Stillers vs. Ravens Pregame Analysis (Game #1, vs. Balt.)
The Stillers open the 2003 season against bitter division
rival Baltimore.� The Stillers enter the
new season as overwhelming favorites to win the lowly AFC North, but the Ravens
are considered by most to be the Stillers' strongest competition for the North
title.� �
* When the Ravens have the ball, they'll bring
an ok offense that has occasional sparks from both the passing and running game.� The biggest news from Balt-land is the
starting of rookie Kyle Boller at QB.�
Of course, when all that's left are Chris Redman and (hold your
laughter) Anthony Wright, it wasn't much of a risk to start Boller.� Still, rookie QBs making their first-ever
start on an opening day typically struggle mightily.� Boller has some good weapons at his disposal.� Travis Taylor, who had his best pro season
last year, leads the assault at WR.� Former
Cardinal WR Frank Sanders was a key FA signing, but he's nicked up and is
doubtful for this tilt.� Marcus Robinson,
who was nagged by injuries in Chi-town, will start in place of Sanders.� Ron Johnson should see some work in 3WR
sets.� Todd Heap is easily one of the
league's most dangerous TEs.� With the
way he single-handedly ravaged the Stillers last December, combined with the
fact that he rarely, if ever, got chucked by big-man OLB Jason GilDong, Heap
will most likely be foaming at the mouth at the thought of prancing unfettered through
the porous Stiller defense.�
Jamal Lewis leads the rushing attack.� Lewis showed last year that, when healthy, he's
one of the NFL's most dangerous backs.� Lewis
has the speed, quickness, slashing, and cutting ability to give many a defense
headaches.� He's led thru the hole by FB
Alan "Jean Luc" Ricard, who is a capable blocker.��
The O-line is a mixed bag.� At LT, of course, the Ravens have all-world Jon Ogden, whose massive reach and brawn allows him to swat away most would-be pass rushers as though they were toddlers.� But the rest of the line is a collection of has-been's and never-were's.� Mulitalo is an adequate LG, as is Flynn at C, but Flynn will get some rude treatment from Casey Hampton.� RG Bennie Anderson is a scrapper but nothing special.�� Ethan Brooks mans the RT spot.� �Ethan is the Ravens' equivalent of Oliver Ross; oafish, clumsy, and generally appearing to wear cleats that are made by Nike Air Concrete. �Like Fat Oliver, Brooks is prone to hideous lapses where he incoherently stumbles about with all the grace of a town drunkard.�
The Stillers will be without all-world OLB Joey Porter, who got shot in the ass last weekend.� Clark Haggans can't replace Porter's coverage, nor can he replace Porter's electric speed off the corner, but unlike some OLBs on the roster, Haggans is more than man enough to stuff the run and at least valiantly battle Ogden on the pass rush.�
The Raven WR corps is hardly to be confused with the fleet over in Cleveland, for example.� It will be interesting, and amusing, to see if Chad and DeWayne play the preponderance of snaps at 8 yards off the ball, or if they come up once in a while to jam these WRs.�
The key matchup will be the Stiller pass defense
on Heap and the harassment on Boller.� Sure,
the Ravens would love to be able to pound the ball and chew the clock with
Lewis -- thereby decreasing Boller's responsibility -- but the Stiller defense
is too strong against the run.� Boller
will thus have to assume more of the burden.�
The young rookie will be looking to unload the ball as quickly as
possible, and there's nary a bigger -- nor possibly a more wide open -- target
than Heap.� The Stillers supposedly have
rectified their perennial problem of TE cover-failure; this is a good litmus
test to see if that is so.� Boller won't
look much unlike John Elway in his first NFL start -- confused, befuddled, and bewildered.� The Stillers must show Boller dozens of
looks, and then put the heat on the young lad.�
Harassment and disruption will force Boller into the kind of horrible
mistakes that cause most coaches to refrain from starting a rookie QB in the
very 1st game of a season.�
* When the Stillers have the ball, they'll
begin a season with their most potent offense since the '95 season.� Maddox assumes command of this dangerous air
attack, with Plex, Ward and El set to scorch opposing secondaries.� Amos and Riemersma are in; Bettis and
Bruener are rightfully relegated to the bench.�
The concern is along the O-line, which struggled during
preseason and has been -- as only Billy Cowher would prefer -- in a state of
flux all summer.� Sometimes-shaky Marvel
Smith now protect Mad Oxe's blind side.�
RG K. Simmons was diagnosed with diabetes.�� C Jeff Hartings is fighting thru the pain of knee problems.� Todd Fordham eventually won the RT job in a
fairly uninspiring competition with Oliver Ross.�
The Ravens front 7 isn't up to what it was during its title run,
but it's not too shabby.� DE Anthony
