Ravens, 31, Stillers 7���. Dec. 24, 2006 ����Game #15��
Stillers-Ravens Postgame
Analysis and Grades
The
Stillers, supposedly bitter about the previous assbeating administered by the
Ravens and desperate to make the playoffs, instead meekly bowed out of the
playoff chase while receiving another assbeating, 31-7 at the hands of the
RatBirds.� You'll hear blather that this
one was "closer" than the previous asswhipping, but if you didn't ruin
your Xmas Eve by watching the carnage, you can be assured that this whipping
was every bit as bad as the one administered 4 weeks ago.�
Grades:
QB:�
It'd be easy to assert that BenRoth played like manure, but he didn't
even play up to that particular level.�
He stunk early and then stunk often, in one of the most wretched QB
performances in Pittsburgh since Mike Tomgack served as QB.� A prime example of his wretchedness was the
3rd & 4 pass to a WIDE open Holmes on a short crosser in the 1Q.� Using mechanics more befitting a 4th grader
making his 1st ever start at QB, Roth threw flatfooted in a bizarro, stilted
manner, which caused the ball to sail well over Tonio's head.�� There was a shitty pass into the dirt on
3rd & 2 in the 3Q.� There was the
taking of a sack deep in Raven territory, late in the 2Q, when a simple
throw-away into the bleacher would have saved a TO.� Ben had a nice lob to Holmes that netted 31 yards in the 3Q, and
he had a solid 21-yard scramble early in the 4Q.� He also had a TD-saving tackle on Reed on a play eerily similar
to the game-saving tackle of Harper in the AFCC last January.� Perhaps if Roth keeps up his wretched play,
he can find work at safety.�� Just
kidding, but his performance was extremely substandard.�� D�
RB:�
Parker found the going tough, with holes coming few and far between and
defenders penetrating the backfield with all the ease of proceeding through a
bank drive-through on a federal holiday.�
Of course, Parker wasn't allowed to participate in the passing game at
all the entire game, because shorts flips to a RB would have destroyed, not
built, confidence by the struggling QB.��
Parker's best run, early in the 4Q, ended in disaster, when Ivy was able
to rip the ball away from Parker just before he was down.� Davenport had 1 plunge for a whopping 1
yard.� ��C��
FB: Kreider saw limited work, and was
only marginally effective when on the field.��
Inc.
WR:�
Ward led the way with 8 grabs for 79 yards.� He made an outstanding grab on a deep out in the 2Q for 17 yards,
and also had a nice RAC on a WR screen in the 1Q for 12 yards.� He did have a bobble & drop in the 4Q,
although the game was over by that point.�
Holmes was misfired upon by BenRoth numerous times in the 1H, but the 2
clicked in the 2H.� Tonio had the big
31-yard gain on the deep lob and finished with 5 grabs for 90 yards.� Wilson had 2 grabs, though he dropped an
out-curl late in garbage time.� Nate had
one meaningless grab for 9 yards. ��B
TE:�
Miller had 3 grabs for a meager 12 yards, though he did have the key TD
catch late in the 1H to pull the Stillers within 7 points.� This was a solid play by Heath, in which he
fought off a defensive hold by Johnson (who was flagged) and put himself in
good position for the TD catch.� Miller
also had a solid block on Ward's 12-yard WR screen.� But, overall, this will be a game-film that Miller hopes to have
burned and destroyed forever.� In the
2Q, lined up in the backfield on 2d & 5, he got totally blistered backwards
by a middle-rushing Thomas, resulting in a sack.� For chrissakes, a TE in the NFL has got to let lower and at least
slow down on a rusher on a play like this.�
Not to be outdone, Miller was one of the last men defending on Landry's
4Q INT return, and Lil' Ed Reed simply mauled and steamrolled Miller on a
block, springing Landry for even more return yardage.� Getting run over by Thomas is at least excusable; getting run
over by Reed is a downright embarrassment.��
Miller was also whistled for a false start.� Tuman, as usual, did nothing.���
C-�
OL: The line had picked itself up in
the 3 games since the Raven assbeating in game 11, but of course that was against
a lot of cupcake opposition.� The line
regressed to its Game 11 ways, getting manhandled and abused at every
opportunity.� �Smith, lunging forward like a complete imbecile, got whipped on a
2d & goal late in the 2Q, resulting in a BenRoth flush.� KenDoll Simmons got thoroughly whipped by
Gregg on a run from the Pit 4-yard line, resulting in a 1-yard Parker
loss.�� In the 4Q, KenDoll got eaten
