Stillers 23, Miami
Stillers-Dolphins Postgame
Analysis and Grades
The
Stillers stumbled their way to a 1-point, skin-tight win over the Fish.� You saw today exactly why Coach Chuck Noll
used to rail about distractions.�� This was
a distracted football team all week -- caused by Adolf
Goodell�s heavy-handed fine of
Grades:
QB:�
As a passer, Benji had a pretty good day today.�� He completed 19 of 27 for 302 & 2 TDs, and had a couple TDs and
other big plays taken away due to receiver lethargy as well as illegal chucks
by the defense.��
As a quarterback
and as a leader, Shitlesberger had a wretched game
that highlighted the distractions Noll fretted over.� Ben handled the football the way a
crack-whore handles cold cash -- carelessly and foolishly.�
Not once,
but twice, the dumbfuk,
while WRAPPED in the arms of a hulking lineman and surrounded by white
shirts, actually tried to pass the ball, bringing back grisly memories of Garo Yepremian and Mike Tomczak. �On the
first asinine attempt of this nature, which was on the 1st series of the game,
Ben gave the ball to the Fish on his own 13.�
You�d think he�d have learned his lesson, but sure enough, in the 3Q, he
tried this assaholic stunt AGAIN, and was saved only
when Pouncey made a superbly athletic play to nab the free ball in
mid-air.� Had Pouncey not made this play,
Then there
was the lazy, tip-toe, dumbassed run by Ben that should
have sealed the WIN, late in the 4Q.� With
a 3d & 2 at the Fish 2, Ben ran a SG draw and had a hole large enough to accommodate
a 1978 Cutlass Supreme.�� For no
particular reason, Ben EASED OFF like a complete faggot once he entered this
cavernous hole.�� Seeing a smallish DB
(Clemons, who gives up FORTY FIVE pounds), Ben, like the
careless dumfuk that he is, tried to DIVE from the
3-yard line, loosely starting to �reach� the ball out in the process, a tactic I
utterly despise in traffic.� Sure enough,
the DB jars the ball loose somewhere around the 6-inch line.� The play was initially ruled a TD, but �upon
further review� the ball was ruled a fumble at the 1/2 yard line, but because replay
could not determine who recovered, the Stillers retained possession.� This should have never, ever come down to a �controversial
call�.�� Dumlisberger,
all 255 pounds of him and having about 5 yards worth of forward MOMENTUM from
being lined up in a SG, should have BARRELED
and PLUNGED toward the goal line.� Clemons would have done the CUT TACKLE that
is prevalent by DBs all over the NFL, which would
have done NOTHING except allow Ben to TOPPLE FORWARD into the end zone.�� Simply a dumbassed,
no-brained play by the QB, given the down, distance, score, and place on the
field.�� ���
The dumbassed decisions and carelessness wiped out a mostly
decent day passing the ball.��� C- ��
RB:�
Mendy had a solid 1H, gaining 30 yards on 7 rushes.�� In the 3Q, he came out and resembled Franco
Harris ....the 1982 version, unfortunately.��
He continually tip-toed and stuttered more than John Travolta,
continually losing yardage.� Sure, the
blocking sucked ass, but there are times as a RB where you simply have to be
content with a 2 or 3 yard gain, rather than losing 2 yards on every single
run.�� He finally snapped out of his funk
a bit in the 4Q, but overall, I wasn�t pleased.�
FB: Redman had a plunge from the FB
late in the game on 2d & 4 at the Fish 4 that gained 2.� There wasn�t a large use of the FB in this
game, which may explain some as to why the running game faltered.��� Inc
WR:�
Hines led the way with a huge day, grabbing 7 for 131 yards.� His TD was superb, as he ducked under a
tackle on an out, then eluded a tackler at the 4 and then twisted into the
EZ.�� Hines could certainly show Slothlisberger exactly how to lunge and twist into the
EZ.� Hines had an incredible grab on a
seamer late in the 2Q, in which he plucked a pass away from the DB in amazing
fashion for a 26-yard gain.�� Like his
teammates, Hines was distracted as well, as he dropped a simple bubble screen
