Stillers 21, Brownies 21…….Sep 9, 2018………Game # 1
Stillers-Browns Postgame Analysis and Grades
The Stillers went out to rainy Cleve to slop around in the mud and rain. 4 hours later, it was determined that neither team was worthy of a win, and they ended the game in a meek tie.
QB: Ben picked up right where he left off last season, as careless as a drug abuser on a rabid high. Sure, it was raining, but he was scattershot the ENTIRE game. He looked like ass and played like ass.
Poorly overthrew Hunter on deep lob, 1Q. Horrid pass. ON the ensuring play, horribly missed Hunter on a WIDE open out pass. Finally, on 3d pass, hit Ju on a flag route. Nice pass. But on the 4th pass, threw a horrific pass, LATE, and into a BEEHIVE of defenders, for a costly INT at the Cleve 10.
Clutch 3d & 2 completion to James, late 1Q.
Dead-rotten deep ball to AB, INT. AB may have not taken the correct angle, though. The cough-up in OT was unacceptable for a veteran star QB. All in all, a dogshit game, in which Shitlesberger was far, far too careless with the pigskin. . D
Bell – sat out and pouted, unsigned. What a tool.
Conner – stellar all around game, rushing 31 times for 135 and 2 TDs, and grabbing 5 passes for 57. The downer was the hideous fumble deep into the 4Q. A-
Ridley – never saw ANY PT, because in a Mike Asslin offense, there can be ONE, and ONLY ONE, RB used.
Nix – had some solid lead blocks.
Brownie – outstanding TD grab,3Q. Had a fairly quiet 9 grabs for 93. B
Heyward-Gay – no use on O.
Switzer – dropped a cake-easy curl pass, 1Q. What was worse, is that the nohron JUMPED UP when he had no need to do so. Had one carry for a solid gain of 8 yards.
JuJu – good grab of flag route, 1Q. Took a short slant for 67 yards, 3Q.
Hunter – flagged for a block in the back on a silly-assed WR screen, which was declined, as of course the play gained only 1 yard on 3d & 10. Had a paltry 1 grab for a measley 6 yards. C-
Jesse James – foolishly allowed a short, EASY pass to CLANG off his hands and then into the hands of a defender, late 1H, that ruined a FG opportunity if not a stab or 2 at the EZ. Very poor. Had 3 grabs for 60, which is obviously solid production. B-
Grimble - never once was involved in the passing offense.
McDonald - Once again sat out, with a sore vagina of some sort. He’s a complete pussy.
OL: Overall, the line had some good push in the ground game and occasionally gave Ben good time, although this is a mediocre Clev defense. All the fawning and hype about how dominant this O-line is, and come the 4th Qtr, they had their asses handed by the Cleve front 7. C
Villeneueva - Flagged for a hold in OT. Got used and beaten like a complete little bitch by Garrett ALL day long. Pro Bowler, my ass. D
Gilbert - FatAss Marcus negated a TD pass, 3Q, with a stupid hands to the face flag. With the Stillers trying to grind out the clock, 4Q, FatAss Marcus was flagged for a foolish, needless holding penalty on a 1st down run that gained 8 yards. Instead of moving the chains on a 2d & 2, the offense quickly punted 3 plays later, all thanks to FatAss Marcus. D
Foster – solid game.
Pouncey – stupidly bear-hugged a defender and negated Conner’s TD run, 3Q. Surprsingly had the presence of mind, and hustle, to chase down the defender later in OT, although the illegal block call would have negated a TD.
DeCastro – banged up a wrist, but returned to play.
Hargrave – flagged for a hold, giving Clev a 1st down when the Stilers appeared to have 3d & 10 set up deep in Cleve territory. Got shoved around quite a bit in the 3Q when Clev got the running game going.
Heyward – had a quiet game, but did have 5 solos and 2 A.
simply isn’t enough. C
Tuitt – had 4 solos, but very, very minimal impact.
Alu - saw some PT.
Vinnie – very active….4 solos and a large stack of 8 assists.
Bostic - flashed in and sacked the QB, when the rookie RB Chubb failed to pick up the blitz. Played acceptably.
Chickillo - some some PT, but no impact at’all.
