Loose Slag from The Still Mill (July 7th, 2003)
- 3 beers for Colbert's release
of Little JohnBoy Fiala.� Of course,
Colbert himself looks a bit foolish, because it was Colbert himself -- most
likely rabidly urged on by Billy Cowher -- who rushed out in a maniacal haste
to re-sign Little John Boy before the FA period had even begun last March.� Colbert presumably did this in order to
"beat the market" -- the theory bandied about by most Pittsburgh fans
when rationalizing why their team rushed in a mad frenzy to retain one of its
own.� Funny thing, though -- Colbert
tried to trade Little JohnBoy last month, and aside from snickers and
uproarious laughter from the rest of the NFL, received no feedback and
obviously no trade offers.� As is all too
often the case, Little JohnBoy's legend has grown to Paul Bunyan proportions
since his release.� Flocks of fans have
muttered something along these lines, "Well, it's such a shame to lose him�.he
was a good special teams demon, blah blah blah."� This talk of Fiala being a "special teams demon" is the
biggest bunch of balderdash since Billy Clinton claimed, "I didn't
inhale." ��Slow, weak, and clumsy,
Fiala wasn't even 1/10th the special teamer of, say, a Benny Thompson or
a Steve Tasker.�
- This summer marks the 5th consecutive
season in which the Round Mound of Running Back, Jerome Bettis, is purportedly
"in the best shape of his life".�
Yep, that's correct -- since 1999, the Pittsburgh media, and The Tubby
Tailback himself, have fed us this line of bull, and shamefully enough, most of
the Pittsburgh fan base has bought this poppyfat, er poppycock, hook, line, and
sinker.� With 5 (five) consecutive years
of "being in the best shape of his life", Bettis ought to be in
better shape than in-his-prime Carl Lewis, Bruce Jenner, Sugar Ray Leonard, Walter
Payton, and Michael Jordan�combined.�
- We'll see just how
"in shape" the bloated belly back is come preseason.� Remember this, though: Bettis has a 2-fold
problem when it comes to the battle of the bulge.� Not only is he prone to bloating in the offseason, but he's also
prone to ballooning once he's released from St. Vincent's and let loose to
manage his own diet as the regular season begins.� It's rather easy to maintain weight amidst the structured regimen
of training camp, given the 2 & 3-per-day workouts; the austere atmosphere
of St. Vincent's College; and the relatively Spartan chow hall where players
eat each meal.� It's quite another thing
to maintain weight once released from St. Vincent's and given free liberty to
dine out at Outback Steakhouse, White Castle, Burger King, Pizza Hut, and KFC.� Given his track record the past 5 seasons, if
The Doughboy weighs 265 as training camp ends, it's entirely likely that he'll
tip the scale at 275 by the 4th week of the season.
- Speaking of consecutive
steaks, this training camp marks the 8th (eighth) consecutive season in
which Jason GilDong hasn't any competition whatsoever for the starting
LOLB job.� Absolutely NONE.� Never before in the history of sports has
such a weak player been issued the starting job on a silver platter for such a
long period of time.
- Speaking of LB, rookie DE
Alonzo Jackson will have his name bandied about by the Pittsburgh fan base,
since he's a highly touted 2nd rounder from a big-time program like FSU.� By July 29th, however, we'll hear Billy
Cowher's annual uttering of, "Well, he just doesn't have the feel yet for
playing the position�.he's still trying to find his way around the position�..and
he hasn't memorized the entire playbook in both English and Croatian the way
we'd like him to�.."
