Cowpokes 35, Stillers 30 ……. Nov 13, 2016…………Game # 9
Stillers-Cowpokes Postgame Analysis and Grades
The 4-4 Stillers hosted the hated 7-1 Cowpokes, amid the Stillers’ 3-game losing streak. In a barnburner of a game, similar in excitement to Pitt’s win over Clemson the day prior, the Pokes scored a late TD to steal the W.
Grades:
QB:
Poor fade throw to Bell, first series of game. Shitty, low pass to Rogers on 3d & goal, which Rogers bailed him out and snared for a TD, 1Q. Ben took a shot to the face, 2Q, and left the game. Held the ball forever on a 3d & 3, 3Q, and was roughly sacked. Clever fake-spike pass play to AB for what could have been the winning TD, were it not for a softee, brainless defense. Was 37 of 46 for 3 TDs and no INTs, but the down side was the 4 failed 2-pointers. B-
Laundry Jones - came in for 1 play, 2Q, and handed the pig to Bell. Fortunately, Ben came right back in.
RB:
DeAngelo - did not dress; knee.
Bell - Superb running, opening march, and then capped it off with a sterling pluck of a rocket-like slant pass for a huge TD. Poor ball control, 1st play of 2Q. Excellent RAC off a valve dump, late 2Q. Clutch grab and RAC for 23 yards, late 4Q. Had 17 rushes for 57 yards, and 9 grabs for 77. Would have preferred more carries for him, if only to chew more clock and keep the shitty-assed defense off the field. A-
Toussaint - Almost always good for noting, this jack-assed stupid-fuk vaulted out of nowhere on a key 2-pointer in the 4Q and essentially BROKE UP the shovel pass to James in the EZ. Instead of a 3-point lead, the Stillers clung to a 1-point lead. F
FB:
Will Johnson, Nix - both saw some PT.
WR:
Brownie – On the 2nd 2-point try, AB was the intended receiver on a speed out, but was covered. As he reversed field in the rear of the EZ, he was LOVE TAPPED by the DB, and then clumsily stumbled OOB out of the EZ, thereby reducing the number of targets for Ben. The ensuing pass to James was inc, and the Stillers led only 12-3. It’s these kind of little plays that translate to a big deal, especially for a middling, struggling 4-4 club. Good grab, wrestling the ball from a DB, on the last play of 1Q. Failed to get his feet IB on a deep TD pass, early 3Q. To me, this was lazy footwork and a complete lack of awareness by a veteran receiver. Then, on the final play of the game, AB gains 44 yards to the Dall 20….and then meekly just runs OOB !! Fuck me ! With no time on the clock, simply FLING the ball laterally or backwards……perhaps Bell or Rogers might have grabbed it and done some damage against the resulting chaos. You can’t just fuking run OOB like that. Had 14 grabs for 154 and 1 TD, but the plethora of mental boners really hampers this grade. C-
Pinkie Wheaton – Mister Sofftee again sat the game out, this time with a sore (waaaah) shoulder. Not sure how it got sore, as he was a healthy scratch last week, and into day’s NFL, there is no hard hitting in practice.
Coates - thrown a bomb, late 2Q, and was blatantly interfered with -- twice, no less -- but no flag was thrown. Continue his descent into complete uselessness, he finished the game with Zero catches. D
Rogers - good grab on seamer, 2nd series, for a big gainer. Then later in the drive, on 3d & goal, made a stellar grab on s shitty, low pass that was just millimeters from the grass. Grabbed a seamer, late 2Q, but the ball squirted out as he hit the turf. It was ruled a catch. Upon replay review, it was over-turned and ruled INC. Early in the 3Q, he allowed a pass near the GL to clang off his hands, and it was nearly INTd. Good block for AB on a bubble screen, 10:00 4Q. B
Hamilton - On the first play of the 3Q, Hammy went up and high-pointed a deep ball for a 39-yard grab. This was his lone grab. B
Heyward-Gay – did not dress (foot).
TE:
Jesse James - made a shit block on 3d & 1, first play of 2Q, which forced Bell to be stopped, and also stripped. Big grab and run, late 4Q. Had 4 grabs for 59. B-
Grimble - Had 1 grab for 5.