Weaver figures to give Fordham & Simmons fits all day long. Kelly Gregg,
Marques Douglas, and Ma'ake Kemoeatu give the Ravens a solid rotation at the
other 2 DL spots.� The LB corps is outstanding.� All-world Ray Lewis mans the middle, along
with last year's emerging surprise, Ed Hartwell.� When Ray Ray went down last year, Eddie came on and played terrific
football.� Peter Boulware figures to be
a very stern test for Marvel Smith.� Expect
Boulware to be a nuisance all afternoon.�
Adalius Thomas starts at LOLB.� Rookie
1st round LB Terrell Suggs won't start, but you can better believe that he'll
see loads of snaps all over the defense as a hell-bent pass rusher.�
The Raven secondary isn't as good as they talk, but they are
adequate.� Chris McAlister hasn't
fulfilled his billing as a 1st rounder in the '99 draft, but he's better than
either of the Stiller starting CBs.� At the
other CB, Corey Fuller does an awful lot of smack talking, but is ripe for the
beating.� Ed Reed is a very, very good
safety.� �If Maddox isn't getting pounded and harassed -- and that's a very
large "if" -- the Stillers superb trio of WRs should beat a decent
but abusable Raven secondary.�
The key matchup will be the Ravens' run-blitzing
defense against the Stiller offense.� Few,
if any, defenses know the Stiller tendencies better than Ray Lewis and the
Ravens.� The Ravens will run blitz on
most downs, and will shoot every gap they possibly can, all in an effort
to disrupt and take advantage of a lumbering O-line that isn't anywhere close
to being jelled.� And even though Amoz
is starting, the Stillers are prone to running whaleshit counters with Amoz,
which Lewis will sniff & smell as soon as the ball is snapped.� Billy Cowher will, as usual in an opener, be
expecting a vanilla defense.� Baltimore
will not be so polite and accommodating.�
I don't expect the Stiller ground game to do much at all.� The O-line is still in a state of flux, and
the savvy, quick, gap-shooting Ravens defense is the last defense you want to
play when your O-line is fomenting over with slop.� How the Stillers react to a swarming defense and a lack of ground
game, will be most interesting.�
* Special Teams: �The Ravens don't have a dangerous threat in the return game.� Of course, this being opening day under
Billy Cowher, a gimp like Frank Sanders could practically limp off the bench
and take a punt back on a 73-yard jaunt.�
ARE didn't get much work in the preseason, since the Stillers wanted to
audition some backups.� He is, I'm sure,
excited to get his hands on the ball in the return game.� Rookie Ike Taylor could see some KR work,
although more likely newly acquired Freddie Million and Lee Mays will see the
bulk of the chores there. ��Jeff Reed
begins his first full season as the Stiller PK; it will be interesting to see how
he does on the formerly-tricky Heinz turf, which is now a plush carpet of
syntho-grass.� �
Key Individual Matchups:
* Marvel Smith and Fordham against Boulware and Suggs.� Any kind of abuse by the Ravens here will
spell a major headache -- literally and figuratively -- for Maddox.
* Dan Kreider vs. Ray Lewis.� Kreider has been incredibly effective at smacking Ray Ray in the mouth.� He'll need to do this on Sunday to slow down Ray Ray and give Amoz some room.�
* Heap vs. Farrior/Logan/Pola/whomever. �As noted above, Heap is a strong threat at
TE.�� The Stillers will try different
approaches on Heap, to include using The God of LB Coverage, James Farrior, at
times, and Logan at times.� Trojan Troy
will probably also get tasked from time to time.� Clearly, two defenders in particular need not ever be tasked for
these chores -- Burnt Alexander and Jason GilDong.�
* Synopsis: It's opening day, which means only
two things to Billy Cowher:� slop and
slather.�� As has been previously
written, Little Billy loves nothing more than slop and slather on
opening day.� He's been doing it for TEN
solid years; why stop now?� Gen. Tommy
Franks had "Shock and Awe"; Billy Cowher prefers Slop and
Slather.� Playing at home,
against a rookie QB, the Stillers should whip and dominate the Ravens.� But Billy's slop and slather will make this
laugher far closer than it should be.� The
Stiller O-line, which was a goatrope the entire summer, will most assuredly get
pillaged and plundered by the Raven blitzing schemes.� Overall, expect a rabid proliferation of slop and slather from
both sides of the Stiller team, to include pre-snap penalties, botched assignments,
bumbling confusion, and an overall team stupor.� If a veteran QB were starting, I'd pick the Ravens to win; after
all, Tony Banks "led" the Ravens to a win over the slovenly Stillers
in the '00 opener.� But with a rookie
greenhorn, who will inherently be prone to mistakes and blunders, starting at
QB, I'll figure that Baltimore's mistakes will be more egregious than Billy's
slop and slather.� The Stillers will slop
out a thoroughly uninspiring 19-13 win.�
Opening Day Slop & Slather, as reported earlier:�
�94
- Playing at home, Cowher's team got thoroughly
whipped, dominated, and embarrassed in every phase of the game in a
hideous home blowout to Dallas.� The
26-9 final score didn't even begin to tell the full story of this laughable but
extremely embarrassing blowout.�
�95
- At home, against an exceptionally average Lions team, the Stillers
eked out a sloppy 3-point win in OT.��
Here you have a veteran-laden team that came 3 yards short of going to
the Super Bowl, and 8 months later -- with virtually the SAME team intact and
healthy -- they're clawing for a home win against one of the very average teams
in pro football, all because of slop, slather, disorganization, and
lethargy.����
�96
- At Jax, the Stillers lost to the 3-13 (in �95) Jags in one of the shoddiest,
most ill-prepared opening-day efforts ever witnessed in the NFL.�� Cowher's team looked sloppy, lethargic, and
physically unprepared for the rigors of a regular season game.�� Additionally, Cowher's imbecilic 3-headed
QB derby at training camp badly misfired, because none of the QBs had gotten
enough work with the starting unit.�
Cowher jerked Jim Miller out of the starting lineup early in the 3rd
quarter, but Mike Tomczak's first pass was INT'd and returned for a TD.�� This 24-9 beating was undoubtedly one of
the most embarrassing losses in Stiller history.�
�97
- Once again at home against the Cowboys, the Stillers got thoroughly whipped,
dominated, and embarrassed in every phase of the game in a hideous 30-point
loss to Dallas.� The 37-7 final score
didn't even begin to tell the full story of this laughable blowout.� There was talk going into the of the
"revenge factor" of beating the Cryboys, since the Stillers had lost
to them just 19 months prior in Super Bowl 30.�
Despite the "revenge factor" and the fact that about 80% of
the '97 team had bitter memories of SB 30, the Stillers were nonetheless handed
a can of whipass by the Cowboys.�
�98
- In yet another sloppy opener, the Stillers sputtered, slumbered, and slothed
throughout the entire afternoon against the lowly Ravens.� Remember, this was a game with a team that
narrowly lost the AFC Title game just 8 months prior, against a shoddy
relocated club that had never sniffed the playoffs.� Only the gross ineptitude of the Ravens, to include rookie Priest
Holmes tripping over his own two feet on a critical 3rd down run that had
"TD" written all over it -- precluded the Stillers from yet another
opening day loss.�� The Ravens also
helped immensely with a day full of woeful QB play and special teams blunders,
to include two horrific long-snaps that allowed the Stillers to get the ball in
golden field position.� The Stillers
were lucky to slop out this narrow 20-13 win.�
�99
- Bill Cowher was able to pad his opening day win-loss record with this laugher
of a game against a junior-varsity Cleveland team.�� No less than 75 NCAA teams could have beaten the woeful,
expansion Browns that evening.�� In all
actuality, this game was nothing more than a tune-up game; no different than
when a big-time college football team opens its season against the likes of
Arkansas State.�� The next game --
facing a legitimate, genuine NFL team (the Ravens) -- in a repeat of the �98
opener, the Stillers sputtered slumbered, and slothed their way through an
afternoon of sloppy football, and held on for a narrow, fortuitous 3-point win.�� Of course, the Stillers went on to stink
and sputter en route to a miserable 6-10 season.�
�00
- Again opening the season at home, the Stillers once again sputtered
and slumbered throughout the entire game, and allowed the bumbling Ravens to
steal a win at 3 Rivers.� It was rather
evident that, for the 8th year in a row, Cowher's team was no more prepared to
play football on opening day than it was prepared to drive a space shuttle from
Earth to the darkest reaches of Jupiter.�
'01
- Facing an injury-ravaged Jaguars team that was also totally decimated by free
agency and the salary cap, Cowher's team nonetheless went down to J-ville and
got their asses beaten in every phase of the game.� Not only was Cowher's team disorganized, confused, and befuddled,
but they were also badly out-hit and manhandled at the point of attack the
entire afternoon.� 2 days later, the
9-11 attacks occurred, and no less than Billy Cowher was the very first person
exonerated by the CIA due to "a total incapability, along with a total lack
of brains and common sense, of planning and coordinating such an
attack".��
�02
- Not many fans need much of a reminder of last season's hilarious
embarrassment on Monday Nite Football.��
Cowher's minions thumped their chest for 8 months about "revenge"
and how "Cowher will upstage Belichick".� By the end of the evening, Cowher was beet red with embarrassment
and humiliation, as the Pats gave Cowher a brutal, thorough 30-14 ass-whipping.�����
So
there you have it -- 10 years of embarrassing opening day futility by the
NFL's most overpaid coach.