Watt – abused 88, first play of 3Q, and nailed Taylor for a sack. Good fight-off of block by Hubbard, and stuffed ground play for a 2 yard loss. On the very next play, he fought thru a chip block, then beat the RT for a 3d down sack. Finished the game with 4 sacks, 8 solos, and a blocked FG. When a dude can fuking play football, he can play it on ANY side, anywhere, in any scheme. A+
Crud Dupree – On the early 3d & 13, looped around the horn of Africa, then feebly WHIFFED on a caked-easy tackle attempt of Taylor that would have forced a punt. ON the 3d & 7 draw play, there was, AIMLESSLY loop-rushing and NEVER peeking into the backfield, and the resulting ACRE of open room allowed Duke to cake-walk for an easy 1st down. Had a strip of the QB, late 1H. On the 3Q TD by Taylor, there was CRUD, looping WAAAY behind the QB, and completely OUT of the play, on the OTHER side of the field, when Taylor jogged for the TD. Mid-4Q, Crud DuPree – completely UNBLOCKED -- gets juked out of his jock.....and then gets his jocked rocked by a peelback block,. What a pilo shit. Mid 4q, on 4TH and TEN, this POS stutters OFFSIDES, negating a 4th down stop. Somehow, this lame pilo shit was credited with 4 solos. Of course, he proved that, once a pilo shit, it matters no which side of the field he’s lined up on…..once a pilo shit, ALWAYS a pilo shit. D-
Haden – got tooled on an out and up, and then failed completely to PICK UP the ball while in flight, allowing a 30+ yard pass. Good bust-up in the EZ, late 3Q, on a deep post that coulda been 6. Injured a ham, 2H, and did not return.
Burns – had a rare INT, mid 2Q, but a holding flag on Edmunds negated it. Flagged for a two fouls when he threw off his helmet like a complete jackass, early 3Q. What a complete imbecile. D
Davis – mauled at the ball on a fairly easy INT chance, OT, and the ball fell to the ground. Just an awful play, in which, if he picks the pass, he might take it to the house.
Hilton – All this dude does is make plays. Play after play after play. A+
Sutton – got completely tooled and abused for TWO successive plays, late 4Q…..one for 38 yards, and other for the tying TD. To his particle credit, he managed to bust up a deep post in the EZ a short while later. C
Jordan Berry – Shoitty first punt. In the 4Q, had yet another barfy punt, which traveled all of 36 yards. What a pilo shit. Booted a shitty, low liner late in the game. Weak-assed 39 yard punt, 1:35 left in game. Complete pilo shit. D
Boswell – hooked an earlier PAT that barely was good. Had a chance to win the game in OT, but duck-hooked a 42-yard FG. Very poor. D-
Switz – stellar PR, 1Q. Gives the team a real punt returner (aside from AB),as he shows good vision, decision making, and the ability to cleanly grab punts. B+
Nix and Heyward-Gey were both flagged on a punt return, late 1Q, which cost the team 25 yards.
OC: Randy Sphincter had his first game as OC, and it was an abject disaster. The gameplan was a complete grab-bag of bullshit, and there never were any mis-directions, reverses, or other similar plays to keep Cleve honest as they began to just shoot pell-mell at Conner.
I despised the early 3d & 2 slant pass to AB. Sure, it was a rotten pass. On a wet, rainy day, however, this was a high risk, low probability pass play. Dumbshoit slant, 13:30 4Q, near INT.
What enraged me the most was how Sphincter has his sphincter tighten up tighter than a banjo string come the 4th quarter. You’d have though he was using a rookie QB and 3 rookie WRs. The O-plan at that point was a bland dose of line plunges, even though there was LOADS of time left and even though the Stillers employ the worst punter in pro football.
I also despised, although facing a mediocre (if that) defense, how the Cleve secondary was VELCROED to the intended receiver on 90% of the pass plays. You have a RB in Conner keeping the secondary honest, and you have AB and JuJu……yet on 90% of the pass plays, the Cleve defenders are within two INCHES of the receiver. How in the fuk ??? Furthermore, aside from AB and JuJu, there was basically NOTHING out of the rest of the WRs and other TEs. Complete dogshit by Sphincter, who needs to extract his head from his sphincter. D
Keith Assler had the luxury of facing a shit QB in Schmyrod Taylor, yet torched by Taylor’s arm AND his legs. Time and time again, rushers failed to account for Taylor’s mobility, as though they had never, ever seen 2 minutes of film on this fellow.
3d & 7, draw play, late 1Q, and NO ONE is prepared for the draw play.
3d & 6, about 1 min left in the game, rushed only 3. Easy completion for Tyrod. Complete barf. D+
HC: Mike Dumblin oversaw a sloppy, ass-wiping effort in which his team committed 12 penalties for over 100 yards. (Too many men on field, late in game (under 30 secs)…..how in the fuk??) His team also completely pissed away a fourteen point lead with only 8 minutes left in the game. Complete shit. It all starts at the top, and Mike Asslin deserves every bit of blame for this disaster. F
Synopsis: A shit loss. Yes, I know that it technically was a tie. When ya lose to a piece of shit team like Clev, while leading by FOURTEEN in the 4th qtr, it’s a LOSS. A disgrace. An embarrassment. This team has been far, far too comfortable in slopping around and then relying on Boswell’s foot to win the game….rather than kicking an opponent when their down and cruising to a 20 point win.
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)
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