CIA Rules out Steelers Staff in Attack
(AP) The CIA has issued a public
announcement, ruling out Steeler coaches Bill Cowher, Mike Mularkey, and Tim
Lewis of any involvement with the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center
and The Pentagon.�
�This was a very well rehearsed, well
orchestrated, well coordinated attack,� said an unnamed CIA spokesman at the
hastily arranged press conference in nearby Somerset, PA, where a
terrorist-commandeered 747 jet crashed earlier this morning.� �This attack obviously involved considerable
planning, preparation, coordination, accuracy, precision, surprise, initiative,
and audacity.�� Frankly, from what we
saw from the Stillers 2 days ago, plus what we have on-file in our field
observations from the past 3 years, the CIA has conclusively determined that
there is no possibility whatsoever that Cowher and his staff could have had
anything to do with such a cohesive, well coordinated attack.�
The CIA did admit, however, that had the
attack been sloppy, timid, and poorly designed, and had it been performed by men
throwing explosives at each building from a distance of no more than 6 yards,
then Cowher�s staff would have been immediately suspected and investigated.
(Note: The Stillers.com staff sends out its
heartfelt condolences to the friends and families of those injured or killed in
this cowardly attack.� We wholeheartedly
support and urge the American government to take swift and lethal retaliatory
action against whatever terrorist group performed this act of violence.)