Loose Slag from The Still Mill (Oct. 3, 2002)

 

- For those even remotely trying to defend the sad-sack, pile of dung job being performed by OC Mike Mularkey, this play from Sunday's game says it all.� The Stillers had gotten a 1st down late in the 2Q on the Clev. 8.� First down, of course, was the typical waste of a play, with a gut run by The Tubby Tailback, who was stuffed for a 1-yard loss by Earl Holmes (the LB who supposedly cannot tackle.)� So, it's 2nd down and goal from the 9, and this is OBVIOUSLY -- for every man, woman, child, and drunk in the stadium -- a PASSING down.� Who does Mularkey have in the game?�� A 4-WR set?�� Why, hell no�.Mularkey thinks he's going to FOOL the Browns by passing out of his BASE offense!!� He has his 2 starting WRs in the lineup, along with The Bloated Bellyback (Bettis), Kreider, and Stonefoot Bruener.� Imagine, on a MUST PASS kind of play, the OC leaving the following OAFS in the game:

 

����� - The NFL's slowest RB, whose pass catching skills, on a scale of 1-10, are a 0.��

����� - A short, stumpy, blocking FB, who has no acute pass receiving skills whatsoever.

����� - The NFL's slowest TE, who has no hands, no jumping ability, and no pattern-running ability.��

 

So Mularkey the Genius send his FAT tailback in-motion out wide, and the lardass runs a pattern.� Bruener also runs a worthless pattern, as does that speedy fullback, Dan Kreider.� All the while, of course, the two WRs are BLANKETED, and none of the three bootfooted oafs are open, so ultimately Stewart throws the ball away.� Go back and watch this play on tape�.and then puke in a nearby trash can like I did.� No matter how one slices this, it is SHITTY offensive football, pure and simple.�

 

- I've been fairly inundated with emails from folks wanting to know why the most outspoken and knowledgeable analyst of the Pittsburgh Stillers has yet to weigh in on the QB issue.�� I've been mum on it, for a few reasons:

 

� a.� The Stillers have bigger concerns, like the slop of the O-line; the lack of a running game; and a defense in which its supposed team captain stands around all day slapping and groping opponents' tits.�

� b.� The no-brained game plans and grab-bag play calls by Mike Full-O-Mularkey.�

 

Let me delve into this QB hubbub by stating that I am not a "big fan" of Stewart.�� I've rarely spent much time here at Stillers.com trumpeting his virtues, and I rarely mention his name when talking football with fans from other teams.� Five years ago, in fact, I was the one who first gave Stewart the moniker of "Western Union Man" for his penchant for telegraphing.� Having said that, I'm also not a Stewart hater like many folks are.� Stewart has heart and plays the game with gusto, traits which can't be said about some Steeler players, such as their supposed defensive captain.� All in all, I take Stewart's good with his bad, and I'm about in the middle of the road, which admittedly is a rarity for The Mill.� Maddox has been named the starter, but frankly, I would have been content to stay with Stewart for at least another game, albeit on a very short leash.� Stewart has long been a slow starter.� Just last season, as he has most seasons, Stewart was off to a horrific start, and it wasn't until about Week 6 that he started to show some regular competence.� Remember, too, that Stew lost his 3rd down security blanket in Bobby Shaw.� All Shaw did the past 2 seasons was average nearly 17 yards per catch.� Rookie Randle El has been dazzling, but his YPC is only 12, and that average has been boosted considerably from RAC yardage.� I do like Maddox's quick decision-making and quick release, and all in all, I can live with his insertion into the starting lineup despite not being in favor of doing the change right now.� However, until Mike Mularkey pulls his head out of his ass, this offense will continue to struggle, even if Peyton Manning is suddenly acquired in a trade.� Maddox did quite well the other day with an armada of 4 quick WRs and the removal of Fat Ass Bettis and Stonefoot Bruener.� It'll be interesting to see how Maddox fares if he's forced to operate in passing situations with 3 of his 5 "skill players" possessing the last names of Bettis, Kreider, and Bruener.���

 

- Speaking of the O-line slop, I reviewed the tape (unlike the entire major media and 98% of Steeler fans) and came away disgusted.� On the 2nd play from scrimmage, Jeff Hartings got totally abused by Roye, who slammed into the QB and caused a woefully errant pass.� This kind of slop from the O-line continued the entire ballgame.� Gandy, Faneca, Smith, Hartings -- every one of them standing around confused, befuddled, and flat-footed.� (I'm giving Simmons some legitimate leeway, since he's a greenhorned rookie.)� Appears they are all thinking too much and "just playing" too little.� Not one of the veteran linemen is playing anywhere near a full game's worth of good play, and as a unit this gang has flat out stunk.�

 

- My esteemed colleague, Trap (and others), is right --- this offense MUST be spread out, immediately.� All Mularkey has accomplished thus far in 2002 is to prove that he can line up 11 large-bodied football players within a horizontal front of about 14 yards wide.� Last time I checked, the field was about 53 yards wide.

