener�

- Now that 3rd-year tackle Mathias Nkwenti was given as much of an opportunity to compete for the starting RT job as, say, Chris Doering was given to compete for a starting WR job, Nkwenti will spend yet another season riding the pine and waxing his carrot.� 3 years in the NFL and absolutely no development, no progress, and nothing to show for the time wasted.� Such is "player development" under the supreme intellect of Billy Cowher.�

- The next time Billy Cowher bitches and moans with his 19 various excuses for preseason slop (too much rain, too muddy, too hot, too windy, too many injuries, too many new faces, rookie mistakes, blah blah blah), all the Pittsburgh media has to do is ask, "Which movie are you taking the team to in order to piss away a full day's worth of practice�?"

�(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- the only nationally read coverage on the Pittsburgh Stillers that has accurately predicted the how's and the why's of the past 3 Stiller playoff losses�.)