Saddam Captured, but Stillers' Ace of Spades still at Large

"We got him," reported Paul Bremer on the capture of Saddam Hussein.� The Ace of Spades was in a hole, pun intended.�

Faithful readers here will recall our article in June 2003, which unveiled the Stillers.com deck of playing cards.� That article adroitly highlighted 7 players and 2 coaches that were enemies of the Stillers' chances of a Super Bowl title.� Sure enough, every man featured in that Deck of Cards has been, at best, not part of the roster due to finally being cut, or, at worst, has been a major culprit in the way of a humongous salary hit, dereliction of duty, incompetence, a lack of heart, or a combination thereof.�

While the world rejoices the capture of the Pentagon's Ace of Spades and the end of a terrible regime, we here in Stillerville are left with the disgust and devastation of the Steelers' Ace of Spades still being at large, with no end in sight to Billy Cowher's terrible regime.���

Like Saddam, Billy long ago strayed off the path of good order and proper conduct and into the treacherous alley of unbridled egomania, brash stupidity, and pompous Narcissism. Where did Billy's begin his road of destruction of the Pittsburgh Steelers?� One needs only to hearken back to early 1998.�

Billy's team had a first round bye, and then faced the NE Pats at HOME.� The Stillers had already faced the Pats a few weeks earlier, and won that game only by virtue of Kevin Henry's miraculous interception late in the game.� Ergo, the Stillers were well aware of the Pats' abilities, so overconfidence -- especially for such a veteran team -- should never have been even a remote issue.� On top of that, the Pats arrived in Pittsburgh so injury decimated, that they came to the stadium in ambulances, not buses.� Starting RB Curtis Martin was out, as was his backup, forcing seldom-used scrubeenie Derrick Cullors to start at RB.� The WRs were banged up, and the NE defense had more than a few players banged up and hobbled.� So the Stillers got the luxury of playing an injury-decimated team with a no-dimensional (no ground game and no passing game) offense, at home, and the best they could do was fart, wheeze, and sputter just enough for a 7-6 victory, in one of the most shameful Steeler playoff efforts EVER at 3RS.

The following week, the Stillers gagged and choked away a game to a team they'd already beaten earlier in the season, the Denver Doncos.�

Following this stench-o-rama, one might think that the head coach would lay low and seek cover.� Not Billy Cowher.� In March '98,Cowshit actually had the gaul to demand a new contract -- he was already under a valid, current contract -- and threatened to jump ship to Cleveland if his demands weren't met.� Never mind the fact that Cleveland had no NFL franchise at the time; Rooney blinked and gave in, and Billy Cowher has been an unholy terror -- and a disgraceful football coach -- ever since.

What has Lil' Billy done since his outrageous demands of March '98?�

- 1998:� Took a veteran-laden team that lost just two key players from '97 (Thigpen, Jackson), and ground them down into a putrid, pathetic 7-9 team.

- 1999:�� Continued his mastery with a pitiful 6-10 season in which the entire team laid down and dogged it the final 2 months of the season.

- 2000:� In January, Billy won the power struggle with Tom Donahoe, and TD was canned.� Billy then went on to lose the first 3 games and once again finished OUT of the playoffs with a 9-7 record.

- 2001:� Aided by a weak schedule and an uncanny fortune of facing one wretched QB after another, Billy managed to find the playoffs with a 13-3 record.� But once again, Billy blew home field advantage.� He wasted scarce practice time before the Pats game, having his players make Super Bowl travel arrangements.� Then his team was outplayed, outcoached, and outwitted by a team that didn't have anywhere near the talent of Billy's stable, and once again Billy went home a loser in the playoffs.�

- 2002:� Playing in the worst division in pro football, Billy made the playoffs, only to eke out a nailbiting win over a weak, inferior Clev team.� Billy then got beaten soundly by the Titans the following week, after which Billy placed the entire blame for the loss on a ref who made the correct call on a roughing the kicker penalty.

- 2003:� Losing only one starting player -- Marvel Smith -- for any significant amount of time since the season began, Billy nonetheless put his artful touches on the piece of manure known as the 2003 season, in which the Stillers have lost 9 games and are still eligible to lose 2 more.� Teams all over the league have been ravaged by injury and have overcome, yet Billy Cowher's veteran-laden, star-studded team has had such very few injuries and has grossly underachieved.�

There you have it -- the capsule of Billy Cowher's ugly reign of terror since January 1998.� 6 seasons, 4 missed playoffs, and 2 pitiful playoff "seasons".� Frank Solich was fired from Nebraska after compiling a 59-19 record.� Bob Hartley took the Colo Avalanche to 4 consecutive conference finals and a couple of Cup finals, yet was unceremoniously fired last season.� But you'll rarely read about these kinds of facts in the Pittsburgh media.� After all, none other than former Iraqi Information Minister Mohammad Saeed Al-Sahaf has done the duties of Information Minister of the Steeler Propaganda Consortium.� In Pittsburgh, Billy Cowher can get away with 6 years of pitiful underachievement, yet it's swept under the rug by the softest, most timid, most feeble group of local media out of any major sports city in America.�

To solve a problem, one must first identify the root problem.� Billy Cowher is the truly worst enemy that blocks the Stillers path to glory, which is why this person was deemed worthy of occupying the Ace of Spades.� Billy has been to the playoffs 8 times, and in every single playoff season his team has been flat, lethargic, sloppy, and grossly outcoached.� When it comes to playoff football, no one gets LESS out of his team, year in and year out, than Billy Cowher.� Sure enough, Billy makes an enormous amount of money -- on par with Super Bowl-winning coaches -- despite never having won it all.� And, sure enough, Billy Cowher has had more chances than a 5-year old at H-O-R-S-E, yet many Stiller fans actually want to give this LOSER more and more and more chances.�� Cowher is not unlike the drug abuser or criminal with a 10-year history of horrific depravation, in which the liberal imbecile will clamor, "Just give him one more chance", as though Brainless Billy will suddenly emerge from his funk and arrive at a playoff game with a well-coached, well-prepared team.� Like the perennial drug abuser and criminal, Billy has no real hope of "turning his life around".� Most fans forget that Billy blackmailed Rooney by threatening to leave for a Cleveland franchise that had not yet even been finalized back in March 1998.� It turns out that Billy would have done the fans and city of Pittsburgh an immense favor had he fled.� The only hope for society -- and Stiller fans -- is that Cowher is fired and never permitted to influence anything having to do with Stiller football for as long as he lives.� Otherwise, all that Billy Cowher serves as is the primary roadblock for this team to win a Super Bowl.� Winning an NFL title is difficult.� Winning an NFL title when your head coach is a choker and a complete buffoon is virtually impossible. The road to perdition starts -- and ends -- with Billy Cowher.�

In Pittsburgh, the Ace of Spades is still a free man, and until he's removed from power, this franchise stands no better chance of recovery and success than did Iraq before Operation Iraqi Freedom.� Head-in-the-sand management will allow this problem to fester, but Stiller fans should at least be cognizant -- and wary -- of the Ace of Spades, Billy Cowher.�

(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- the only nationally read coverage on the Pittsburgh Stillers that has accurately predicted the how's and the why's of the past 3 Stiller playoff losses�.)