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Stillers – Bungals Postgame Analysis and Grades

December 21, 2020 by Still Mill

Bungals 27, Stillers 17,  Dec 21, 2020 …………Game # 14


Stillers – Bungals Postgame Analysis and Grades


The 11-2 Stillers mosied out to the Queen City to face the hapless 2-10-1 Bungals.   Sloppy as fuk all 1st Qtr, the Stillers went to the locker room at halftime down 17-0.   They clawed back, but were a day late and a few hundred dollars short, meekly losing to the inept Bungals.      Due to the late nite nature of this game, and the general slop, I won’t spend all that much time on this report.




QB:   Ben Shitlesberger had the worst 1st half of his entire career, I believe.   Ben's halftime stats:   7 of 16, for 19 yards, with most of the yards coming on a meaningless dumpoff late in the half.   Plus TWO turnovers via 1 fumbled snap, and 1 INT.    Complete vomit.  The very first play of the game, a deep lob, was a typical wounded QUAIL of a pass that was weakly underthrown.  


Hit Dionte for a TD, 3Q, to get the team on the board.  Led another TD drive, but was woefully unable to move the offense on its final late-game drive.    F- 




Conner –  sat out with a quad injury, like a pansie. 


Samuels – chipped in here and there.  Like a fool, ran OOB very-late in the 2Q when the team was trying to run out the clock.    


Snell –  29-yard run, 3Q.   Had 18 rushes for 84 yards.   B


McFarland – had 1 rush for 5, and 1 grab for 9.  These are productive numbers, so of course he was never used more than this.  


FB:    Watt got injured covering a punt after first series.  



JuJu –  got LIT UP on a 3rd down short crosser, 1Q, and COUGHED the ball up for a turnover.  Maybe this ass-hatted simpleton should stop pre-game dancing on the foe’s emblem.    D 


Wash – rarely targeted the entire game.   Puzzling.       


Dionte -  Finally seemed to cure his drop problem.   Had 8 grabs for 59.   


Claypool –  had 3 grabs for 54, and 1 rush for -6.         


RayRay – not involvement on O. 



McDonald – false start, 2Q.  No grabs, and didn’t block all that well.  


Ebron – got nicked up early while trying to grab a pass in TRIPLE coverage, 2Q.  


OL:  Overall, the line got ass-whipped most of the nite.   Sure, there were a few rare gainers on the ground, but all too often, the ground game was STUFFED on 3rd or 4th and short.    The pass pro was fuking awful.  Leading the way in the stench was Al Villa, who had a wretched evening.   Villa was flagged for a hold, 2Q.  Got humiliated for a sack, late 2Q.  Continually got ABUSED by Carl Lawson, ALL NITE LONG.  The main problem was that Villa decides to imitate an ALLIGATOR, never EXTENDING his arms and thereby allowing the rusher to get into his chest and then doing whatever he wanted.  


Villa wasn’t the only culprit.    DeeAstro sucked ass.   Pukes Okorafor got ragdolled numerous times.    JD Assenhour ate ass every hour.        Overall grade:  F



Heyward – The $65M Man had an adequate game.    B


Tuitt – another vaunted DE who frankly did very, very litt.e   Stop the presses !  Midway thru the 3Q, Stephonie Tuitt finally gets a solo tackle......on a slow footed QB just lumbering forward for a token gain.    This is what SIXTY MILLION bucks gets ya.   Had 3 solos, all in slop mode in the 2H.    Has become a waddling fat-ass who ain’t worth a bucket of manure.   To think, this fat-assed waddler weras Kevin Greene’s number…’s a disgrace to Greene to have this number produce so little week in and week out.  F


Alu – did little as the D got gouged on the ground.      C



Vinnie – sat out again due to Covid.   Npot sure why, as I thought his quarantine shoulda ended days ago.


Watt – totally blew up an early 3d & 2 run by Cinci.   Had 3 TFLs and was of the few defenders to try.   B


Odeniyi – did little while getting PT in the 1H. 


