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Around the Nazi Football League

December 05, 2010 by In the Trenches

James Harrison
At a press conference today, NFL commisioner Aldolf Goodell stated that, "we will not tolerate hard hitting from players who don't support the Nazi Football League pyramid scheme. Even if the hits are solid, between-the-whistle football plays, we simply cannot risk our marching soldiers' ability to keep the cash flowing. James Harrison is not out there marketing himself and pimping the NFL Reich. He's not a team player. Take Tom Brady, for example, he's now pimping UGGs as part of an NFL partnership with Deckers Outdoor Corporation, the Austrailian company that manufactures UGGs. Not even homeless men would wear those shit-ugly things but UGGs is lining my pockets and lining the pockets of the NFL owners. Tommy's the consummate soldier. It's just the thing to do as part of the NFL Reich."

UGGs NFL Footwear?
On a related note, rumor has it that the NFL may add UGGs Turf Wear as supported footwear during the next NFL season. "UGGs keep me grounded. I live a very humble and simple life", says spokesperson Brady. "I left (former girlfriend) Bridget because she wouldn't let me have my UGG moments. I need to keep in touch with my feminine side... After all, I am a former Wolverine." Aldof Goodell added, "we fully support Tom. UGGs are warm, comfy and they are paying us damn well. Viva Australia!"

Ronald McFinnegan
On the Johnson-Finnegan brawl, Goodell had a clear message, "yes Finnegan has a history and we all know his style of play but you have to look at the big picture. He is a huge reason McDonald's brings mega-dollars to the NFL Reich. He plays Ronald McDonald all over the country and McDonald's is his number one fan. We couldn't possible suspend one of our huge earners. This is a lesson to the players: feed the hand that feeds you and everything will be fine."
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