Foreskins 23, Stillers 17, Dec 7th, 2020 …………Game # 12
Stillers-Foreskins Postgame Analysis and Grades
The 11-0 Stillers hosted the 4-7 Deadskins on an odd Monday “nite” tilt at 5 PM. Sure as shit, after calling out his team last week for the “jayvee” effort vs. the decimated PoeBirds, Mike Asslin’s merry crew comes out AGAIN, looking like a jayvee squad. They managed to take a 14-3 lead into the half (should have been 14-0), but in the 2nd half, this vaunted team sucked rhino cock on both sides of the ball, getting grossly outplayed while making boner after boner after boner. Sure as shit, Wash took the lead late in the 4Q, and a tipped Ben pass (the 10th of the game) led to a Dong INT that sealed the loss.
Grades:
QB: Ben had a rather awful evening, and I won’t spare any pleasantries about it. The vomit began on his first pass, a deep lob that was attempted to be caught….TEN FEET out of bounds. A shit pass while under ZERO pressure. The shit continued all game, with at least FIVE batted passes at the LOS, bringing the season total to something literally around 20. The loss was sealed when Shitlessberger, with 2:04 left and down only 3, threw a low FIRST down pass that was batted by the DE and INT’d. There was a variety of hideous downfield lollipop floaters, and the horrific deep lob pass to McFarland on 4th & 1, 5:00 4Q.
It’s rather sad when Checkdown Charlie, Alex Smith, has a higher average completion (6.4 yards to 5.8) than Ben did, despite a massively superior Oline and WR corps. Shitlessberger is looking to DINK on pretty much EVERY play, and it’s dragging down this offense. Even on plays where he has EONS of time, the pass is almost always a lil’ pissant pass 2 yards down the field. Me wonders how healthy his elbow truly is. D-
RB:
Conner – sat out again due to Covid.
Samuels – nice RAC on dumpoff, gained 7 yards out of nothing, late 3Q.
Snell – good grinding run on 3d & 1, last play 1Q, in which there wasn’t shit for a hole, but his 2d and 3d effort moved the chains. Was unable to plunge it on for a TD in the 2Q, although this overated Oline was unable to get ANY push. As the “feature back”, had 8 carries for 5 yards. Let that sink in. I won’t fault Snell, however, as his vaunted Oline blocked like shit.
McFarland – Led the team with 15 yards rushing on 4 carries. Only targeted ONCE the entire game, on the fateful 4th & 1 at 5:00 4Q. He turned wrong on this play, although yes, it was a shitty-assed pass. Still, a clumsy read by Farl on this play.
FB: Watt played only sparingly at FB.
WR:
JuJu – dropped what would have been a 1st down, 2nd series. (There was also an inel. man downfield flag on the play.) Clutch 3rd down conversion, 3d & 3, mid 4Q. Had 7 grabs for 28….you do the math, as this is a lower YPC that you’d expect from a blocking FB.
Wash - Had the big juke and RAC for the 2Q TD. Had just 1 other grab, however.
Dionte - dropped short slant, early 2Q. Was a high-speed pass, but gotta catch it. Redeemed himself on the next play for a 17 yard grab. Good north-south RAC on a WR screen a few plays later. Two plays later, made a stellar grab and garnered his way to the pylon for a TD (negated by Al Villa flag). Grabbed the TD a few plays later. Had 3 drops during the game. Had 8 grabs for 71. C-
Claypool – big grab for a 30-yard gain to set up shop at the 5 yard line, 2Q. Only had 1 other grab, and of course was NEVER allowed to carry the ball on a jet sweep.
RayRay – Had 2 grabs for 4 yards.
TE:
McDonald – completely fuked the dog on the goal line plunge, bypassing an INSIDE man for an outside defender, which you learn in 4th fuking grade NOT to do. I was so enraged, I could give a flying fuk if this sorry fuk were cut tomorrow. D
Ebron – drop, 3Q. Easy as pie kind of grab. Had 2 other drops. Had 7 grabs for 68. Completely fuked the dog on the 4th & goal line plunge, by going in motion TOO WIDE, and thereby allowing the DE to easily slash in to stop the plunge. We are very, very quickly seeing how this fellow wore out his welcome in Detroit and Indy. D-
OL: Overall, the line had decent pass blocking, but of couse dogshit run blocking. Complete and utter dogshit in the run blocking department.