Green - Finally, The Big Lazy, Lazy-rius Green, dressed and played….! Had a chance, early on, to make a rather routine catch in the EZ on a 2-pointer, but thanks to his ONE inch jump, he failed to haul in the pass. Ok, now we know Lazy-rius Green's vertical. It's oh, about 2 inches. MAX. Fuk, I honestly didn't think it would turn the guy into a human pylon. He serves absolutely ZERO purpose if this is all he can physically do. Might as well give a helmet to someone else on Sunday, and just use James and Grimble. Grabbed a 9-yard pass amid blanketed coverage, late 2Q. Had 3 grabs for 30. C
OL: Overall, the pass blocking was fairly solid. Ben was sacked just once, and that was when he held the ball forever. The run blocking was adequate at times, although there were a bit too many plays in which leakage bottled up the play.
Last play of 3Q, on a 3d & 12 inches…..Bell had to dance, weave, and plow for the needed footage. All the money invested and lavished on this O-line......and a simple, routine 3d & 1 FOOT is turned into high adventure because they cannot get a simple push or open a basic HOLE. Overall grade: B-
Villeneueva - Solid game.
Gilbert - FatAss Marcus was flagged for illegal use of hands on a 3rd down, early 4Q, although the play was short of the sticks.
Foster – At least had the presence and hustle to haul down the Dall DB on the 2-pointer INT return late in the game. This could have been returned for 2 points.
Pouncey - started, after having thumb surgery on his right hand this past Monday. Gritted it out and had a decent game.
DeAsstro – Flagged for a false start, mid 2Q. Did little of any greatness. Gee, it’s a good thing GM Kevin Doltbert rushed out to extend this stiff. Even better, I suppose, that Dolbert overpaid him. C-
DL:
Hargrave - Got completely CAVED IN on the game winning TD. Had 1 solo the entire game. All the fawning we were inundated with, and this ass-humper is completely invisible at the POA (point of attack). F
McCullers - helped stop Morris on a plunge, 3Q. Had 2 solos. Does nothing to inspire me. D
Heyward – flagged for offsides, early 2Q. On the long Bryant TD, Big Cam was spinning around like a top, doing nothing, instead of harassing and pressuring Prescott. A complete barf-bag of a play. Lazily took himself wide, and waaaay out of the play, on the late TD run by Elliott. Very, very sorry-assed and shoddy. I’m sure we’ll be regaled by the sheep-like Pgh media about some fiery speech this urine-swiller will deliver during the week. Despite playing 98% of the snaps, had ONE solo and ONE assist in a weak-assed, goat-smelling effort. F
Tuitt – Stephonie Tuitt, the vaunted DE, who is ALL HYPE and does NOTHING, could have actually done something. He could have EASILY batted the screen pass, late 1Q, but with athleticism and a vertical jump befitting Lazy-ruius Green, he missed, and 83 yards later, Elliott waltzed into the EZ for a TD. Stephonie was in PERFECT position and simply HAS to make that play. Fat Stephonie Tuitt, NINE games into the season, finally did something…..a bullrush sack, 3Q, on a key 3d & 4. Finished with 2 solos in his typical mouse-quiet effort. He suck gonad. F
LB:
Timmons – Feebly whiffed on Elliott on a key 3d & 1, 3Q. Quiet as a mouse with a feeble 4 solos. Unacceptable. D-
Shaquier – whiffed on Dak on early blitz, but it played out well when Chick got the strip sack. Flashed in and dropped Elliott for a 6-yard loss, late 4Q. But, on the very next play, he failed to bust up a pass to Whitten on 3d & 8, which resulted in a 14-yard gain to the PIT 14 just before the 2MW. Just blindly dove and got trucked by an O-lineman on the game-winning TD jaunt. D
Moats - stupidly continues to get platoon work despite being outplayed 20 to 1 by Chickillo. Had a whopping 1 solo. He sucks, and sucks ass. F
Harrison – Applied good pressure on a PAP, 3Q. Had 2 solos and 3 As. C
Jones – Had 3 solos in a fairly quiet game. Not doing an ything to wreak havoc. C-
Chickillo - got the rarest of rare birds for this team, a strip of the QB in which the Stillers recovered the loose ball on the first series of the game. Nice hustle on this play. Great hustle, again, to chase down a WR screen on the other side of the field to force a FG, 1Q. Not getting as much PT as he deserves. B
Vinnie W. - Got very, very little PT. Which is sad, as he is easily as good as Timmy Timmons at this point of Timmy’s career. Inc
Dupree – did not dress
DB