alive by Ngata, resulting in a 5-yard loss on a SG draw by Parker.� KenDoll also committed a false start.� Faneca was tooled on the last play of the
3Q, resulting in a QB flush.� In the 4Q,
Faneca was handily beaten by Pryce, which allowed Pryce to get a hand on
Benji's throwing hand and force a fluttery pass that was INT'd.� Colon started in his first active game ever,
and had his share of struggles.� He was
whipped badly to the inside on a near INT by Landry on a slant to Holmes in the
1Q.� In fact, his primary struggles came
whenever a rusher cut to the inside.� He
fared okay in terms of shielding the rusher to the outside, and the running
games best runs came up RT.� In all, the
O-line should be ashamed for having their collective asses handed back to them
for the 2nd time this season by the PoeBirds.��
D.�
DL:�
A fairly hum-drum game.� Hampton
was easily tied up on the Mughelli plunges.�
The pocket push was totally non-existent.�� Keisel had a decent stuff of Lewis on a 3rd & 2 deep in
Stiller territory in the 4Q.�� Overall,
no one should be all too proud from this unit.���� C+.�
LB:�
A pretty lackluster performance by the entire crew.� Foote had poor over-pursuit on a Mughelli
plunge, resulting in a 12-yard gainer.� Foote
got stiff-armed onto the turf Lewis on a middle-dump in which Lew gained 9
yards.� Farrior feebly whiffed on Wilcox
just before Townsend made the stop and strip for a key TO in the 3Q.� Farrior, the Winged God of TE Coverage,
was fooled badly on the Wilcox TD.� Haggans
got nicked up in the 2Q and had to leave the game for a while, but later
returned.� He was sloppy on a valve dump
to Lewis in the 4Q, allowing Lew an extra 4 yards on the 11-yard gain.� ��
���� Big Joey Porter, who'd been used by Jon
Ogden as Ogden's personal little bitch in the previous meeting, was given a
huge reprieve due to Ogen's injury, which forced 2nd year tackle Adam Terry to
make his first ever NFL start.�
From watching the game, most Stiller fans probably thought Ogden dressed
and played, because Porter was a total, absolute NON FACTOR the entire
game.� The summary-stat sheet credited
Big Joey with 4 solos and 3 assists, but when you review the full play-by-play
on NFL.com, you see that Porter had only 2 weak-assed solos and 5
slop-assed assists.� He was left unblocked
most of the game, and NEVER double-teamed, NOT ONCE, NOT EVER, the entire
game.�� He did absolutely NOTHING the
entire game.� Nothing, but a big bag of
hot, smelly air.�� On McNair's 4th &
1 sneak, Porter-Potty was left UNBLOCKED and untouched, and �McNair's initial plunge was firmly rebuffed.� But McNair spun to his left, and there stood
Big Joey Porter, untouched and unblocked, who could have put a lick on
McNair and stopped him short of the sticks.�
Instead, Porter meekly pawed at McNair and allowed the QB the easy
yardage for the 1st down.� Instead of a
stop and a change of possession, Balt. kept the ball.� On the very next play, McNair hit Clayton for a 35-yard TD, and
the Ravens never looked back.��
"It's a fine line," says Billy Cowher.� It's a fine line between making a SIMPLE,
CAKE-EASY stop of a QB sneak, and standing around with thumb up orifice, which
allows the 1st down and the long TD on the ensuing play.�� �Then
there's the Lewis 9-yard reception late in the 2Q, where Foote was
stiff-armed.� Big Joey was back in
coverage on the play, and with Lewis running from right to left, Lewis was stumbling
after the stiff-arm right into Big Joey's zone.� HERE was a perfect opportunity for "the most feared man in
the NFL" to lay the wood to Lewis, and perhaps, for once, even created a
forced fumble off a big hit.� Instead,
Porter meekly, like a complete fag, pawed at Lewis's head n' shoulders, and got
trucked in hilarious fashion by Lewis !!��
Big Joey got credit for 1 of his 2 "solo tackles", but ended
up on his back like a $10 whore with Jamaal Lewis on top and shoving Joey's
face into the turf.�� Completely embarrassed
and humiliated, on the next play Big Joey (totally unblocked, as usual) came
over to Lewis after a line plunge, and attempted to eye-gouge Lewis.�� What a dumb fuck !!�� Porter was flagged for a dead ball personal
foul, and 3 plays later the Ravens scored a TD to go up 14-0.� I hear bullshit all the time about "what
a great leader Big Joey is".� Great
leaders don't commit a dumfucked penalty, with the season on the line, with a
cheap, gutless, classless, Raider-esque eye-gouge.� The man is an embarrassment to Stiller football and the NFL
should fine and suspend his sorry ass.��
����������
���������� Big 3:� C.��� Big Joey
Porter:�� F.