Pouncey sat again due to Covid.
Villa illegal man downfield flag, when he literally CHASED AFTER a defender some 8 yards down the fileld, when his ONLY job on the play was to PASS PROTECT. What a stupidfuk !! This erased a TD, although Dionte would score a few plays later.
JD Assneeaur, horrible SG snap, loss of 4, 3Q. Got shoved around continuously. They cut Stefan Wisniewski for this pilo shit ?? Now Wiz is with the KC Chiefs, and we’re saddled with this Alabama fat-ass. Fukk me.
Holding on DeeAsstro, 3Q. Gee, another over-rated fatass on this vaunted O-line. Overall grade: D-
DL:
Heyward – The $65M Man had ONE solo the entire game. Just one. He also had 2 assists. Quick – extend this man for another SIX more years at another $80M !! He’s just so vaunted ! Oh wait, he also had a batted pass. Fuk it, add another $7M onto his salary ! D-
Tuitt – The $60M man had a slightly better nite, with 2 solos. I actually was impressed with his cahsedown of McKissic after a flare pass some 7 yards down the field in the 2H. Still, this ain’t nearly enough for the massive salcap being consumed. B-
Alu – did little. Had 4 A’s.
LB:
Vinnie – Got tooled and scorched continuously in the 2H by McKissic. Very poor. D
Spillane – got injured and never returned. Could be a knee.
Watt – Solid game. Had 5 solos and a sack, and provided decent heat on the QB. My main qualm with Watt was the action he took on a STRIPPED ball early in the 4Q. Instead of simply FALLING in the ball, Watt tried to PICK it up and run for it, like a complete stupid-fuk. And sure enough, he BOBBLED the ball, and Wash recovered. Instead of taking over at the Wash 36, the Steelers had to be content to take over on their own TEN yrad line after a punt. Now, follow me on how this then transpired.
Instead of the Stillers getting the ball on the WASH 36, Wash punted to the PIT 10, a massive change in FP. The shit-eating Steeler offense went 3 & out (losing 2 yards in the process), and punted from their 8. Wash took over on its 47, and 8 plays later, scored a TD to make it a tie ballgame. All because a 4-year veteran is too much of a showboater to simply fall DOWN onto a loose pigskin in the 4Q of a tight ballgame. C-
Crud Dupree – mercifully is out for the season.
Odeniyi – didn’t play much, if at all, on D.
Highsmith – 2nd play of game, he shed a block and MADE THE TACKLE. (Scam Heyward was given an assist.) Took just 2 plays for this fellow to show that he belongs. ANOTHER tackle, Highsmith, on a hustle play that Crud would have NEVER made, on McLaurin, bubble screen 2Q. Had 2 solos and 3 A’s, which would be a CAREER game for Crud DuPree. B
Williamson – Saw quite a bit of PT. Had 6 solos, but didn’t do nearly enough during the 2H carve-job.
DB
Haden – beaten deep by McLaurin, late 2Q, but Terry Mac was unable to haul in the pass. Also beaten in the EZ, but had the presence to rake the ball from the receiver’s hands. Got injured in the 4Q and did not return.
Nelson – sat out due to a knee.
Hilton – All this guy does is fuking make plays. Dude was ALL over the field and was one of the very few to play his ass off all nite long. Stopped the 4th & 1, 2Q. Busted up a deep seamer, late 2Q. Had 5 solos in a stellar prime time outing that may be boosted his FA posture even more come March. A
Edmunds – missed tackle near LOS, 13 yard run by Gibson, 2d series. Missed several other tackles as well. Never around an aerial football. D
Minkah - surprisingly quiet. And that was before he got nicked up helping on a deep ball in the 3Q. C
Sutton – good bust-up of an out curl, 1Q. Torched on 3d & 4, late 4Q, by Simms for a 29-yard deep lob reception that essentially ended the game when Wash went ahead by 3 on a FG. Cam Butt-ton = Over-rated. C-
Justin Layne – ok, we found out all we need to know. Midget DB, no skils, sux ass.
Spec teams:
Cherry– punted 6 times for a 44 yard avg. Good first punt, 53 yards. Shitty 40 yard punt, late 1H. They needed a decent 45 yard punt, and of course didn’t get it. Sure as shit, this enabled Wash to get into position for a late FG, albeit aided by a completely bullshit “administrative timeout”.