Golden – Like a moron, got sucked inside on an Elliot run in which the RB easily skirted wide for 13 yards, early 1Q. Had a chance to make a rather routing tackle on Elliott, 20 yards down the field, on the long TD in the 1Q, but meekly and weakly just flopped and flailed like a complete coward. Had 2 solos in a shit effort. C-
Mitchell – Big Mike, the big tough guy that he is, got TRUCKED by Elliott on a run that gained 13 and a 1st down, 2nd series of game. Took a completely shitty angle on the 83-yard TD by Elliott. Did nothing all game, which can be seen on the scoresheet, in which he recorded ZERO solos and had 5 A’s. D
Gay - Flagged for illegal contact on a play in which he as completely tooled by Bryant for a 16 yard grab, 2Q. Busted up a pass to Beasley, late 2Q. Should have been flagged for a blatant masking on the late, final Dallas drive, but the refs missed it. B-
CockJell - Busted up a weak out pass that was thrown behind the receiver, late 2Q. Good play, but it must be tempered by the very fact that is was a dogshit pass by the rookie QB. Committed a brainless, moronic late-hit OOB in the 4Q. Just assaholically brainless. Then, to add shit to the sandwich, it was this weak-assed faggot who failed to bring down Witten late in the game, in which Davis came over and got the masking flag. If Faggot Russ CockJell makes, you know, a SIMPLE, NFL tackle, there is no masking. D-
Burns - tooled by Bryant for 19 yards on first series of game, when he failed to turn his fuking head to find the ball. Injured a knee, late 1Q. Returned to action in the 3Q, regrettably. On a huge 3d & 11, late 3Q, he stupidly, like a complete jackass, stopped running in solo coverage on Bryant, and the result was a 50-yard TD strike to put Dallas in the lead, 23-18 (with the PAT). Busted up the late 2 pointer, which was too little, too late. D
Davis - filled the hole adroitly and stopped Elliott on a key 3d & 1, 11:30 4Q. Flashed up to snuff a WR screen for no gain, 5:40 4Q. Flagged for a costly, brainless facemask late in the game, putting Dall in the catbirds seat for the W. Witten was clearly STOPPED and there was no need, whatsoever, to be pawing at his fuking face mask. C
Justin Gilbert - not permitted to play.
Sharko Thomas – was reported as injured during the 1Q. Turns out he pulled a groin, his 48th of his career…..a new NFL record.
Spec teams:
Jordan Berry – Booted a vomit-inducing 27-yard punt, late 2Q, which was FC at the Dall 16. The NFL stat of “inside the 20” is complete bullshit and completely fuking useless, and this is precisely the kind of punt that proves it. Finally got off a booming punt of 57 yards, but of course the shit coverage teams -- which Mike Stoogelin is famous for -- promptly allowed a 39-yard return.
Boswell – Booted his 2nd KO of the game OOB. Very shoddy, especially after his dogshit efforts last week. Booted a 39-yard FG, 2Q. With 2 seconds left in the 1H, he attempted a 55-yard FG, which had the length, but as often occurs with this pudd-puller, he was wide right. I’m growing weary of this piss-ass. C-
Toussaint had a nice, wide KO return, 3Q, and then meekly ran OUT OF BOUNDS, on his own, before the tackler got to him. I can live with a Bell heading OOB with all the hits he takes in a given game. For a benchwarmer to do this is entirely unacceptable. F
Rogers - no work in the return game.
AB – clutch 22-yard punt return, 11:00 4Q, which set up the offense at the Dall 46. Of course, he had a chance to truck the punter and perhaps remove him from the game, but true to his nature, AB meekly just tip-toed out of bounds like the pansie he has become.
Matakevich had a stellar tackle in punt coverage, 2Q. He then adroitly made a stop in KO coverage, early 3Q.
Al-Hajj Shabazz got sucked inside in punt coverage, late 3Q, which allowed the bulk of the 39-yard punt return. Let’s send this piss-ass back to the practice squad.
OC:
Haley preside over yet another fairly bland game plan that was basically propped up by some stellar plays by Bell, AB, and Ben. There was once again nothing innovative, aside from the late-game fake-spike, which likely was Ben’s own improvisation.
On the opening drive of the 2nd half, Haley channeled his inner Al Davis and Darryl Lamonica, ordering a volley of artillery type deep balls, 3 to be exact, in rapid-fire fashion. That’s becoming an issue with this offense - greed, mixed with an extreme lack of patience and an unwillingness to take what defenses are giving.
