Stillers 38, Foreskins 16 ……. Sep 12, 2016…………Game # 1
Stillers-Foreskins Postgame Analysis and Grades
The Stillers went to Maryland to face the vaunted Foreskins on MNF. The Stillers got off to the kind of slop-laden start you’d expect from them in a season opener, and were quickly down 6-0. They clawed back and got 2 TDs before halftime, the 2nd on a bizarre ricochet that bounced from a Skin to Eli Rogers in the EZ. The Stillers fairly poured it on in the 2nd half, overwhelming the Foreskin defense en route to a 38-16 asswhipping.
Grades:
QB:
Threw the INT, 1Q, although it appeared to be Rogers’ fault. Then, on the next series, foolishly held the ball forever, and then allowed Kerrigan to swat the ball away. Only a Pouncey recovery staved off disaster. Nice lob to AB for the TD on the 4th & 1 fake plunge, early 2Q, although he nearly lollipopped it too much. Poor pass to an open James in the EZ, late 2Q, which was batted away. Got lucky on the TD pass to Rogers, which literally was deflected by one Skin, then bounced off another Skin and then into the lap of Rogers. By all rights, this should have been an INT.
Early in the 3Q, Ben had James WIDE open on a key 3rd down, but poorly threw the ball way too low, forcing a FG. He rebounded by hitting Coates (after a botched snap) on a deep ball for 42 yards, and then hit AB in stride on a 26-yard sideline lob for a clutch 3rd down TD to make the score 22-6. In the 4Q, on a 2d and 19, eluded pressure and hit AB for a big 1st down. Overall, Ben was 27 of 37 for 300 yards and 3 TDs. Take away the foolish O’Donnell-like stand-around that led to the stripped fumble, and this woulda been an A+. A
RB:
DeAngelo – Good screen pass RAC, late 1Q. Nifty 5 yard gain out of nothing, mid 2Q. Excellent power run, 3d & 1, gaining 4 yards on a nice effort just before the 2MW. Then dropped a challenging but very catchable screen pass, which pissed me off. Ultra slick, shifty run off LT for a 15-yard TD at 5:55 4Q. Finished with 143 yards rushing, 6 grabs, and 2 TDs. Helluva effort. A+
Toussaint - Good 2nd and 3rd effort on a gut plunge, early 3Q.
FB:
Nix - did not dress.
WR:
Brownie – superb snare of a high curl-in, 3d & 9, 1st play 2Q. Very clutch. Nearly fumbled a routine curl a few plays later, but luckily it was called an incomplete pass rather than a fumble recovered by Wash. Big TD grab a few plays later on a 4th and 1 deep lob to the EZ. Grabbed a deep lob for a 3Q TD, but then drew my ire with a silly-assed dance that was flagged for 15 yards on the KO. A really juvenilish, assaholic move by AB. Had 8 grabs for 126 yards and 2 TDs. Not shabby. The moronic penalty prevents this from being a higher grade. A-
Pinkie Wheaton – Mister Sofftee has a sore shoulder (sob!), so he sat this game out. By the time he returns, hopefully he’ll be the #4. Or #5, LMAO.
Coates - Dropped first pass thrown to him, a cake-easy, simple WR screen pass. Hauled in a deep ball from Ben, 3Q, good for 42 yards. Clutch grab on a key 3d & 13, 4Q, for a 1st down. By the time Pinkie Wheaton returns, Coates will be entrenched as the #2. B
Rogers - Nice snare on a key 3d & 2, 1Q, and with the RAC, gained 20. But a few plays later, allowed a pass to slip by him and get INTd, perhaps due to turning the wrong way on the curl route. Grabbed a bizarre, pinball pass that bounced off a Foreskin and into his lap for a big TD just before halftime. Had a surprising 6 grabs, for 59 yards. Very solid debut. B
Heyward-Gay – saw some PT in bunch formations and short yardage, but wasn’t thrown a pass.
TE:
Jesse James - Had 4 grabs in the 1st half, quickly becoming a security blanket for Ben. Got abused by a rusher, 3Q, forcing a TA by Ben. Flagged for a hold on a 10-yard run by Williams, 7:53 4Q. Had an adequate block on the late DW TD run, and grabbed a total of 5 passes. B-
OL:
Villeneueva - solid game. The strip was by Kerrigan (whom Villa was blocking), but I blame BenRoth for just fuking standing there, O-Donnell-like, rather than simply scooting or shuffling 6 feet to his left, where there was an ACRE of open space.
Gilbert - FatAss Marcus didn’t commit his usual false start or usual holding, which is stunning, now that I think of it. Steady game.
Foster – solid effort
Pouncey - Amazingly got thru the game without injury. Had a huge fumble recovery deep in Stiller territory that staved off disaster in the 1Q.
DeCastro – Some solid pulls and blocking on counters.
DL:
Hargrave - saw some PT; little impact, although Wash only ran the ball 11 times.
McCullers - also some PT, did little.
Heyward – blew up draw play, 1st series. Little QB harassment.
Tuitt – solid game. Not a lot of impact, though.
Matthews - saw some PT in the 2H. Didn’t do a ton, but he’s, oh, at least 14 times better than Fat Cam Thomas.