Boswell – sat out like a pansie due to a hip injury.
Matt Wright – 1 for 1 on FGs. Did oka on KOs. B
Davis – big fumble recovery on the FC that was blatantly INTERFERED with, 1Q.
RayRay – stellar effort on 17 yard punt return, late 2Q, to set up shop at midfield. In the 4Q, I despised how he allowed a punt to land and roll an EXTRA 20 yards, instead of just coming forward and making the fair fuking catch.
Marcus Alen – flagged for a stupid fuk roughing the punter, 1Q. Fuking fag never hits ANYONE, and then decides to hit a defenseless punter.
OC: Randy Sphincter again oversaw an offense that pretty much sucked elephant cock for the vast majority of this game. 1st series, 3d & 4, and a pussyfied 2-yard pass to Ebron that gains 3 yards. 3d & 1, 5:00 4Q, and Spincter calls a low percentage out pass that was inc. Then a deep lob to McFarland on the ensuing 4th & 1, who hasn’t been thrown THAT kind of pass the ENTIRE season. And how ‘bout pissing away a timeout, allowing Wash to regroup and prepare, and then trying a goal line pass to……Jerald Hawkins !! All those weapons…..and now Hawkins is the prime threat on 3d & goal from the ONE fuking yard line.
If it hasn’t become abundantly evident to ANY fan over the age of 9, every NFL foe is now fully prepared for this Dink and Dunk offense. They’re SITTING on the TWO yard routes, which comprise, what, 90% of all Steeler receptions. Their Def Lineman are also SITTING on these passes, simply standing and BATTING pass after pass after pass. All these WR weapons, and Ben is averaging FIVE fuking yards a completion ? What fuking pussyfied bullshit. The NFL has seen this Dink offense for 11 games now, and it’s high time Sphincter make just ONE adjustment; ANY fuking adjustment, as there hasn’t been even one this season. 11 weeks into the season, and Sphincter is doing nothing but running this scared, timid, chickenshit offense that consists of 90% little THREE yard passes to SMOTHERED – not wide open – receivers. We’ve seen enough of this vomit, as have all of the remaining foes on the schedule.
And remember those HIGHY successful jet sweeps by Chase Claypool?? WEEKS AGO ??? Dude hasn’t run one of these since fuking October. All that talent, and Clay touched the ball TWICE tonite. Fuking twice. Randy Sphincter has overseen a wide variety of abortions during his tenure; tonite was his worst, as this shit offense score THREE points the entire 2H. Randy can take his game plan and jam it up his sphincter. F-
DC:
Keith Assler had the luxury of facing an offense with a ravaged O-line, and their star RB, Gibon, getting injured and lost for the game early in the FIRST quarter. Yet sure as shit, as the game wore on, Assler couldn’t get a fuking stop to save his life. McKissic, whom I warned about on Twitter, was getting BLISTERS on his feet and hands from catch after catc after catch after catch, NONE of them contested as he glided out SCOT FREE without a defender within 19 feet. With Alex Smith and his 17 surgeries on his broken leg, how is that Assler couldn’t assign a LB to follow that MF’er every place he went, even if it was to the latrine ??
You want to know when this game was LOST ? I’ll tell you when – on the first possession of the 2H. Remember, the defense was RESTED, and FRESH…..after all, it was right after fuking halftime. Wash received the 2H KO, and after a couple flags, was sitting 1st and 23 on their OWN 5. This is where you hunt bear, and either force a SAFETY, or a turnover, or worst case, you force a punt and give your offense the ball around midfield. No, not Keith Assler. After allowing a 4 yard and 5 yard gain, it was 3rd and fuking FOURTEEN. Wash runs a bubble screen, and Assler, with defenders some 19 yards off the LOS, is completely ill-prepared, and the Skins gain 31 yards. But the drive doesn’t stop there. Wash converted a 3d & 6, and a 2d & 12, to set up a 1st & goal, which they punched in. A NINETY FIVE fuking yard TD march, all directly after halftime when adjustments SHOULD have been made and with the defense plenty rested. This is precisely how you piss away a 2d half lead and ultimately piss away a football game.
