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More Coachspeak Crap - Nov. 24th

November 24, 1999 by Still Mill


More Coachspeak Crap from Bill Cowhead

Some more coachspeak crap that I'd like to spotlight for our fans´┐Ż.

  • "As I told our football team, I'm going to make changes if we don't get results. Period!" Oh, ok. So, in other words, using Bill's logic --- we HAVE been getting results; ergo, this is why we have not yet made any changes. Th offense, in Bill's narrow mind, HAS been "getting results", so there's no changes. Results?? What results?? INTs on screen passes? 5.9 yards per pass play, the lowest in the NFL? WHAT results is Cowhead seeing?
  • "I'll do whatever it takes to get results." Oh really? Does this mean, Bill, that you'll use Ward as a "Slash" once in a blue moon?? And ditto for Stewart?? Does this mean you'll pull Tiptoe Blackwell off the KO Return Team, and insert Amos?? Does this mean you'll give 6'-5" Johnson some PT? Joey Porter? Does this mean you'll elongate the passing game to run patterns further than 6 yards? Does this mean, when faced with a 1st & goal on the enemy 8-yard line, that you'll take at LEAST one stab with a throw into the end zone?
  • "I would make a change if I felt it was in the best interest of this team to get results, get it done." In other words, Bill -- you feel that it's in the "best interest" to slop around on offense for the SECOND CONSECUTIVE YEAR, so therefore there's no need to change anything just yet. I guess we'll need to make it a trifecta by doing this dickdance THREE years in a row, before it is finally "in the best interest" to make changes.
  • "At some point, you have to be able to create some degree of stability. You have to sit back and say, 'Is this change going to be something that's going to keep us treading water or is it going to actually put us back?' Do you see signs that you're making progress? It may not show up in stats." Ah, yes, STABILITY. You've got to love our stability. We've adroitly mastered the 4-yard hitch and the draw play. We've got the screen play down to an exact science, so much so, that we've ended our last 2 games by throwing an INT on what is considered to be one of the safest pass plays in football. For the 2d year in a row, our pass offense is 29th in the NFL. Indeed, we've got stability. And if it's stable, don't fix it.
  • "If I thought it was just any one area, I would have made a change by now." Yes, indeed, Bill. There is not "any one area" on this team that is not performing up to NFL-caliber standards. The WRs are playing as good as Swann and Stallworth EVER did; the FB is a fire-breathing monster; the starting Free Safety is making everyone forget about Mike Wagner; and the OLBs are wreaking havoc like a hurricane.

The Still Mill

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