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Stillers-Pats Postgame Analysis & Grades (AFCC)

January 23, 2017 by Still Mill

Pats 36, Stillers 17 ……. Jan 22, 2017…………AFC Champ. Game


Stillers-Pats Postgame Analysis and Grades


The Stillers went to Beantown to face the hated Patsies in the AFCC.   The Penguins did their job earlier in the day, thrashing the Boston Bruins, 5-1, in Pittsburgh.   The weather to begin the game was 41 degrees, scattered showers and mist.   The 1Q ended with NE up, 10-0.   The Stillers clawed back, but went into the locker room down 17-9.   The 3Q was an unmitigated disaster, with NE boosting the lead to 33-9.  The 4Q was just an exercise in futility, as the Stillers allowed a FG and then scored a late, meaningless TD.    A completely embarrassing whipping. 




Threw a horrific WR screen pass to AB, 2nd series.  Nice escape, next pay (3rd down) to buy time and hit J. James.   Threw a weak lollipop to AB on 3d & 6, 2nd series, which was nearly INTd.  Horrible deep ball to DHB, which was well over-thrown, 3Q. 


Threw a rotten INT on a deepish ball to DHB, 10:00 4Q.  This could have been DHB’s fault.   Finished with a lukewarm 31 of 47 for 314 and 1 INT, although he was victimized by numerous drops, plus the Eli fumble.   Still, not anywhere good enough.     B-  



Bell – Had just 6 carries before - surprise! -- he was injured with a groin and lost for the game.    A 3rd playoff season goes down with Bell standing on the sidelines.  


DeAngelo – ran a plunge for 1 yard, late 1Q.  Had a nice run late 1Q, and then a big run to start the 2Q.  Converted a huge 3d & a foot for a key TD, 11:31 2Q.   Had 14 rushes for 24 yards, and 7 grabs for 51, but didn’t do enough.     B- 



D. Johnson, Nix -  Johnson caught a grab, 2nd series……for a whopping 1 yard.  Nix dropped a rocketed, tough pass, late 1Q.   The blocking was marginal.       C



Brownie - Just as I predicted in writing in my pre-game, AB was double covered or shade-covered the entire game.   He managed 7 grabs for 77, but was a smallish factor.    B-


Coates – made a dogshit play on an early deep ball, 3rd & 1, in which he stupidly slowed down and then failed to haul in a PERFECT pass that glanced off his fingertips.   Grabbed a short slant, first play 3Q, and then ran backwards like a damned fool.  Hauled in a 30-yard sideline lob, late 3Q.   A couple plays later, he allowed a deep lob in the EZ to go thru his hands, although he may not have been able to land inside the EZ.   Still, it shows the completely wretched fundamentals, instincts, and savvy of this fellow.  On a deep sideline pass with about 4 minutes left, Coates – what else – allowed the ball to clang off his hands.   F


Rogers – good grab of a low 3D pass, late 1Q, to get a much needed 1D.   Nice grab on a slant, early 2Q.  Clutch grab on 3rd & 8 to move the sticks, mid 3Q.   Had the crushing fumble that pretty much ended the game for the Stillers.   C+


Heyward-Gay - no grabs and no impact.    With Ayers, Eli, et al, DHB has probably played his last game as a Stiller.     C


Hamilton -  Dropped a deep lob that hit him right in the CHEST, in the EZ, late 2Q.   The goal-line blocking ineptitude would have never occurred had Hamilton grabbed this cake-easy catch.   Grabbed a clutch slant to convert a 3d & 1, first pay of 4Q.   Hauled in an apparent TD pass a couple plays later, but was correctly flagged for ineligible touch, as he foolishly and needlessly ran out of the back of the EZ on his own before coming back in and grabbing the pass.  On the ensuing 4th & goal, he was unable to high point a lob and come down with it, with the ball falling incomplete.   Hauled in a deep lob for a meaningless TD with about 3:00 left in the game.   C-


Ayers -  healthy scratch, which pissed me off, due to this resulting in the worthless Coates getting PT.   



Jesse James – good 3rd down grab, 2nd series.  Good sideline grab for 11, late 2Q.  Clutch grab on 3d & 8, late 2Q, and plowed to the 3-inch line.   Failed to haul in a tough out pass, mid 3Q, which forced a punt.  Had 5 grabs for 48.    B


Green - Lazy-rius once again SAT OUT, firmly cementing himself as the biggest pussy in the NFL.  


