PoeBirds, 20, Stillers 17 ... Dec 27, 2015…………Game # 15
Stillers-PoeBirds Postgame Analysis and Grades
The Stillers ventured to Balt in what was more of less a must win game to secure a playoff spot, against a woeful, downtrodden , sack o’ shit PoeBirds team. It seemed an easy enough task, but sure as shit, the Stillers came out tepid and feeble, and soon enough were down by 2 scores. The Stillers, who never led, clawed back, but managed to snatch defeat from victory with vomit-spewing play during the game’s final 5 minutes. The result? A sorry, sad-sack loss to the woeful 4-win PoeBirds, severely hampering any chance of a playoff spot.
QB: Ben had a rocky game, completing a host of piss-ant 2-yard passes, but rarely connecting downfield. The 2 INTs were brutal. Facing a ravaged, sorry Balt defense, this was unacceptable. D
RB:
DeAngelo – One of the few players who showed up ready to play today. Very solid effort. A-
Touissaint – Had 2 plunges.
FB:
Nix – Saw some snaps.
Will Johnson – for no apparent reason, was targeted on a downfield pass in the 1H that was nearly INTd.
WR:
Brownie – 7 grabs for 61. Sloppily juggled a 1H TD pass that was ruled inc. Not bad, but not the production we’ve become accustomed to. B
Pinkie Wheaton – settled back to his usual piss-ant production, this game being 3 grabs for 41. On the late 4th down pass, he sloppily but typically allowed the ball to CLANG off his chest and fall incomplete, thereby ending the game. C-
Bryant – Nowhere to be found the first 40-some minutes. Drew a long PI flag, but otherwise, had just the 1 grab for 6 yards. Failed to corral a deep ball late in the game, which clanged (surprise!) off his hands on a diving but very catchable attempt. D
Heyward-Bey – Had 1 grab for 10. Who’d have thought he’d out-produce Bryant in this game??
TE:
Miller – completely ignored until deep into the 4Q. Had 5 grabs for 49. B
Jesse James – Had 1 grab for 3.
Spaeth – Flagged for a dumbshit dead ball personal foul after the 4Q TD by DW. Otherwise, did jack dick. D
OL:
Villenueva – Allowed a sack off a submarine rush, which only makes sense when Villie is 6-9”. Had some other struggles as well. C
Wallace – Got humiliated for a 1H sack.
DeCastro - Big David DeAsstro got humiliated on the early 4th & 1 plunge, which blew up the play and caused an easy stop for the Ravens. Remember, this lumbering, pile o’ manure got voted into the Blo Bowl. He’s just so great….! C-
Gilbert – Fat Marcus siurprisingly wasn’t abused as he often is versus the Ravens.
DE:
Heyward – solid effort and production, although too minimal of impact. B-
Tuitt – See Heyward, although he had a bit more impact. B
McLendon – very quiet.
Fat Cam – fortunately, rarely played.
LB:
Timmons – Had only 1 solo, along with a plethora of slop assists. Not nearly enough run stuffing as Balt gashed the defense for huge chunks in the ground game. C
Shaquier – Similar to Timmons, had 5 solos and 8 slop assists, and not nearly enough run stuffing. Also got tooled by a slow-footed FB for a long completion in the 4Q. C-
Harrison – 3 solos and 2 As in a fairly quiet afternoon. Just not enough impact. B-
Jones – JarStiff had 2 solos, which might be a career high. Also got a lucky fingertip nip of a screen pass, 1H. Otherwise, had far too puny an impact. C
Dupree – zero solos, 1 Assist. The norm for a highly drafted OLB by Doltbert. C+
Spence – saw a few snaps for reasons completely unknown to me.
DB
Will Allen – Had some solid plays in run support, but as usual, was rarely found in pass defense. B-
Mitchell – Although it was Gay who was beaten deep in the 4Q, once again it was Mike Bitchell who was too slow and too feeble to provide ANY help whatsoever. Completely worthless in today’s game. Injured his shoulder. C
Golden – Solid game. Provides every bit the production that Bitchell does, at a fraction of the cost. B
Gay – Had 5 solos, but also had his usual, late-season struggles in coverage. C+
Blake – Mercifully got back spasms in the 1H and was shelved for the game. With any kind of luck, is done for his career.
Sharko Thomas – Not permitted to play on D, because, as you know, Allen is such a studly safety and this secondary is just so dominant. I guess he might get some PT in 2017. Inc
Boykin – Solid game. Busted up what surely would have been a TD pass, 1Q. Had the lone sack, crashing in and vaulting over a RB’s block to grab the QB. Good thing this fellow rotted the bench the first 12 weeks of the season !! B
Cockrell – Got tooled here and there. Stunning that a nobody like Cock-well was keeping Boykin stapled to the bench. C
Spec teams:
Berry – Had 3 punts; did ok. B
Boswell – Booted a 34 yard FG. B
AB – no impact.
Wheaton – zippo.
OC: Although it was nice to gouge the Ravens early on with the ground game, Haley took it to the extreme, with a Cro Magnon scheme that sought to take time off the clock …..playing right into the hands of Balt.! I felt the entire 1H was far too conservative and 5-and-dime. The Ravens secondary has been wretched all season and Gayly played right into their hands. He then wrote Miller completely out of the script, getting him involved only in desperation time deep into the 4Q. D+
DC: Assler picked up right where he left off, sleepwalking thru the entire 1H while allowing Mallet – just signed TWELVE days ago – to look like Johnny Unitas. In true Assler fashion, he went soft and vanilla early, allowing Mallet to go 3 of 3 on 3d down on the 1st TD drive. The softee conservatism continued all game long, with Assler trembling like a dog shitting razors. You have a garbage QB throwing to garbage WRs….and Keith Assler is trembling in his boots, bat-shit afraid to send more than 4 men at the QB. He sent Boykin in on a CG blitz, and voila ! A sack. It worked so well that Assler refused to do it ever again, preferring his Softee Sitback and allowing Mallet eons of comfy time and room in the pocket. F
HC: Mike Dumblin oversaw yet another colossal egg lay against a weak-assed, pile o’ shit opponent. What a novelty ?!! (sic) I’d warned against this very egg lay. Like, we haven’t seen this shit sandwich from Stoogelin at least, what, 19 previous times the past 5 or 6 seasons…..? As Stoogelin would say, we’ve seen this bad movie before……dozens of times. Let there be no doubt – Dumblin sucks ass and ball. F
Synopsis: Yet another shit loss to a shit team, something that has been endemic to Dumblin teams for years now. You can set your watch to a Stooglein egg lay, such as it is predictable. Up next, a road game against the hapless, downtrodden Browns….another team the Stillers should dominate yet will likely struggle like lil’ bitches.
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)
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