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Stillers-Aints Postgame Analysis and Grades

December 23, 2018 by Still Mill

Aints 31, Stillers 28….Dec 23, 2018…………Game # 15


Stillers-Aints Postgame Analysis and Grades


As they always do, the Stillers slopped their way around in a road game, albeit against a stout, capable opponent.   The Stillers wrested control of the game in the 3Q and took the lead, but as is all too typical of this sorry-assed squad, they pissed away the lead late in the game.   Two 4Q fumbles, and an ill fated, asinine fake punt, helped snatch defeat from victory.




QB:   Benji may have had his best game of the season, given the solid quality of the NO defense.   33 of 50, 3 TDs, zero INTs.     A stellar effort.    Just 3-4 weeks too late.     A




Conner – did not dress.


Ridley –  saw some sparse PT.   On a huge, critical 3d & 2 in the 4Q, this piss-ass was handed the ball, and he coughed it up at the NO 33.  Had he not pulled a Fitz Toussaint, the team may have been able to try a 50-yard FG, or a pooch punt to pin NO deep.   What a fuktard.    F


Samuels - got most of the RB PT.   Had 12 rushes for 53, and 3 grabs for 11.   Had an adequate game.    He miserably whiffed on a blitz pickup in the 4Q, which blew up the drive and forced the punt.   B-  



Nix – did little.



Brownie – had a bland 1H, with 2 semi-drops.   Came alive in the 2H, and finished with an amazing 14 grabs, and 2 TDs.    Had a couple of stellar grabs near the sideline.   A


Heyward-Gay – no use on O. 


Switzer –  moved the chains and set up the 2nd of AB’s TDs.    B


JuJu – had 11 grabs for 115.    He will, of course, be remembered for this assaholic fumble at the NO 35, with 32 secs left.    It seemed as though he was fighting for a few inches, where inches meant NOTHING there.   They were in reachable FG range at that point, with relatively eons of time on the clock.  Just fuking stupid, and careless.     B


Wash - did nothing all game.   Targeted twice on the final drive; meekly feel like a pansie on the 1 deep ball.    C




Jesse James – no grabs.  


Grimble - small amount of work.  


McDonald - had only 1 grab, but it was big, for 49 yards. 


OL:  Overall, the line gave Ben some good time.   Of course, on the Ridley fumble play, this vaunted, over-rated crew of fat-asses got completely dominated, not creating an inch of PUSH or open room.     Never have I seen an O-line so vaunted and so praise, yet so incapable of run blocking in short yardage situations.     C- 

nse.      Fat Ramon Foster was completely piss-poor on the 2Q sack, which not only injured Ben, but also pushed the FG try back 7 yards, which Pis Bowell missed.    D 



Heyward – as is all too typical of this over-rated fatass, he pretty much did NOTHING, all fuking game.   Had ZERO solos, and 3 weak As.     What a fatass.    C- 


Tuitt – he pretty much did nothing most of the game.  He did apply some pressure on Brees that created a sack in the 2H.    Had ONE fuking solo the entire game.   C-


Hargrave - Did nothing.   Held completely off the stat sheet.  Another over-rated fatass.   C-



Vinnie – had a subpar game.   Had 5 solos, but all too often, was getting TRUCKED, and was feeble at the POA (point of attack).   Was a disaster in pass coverage.    C-


Bostic - Played sparingly, and poorly. 


Fort - got a ton of PT, and did little.   Had 1 solo.


Chickillo - some PT, but no impact at’all.     


Watt – Had another solid game, with 3 solos, and a slew of pressure and harassment on the QB.     B


Crud Dupree – Mostly did nothing, with 2 solos all game long.   Pretty much invisible all nite long.    D




Haden – mostly a decent game.   Had 5 solos.   Got completely fuked on the 1Q PI flag on 4th down, which was complete and utter bulshit.   Was also flagged on the late 4Q 4th down play, which was a wee bit ticky tack, but the contact was there.    Slipped, on bone dry TURF, on the game winning TD.      B


Burns – pretty much sat and rotted. 


Davis – once again, never around an aerial football.   Missed tackle after tackle after tackle, whity shoddy, shitty-assed ANGLES and technique.   Yes, he had the early INT.   And then did nothing the rest of the 55 minutes.   A complete pilo shit.     D+


Hilton – stellar game, LEADING the team with 6 solos. And to think Keith Assler was going to SIT this fellow last week.   


Senselessbaugh - played ok.    Stunned he wasn’t tooled more.   


Edmunds - had a variety of struggles in coverage and RAC stopping.    C


Burnett - surprisingly had a decent game.   Flagged for a ticky-tack PI flag in the 1H.      B


Spec teams:  

Jordan Berry –   punted twice, booming his first punt into the EZ and getting a mediocre 41 yarder on his 2nd.    C


Boswell – booted 2 for 2 FGs.     Seems to have found his groove, 3 weeks too late.     A


Fort blocked a FG, with Watt helping by dismantling his blocker.


I wasn’t overly fond of the fake punt, what with a slow, clumsy, plodding stiff like Nix being tasked to gain 5 yards.  He gained 4.9 yards, but was obviously SHORT of the sticks, even though he got up and danced and preened like a typical Mike Asslin coached jackmule.


OC:  Randy Sphincter had a decent game against a stout, active NO defense.   The one play that still enrages me, is the 3d & 2 line plunge with Ridley with 11 min left in the game.    You have an offense that had literally ABANDONED the running game.    You have Ridley, who is essentially a 3rd or 4th string RB, who has carried TWICE all game and has carried, what, 7 times all of the past 3 weeks.    And you have Ben, who is RED fuking hot.    And you’re going to put this huge play into the hands of a fuking THIRD string benchwarmer.   Just brainless.  Just fuking stupid.    Just fuking chickenshit, at its worst.    B-



Keith Assler once AGAIN pissed away a 4Q lead, which surely is the 25th of his tenure.   First, late in the 1H, with only 38 seconds on the clock, he allowed NO to casually and breezily march from their own 25 to the PIT 25 for a chippie FG.   Just fuking ONCE, if Keith Fuking Assler clould make a stand at the end of a half.     And then, of course, the fateful, late 4Q march, with the Stillers up by 4.   You could fuking bet your mortgage that Assler would find a way to piss away the lead…..and he did.     He’s as reliable as a German clock in that regard!   There was the late 3d and TWENTY, and what does Assler do?   Why, he has his ENTIRE secondary BACK to the rear edge of the EZ, allowing the receiver ACRES of open room at the 9 yard line to grab the pass for the easy 1D.  This SHOULD have been a challenging, difficult pass to complete, but not with Keith Assler.   D+


HC:  Mike Dumblin oversaw another slopfest, with untimely penalties, and ghastly turnovers while his D once again produced just one turnover.  They didn’t get it done, and it all starts with the HC, who is supposed to be responsible and accountable, yet rarely is.    D


Synopsis:  A shit loss that pretty much, remarkably, takes this team out of the playoffs.    Can you fuking believe that?    A team with THIS talent, and this QB, pissing away the opener vs. Cleve with a lame-as-fuk tie, and then the 3-game urination spree, pissing away games against Denv, SD, and Oak.     And now they’re rightfully on the outside looking in, all because of haughty carelessness and shit play. 


(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1

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