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Stillers-PoeBirds Postgame Analysis and Grades

December 29, 2019 by Still Mill


Ravens 28, Stillers 10……. Dec 29, 2019………Game # 16

Stillers-PoeBirds Postgame Analysis and Grades

The Stillers played the PoeBirds in what presumably was a must-win to make the playoffs.   Problem was, few players, and few coaches, got the memo about “must win”, and what transpired instead was a bland, flaccid effort more befitting a preseason finale.   


QB:  Hodges had a variety of struggles, although he got all too little help from this vaunted yet shitty-assed O-line, nor from stiffs with brittle hands, like James Washington.   C-

Conner -  again sat, like a pansie.   Perhaps he’ll be looking for work in the offseason.     

Samuel - played only sparingly.    No carries.   Had 1 grab for 16.  What I didn’t like on this play, and I’ve seen it from him several times this season, is this pussyfied running OOB — almost like a QB — instead of delivering a lick and getting an extra yard or two.    This sorry fuk just gives away free yardage all too often.    He also failed to corral the loose ball after the Hodges fumble, despite having the first, and a clean, crash as the loose ball.   C

Snell:  Had some strong running, and finished with a respectable 91 yards on 18 rushes.   In my mind, he’d got a cemented roster spot next Aug, presuming he doesn’t become fat and lazy.     A

Whyte - Had 3 rushed for 1 yard.   Obviously, the muddy grass field isn’t conducive to a quick speedster of his ilk.    Of course, he was never targeted in the passing game.    

Edmunds - not used.     

JuJu - Had (hold your laughter, please) 2 grabs for 6 yards, which included a simple shovel pass.    Thus ends a sorry season for the so-called “#1 receiver”, who never came close to that.     D-  

Wash - Had at least 2 drops, and looked disinterested.   A sorry effort.    F

Dionte - Had 4 grabs for 54.   Nearly hauled in an off-target EZ lob for a TD.     Has clearly become the #1 WR on this team.   His lone boner was foolishly stopping a deep route and trying to jump 9 feet in the air, instead of, ya know, just fuking running under the ball.    B+.

McDonald - finally was used a bit; had 2 grabs for 19, which wasn’t nearly enough usage in this weather.    

Vanette:  again did little.

OL:  Overall, the line blocked poorly in pass pro and half-decently in the ground game.   Villa had a foolish holding penalty.  Fat Ramon Foster, in what we hope was his final game as a Stiller, was awful all game long.    The Line as a whole failed to account for simple blitzes, time and time again.    D

Hargrave - did little, and too often got dominated at the POA.   This may be his final game as a Stiller.     C

Heyward – Ditto as ‘Grave.    Sure, he had a bat that created a meaningless INT with 25 seconds left.    How worst play came on a RB plunge, in which Heyward had a clear shot at the RB at the TWO yard line, but failed to use his HANDS and ARMS, instead just trying to stop the back with a helmet hit.  The RB, of course, easily shrugged off the hit and scored the TD.     C

Alu - got some PT here and there.     C+

McCullers - saw a fair amount of PT and did nothing.    

Vinnie– Had an okay game with 4 solos, 3As.    C+

Bush - left the team with 11 solos, although many of these were far too down the field on simple dive plays.   B-

Barron - saw a ton of PT and finished with….ONE solo.    He just juked out of his jock on a 3rd down dump off that gained the 1st D yardage, and all too often, he was nowhere to be found in stopping the run.   Hopefully today was his final game in Pittsburgh.    F

Watt - solid game with 4 solos and a FF.     He 3 foolish penalties in the 1H, which didn’t please me.    B

Crud DuPree - had a couple acceptable plays.   Also got sealed in like a Tupperware jar on a Griffin wide run early on, which gained over 10.    Satisfied with his stats, he was quiet the final 30 minutes of the game.    Hopefully, he, too, has played his final game in Pittsburgh.   C+

Chickillo -  saw some PT; did little.    

Haden - had an ok game; hard to gauge as Balt didn’t throw downfield much.   Got a Dong INT with 20 seconds left in an 18 point blowout.    B

Artie Burned - did not dress  

Minkah -  made a few tackles.    Am puzzled how this fellow disappeared the final 6-7 games of the season.   B-

Nelson - busted up a pass in the EZ and made a few tackles.    B

Edmunds - chipped in here and there on run stops.   However, was shoddy as shit on the dive play from the 5 yard line, in which he clumsily dove LOW and was easily side-stepped en route to a TD.    B-

Hilton - had a couple plays and got a half-sack off a blitz.   B

Spec teams:   
Jordan Berry – had a chance in the 1H to pin Balt deep, but instead boomed a punt into the EZ for a TB.   Then, in the 4Q, he fielded a good snap at his 5-yard line and promptly dropped it.    Worse, the stupid fuk coughed up the resulting fumble, giving Balt a freebie TD.     My gawd, this guys sucks ass.      F.

Boswell – 1 for 1 on FGs; a chip-shot 26 yarder.     

Dionte - returned 2 punts; one for 13 yards.   

OC:    Randy Sphincter had his usual struggles.   The game was played in a non-stop downpour, which screamed for simple pass plays off of drag routes, in routes, etc.    Instead, Sphincter ordered a tidal wave of deep, downfield lobs, which had a tiny chance of being accurate in THIS weather.   The overall play calling was as bland and vanilla as plain oatmeal.     No deception, no trickery, no wrinkles, no fukking nothing.    Just play after play after play of bland, vanilla horseshit.  

Steelers opening possession results, 2019.

Grade:  F

Keith Assler was gifted the luxury of facing a team sitting FIVE of its starters, including is star QB and star RB.    Sure as shit, Assler still entirely incapable of stopping this simple, pass-limited offense.   Both of Balt’s first two drives were nearly non-stop plunges, most for huge chunks of yards, while Assler stood helpless and confused.  Remember, this was a MUST WIN game, and Assler arrives ill prepared and unable to make a single fuking adjustment.  The Ravens ended up running for well over 200 yards rushing, thanks to Keith “I’m a StupidFuk” Buttler.      F

HC:  Stoogelin was in a must-win game, yet his team came out meek, uninspired, ill-prepared, and flaccid.    The one-dimensional Raven offense gashed Asslin’s vaunted D for huge chunks of yardage on most occasions.    The Stiller offense was moribund and feeble.    The spec teams joined the act by getting tooled on a fake punt.   This was a MUST WIN game, yet Asslin coached it with ass puckering timidity, scared shitless.    Anyone recall the imbecilic cries of “Tomlin for Coach of the Year”?      Bah !   Coach of the Year, my ass.   More like, Farce of the Year.     For the 2nd year in a row, he pissed away a golden opportunity in Dec to qualify for a playoff spot.   And he got used by Harbaugh as his own personal bitch.    Fact is, Asslin, prior to this season, has almost always had the superior QB (except for when Ben was injured), and thus his moderate success against Harbaugh.   Now?    He’s  Harbaugh’s bent-over bitch-boy.    F

Synopsis:   A shit loss to cap a shitty 8-8 season.     Sure enough, Asslin, with lifetime employment, will be back.   And so will his sorry-assed coaching staff.    Had to be overly optimistic for 2020 unless Ben comes back, fully healthy.   And even then, he can only do so much with a WR corps consisting mostly of XFL-caliber receivers.    

(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)
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