�
DB:�
McFadden led the way with a solid game, making some decent tackles and
making a terrific INT on an athletic play along the sideline.� Of course, he had to ruin it by acting like
a complete jackass after the INT, preening and gesturing like an imbecile while
his team was behind 21-7 in the 3Q.� (Of
course, he gets this honestly by simply emulating his defensive captain that
woofs and prances after the simplest of slop stops.)� He had a nice stuff of Mason on a 0-step hitch for no gain, but had
a slip & whiff of Clayton on a 0-step hitch that netted 10 yards.� Tony Smith missed a tackle of Lewis en route
to a 14-yard run in the 1Q.� He also
appeared to have drifted too far to the sideline on the Clayton post for a
TD.�
���������� Troy Pola returned from his injury
layoff and probably wished he'd have sat this one out.� He got beaten by Clayton (with no deep help,
though) for a TD in the 1Q.� In the 3Q,
he was beaten on a chair route by Williams for a 25-yard TD.� I could live with the Clayton TD; this one
by Williams was unacceptable.� The
pattern was ordinary; Pola took a poor angle on the initial out and then showed
no acceleration whatsoever when Williams turned it upfield.� Townsend had a Dong interception off a
moronic bobble by Clayton that popped the ball right into Town's hands.� Townsend did make a stellar play on the FF
of Wilcox, clawing and stripping the ball from the much bigger Wilcox.� Ike and Carter saw decent PT in the package
defenses.�� ����C-
Spec
teams:� Another day of stupidity and mediocrity from
the STs.� Gardocki punted like dogshit,
including a 2Q punt from the Stiller 44-yard line that hit at the 6 and rolled
immediately into the EZ.� Yes, I know,
no punter is perfect, but dammit, it'd be nice for just once, in an entire
season, for a punter to hit a "pitching wedge with back spin" that
hits at the 6 and dies right on the spot.�
Morey, back to field a KO, watched the ball roll precariously near the
sideline chalk.� Instead of letting it
roll OOB or, at worst, roll into the EZ for a TB, the splendid ST captain and
longtime Cowhard favorite instead took a stab at the ball and bobbled it OOB at
the 5-yard line like a complete dumbass. ��On a 4Q punt, Morey, the splendid ST captain and longtime Cowhard
favorite, committed two fouls, getting flagged for holding as well as a
dead-ball roughness penalty. ��Warren, with atrocious technique, made a good
stop in punt coverage in the 3Q.�� �C
OC:�
After getting shut out by Balt. 4 weeks ago, and in total desperation of
trying to make the playoffs, you'd think Cheezenhunt would come up with a few
wrinkles to at least go down valiantly.�
Instead, he simply pulled the Game 11 game-plan out of the file cabinet,
handed it out, and stupidly went about his business.� The game plan was as dull and rancid as spoiled milk left over
from Thanksgiving Day.�� Of course, when
your very 1st play from scrimmage -- which is typically rehearsed at least 20
times before the game -- gets botched on a miscommo by either the QB or RB, you
know your OC's head wasn't quite altogether during the week's preparation.�
���� The crisp drive at the end of the 1H,
which involved short passes and a hurry-up offense, should have awoken
Cheezenhunt from his slumber, but in the 3Q, down 21-7 after the half-opening
march by Balt, Cheezenhunt reverted to his vanilla, simpletonistic game plan,
running Parker up the gut 3 consecutive times before a BenRoth incompletion on
3rd & 11 forced a punt.�� Then there
was the mindless, brainless, plunge by Davenport �at 10:49 of the 4Q, with the team on its own 23-yard line and down
21-7.� This is supposed to be a
desperation game here, and the offense is running line plunges into the teeth the
premier run defense in the NFL, down 14 points with 10 minutes left in the season.� �Then
there's the total lack of use of Parker in the passing game.� The QB is struggling to find his confidence,
and the Ravens are teeing off.� The