Grimble -  not permitted to participate on offense, because, you know, Coates is just so trusty and reliable as a pass catcher.  



OL:  Overall, the line gave Ben decent time, but the run blocking was unacceptably piss poor.   On a huge 1st & goal from the 10 inch line, the OL got shoved around, and DW lost about 5 feet.   On the next play, DW lost THREE more yards.  For all the outrageous fawning about how great and dominant this O-line is, they got their asses whipped by the NE Front 7.   A complete fuking disgrace.    D- 


Villeneueva -  held down the blind side pretty well. 


Gilbert -  FatAss Marcus got shoved back on a 3Q run by DW, effectively tackling his own RB for a 1 yard loss.  


Foster –  Did nothing on those GL ground plays.  


Pouncey – got completely abused on 3d & 4, early 3Q, which forced Ben into a hasty pass that was busted up.   A poor as poop block by Pouncey.  


DeCastro – Another over-rated fat-ass who did nothing on the GL runs.



Hargrave – Engulfed Blount for -2, 2nd series.  Two plays later, he literally threw the interior blocker (OG Joe Thuney) aside like a toddler, and sacked Lady for force the punt.  Sniffed out screen pass, 2Q, which forced a TA.  Solid game.    B


McCullers - As usual, did absolutely nothing.   A complete oxygen thief.  


Tuitt – slashed in and stuffed Blount for a 2 yard loss, 2Q.   For all the hype and fawning over this guy, he finished with…..ONE solo and very little pressure on the QB.      D+ 


Walton – nothing.  



Timmons – Forced a Brady fumble on a QB sneak, but the refs botched the call and ruled it NE ball.   Good run stuff, 6:30 3Q.  Failed to tackle Edelman on a 3d & 7, 3Q, although Edel already had the 1D.  Led the D with 9 solos and 5 As, but had little or no impact.   B-


Shaquier – slashed in to drop Blount, late 1Q.   Was flagged for a completely bullshoit “personal foul, hit on a defenseless receiver” when he applied a hit on Edelman as the ball bounced off Edelman’s hands.   Had 4 solos and 3 As, but no impact at all.    B-


Harrison – drilled Blount on a plunge, 3Q.   Flagged for offsides, 4Q, when he pathetically failed to get off the field in time.    Had 4 solos in a quiet effort, in what sadly is likely his final game as a Stiller.    B


Jones –  saw some PT, 2Q, and some other PT here and there.    Had 0 solos and 3 As.    Has played his final game as a Stiller.   


Chickillo – finally returned to action after missing a few games with an ankle.  Rarely if ever played on D.  


Vinnie W. -  never allowed to play on D.  


Dupree – nabbed Blount for a 3-yard loss, 3Q.    Had 3 solos and 2 As in a quiet effort.    C


Moats - thankfully never played on D.



Mitchell –  Bit up and got totally bamboozled on the flea flicker TD, 2Q.    Just as I WROTE in my pre-game, “- Attack of the weak link.  That would be, of course, Mike Bitchell, the most over-rated FS in the NFL.  Look for Tom Lady to take downfield stabs at Big Mike, who is all too often in no position at all to actually bust up an aerial pigskin. “      Had 2 solos in a meager effort.      D+


Golden - stood around and did nothing on the Hogan TD catch in the 1Q.   


Gay – just completely lost Hogan, 3Q, on a ridiculously easy 39-yard catch and run.    Two plays later, NE scored a TD to make it 26-9.   Got completely shaked n’ baked on the Edelman 10-yard TD, late 3Q.   Picked a fine time to have a bard-laden game.     D


Cockrell – missed an easy tackle of Bennett, 2Q, allowing a 1 yard pass to gain 9.   Did nothing the entire game.    C


Burns – Meekly whiffed on Edelman, 2nd play of game, allowing a huge RAC after a short completion.  Got abused by Hogan on a deep curl, 3Q.    Had 4 solos but was tooled far too often.     C 


Davis – feebly pawed at Edelman on a short grab after the Eli fumble, and of course whiffed, allowing an extra 12 yards or so.   Had 5 solos and 4 As, but nowhere near enough impact.  


