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Is Dick Hatch Really Bill Cowher ?

August 27, 2000 by Still Mill


Is Dick Hatch Really Bill Cowher ? (Aug. 27th)

After watching the "Survivor" hysteria the past few weeks, I've come to the realization that Dick Hatch might actually be Little Billy Cowher in disguise.

"Say what..?", you ask. Before you balk, remember that the show was taped this spring, when Cowhead easily could have been away from Pittsburgh and on that remote island. And consider these similarities between the two men:

  • They both became millionaires though cunning, conniving, and depraved schemes & power plays.

Dick Hatch masterminded a litany of little power plays and sheer manipulation en route to his $1M victory in "Survivor". Little Billy, while still under contract, extorted his millions from the Rooneys by threatening to jump ship after the '97 season to a city that didn't even have a current pro football team and hadn't even made him a contract offer.

  • They both successfully ran off those who challenged their power.

Hatch, though his infamous "alliance", plus his other devilish schemes, disposed of all who were capable of beating him in the Survivor game. Cowhead got his boss, Tom Donahoe, fired, in part by refusing to play rookies and youths despite being the equivalent of 50 laps behind at the Indy 500 from playoff contention. Cowhead also personally ran off many assistants who left for LATERAL jobs in other franchises.

  • They both look like buffoons when sporting a beard.

This one should be pretty self-explanatory�.

  • They both are homosexuals.

Sure, Crybaby Bill hasn't publicly owned up to it the way Dick Hatch (what a name for a male homosexual, eh..?) has, but given Billy's love of Kordell Stewart, along with his gradual but continual dislike of tough, in-your-face, die-with-your-boots-on style of defense, it would surprise none of us if Cowher showed up one day and openly admitted his gay affinity.

  • They both possess clever, influential minds that can easily manipulate others.

Hatch was able to build an alliance from scratch, and then somehow keep it propped up long past its shelf life to aid in the voting. And even after the "alliance" dissolved, Hatch also was able to influence how people voted other folks off the island, thus keeping himself 'alive' at the expense of others. Cowhead has continually been able to lull the local and national media with his blathering babble at press conferences and interviews, using a combination of bully pulpit, philosophical gibberish, and "woe is me" balderdash to convince the media that EVERYTHING and EVERYONE is to blame, except Billy Cowher. Little Billy's latest ploy has been, from day ONE at camp, to pound into the local media the mantra excuse of "youth and inexperience", which the media has bought off on blindly and wholeheartedly. Cowhead has such vast, overt influence on the local media, that if he barked out at a press conference, "Buy Blue Star stock,", the media would immediately sprint out of the room in a mad dash, and drive to or telephone their stock brokers in a mad frenzy, trying to buy 500 shares of a stock that does not exist.

The next "Survivor" series, which will take place in Australia, will occur late this fall. Since Cowhead hasn't done ANYTHING in the past 2-plus years as head coach, what are the chances that he'll again appear on "Survivor"�.?

The Still Mill

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