Was God Ever Pissed?? Nunnas funeral & other 89 remembrances:
By Swissvale72
As usual, a little background is in order.
My grandmother, who being Italian, we all referred to as Nunna, died in 1989, at the age of 95. I was 34 at the time; I never remember Nunna being able to bend her knees. Yet, she tended to her backyard tomato plants, went to Italian Day, etc. She was one of those little Italian ladies, dressed in black (she wasn�t Goth though), whose outlived her husband by just short of 60 years .never remarried, probably never looked at another man unless you count those floats that paraded by her row house on East Liberty�s Meadow Street every Sunday, on their way from Help of Christians Church, on their way to Larimer Avenue.
I grew up in Swissvale, obviously. My dad being self-employed barber, we didn�t know what a vacation was. Christ, my dad took 3 days off when my grandpap passed away in 71; he lost customers. My vacation, every summer, was two weeks at Nunnas house in East Liberty. I would pack my clothes in a paper bag, and hang with my cousin, Louie, same age as me playing ball and playing poker in the alley. Louie was dubbed King of the Alley, by Chuckie Bonnassian older kid.
Anwyay.1989 was a strange year. In March, Mrs. Swiss, after 9 years of marriage, had her first pregnancy (hey notice I didn�t say our, I�m under no illusion that she was the one who was pregnant, not me!). We called my parents in the Burgh to inform them of the news. About goddamn time, said my dad. A week later, he passed away, unexpectedly. Three months later, Mrs. Swiss grandmother died, not that anyone really missed her. She coulda been a Margaret Thatcher stand-in..real fuckin Iron Lady.
We went on vacation to the New Hampshire seacoast in early September. We arrived home on Saturday, September 9th, phone rang..it was my brother, Tony. Dave, Tony said, Nunna died. Its how we communicate, no preamble, no cautionary words, no I have bad news. Simply..Dave..Nunna died. My response was equally as direct, Fuck, I said, our fantasy league draft is tonight. What the fuck am I gonna do?
In every cloud is a silver lining. With some thought, I was able to arrange a Sunday morning flight to Pittsburgh and the real silver lining. Sunday, September 10th was the Steelers opener, against the hated Browns, 1pm start at Three Rivers Stadium. This was pre-satellite, before the proliferation of sports bars. This was going to be a game that I wouldn�t see, but now, the timing of Nunnas passing was impeccable. Only problem; Steelers were a 1pm start at Three Rivers.Nunnas wake started at noon, went to 9pm, mega-wake, compromise to the two-a-day session, 2-day wakes so popular in the day.
I landed in Pittsburgh on Sunday morning; Tony was there to pick me up. No words minced..Tony, how we gonna watch the game. �We�ve got Uncle Oney workin on it�, said Tony. Uncle Oneys still kickin, pushing 90 now. Lived on Woodstock Avenue in Swissvale. This house, on a postage stamp lot, used to house my grandparents, Uncle Oney & Aunt Gail, Uncle Chuck, Uncle Joe, and my mom & dad with two kids. After my folks moved out, Aunt Tess, Uncle Angelo and their two kids moved in. Now, it�s Uncle Oney by himself. The house was placed strategically for Oney, across from the Moose. Oney was a pretty good drinker in the day. I remember a guy came to his house one day, doing a survey on beer-drinking, asked Oney how many bottles of beer he drank a week. Oh, said Oney, after some reflection, about 120. Jesus Christ, with two off days, that�s a fuckin case a day!! Oney used to take us down to his brothers place in Uniontown visit Fort Necessity, the four of us plus Louis. He�d stop in every Moose, Legion and VFW on the way back. Oney, driving a Corvair, 5 kids in it and shitfaced. Nobody cared back then.
My other Oney recollection is the first time he met Mrs. Swiss, pre-Mrs. Swiss days. She was still Ms. Crabtree then (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I kid you not, that was her maiden name). Anyway, Oney had this nickel slot machine. Scheming bastard, holidays, he�d give us all about 10 nickels and then we would each feed the machine about 5 bucks of our own money, hoping to hit the jackpot; .never hit the goddam thing. Despite Oney�s fast count, where he�d give us about 25 nickels for a buck. Anyway, Mrs. Swiss goes over to the house, and I swear to God the first goddam nickel she puts in, jackpot!! Oney calls my mom �Hey Mary, he says, get his lover outta here.� Anyway,that is Oney.
Anyway, Oney shows up at Neids Funeral Home on Washington Avenue in Swissvale with a 13� B&W TV. Tommy Neid gives us the backroom, and we re in & out all afternoon. Christ, there should have been thunder & lightning. Shock & Awe. God was a Browns fan, pissed at us for fuckin with Nunnas funeral. Bubby threw a number of pics..think the Browns ran a fumble back for a TD. Steelers got their asses kicked, 51-0, worst loss in TRS history!! Worse, we still had 5 hours of wake duty once the game was over.
As you all know, Steelers recovered nicely that year. My daughter, Idolyn, was born the morning of a Steelers win vs. SD. The day after her christening, the Steelers beat the Oilers in OT in the Wild Card round. I dove backwards over the couch, screamed, woke the baby..caught hell from Mrs. Swiss. Season ended in Denver the next week, goddam one point loss.
Never forget though, the day God was a Browns fan.