Justin Gilbert - not permitted to play on D, because, as you saw, this secondary is just dripping with savvy, skill, and results.  


Spec teams:  

Jordan Berry – punted 4 times and mostly punted like rat urine.      Vomit-spewing 36-yard punt, 1st series.   Then, on the next series, he boomed a punt that landed around the 2 and quickly rolled into the EZ for a TB.   What a douche-wad.   Had a chance to pin NE deep, 3Q, but his shoddy punt was FC at the 12.    He sucks ass.   Maybe Doltbert and Stoogelin will finally wake up and see the value of a punter in terms of field position, and then go out and find a REAL punter, not that bag o’ shit.      D+ 


Boswell – duck-hooked his first PAT, which went wide left and was no good.   6 for 6 last week on FGs, and then this screw-up.     C+


AB – had an ACRE of open room on a punt return, 4Q, but ended up getting tripped up on a weak-assed little ONE-handed poke by a defender.    What a piss-ass.   Perhaps he should spend more time on skills training and less on grab-ass Facebook videos.  


Gilbert – assumed the KO return chores again.   Mediocre return, early 1Q. 


Coates – returned a KO, 1Q, and get thrown backwards like a ragdoll.    What a gutless faggott.   Had an odd, tip-toey KO return to start the 2H, and somehow managed to return it 31 yards. 



On the first possession, two Bell runs set up 3d & 1.    As usual, Haley gets GREEDY, going deep to PissAss Coates, who hasn’t caught a pass since the 8th grade picnic, and failed to haul in this one.    I just fuking despised this playcall for so many reasons:   It avoided Bell.  It was greedy.   And the primary receiver was a soft WR who hasn’t played WR in a meaningful game in 2 months.     I warned about GREED in my pre-game, and sure as shit, Haley gets greedy and stupid right from the get-go.


And Sammie Coates??     Sammy Fuking Coates??   This sorry piece of shit has done NOTHING in like 10 weeks, and now Haley inserts him as a GO TO guy ??    There are players who come back in a week from gruesome injuries and the like…..and then there’s FaggotFuk Sammie, who breaks a couple of fingers and then acts like he lost a leg in combat, playing the role of pussy for 2 fuking months.     Ayers had EARNED the PT here, not PissAss Sammie.   


Late in the 1H, the Stillers set up, 1st Goal at the 10-inch line.   With all the imagination of a toddler with a crayon, Haley runs two vanilla plunges, both of which took about 8 seconds to develop, all because the RB (DW) was lined up a full 7 yards being the LOS.    I guess a PAP (play action pass) either isn’t in the playbook, or Haley is just too fuking stupid to call it….?       And then, on 3rd & goal at the 5, Haley calls some vomit-chucking pass play to Eli….at the FOUR yards line, where, even if he’d caught the ball, he’d have been 3-1/2 yards short of the GL.   All in all, another shitty playoff loss in which this vaunted offense is all too easily held under 20 points.    D-  



Keith Assler had a grisly, miserable evening in which he was schooled and spanked in every phase of defense.  

First play of game, Brady had ALL DAY, and then casually completed a 12 yard pass to Bennett.  This series stalled inside the PIT 10, only because a stone-fingered NE WR dropped a cake-easy slant pass on 3rd & 1. 


3rd down, 3rd series, and Hogan is COMPLETEY UNCOVERED for a cake-easy TD pass.  How in the fuk?!   The guy was WIDE open 2 seconds after the snap, and only the polite graciousness of Brady, waiting for like 5 seconds, made this play even partially interesting.  


3d & 10, mid 2Q – pitiful, weak-assed 3MR (3 man rush), easy completion.  Then, on the ensuing 3d & 8, Hogan was AGAIN completely uncovered for an easy completion.   On the next play, a flea flicker scored a crushing TD to make it 17-7.    And people wonder how the Pats rolled up the score.   It started with that 3rd & 10, in which Buttler went soft and chickenshit.    And during far too much of the game, what was James Harrison doing….?   Why, he was dropping in COVERAGE, where he’s more or less useless, and all the while, Marcia Brady had enough time to light a cigarette back in the pocket.  


