PEIS REVISITED

PEIS REVISITED

�or, Decompensation Subsequent to Steeler Defeats

By Swissvale72

My esteemed friend, CB26, when not locking horns with the President of his Board of Directors, has raised the question of �How pissed do you get after Steeler losses?�

One cannot fairly, accurately and appropriately answer this question sans the examination of �How ecstatic do you get after a Steeler win?�

Following our glorious Super Bowl run of 2005, I wrote liberally of a positive mental illness, soon to be included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV), known as �Post-Euphoric Immersion Syndrome,� or PEIS.  Symptoms were the ever-present existence of a shit-eating grin, an inability to focus on work or other productive aspects of one�s life, a seeming obsession to frequent Pittsburgh Steeler websites, and a proclivity to talk shit among the populace of rival cities and regions, while spewing in Tourette�s-like fashion, utterances as�. �5>3, Patriots are assholes, 5>3, you people all suck, 5>3, Steelers won the Super Bowl HAHAHAHA, 5>3.�  I would call my fuckwad Patriot friends work voicemails after hours, blast "Here We Go," scream into the phone, "Fuck You," laugh my ass off.  I'd cut in front of vehicles adorned with shitty Patriot stickers, shoving my Steeler wheel cover in their faces.  When the local postmaster eyed my overnight package for Steeler tickets suspiciously, and said "Got lucky," referring to the SB, I peered back, my nose within an inch of his, and said, "Got FIVE!"  I enjoyed the hell out of that wonderful off-season.!!

I cautioned all of you asshats at the time to embrace your respective afflictions of PEIS, to savor it, and to be in no fuckin� hurry for the 2006 campaign to commence.  Sure enough, the season started, and before we could blink an eye, Coach Cowher, himself seemingly afflicted with PEIS, as well as MAIOTD (My Ass is Out The Door), was leading us to a 2-6 record by early December.

Strangely, then, as now, I�m less affected by Steeler losses than was previously the case.  This past Sunday, for instance, my kids remarked on how I �wasn�t in a bad mood,� following the Arizona debacle.  Now, that falls short of actually being in a �good mood,� and for the record, not many things put me in a bad mood more quickly than being accused of being in a bad mood, often quite falsely, but I was noticing my absence of angst myself.  I attribute my stabilization to the lingering effects of PEIS.

See, it�s a mortality thing.  Older than most of you asshats, I was beginning to despair, needing to accept, to come to terms with, the very real possibility that I would never experience One For The Thumb.  Attempting to be rational,  I was thanking my proverbial �lucky stars� for having experienced the 1970s, and the resulting �not one, not two, not three, but FOUR Super Bowls.�  What choice did I have?

Permit me an personal inventory of negative responses to Steeler losses and positvite responses to Steeler wins.  In honor of SignPlax, here�s my ledger.

Negatives

1. Taking a hammer to the tape of the Maddox/Jacksonville debacle in �05.
2. Leaving my sister-in-law�s house, telling her that her annual Christmas Party sucks�.this after a Steeler loss to the Patriots in September, 2002.
3. Telling same sister-in-law that it took every ounce of restraint I could muster not to physically attack one of the Patriot fans in her house (all relatives) during the Steelers loss to the Patriots in �05.
4. Screaming �FUCK, FUCK, FUCK� repeatedly when home with my 3-year old son, following the Dennis Gibson breakup in the �94 AFCCG.
5. Locking myself in my room, and refusing to come out following the �02 loss to Tennessee in the Divisional Playoff
6. Screaming, �I hate you mother-fuckers!� as the Steelers left the field after losing to the expansion Browns in �99.

Positives

1. Doing a somersault in my living room, and kicking my 3-year old son square in the nose following our victory over the Lions in the �95 season opener.
2. Doing a somersault in my brother, TonyV15220�s living room following SBXL (one might think I�m a gymnast, given my affinity for somersaults�be assured I�m not).
3. Doing a backflip over my couch following Gary Anderson�s game winning FG against the Oilers in the �89 playoffs (again�not a gymnast)
4. Opening my backdoor, screaming, �SUPER BOWL, MOTHER-FUCKER, SUPER BOWL,� at the conclusion of the �95 AFCCG (I was home alone at the time).

BTW�I invite my brother, TonyV15220, to post some of his positives/negatives in response to this article.  There may be a genetic predisposition at work here.

In closing, and I�ve discussed this previously.  There have been times in my life when I�ve questioned my sanity in response to this �Steeler thing.�  Some years back, I asked one of our clinical supervisors if something were wrong with me, why did I care so much about the Pittsburgh Steelers.  I knew none of the players; they were oblivious to my existence.  I had to go to work the next day, win or lose.  Was I ill; did I need treatment???

Bob didn�t exactly say that I did not require intervention, but commented��It�s the madness.  To experience the highs, one must risk the lows.�

It�s the madness, asshats�.and 20 months following SBXL, PEIS has not yet left the building.