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The Gildong Report (Game 2, vs. Clev)

September 20, 2000 by Still Mill


The Gildong Report (Sep 20th, 00)

In light of many a fan being bamboozled and ga-ga over Jason Gildong�s 11 sacks in �98 --- despite only 2 being anywhere near "earned sacks" --- I devoted considerable time in �99 to monitor the work of the exceptionally average Jason Gildon. Jason has been famous enough with his coverage sacks, flop sacks, the QB-slipped-on-the-wet-turf sacks, the OT totally forgot his blocking assignment sacks, and so on, that the NFL designated a new statistic, called the "Dong Sack™", in honor of Jason Gildong. (Some fantasy football leagues are incorporating this into their point systems.) Again in '00, I'll take time to expose Jason Gildon as the fraud that he is.

For those of you new here, you can peruse past Gildong Reports by going into the Still Mill articles archive. (click on "Articles" on the left side of your screen.)

In the season�s second game, versus the Brownies, Gildon chippd in a bit, but all in all, continued his slackly, half-hearted play.

He never once even sniffed Tim Couch on the pass rush. Browns RT Steve Zahursky dominated Gildon with no problems whatsoever. Every time Gildon tried his "wide loop rush", which goes waaay around the horn of Africa, Zahursky simply rode him wide. Not once did Gildon even press Couch into throwing early, or disrupt his vision or his mechanics. Any time Gildon tried a bull-rush or inside spin move, Zahursky pushed away as easy as pie.

Of course, OLB is not just pass-rushing. Part of an OLB�s job is run stuffing. After this game, one would have to wonder if Gildon has ever read his job description.

On the game�s first play from scrimmage, Gildon was shielded out, with no resistance whatsoever, and Rhett dashed up a nice hole up RT for 5 � yards. This trend continued throughout the 1st quarter. On the 1st play of the 2nd series, Rhett ran a draw play up RT, and Gildon got shoved aside, and then flailed and missed Rhett�s feet as he ambled by for 6 yards. On a 2nd and 9 player a short while later, Gildon got manhandled by a WR and Rhett cruised up a massive hole up RT for 7 yards. On 1 dumpoff to RB Prentice in the flats, Gildon totally WHIFFED on Prentice, and the rookie RB gained an extra 4 yards.

Gildon�s final stats were 4 solo stops and 0 assists.

One was on a WR screen to the left, in which the untouched Gildon moseyed over, and stopped a tripped-up Chiaverini.

Two solos were credited to Gildon on the goal-line stand in the 4th quarter. On both plays, good inside penetration hampered Rhett, who ended up having to simply dive forward up RT on each plays, and Gildon was there for the "catch" of Rhett. Sure, he wasn�t blown out, but it wasn�t like Gildon was blowing up blockers and leading the charge.

The other solo was the simple stop of the dumpoff to Chiaverini in the flats, which Gildon made a simple tackle, and the butter-fingered Chiaverini -- who suffered a miserable day with 3 dropped passes and an alligator-arm miss of a wide open 40-yard gainer -- fumbled away the ball. Yes, Gildon made the basic stop on this play, which is what he�s paid to do as a LB in the NFL. But I don�t want anyone thinking this was some sort of bone-jarring, teeth-rattling hit. The hit was nothing ordinary whatsoever; it was the case of the bumbling Chiaverini completing his miserable afternoon with yet another botched handling of a football.

Gildon did have a bat of a Couch pass in the 3rd quarter. Couch ran a bootleg to his right, and Gildon � totally fooled on the play � was caught in no-man�s land in the flats, as he was covering nobody and not in a position to harass Couch. But Couch threw an ill-advised across-the-body pass, which Gildong luckily was able to get a paw on.

The bottom line: The big, bad veteran pass rusher has ZERO hurries, ZERO sacks in 2 games. It fully appears it�ll be just another routine season for the big bad sack monger, Jason Gildong.

Season to date totals for Jason, in 2 games:

Earned Sacks: 0
Dong Sacks™: 0
Strips, Jars, fumbles caused: 1

The Still Mill 

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