Assler had no answers.     Harassment of Tom Lady?  NONE.    Disruption of NE WRs?   NONE?    Hard hitting?   NONE.      Adjustments at halftime?   NONE.    Putting someone -- anyone -- to be within 22 feet of Hogan on a routine pass pattern?    NONE.    A complete fuking disgrace.      F


HC:  Mike Dumblin, so often fawned over by the Pgh media, and fools like Ron Cook, D. Kovacevic, and others, got completely schooled and tooled by Bellichick tonite.     It was like Stoogelin was playing checkers while Belli was playing chess, with Belli always 4 or 5 moves ahead of Michael The Mental Midget.  


In my pre-game analysis, I laid out what needed to be done.   Instead, what does Stoogelin do?   Why, he goes all Costanza on me, doing the complete opposite, like a jackass !!    To wit, I wrote:


- Anticipate a front 7 designed to stop the stutter. 

Much has been about Bell’s continual stuttering, which has indeed been effective.   Look for Bellichick to crash his LBs to try to bottle up Bell’s delay runs.  No defense has really had success with a sustained Bell rushing attack, but leave it to Belli to come up with something to at least slow down The Toker. 

      - Of course, the Stiller O was completely unprepared for this.    Bell was nullified to the tune of 6 carries for 20 yards before bowing out with a groin.  


- AB double.

Bellichick rarely ever will allow the best threat to beat him.   Look for him to have a CB jamming AB on every snap, with either shaded or umbrella coverage behind.  Haley must anticipate this, and exploit Eli, James, DHB, Bell, and even Grimble against mis-matches.  This also means that Haley needs to line up AB at ANY position on the field, in order to shake the extra attention.   If Haley gets stubborn and stupid by insisting AB lines up in the exact same position each play, the Pats’ plan will work.  AB should line up as an X, Y, Z, W, whatever, as well as wingback, RB, TE, and what have you. 

     - Of course, the Stiller O was completely unprepared for this.    Sure, their plan was to involve (hold your laughter, please) Sammie Coates, who, as a complete pussy, contributed NOTHING.  


- Quick slants.

We all know the steady diet of quick slants to Edelman and Co.   What we don’t know, is if Keith Buttler knows this.   Jamming and disruption of these quick timing routes is absolutely imperative, rather than the Softee Sitback.

     - Assler and Stoogelin, of course, did NOTHING to stop the WRs.    No jamming.  No disruption.  A Softee Siback of a Zone, which allowed NE receivers ACRES of open room.   And they continually left Hogan WIDE open, as though he were smothered with the HIV virus.  


- Middle pressure.

While edge pressure on Tom Lady would be nice, on many plays Lady simply whips the pass quicker than any edge rusher can attack.   It’s imperative that Tuitt, and Timmons/Shazier, get some pressure in the face of Lady and give him some legal smacks to boot.    It’d be nice if the Human Oxygen Thief, Daniel McSwallers, would bat a pass or two during the game.  

       -  Sure as shit, Stoogelin does NOTHING to created middle pressure and harassment on  Tom Lady.    Absolutely NOTHING.  


- Attack of the weak link.

That would be, of course, Mike Bitchell, the most over-rated FS in the NFL.  Look for Tom Lady to take downfield stabs at Big Mike, who is all too often in no position at all to actually bust up an aerial pigskin.    

      - Sure as shit, PissAss Mike BITES up on the flea flicker like a hungry wolf after a T-bone steak, and Hogan jogs by for an easy TD.    


Of course, I’d also written in the pre-game:

Coaching. Obviously, Belichick has used Stoogelin as his own personal b!tch these past 7 years or so.  This really is such an unfair match-up, with Bellichick able to literally run circles around The Great Cheerleader, Mike Asslin.  Sad, really. 


 Sad indeed.    Sad that Michael continues to serve as Belli’s personal little beeyotch, bending over and even handing Belli the lube, making Belli’s pumping of Michael all the more easier.   Coach Stoogelin, The Great Cheerleader -- what a tool.  F- 


Synopsis:  Another meek, sorry-assed playoff exit for Saint Michael The Almighty.   Facing a very average, mediocre Pats team, Stoogelin managed to gets his buttocks whipped in embarrassing fashion.    A promising season comes to a grisly end.   Looks like it’s time for Stoogelin, The Great Cheerleader, to move on to his life’s work, but with lifetime employment, he’ll most likely be back next season.



(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1


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