running game isn't exactly imitating the '67 Packers.� Why the hell not flip the ball to Parker on a quick flare
pass?�� Then there's the asinine use of
Heath Miller as essentially a blocking FB on passing plays.�� For starters, Miller is your biggest target
and one of the better pass-catchers on the team, and is a very under-rated RAC
runner. �He needs to be out in the
pattern. �Secondly, if all you want
is a big, strong, stout blocker to help pass block for BenRoth, why not simply
use the BEST man for the job, Dan Kreider??��
At least Kreider wouldn't have his ass blistered backwards 4 yards by
Adalius Thomas, and Kreider is more than capable at catching valve dumps.�� In all, a horrendous coaching job by
Cheezenhunt.��� Any GM that watched this
debacle and still wants to hire the moron as a HC, has got to be a complete
fool.���� D�
�
DC:�
Once again, Dick got carved up by McNair.� It was sickening to see McNair at game's end, with a jersey so
clean that Tide would be proud to sponsor the man, despite playing an entire
game on a mud bog totally devoid of the slightest blade of grass.� The only time McNair got the slightest bit
dirty, was when he knelt down with the ball to end the 1st half.� Other than that, he could have eaten a
sandwich back in the pocket.� I was also
peeved about Dick's failure to prep for quick hitters by Mughelli.� In the previous meeting, Mughelli rushed 4
times for 21 yards, which is a nice 5+ yards per carry.�� Yesterday, Mughelli again rushed 4 times
for 21 yards.� Any OC in the league will
take 5+ yards per crack on a FB plunge.��
It was painfully obvious that Dick failed to learn from the prior
meeting and have his LBs ready for the quick-hitting FB plunges, particularly
against an O-line missing its starting LT and down to its THIRD left guard when
Brown left the game midway through due to injury.� Dick had several field days the past month, feasting on greenhorn
QBs and bumbling offenses, and facing a rather mediocre Raven offense, LeBeau
was befuddled and inept.� ���C-
HC:� It all
starts at the top, and Cowhard's overt disinterest, lack of focus, and lack of
firm discipline all played a very large role in today's season-ending defeat.� When a team cannot execute its game-opening
play because of a totally botched assignment, it's a very sure sign of piss
poor preparation.�� (The same thing happened
in the Jan. 1996 AFC playoff game in the Boston fog.)�� When a team, supposedly desperate to remain in the playoff hunt,
comes out with a pussified game plan and then plays pussy paw-paw with the
opposition and get dominated on both sides of scrimmage, it's a team that lacks
focus, toughness, intensity, and intestinal fortitude.� When a team commits 2 dead-ball penalties and
also has a player preening and rejoicing late in the 3Q while down 14 points,
it's just another example of dozens this season of a total lack of discipline
and standards of conduct.� Cowhard has
talked a big game all season, but his focus, attention to detail, motivation of
players, and discipline has been utterly piss poor.��� F
Synopsis:�
The season is now obviously over.�
This loss stings, because at home, in a do-or-die situation, against a
hated rival that had embarrassed the Stillers 4 weeks prior, I expected the
team to come out breathing fire and cracking skulls.� Instead, the entire team went into a collective funk and sulk,
and meekly bowed out in embarrassing fashion.�
Next week's game against the Bungals is merely an opportunity to spoil
the Bungal playoff hopes; not that the Bungals will do any damage even if they
do sneak into the playoffs.�� After the
season, our crack staff will analyze the team and the road ahead.� With any kind of luck, Cowhard will soon announce
his retirement and the team can then shed itself of the mustached albatross and
find a real leader with commitment, dedication, and intelligence.�
(Still Mill
and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers,
no one else comes close�.)