1st down, first play of 4Q, and Haley calls some jack-assed end-around pitchout that was completely blown up for a 10-yard loss. This play looked like it was drawn up during halftime and NEVER practiced, as it looked hopeless and clusterfuked right from the get-go.
They should be getting MISMATCHES on these 2-pointers. Instead, NO ONE is open and Ben is having to dance around and fling off-balance shovel passes and the like. Speaking of 2 pointers, why in the fuking hell was Toussaint in the game anyway on the 4Q 2-pointer ???? You have a worthless urine-guzzler who serves no purpose whatsoever on this play…..?!!!
All in all, lots of yardage, but only a modest point production of 30 points. C-
DC:
Keith Assler faced a potent offense for once, albeit with a rookie QB. Tue to his nature, Assler just had his ass reamed and ripped apart by the Pokes, who pretty much did a anything they wanted the entire game.
And then there’s the game-winning TD run, with only 15 seconds on the clock. It was quite obvious that Dall was content to plunge the ball and send in the FG team. What does DumbFuk Assler do? He gets bat-shit crazy, and orders some bizarre, desperado NINE man blitz. When Eliliot broke through the initial hole, there simply was no one to bring him down. Why in the FUK did he think he needed to basically BLITZ nine players on a line plunge with 15 seconds left ??? Let the snapper and the FG kicker beat you. Maybe there would be a bad snap, or a botched hold, or a hooked FG. I just cannot understand the thought process of the jailhouse blitz there. If you stonewall the Dallas offense on the play, it really makes no difference. Just incomprehensible stupidity at its worst.
Other things that vastly piss me off --
- The boneheaded rotation between Chickillo and Moats. Fuk the rotation, when one man is playing, oh, 17 times BETTER than the other. Sure, you can give a guy a breather, but giving Moats half the snaps is fuking ludicrous.
- No batted passes. Dak is only 6-2” and threw a ton of low passes in the game. NOT ONE was tipped or batted.
In all, just another vomit-spewing day for Keith Assler. It was clearly a mistake to simply hire Dick’s puppet, and the results are showing in hideous fashion. F-
HC: Mike Dumblin has now overseen a 4-game losing streak. Let us not forget -- DEFENSE is supposed to be Asslin’s expertise and forte. If so, where in the fuk, praytell, is it? When it this jism-swallowing cock gobbler doing to do something -- anything -- to make adjustment s and get at least a moderate modicum of effectiveness out of this sofftee defense? WHEN ??
And then, there’s the plethora of jack-assed, foolhardy penalties. Again. Discipline, nowhere to be found. Added to that, the numerous times in this game where players are just casually running OUT of bounds, for no reason, showing all the fight and vigor of the French army.
Special teams….? Again, as happens every season under Coach Cliché, the spec teams are nothing but puke, piss, shit, and vomit.
Supposedly, the thought process behind the every-man run blitz on the final TD romp was to “cause a loss of yardage”. Loss of yardage? Like, of how much ?? Dall has the ball at the 32, for a 49-yard FG. Did they really they were going to drop Zeke for a nine yard loss?? Maybe they nab him for a 2-yard loss. MAYBE. That’s still a makeable 52-yard FG by Bailey, who is among the NFL’s best. It adds up to more imbecilic tactic s and decision-making by the NFL biggest moh-ron, Mike Stoogelin.
The only goodness behind a shit loss like this, as it adds temperature to the warmth of Michael The Almighty’s seat. Smug as he is, Stoogelin acts like he has lifetime job security. Should he continue to piss and shit away winnable games, he’ll eventually be moving on to his life’s work….which for an imbecile of his nature with no discernable skills, translates to stockboy work at the local Giant Eagle. F-
Synopsis: A shit loss against a hated opponent, which means I’m twice as pissed off as I would be over any plain-old loss. Seeing that jackass supreme, Jerry Jones, prance and gloat in the owner’s box made me want to kick the TV. Now the season is careening with a 4-game losing streak. And guess what? Up next week, a ROAD game against Cleve. Before you chuckle and snicker, keep in mind:
a. This team plays like ass in ANY road game.
b. For Cleve and its fans, this is their Super Bowl.
c. Stoogelin’s teams are famous for egg-lays against weak-assed, downtrodden foes.
Should Michael The Almighty lay the egg in Cleve next Sunday, there’ll be hordes of Stiller fans, armed with pitchforks, reading to run Stoogelin out of town. Should be funny to watch.
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)
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