 

- Not that I like to be associated with The Trap, or even agree with him, but he was dead on in his recent post about Josh Miller's dancing on the blocked punt.� The snap came to Josh a TINY bit to his left, so Josh, rather than reaching for the ball, stepped to his left a smidgen.� Instead of then proceeding with his routine of steps, Josh did this asininely absurd little jig, like an Irishmen in a kilt stepping it out to some Gaelic tune.� Watch the tape, and you'll see Josh's idiocy, which wastes time and precludes him from even remotely seeing the rush out of his peripheral vision.� There is a reason Chris Gardocki has gone over 700 punts without a block�.and there is a reason Josh The Shitbag has had too many punts blocked in the past couple seasons.��

- Has anyone seen Jason GilDong�??

-� What is slower�.Jerome Bettis hitting a hole, or Josh Miller getting off a punt�.?�

 

- Cowher said it, in reference to the blocked punt: "It was a good job by them. They outcoached us."� Amazing how Cowshit is supposed to be such a great coach, but each and every week an opposing coach is outcoaching and outmaneuvering The Dim Bulb of Coaching, Billy Cowher.��

 

- Speaking of Jason Gildon, has anyone even seen The Flopper lately�. other than ads for Burger Queen?�

 

- I was wrong when I stated in my post-game report that "Bruener responded with an ill-timed jump in which his feet might have cleared three nickels stacked atop each other.� Might have, because it's plausible Breuner's feet may have skimmed the nickel atop the stack."�� I reviewed the tape, and it turns out that one of Bruener's concrete feet was ON THE GROUND as this pass skipped off his skillet-like hands.� Yes, Mark Bruener -- the TE who cannot get airborne for a pass that no less than 63 other TEs in the NFL would have caught with the greatest of ease.�

�

- Not to get on Maddox, because the man came in stone cold after having not played in a meaningful NFL game since the Dayton Peace Accords�.but his INT was telegraphed so blatantly that Maddox is being courted to work the switchboards at AT&T.� He stared at El, and only El, from the moment the ball was snapped, and rookie Andra Davis read him as easily as a 1st grader reading about Dick & Jane.�

 

- Back in late January, I published my recommendations for the Stillers' expansion unprotected list.�� At the same, the typically myopic idiots -- the kind of dim bulbs you'd see over at Pittsburgh.com or The Gay Nation -- jeered and ridiculed.�� "(Gasp) How can you propose getting rid of Bettis?"�.and "Mark Bruener is the key to our running offense.� Without him, we'd be up the creek ��".��� Fast forward to today.� The Stillers have a fat-assed, slow-footed, ONE dimensional RB who, because of his obesity and lack of dedication to offseason conditioning, cannot even perform that one dimension worth a rat's ass.� The Stillers are also saddled with a slow, bootfooted TE who adds NOTHING to the passing game, and despite his supposedly dominating presence as a blocker, the Stillers are lucky to average 2 yards a carry when you remove the QB from the rushing yardage.� Both of these oafs consume an enormous amount of salary cap money, and in return, the team gets jack shit.� Right about now, you couldn't find a SINGLE NFL team willing to give up a sixth round draft pick for either of these oafs.�

 

- Saw Mike Vrabel have yet another solid game for the Pats.�� The guy even caught a TD pass while lined up a TE, something as foreign to Bruener as Mandarin Chinese.� Like Clark Haggans, it's always humorous to see a guy produce once he's given a chance to do so.�

 

- Anyone heard from Jim Wexell, the prince of such imbecilic propaganda as "Earl Holmes cannot tackle"�?� Maybe Wexell should write an article with the thesis of "Jason Gildon flat-out sucks".�

 

- In addition to piss-poor KOs that are either short or go OOB, Todd Petersen's work as a FG kicker has been less than impressive.�� What concerns me is the pitiful mechanics and angles that Pete is using.� The blocked 23-yard FG in OT??�� Pete had this ridiculous approach and angle at the ball, like a golfer trying to mash a 3-iron UNDER the branches of a leafy tree.� Here Peterson is, kicking a shorty, CHIP SHOT FG, so his approach and angle should be similar to a pitching wedge, not a 3-iron.� That first FG kick in OT never had a chance to get UP and get airborne, based entirely on Pete's pitiful approach and angle.� On tape, this is as plain as the stupidity written on Bill Cowher's face, and every opponent from here on out will sell out for blocks until Pete gets his approach & mechanics in order.�

 

- I wholeheartedly support, and applaud, Billy Cowher's newfound growth of testicles, as evidenced by his benching of struggling favorites like Stewart and FatBoy Bettis.� Sitting down his favorite veterans who are not producing and not perspiring is a FIRST in 10 years of Billy Ball, and I applaud it.� Having said that, how soon is Cowher going to sit his LEAST productive & most passive defender, Jason GilDong, and insert the far more energetic Clark Haggans into the lineup?