From there, Assler got savagely shredded. He allowed an 8-play, 53 yard TD drive culminated by a WIDE OPEN TE who had no one with 28 feet. On this drive, McKissic grabbed catches of 6, 16, and 8, before the WIDE open TD pas to Thomas that tied the game. Note, the game was only TIED, but sure as shit, Assler promptly allowed the Foreskins, on their very next drive, to calmly march 9 plays, 45 yards, for the GW FG. Talk about a DC getting the broom handle jammed up his ass the ENTIRE 2d half. Mutherfuk, what a fuking disgrace. F-
HC: After last week’s sickly, half-assed win over the decimated PoeBirds, Mike Asslin declared it was a “jayvee effort”. Well, tonite makes that two in a row !! Another sloppy-fuk effort, full of 6 dropped passes, numerous flags, numerous whiffed tackles, numerous blown assignments on defense, and slop n’ slather all over the goddamned football Field. What does that make Asslin……middle school, rather than jayvee ?? How ‘bout pee wee ?? Facing a clearly outmanned opponent, Asslin managed to have BOTH sides of the ball completely shit the bed in the entire 2nd half. The offense did jack shit, and the vaunted defense got GASHED on nearly every 2d half possession. (And remember, Asslin is supposed to be a defensive guru.) Just look at how this piddly Skins offense marched effortlessly up and down the field in the 2H –
14 plays, 95 yards ,TD
8 plays, 63 yards, TD
9 plays, 45 yards ,GW FG
That’s losing football, and it all starts at the top, with the Chief Loser himself, Michael Asslin. It's highly obvious that Wash made halftime adjustments, whereas Jayvee Tomlin clearly did not. His team got asswhipped, at home, in the 2H, scoring just 3 piss-ant points and allowing 20 (TWENTY).
Another Stoogelin gem -- “I didn’t feel good about putting that on him (Wright),” Tomlin said, about eschewing the 45-yard FG that would have produced the go ahead points late in the 4Q.
OK, if you don't "feel" good about putting a kick on an NFL kicker, then he shouldn't be on your fuking roster getting paid in the first place. Period. This isn't 1973. Kickers nowadays are 50 times more advanced than just 15 years ago. They attend specialized KICKING CAMPS when they are 13 years old. They've all kicked in front of 100K fans at big time NCAA programs or games. Sure, Wright doesn't have the 55 yard range, but I would think he's more than capable of booting a 45 yard FG....and Mike Asslin, true to his nature, LIVED IN HIS FEARS, like the hypocritical farce that he is.
Looks like Mike Stoogelin is once again "unleashing hell" here in Dec. It’s gotten to the point where each side of the ball is fighting for supremacy on who can more so suck rhinoceros cock the most in a given game. The offense can’t move the ball for shit, and sure as fuk can’t run the ball AT ALL, and the defense can’t stop ANY offense in the NFL. Another late-season swoon by Mister Jayvee, Mike Asslin. Perhaps Asslin might find work helping out a 2A high school team on their jayvee squad. F-
Officiating: I won’t pin this loss on a jackassed ref crew, but the bullshit that happened late in the 1H enraged me, and I cannot believe, here in 2020, that this assclowned ref crew allowed this to happen. With no timeouts, on 3d & 16, Alex Smith was sacked, with 20 seconds left in the half. Very deliberately, Smith CARRIED THE BALL OFF the field after the sack. So, the blind, assaholic ref crew was all puzzled, unable to find the ball, and unable to therefore spot the ball. So they called an “administrative timeout”, thereby allowing KC to attempt a FG that they otherwise would have never, ever had the time to execute prior to the end of the half. The FG was good, giving KC a freebie 3 points before the half. It was complete bullshit, and sure enough, you’ll see the NFL issue some lame-fuk apology late on Tues or on Wed AM.
Synopsis: A shit loss to a shit team, which, in actuality, should have occurred in the Cowpoke game several weeks ago. This team has been coasting and doing the absolute minimum for WEEKS now, and it finally came how to roost. At this point, with the offense minimized to NOTHING but 3-yard passes, and the defense continuall getting gashed every week by nondescript offense, you have to honestly wonder how many of the 4 remaining games they can win. Frankly, the games vs. Bugg, Indy, and Clev will all be dogfights, and you should easily foresee this bumbling, struggling team losing two of those. And hey, considering how this crew has slapped their dciks for weeks now, whose to say they’ll dominate the lowly Bungals?
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