LB:
Timmons – Whiffed feebly and pitifully, early 3d & 10, allowing a 1st down to Reed. Complete vomit. Had some struggles, but also had 4 solos. B-
Shaquier – blistering hit, gut plunge, 1st series. Nice stick. Busted up what would have been a TD pass to Reed in EZ, 1Q. Forced a fumble, early 3Q, but Garcon corralled the loose pig. On the very next play, he snared an INT on a poorly thrown pass by Cousins, and then had a splendid return to the Wash 10. (Mike Bitchell’s foolish illegal block penalty nullified the return.) Left the game in 4Q due to some sort of injury. A
Moats - started, but did very, very little. To his credit, he chased down Cousins on a 4Q 4th & 10, stopping him 2 yards short of the sticks. Of course, he applied the lick very close to the sideline chalk, and I was just bracing for a cheezy personal foul flag, which fortunately and correctly was not thrown.
Harrison – Big lick on a RB, early 3Q. Snagged a batted pass for an INT in the EZ late in the game.
Jones – saw a ton of PT. Little QB pressure, but chipped in with 2 solos and 4 A’s, much of it in pass coverage.
Chickillo - got some PT, but did little.
Fort - saw some PT, 4Q. Was shoddy in tackling on the Wash TD drive, but then responded with a blistering gut rush that forced an inc pass when he smacked into the QB’s arm.
Dupree – obviously did not dress, due to the groin.
DB
Golden – chopped down Garcon on a 3d & 9 dumpoff, late 1Q. Little else.
Mitchell – shoddy, horrendous coverage on a deep in to Jackson, early 2Q, good for 34 yards. Then committed an illegal block to the back on Shaz’s INT return, like the jackass that he is, nullifying golden FP at the Wash 10 yard line (ball placed at the PIT 25). Had 4 solos. C+
Gay - Wasn’t picked on as much as Wash could have.
Cockrell - Dropped very catchable INT, 1Q. The Skins ended up booting a FG a few plays later, which obviously would not have occurred if Stonehands Russell had snared the INT. Got picked on for loads of easy yards off softee coverage. Flagged for PI on a late bomb, although, pound for pound, he got his arm in to deflect the pass with good timing. Wasn’t happy with that call, as it was an anticipatory call by the ref. C+
Davis - whiffed in the backfield on a RB, 3Q, which turned into a 12 yard run. Good tackle of Garcon on a short crosser, late 3Q. Good to see him get some PT.
Burns - played on ST; not sure if he got any PT as a DB.
Sharko Thomas – did not play DB.
Spec teams:
Jordan Berry – Booomed a 61-yarder, late 3Q. Didn’t have any shanks. A
Boswell – booted a 46-yard FG, 3Q. A
Rogers - didn’t get to return any punts, due to FC.
Burns was flagged for an offsides on the 2nd FG of the 1Q. Had the kick been no good, I’d have been enraged.
Vinnie and Dangerfield had a good combo tackle in punt coverage, late 3Q, after a 61-yard punt.
OC:
Haley’s offense sputtered and wheezed the 1Q, but then caught fire from the 2Q onwards.
Nice call on the 4th & 1 fake plunge, 29-yard pass to AB, early 2Q. Then, late in the 2Q, on another 4th & 1, Ben hit Rogers with a lil’ pop pass over the middle, good for 19 yards. The offense clicked like a machine in the 2d half….very impressive.
After Wash turned the ball over on downs at 4:17 4Q, Haley incredibly insisted on keeping Deangelo in the game for more pounding. The score was 31-16, so there was no need to pound DW into the line for another 5 carries. Remember, he not only needs to start for 2 more weeks, but Haley must then prepare for the annual Bell injury come Nov or Dec.
That aside, I will applaud Haley as a wizard. He’s everything that Bruce "duck and chuck it long" Arians is not. Haley deserves credit. For any defense, just prepare for this offense. Just try. A
DC:
Keith Assler had the luxury of a comfy lead in the 3Q. True to his nature, he settled into a BLAND, bullshit vanilla zone scheme, which Wash finally figured out. The Skins garnered a 9 play, 52 yard FG drive, and then followed that with an early 4Q march that went 77 yards in 7 plays for a TD to make the score 24-16. Had Ben not led the offense on a long TD march, it’s hard to envision what might have happened.
Slowfooted Timmons on D. Jackson on a crosser…..brilliant !! 31-yard catch and run, 1Q. What further enraged me was how, during the 1st 3 quarters, Assler insisted on keeping Timmy on the field in ultra-obvious passing downs. On 3d and 12, we don’t need THE slowest LB in the NFL on the field. I was also surprised at how meek and feeble the Foreskins were in terms of downfield passing. Yes, the Stillers were playing in a zone, but they don’t exactly have Ronnie Lott and Ed Reed playing safety. Most teams relish taking double-digit downfield chances against this defense, knowing they’re apt to cash in on a few of the passes for large chunks of yardage, as well as a rash of freebie penalty yardage for PI , illegal chuck, and illegal use of hands. B-
HC: Mike Dumblin finally snapped out of his opening day funk, having gone 1-4 the past 5 years in openers. The defense is still far too soft and meek, and Stoogelin, supposedly the D-side expert, has got to oversee rabid improvement.
The idiocy of insisting on holding a roster spot for Senqueer “Glass Fragile” Golson still enrages me.
Synopsis: An enjoyable can o’ whip-ass administered to the Foreskins…! To be fair, had the Ben fumble, the AB near-fumble, and the ricochet TD pass ended up the opposite of what they did, this could have been a completely different game, as the Stillers could have been facing a 20-some point 1H deficit. Next week, of course, is enormously important, with the hated Bungals and Vonty Burfict visiting Heinz Field for an AFC North showdown. Combined with Pitt’s beat-down of Penn St., this was certainly one of the most enjoyable football weekends in the past decade for myself…..might as well crack open an ‘Arrn City…..! Hail to Pitt, and Go Stillers !!
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)
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