�Fool�s
Gold�
Special Commentary by PalmerSucks
January 16, 2012
Teboner:
n. A state of excitement, bordering on sexual, caused by the play of Denver Broncos
quarterback Tim Tebow. Example: Good
thing Skip�s lap is covered by his desktop; his Teboner would be quite
embarrassing.
Ah, you sweet suckers, you na�ve ones, you football
�experts� like Lady Gaga, who crowed that Tim Tebow�s win last week was proof
of greatness � and not the mirage it really was. A few people actually got it,
guys who actually played the game like Hugh Douglas who warned �you have to
understand what you�re really seeing� when judging Tebow�s results against the
Stillers.
Take a knee and do the Tebow � then open your eyes and see
the light! Yes, reality returned � as
expected � on a cold New England night. Gone was the Stillers� gift
man-coverage with no back safety, back was good ol� basic cover two. The Tebow
that faced the Stillers � and saw only one man to beat wherever he looked,
allowing him low-risk throws � now hesitated again to �pull the trigger.�
The result was a Tebow-like 9-for-26, 136-yard stinker �
praise the Lord and pass the deodorant!
See Tim run in circles, cue those �Three
Stooges� sound effects � whoop whoop! whoop! See that
wounded duck flutter � whoop! whoop! whoop! At one point
Tebow uncorked a perfect 40-yard pass � too bad his receiver was only 30 yards
downfield.
Not that Denver�s defense helped, rolled as it was by Brady
and his receivers. But it just goes to show: what�s the difference between a 14-0
and a 6-0 lead?
Did you get that stat again, Mr. LeBeau? That�s 9 completions for 136, not 10
completions for 316. OK, then.
By the end of the game, Tebow worship had turned to Phil
Simms talking about a Stillers defense that had �gambled and done some things
out of character� and his broadcast partner volunteering that Hampton and
Keisel had had to leave the game early. C�mon guys, where�s the spirit? Show us that Tebow pose again, Coach, Shannon,
Dan and Boomer!
Now back to last week�
The best description of Tebow�s unlikely win over the
Stillers was delivered by ESPN�s Doug Stewart, in reply to Skip Bayless (at the
time sporting a throbbing Teboner): �fool�s gold.� As I already detailed, this
was a once-in-ten-blue-moons kind of show, an outcome as likely as you hitting
the Lotto tomorrow. The dumb public put this 10-for-21 passing day in the same
category as any of Montana�s greatest games. The irrational exuberance spilled
over into the mainstream media � that genius Sean Hannity took seriously the
suggestion that Tebow�s 31.6 YPA meant divine intervention, because after all,
Tebow�s favorite bible verse is John 3:16. Are we really all this dumb?
�Fool�s gold� it was � examine the performance under a
microscope, and you�ll learn the truth. I�ve normally enjoyed Bayless�s Tebow
shtick, but his over-the-top proclamation that the true greatness of Tebow was
shown here became simply unbearable. This wasn�t a performance for the ages �
it was a 46-percent completion day. There was no legendary 11-play winning
drive � it was one short throw turned into 80-yards with one
huge blown coverage. Bayless had the nerve to crow that Roethlisberger had no pressure on him
(what game was he watching?) � when, as I pointed out
in the last commentary, Tebow was the caterpillar allowed to turn butterfly in
his warm, soft, cozy cocoon. Note to Skip: when the blood flows back up to your
brain, compare how many times Ben got sacked vs. how many times Tebow did.
I expected the Stillers to play man � what shocked me was how
very few times they dropped a post safety. On the game�s last play � and this
blows my mind -- the deepest guy is Ike Taylor, when it should have been Ryan Mundy. I can understand the Stillers playing
this way at the game�s beginning, figuring as they would that Tebow wouldn�t be
able to hit his receivers. But once he did, and showed he could � here they
should have made the adjustment. Instead, the Stillers continued to play with
no safety back � as if they were in denial that Tebow was completing rather
than turfing his passes. It wasn�t really Tebow who beat the Stillers � it was
a combination of their own arrogance and stupidity.
Bottom line: the Stillers disrespected Tebow to the point of
scheming him that way. The Patriots may have been laughing in the film room,
but they showed him some respect on the field. The difference was there for all
to see.
Who knows � maybe it is time for LeBeau to hit the trail, as
some have suggested. Once, Dick�s zone-blitz crossed up even the best; I
remember a game years ago vs. Miami where Dan Marino
slammed down the ball in confused frustration. Now?
Even Tebow can beat the system.
And oh the irony: at first it seemed drawing Tebow was the
easiest road to the divisional round. Looking back, it�d have been better to
draw Cincinnati or Houston � simply because the defense would have played
�normal� football, and not the dumb, arrogant and freakish way they did. By not
dropping a safety � again, the same thing that cost them the game against
Flacco � the Stillers changed themselves from the number-one defense into a
cover-zero shadow of their usual selves. Once again, the defense that always
kept everything in front of them broke down at the worst possible time.
�Dance with the girl who brung you there,� says an old hillbilly
proverb. The Stillers would be wise to listen.
PALMER�S PLAYOFFS UPDATE: New Orleans, my NFC Super Bowl
Pick, bit the dust in one of the best playoff games I�ve seen in a long time.
There�s a trend I�ve noticed this post-season though, one I�ll address in a
future commentary. New England showed it, as did both New Orleans and San
Francisco. The Stillers would be wise to remember it come draft day. Again,
more on this in the future...
As much as I hate the Patriots, I can�t stand the thought of
a team featuring Joke Flacco getting to the Bowl � it goes against every idea
of what I think football should be. Never have I seen a team win so many games
with a quarterback who contributes so little. �Ravens� Ball� is the term they
use in Baltimore to explain how you can be up 17-3 when your QB is 4-for-12 for
80 yards. For the sake of all that�s holy, I hope New England shuts down Rice,
puts up a few TDs, and makes Joke earn his paycheck for a change.
Flacco scolded the media before the game, saying basically
that �win or lose, you guys will say I had little or nothing to do with the
outcome.� Aw c�mon, Joke! I know they gave you credit for leading that epic
two-yard drive off the gift punt muff! You da man!
Anyway, stay tuned Sunday as the Ravens play another game of
�hide the quarterback.� It should be a real thriller.