- The Pirates finally got
the brains and balls to cut an albatross named Kevin Young last week.� Young, in the midst of a $24M contract, was
batting .202 with 2 HRs this season, after flailing at the plate the last 2
seasons like Jason GilDong flailing at a RB in open field.� Running an overpaid, over-the-hill,
worthless player like Young out of town was the CORRECT move, yet we still have
to listen to the likes of Ron
Cook telling us, "Don�t cheer the apparent end of Young�s career"
and "Just don�t hurt yourself cheering Young�s demise as a player. �No matter what, he deserves better than that."�� What horse manure.� Kevin Young deserves nothing but our
collective derision and sneering.� After
all, that's exactly what he earned.�
And what's asininely ridiculous, is that, given the adulation and
tear-jerking sob stories about Young's release, we can only imagine the tearful
sojourns that will emanate whenever Jason GilDong is sent packing.� I fully expect that when the day comes that Jason's
career ends in Pittsburgh, Cook, Labriloa, and DiPaola will organize a parade down
5th Ave. in Jason's honor, and then demand that a statue of Jason be erected outside
Heinz Field.
- Speaking of the worst FA
signings in Pittsburgh sports history, here's the top 5, in no particular
order:
���� - Jason Kendall - $60M for a weak, slap-hitting catcher who is,
at best, mediocre defensively
���� - Jason GilDong - $26M for a LB who built his "reputation"
on sacks -- the vast majority of which were Dong Sacks -- and yet he can't
stuff the run; can't tackle; can't cover anybody on a pass pattern; can't do
anything on his pass rush other than the Wide Loop Rush; and is currently the
5th best LB on the team.
���� - Derek Bell - $9M, 2-year deal for a loafing sourpuss who battled
just to break the Mendoza Line.
���� - Kevin Young - 4-year, $24M deal for a player at a power
position who also was having trouble breaking the Mendoza Line.
���� - Mark Bruener - Never has so much money been tied up in a
more meaningless player than this one
- Speaking of stupid, fatty
FA signings and re-signings, I remain dismayed at the mega-dollar contract
extension of OT Marvel Smith.� This
writer has watched more Stiller film than ANY media writer or any fan website
writer not named Steel Phantom.� I've
seen Smitty scuffle and stumble about the past 3 seasons.� An avid reader reminded on the message board
about my grade that
I'd issued Smitty for the '02 season, as follows: "Smitty struggled at times
during the season.� His pass blocking
was prone to clumsy awkwardness, and his run blocking was sometimes soft and
ineffective.� Those who watch a lot of
line play will agree that Smith might never pan out to be anything more than a
marginal journeyman.� R=C+.� P=C+."�
So, in essence, we rushed out like rabid wolves to sign a "C+"
kind of tackle to man the blind side of the very slowest QB in the entire
National Football League.� Not
smart.� The Stillers -- as they've shown
with Steed, Witman, Emmons, Stewart, GilDong, Bruener, Chad, DeWayne, Tuman, and
Bettis, just to name a few -- have a long history of drastically over-valuing
their own players and then rushing like crazed lunatics to re-sign or extend a
player, all because they have this bizarre fear that at least 26 other teams
will come rushing in a frothing rage to sign these players.� I'm not saying that Smitty is a turd, but he
hasn't remotely shown that he was worth that kind of ridiculous contract
extension.� Remember, this is a player
who, against the Saints just last season, literally sat frozen and fallow as the
play not only began, but developed, and the end result was the DE killing
Maddox while Smitty was only starting to stumble out of his stupor.�
- For all the saber rattling
and tough talk soon after the playoff loss to Tenn. about "changes will be
made to get over the top", the Stillers have made exactly zero changes,
other than the hilarious cut of Little JohnBoy Fiala. �Mark Bruener still remains on the roster, as
does Burnt Alexander and Jerome Bettis.�
So, too, does Justin Kurpeikis.� And
Billy Cowher -- the most mule stubborn man in the NFL -- is still at the
helm.� It might not seem that big a deal
to have Stonefoot Bruener around, but every day that Bruener remains with the
team is another day in which Riermersma plays second fiddle behind Bruener and another
day that the TE spot serves as nothing more than a tackle eligible.�
�(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- the only nationally read coverage on the Pittsburgh Stillers that has accurately predicted the how's and the why's of the past 3 Stiller playoff losses�.)