Highsmith – blew up the 3d & goal play, 1Q, by blowing by the LT and forcing the sack by Watt.   Had a couple nice solos, but then got sucked in on the 4Q QB keeper that scored the winning TD.    Crud DuPree taught him well !      B-


Avery W. – got abused by Bernard on the pattern and then the RAC for the 2d Cinci TD.  This was humiliating abuse.   C


Marc Allen – got in on the tackle on the very first play by Cinci….an EIGHY yard run.   Injured a shoulder but unfortunately came back into the game.    Played a shit-ton of snaps and had TWO solos.    Please, kill this experiment, and fast.    D




Haden – gave a sorry-assed, weak-assed OLE’ dive at Bernard on the TD run, 2Q.    Really sorry-assed.   Totally pissed me off.   D+


Nelson –   Busted up a 3D pass.   Played ok.    B


Hilton – Blew up a 3rd & short play, 1H.          


Edmunds – Had a mouse-quiet 2 solos.    C-


Minkah -  made a huge play to nab the QB on a keeper, on a 3d & 5 just before the 2MW.   Led the D with 6 solos.     B


Sutton – got tooled on a double move, 3Q, but a poor pass enabled him to get back and bust up the pass.   C-


Spec teams:  

Berry – punted 6 times, and probably has a sore leg.    


Boswell – 1 for 1 on FGs; a chippie 25 yarder. 


RayRay – annoyed me by TWICE dawdling around on a rolling punt, which is stone stupid. 



OC:  Randy Sphincter again oversaw the Kevin Gilbride 3-yard offense.    3rd and 3, multiple times, and they insisted on the THREE YARD PATTERN.    It’s as if Sphincter went into the game, proclaiming, “Sheeit, they’ll never expect us to do the same shit we’ve done the past TEN weeks….!”   Snell runs for 40 yards on a drive, yet we pass 3 times on goal to go and kick FG.   2nd and 1 three times in the game and we pass, all incomplete, two predictably batted down on those dumb RPO passes.


If Mike Stoogelin had any sense, he’d have fired Sphincter at halftime for the goatfuk we saw tonite.     F-  



Keith Assler had the luxury of facing a greenhorned THIRD STRING QB, a backup RB, and a stud WR (Tyler Boyd) getting hurt early in the game.  Sure as shit, of course, Assler was complete flummoxed and befuddled the entire game.    You’ll hear a bunch of fools giving this defense a free pass, with bullshit about “The offense GAVE Cinci golden field position with the turnovers…..”      Sure, the first turnover, the Ben fumble, gave Cinci the ball at the 20, and the D held them to a FG.    The 2nd fumble gave Cinci the ball at the 38, which still requires some yardage just to get into easy FG range, and considerable yardage for a TD.    Sure enough, Cinci marches 7 plays for a cake-easy TD.     

       The INT gave Cinci the ball at the 26.  The D forced a “3 and out”, as in 3 plays, and a TOUCHDOWN.  Fuk me – force a fuking FG here.   Again, this wasn’t the offense of the ’94 49ers here… was a shitbag 3rd string QB directing these marches with a mediocre crew of weapons, and this vaunted defense got their asses SHREDDED. 


In the 4Q, after the Stillers had cut the lead to just 7, Assler allows the woeful Bungal offense – replete with a THIRD string QB and no Tyler Boyd – to MARCH 80 yards in 9 plays for a cake-easy, game-winning TD.   Thank you, Keith Assler, you no-good piece of shit.    F-


HC:  Mike Stoogelin looks more the fool for overseeing this outrageous clown-fest.      It was fuking disaster ALL OVER the field, on BOTH sides of the ball.    A fool WR dancing on the other team’s logo in pre-game.   Moronic penalties.   Brainless game plans.   Zero adjustments.    Shoddy technique.   Little gusto or grit.   Very little hard hitting.   It’s quite obvious this team EXPECTED to COAST during this game, and the lax, feeble effort proves this.   It all starts at the top, and Mike Asslin is now presiding over a swoon the likes that have rarely ever been seen in modern NFL history.   F- 



Just another loss amid the late season swoon, this against a complete BOTTOM FEEDER missing several key starters.   Rather sad to give this kind of half-assed effort on the day Kevin Greene passed away.  This is now the FOURTH consecutive feeble, barf-inducing performance by this club, dating back to when they EEKED by a Covid-ravage Raven team that dressed all of 36 players.  This team is plummeting, and plummeting fast.   Armed with ZERO leadership or smarts at Head Coach, there’s no hope in sight, and we can only assume the plummet will come to a merciful end in round 1 of the playoffs.  


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