that could have just as easily been ruled a fumble and a large loss.� He also failed to haul in a high, but
catchable, TD pass in the 3Q, although Ben was flagged for crossing the LOS
prior to the pass.��
Wally started
off slowly, lazily failing to stretch out and lay out for a very catchable pass
that would have netted some 35+ yards on the 2nd �O� play of the game.� Wally later went downtown and torched the CB
for a beautiful 53-yard TD bomb in the 2Q.�
Of course, after that he was literally ignored the rest of the
game.�
El did
little.� In the 4Q, he allowed a simple
slant pass to clang off his shoulder pads.��
Sanders had a clutch grab on 3d & 11 in the 4Q, gaining 18.��
Ward:� A-���
Wally: B+��� Sanders:� A�� El:
C+
TE:�
Miller had 3 grabs for 33, including a clutch grab in traffic on 3d
& 10 in the 4Q that moved the chains.��
Spaeth gets the �2 Nickels Award� for his effort on a seam pass in the
2Q that should have resulted in a TD.�� Instead,
Spaeth, with all the athleticism of Trai Essex and
Mitch Berger, jumped the equivalent of 2 nickels off the ground and had the
pass glance off his hands for a harmless incompletion. �Total, wretched piece of
shit.�� The blocking was only
average, although Miller deserves kudos for his late-game tenacity and
stick-to-it blocking, which drew a correct late-hit flag.�� �Miller:�
A-��� Spaeth:� D����
Johnson:��� B-��
OL: The line struggled at times like
complete little bitches.�� The run blocking
was especially putrid.�� Pouncey came down to Earth with a fairly ordinary outing.� He had trouble with the NT, as well as with
sustaining blocks.� As noted above,
Pouncey showed good hands and athleticism on the fumble recovery that staved
off disaster.�
DL:�
The line was without Keisel, who did not dress, and then Smith, who tore
a tricep and left the field in the 3Q.� The remaining lineman did jack shit the
entire game.�� Fat
LB:�
With all the distractions this past week, this crew did little.�� The Fish astutely ran their 1st 4 or 5
ground plays right at Jason Woodley.� The
Big He-Man was SOLOED by Fasano and easily walled off
for an easy 8 yards up RT in the 1Q.�� Big
LaMarr did manage to make the stop on the following
play.�� The Fish wanted no part in
running at
Timmons had
another solid game.�� He got moved around
due to the injury of Jason Woodley.�� He
had a superb stop in open field on a 3d & 6 dumpoff in the 4Q to Bess that
gained only 2.� He probably was the only
defender all day to make a good, crisp stop of Bess.��
Taunto
Farrior had a flail & whiff of Dicky on an 11-yard run in the 3Q.� ��Soon later, in the 4Q, Taunto got trucked by
Brown at the end of a 5-yard run in hilarious fashion.� Taunto got a Dong fumble recovery when
McFadden forced a fumble that popped up in the air to Taunto.�� Of course, with nothing but open field
ahead, Taunto got �tackled� by a little, babyfied,
ankle-nip slap by Hartlein.�� Really, really pathetic.�� He was beaten by Fasano
late in the game on a simple curl, and was flailing about like a windmill, but Fasano dropped the ball.��
Foote
actually saw plenty of PT in the 2H due to the loss of Big LaMarr.� He saw Brown gain 6 to start the 3Q and was
more often a hindrance than a help.�� He
got a Dong Sack on an unblocked inside rush, and then made a backside tackle on
a 4Q 3d & 1 where he ambled untouched into the BF and merely followed the
glacial, slow-developing counter play.��
Jason Worilds was finally permitted to play defense, and chipped
in with a nice effort that showed his motor, quickness, and athleticism.�� On consecutive plays in the 3Q, All-Worilds got the corner on the RT and forced Henne to step up under harassment.� On the final 4th down play
late in the game. Worilds did a WLR (Wide Loop
Rush) and was ridden wide.� However,
unlike loafers like Jason GilDong and Big LaMarr Woodley, Worilds STOPPED,
reversed field, and then hit the QB to force an errant pass and end the
game.� Superb play!!� �Any
thought that Woodley had to be retained for big dollars this offseason is now flushed down the commode.� Bye bye, LaMarr!�
�
Farrior:� C���
Timmons and Harry:� B��� ��Woodley:�
Inc�� Foote:�� C+� �Worilds: A
DB:�
McFadden had another strong game in RAC tackling and run support, leading
the team with 5 solos.�� He forced the
fumble by Hartlein, which gave the Stillers their
lone turnover.� �
Ryan Clark
showed, once again, what a total pile of garbage he is.�� Oh sure, he�s good for that twice a year
big-hit on a defenseless receiver.�� Other than that?�� As useless as a broken prophylactic.��� On Bess� TD,
Ike had
some struggles.� He was out-jousted by
Pola had
some plays in stopping RAC and run support, but overall was a bit quiet.���
Gay flailed
badly on Bess on the TD RAC.� To his
credit, he didn�t pout, and late in the game, Gay made a superb cut-down of
Polite on a dumpoff that stopped the FB cold; forced a 4th down try; and kept
the clock moving.��
Another game without a legitimate INT from this crew (legit meaning, not
a Dong INT like
Spec
teams:� Sanders opened the game with a lolly-gagging return and then coughed up the ball and gave
the Fish golden FP.�� Very
poor.� To his credit, he picked up
the paces and had 37-yard and 27-yard returns in the 2Q, and then set-up the
winning FG with a 48 yard KO return.� He
also chipped in with Worilds to make a good stop in
KO coverage in the 1Q.�
The
coverage teams were a bit spotty and leaky.�
Randle El
had a shit punt return of 0 yards in the 1Q.��
At this point, I see no reason why Tonio Brown is deactivated and El
dresses.�
Jeff �The
Drunkard� Reed actually didn�t shank any FGs today, which is always a
surprise.� Sepul
punted ok.������ B
OC:�
Look up the word �dumbfuk� in the dictionary,
and you�ll be bound to find a photo of Bruce Arians.� The guy is so daft and stupid, it�s
sickening.��
��- On a
2nd & 6 at the Fish 7 late in the 1Q, Arians, the clever, cutesy artist
that he is, calls for the THIRD time in the young game a bubble screen.�� With the LOS at the SEVEN yard line, Fish
defenders engulf Wally for NO GAIN.� What
is sam fuking hell is the puropose of this kind of assaholic
play so close the GL ??� �The
defense has SEEN this play twice already in the 1Q, and with the end line so
close, these entire 11 defenders are all within 6 yards of the LOS.�
���
� - It got worse late in the 2Q.� After Ward�s tremendous grab on the seamer
and a dumpoff to
� - Whatever happened to Mike Wallace?�� The guy went deep and left SCORCH marks on
the CB, Jason Allen, on the 53-yard TD.��
After that, Wally was never thrown a pass the rest of the game.�� You can�t tell me after that scorching --
and the scorching he left on this same field last Jan. on a 52-yard bomb TD --
that Wally couldn�t have been WIDE open on easy outs and curls, what with the
Fish defense terrified of getting beaten deep again and backing way off.�� Nope, not Bruce Arians.�� He had the Fish strung up by their gills,
yet failed, and refused, to take candy from a baby.�� D
DC:�
A week after getting shredded by Dolt McCoy in his 1st ever NFL start, Dick fully
resembled a French general facing the onslaught of a German army -- befuddled,
bewildered, and stupefied.�� Dick somehow
managed to make Chad Henne -- hardly a superstar --
look like Danny Marino and Don Strock all rolled into
one.�� Henne,
after a horrific 1Q, finished the day 23 of 26 for 257 yards, and no INTs.�� Most of the day, Henne
was able to SIT back in the pocket, totally unfettered aside from a few
seagulls that flew by above the stadium.��
From there, it was Henne playing pitch n�
catch with WIDE open receivers, all the while Dick gasping and wheezing, and
grasping at straws trying to stop the bleeding.��
Sure, the 1st 6 points were entirely on turnovers deep in
PIT territory.�� After that, Dick just
got shredded like provolone cheese in a pizza parlor.�� Aided by 7 consecutive completions, the Fish
calmly marched from their 27 to the Stiller 5 for a 2Q FG.� Only a poor pass from Henne
to
Then, in the 3Q, starting at their own
29, the Fish easily marched for a chippie FG.�
The drive should have bogged down after a hold caused a 1st & 20,
but Dick allowed Dicky to gain 5 and then 11 to set
up 3d & 4, and from there Dick once again got
flaccid and rushed 4 men while Henne ate a
Note to Dick -- this blitzing of Pola up the gut was, for the
umpteenth time this year, easily picked up and saw the defense surrender a
mammoth gain, this time being the Bess TD.��
Pola going off the CORNER allows him to use his speed and agility.�� Pola up the GUT is like a Porshe stuck in an urban traffic jam.� It does nothing and serves little
purpose.�
Aaron Smith tore a tricep and is
done for the year.�� Quick -- let us
start a pity party (bawl!) for The Great Dick LeBeau, who (sob) just can�t live
or coach (waahh) without Aaron Smith in the
lineup.��� The mark of a great coach is
what he does when not blessed with a superstar at every position on the
field.� Let�s see if Dick succeeds, or
has been the case 3 of the past 4 years, struggles like a pathetic little
crybaby with Smitty gone for the year.�� D ���
HC:� Tomlin did a
poor job of handling the
I cannot fathom what Tomlin discusses with Arians during a
TO that then produces some vomit-laden, stupidfuk
reverse that serves no purpose; fools nobody; and loses gobs of yardage AND
momentum.� Then, when Ben was sacked on
3D with about 13 tics remaining in the 1H, Tomlin, the idiot, had TWO timeouts
in his hip pocket, but allowed the clock to run out to end the half.� Why not call a TO at 0:02 and allow Reed to
try a 56-yard FG, with the wind ??�� What a dumbass.� Imbecilic, self-inflicted wounds should make Adolf Goodell and the NFL look
into possibly �throwing� of games for the sake of gambling.��
Isn�t defense supposed to be Tommy�s forte�
?� �Ostrich-like management isn�t helping in this
phase of the game.�� C
Officiating.��� I don�t often rant about officials, but
this crew in particular sucked ass.�� The
Fish took a page out of Bill Belli-cheat�s playbook
and CONSTANTLY chucked and re-routed receivers WELL PAST the 5-yard
area, yet were NEVER ONCE flagged the entire game.� On one play in the 3Q (2nd & 12 at the
Mia. 18), Hines Ward was re-routed downfield not once, but TWICE, just missing
a TD grab, yet no flag was flown. �Randle
El was mugged as well.� Instead of
worrying about the big hits that occur once every 900 plays from scrimmage,
perhaps Adolf Goodell should
worry more about the enforcement of a simple, basic rule that got violated probably
20 times in today�s tilt.�� Furthermore,
I�m still fuming on the spot for Ben�s late fumble.� The ball was jarred loose from Ben�s hands,
at worst case, at the Fish 6-inch line.��
There never was a good LINEAR angle on this play; rather, the LONE angle
that showed the �fumble� was from BEHIND the end zone, some 50 feet away and 50
feet off the ground.� Placing the ball
way back at the 1/2 yard line was utter horseshit.���� C-
Stiller
Management: �Okay, so the
cheapskate Stillers upgraded from taped-together pieces of cardboard to a more
elaborate set-up of PVC piping and canvas in order to blot out the sun for
players on the bench.� Still
sophomoric, given an operation with a player payroll of 60-some million dollars.�� I don�t understand why some simple �pop up�
shelters (which are seen at youth-league softball, baseball, and soccer tournaments
all over the country) cannot be placed by the bench, instead of having butlers
and servants holding some flimsy-assed contraption aloft as though they were handmaidens
for the Pharaoh in ancient
Synopsis:�
A tight win that would have left a supremely shitty taste in everyone�s
mouth had we pissed this game away.�� The
Stillers now venture on to The City That Should Have Never Been Rebuilt (it�s
under sea level and surrounded by water, fer chrissakes!), to take on the Aints
on Halloween nite.��
The Aints will be in a foul mood, having just
lost to the lowly Brownies.� Let�s hope
for a more focused effort.��
(Still Mill
and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the