Stillers
34, Bungals 7���. Oct. 12th, 2002 ����Game #4
Stillers-Bungals
Postgame Analysis and Grades
The Stillers toyed with the
NFL equivalent of the Seven Sisters of the Poor, and thrashed a feeble, helpless
Bungals team that gave no more effort or perspiration than the French did in
either world war.� Because this wasn't
truly an NFL game -- both teams have to be up to NFL caliber to be considered as
such -- no grades will be issued.�� Nor
will much time be spent on lengthy commentary, because anything good that
happened in this game must be tempered with the fact that the opponent was
weak, sickly, disinterested, and totally devoid of any genuine professionalism,
hustle, intensity, or heart.� The fact
that the Bungals laid down and quit, and mailed this game in, precludes me from
spending much intellectual energy on this amateurish event.�
QB: Maddox threw the ball fairly
well.� I loved the fact that he's
willing to go downfield with the ball, something Stewart has treated with
extreme disdain.� Maddox also showed a
willingness to look at someone other than Stew's security blanket, Hines Ward,
and Burress has been the most grateful recipient.� Maddox has to show more against better competition, since this
Cinci defense was soft, lethargic, and slovenly, but Tommy seems to be
assimilating himself fairly well and seems to have a keen grasp of both the
offensive scheme and the leadership needed to be a starting QB.�
RB:�
The Tubby Tailback had the "breakout game".� Unlike the Pittsburgh media, which is now
proclaiming that The Lardback "is back", I'll hold off for at least
another week, although facing a softee Indy defense next week, I might have to
wait 2 weeks for the Baltimore game.�
The holes blown through the softee Cinci defense were so wide that
Bettis, Fat Albert, and Ozzy Osbourne could have stumbled through them, abreast
shoulder-to-shoulder, without any difficulty.��
Amoz impressed me with some good second effort, and seems to be getting
closer to full health.�� His
contribution in the passing game -- which Bettis is a complete zero -- is a
weapon that needs to be capitalized.
FB: Kreider was his usual nasty self,
and also chipped in with a TD grab.�
Hayes had his 1st NFL TD taken away by a Faneca hold.�
WR:�
Plex, as noted above, continues to be the grateful recipient of Maddox's
willingness to throw to someone else not named Ward.� At this rate, Burress might adopt a Steve Carlton-Tim McCarver kind
of arrangement, in which Plex will play only when a certain QB is starting at
QB.� El had 1 grab, but gained 25
yards.� Ward had 4 grabs.� I'd like to see Mathis worked in more,
because ultimately, this team is going to need to have success with "4
wides" if it wants to be a contender.�
TE:�
Not much to comment on.� Bruener
did some blocking and as often occurs, caught nothing.� Tuman continues to be a waste of a roster
space and salary cap money.
OL: The O-line blasted holes through
the spongy Cinci D.� The line did allow
some pressure, such as when Faneca allowed his man to swim right by for the
sack.� It's a shame the Cinci d-line
didn't give more of a test, because much of this game was a waste of time for
the O-line to be hitting the equivalent of blocking dummies.�
DL:�
The linemen were pretty rugged and active against a softee Cinci
line.�� Bailey, after his promising
rookie year, had been fairly quiet, but perked up with some solid plays and the
2-1/2 sacks.� On the fumble recovery and
return, Fat Casey Hampton looked like Jerome Bettis.� One lament is that this team still is stuck with a legit rotation
of only 4 d-side linemen.� Aside from
Bailey, there seems to be little interest in developing and grooming other
backups.��
LB:�
Joey Porter continues his season-long assault in what appears to be a
personal vendetta against anyone and everyone who thinks that the
"other" OLB is the best OLB on this team.� Porter once again showed that he is head, shoulders, and knees
above Jason GilDong, the fraudulent "pro bowl" LB who sat fallow the entire
day and did nothing.� Porter had a
superb strip of Kitna and a strong overall game.� Actually, it becoming readily apparent that the 2nd-best OLB on
this team is Clark Haggans, who continues to outhustle, outhit, and
outplay The Gilded Dong.� Farrior wasn't
spectacular but did chip in with some solid play.� Little JohnBoy Fiala, as is the norm, was steamrolled by Dillon
on the TD plunge.� �
DB:�
The DBs atoned for some recent scorchings with some decent play.� Of course, Kitna made their work as easy as
selling Gortex in Alaska, with a plethora of shabby throws.� The mirage that Flowers is a capable DB in
coverage is now in full swing, thanks to two "Dong interceptions"
that were no more laborious than the ones snared by Larry Brown in Super Bowl
30.� Townsend did have a nice INT on a
play in which he had good coverage.� �This crew basically got a week off before
they face the likes of Peyton Manning and Marv Harrison and Stiller-killer
Quadry Ismail.�
Spec teams:�
While most everyone is fawning over the KO return by El for a TD, let us
not forget one fact:� the special teams
once again sucked ass.�� Peterson's
kickoffs were atrocious, and the coverage was just marginally better.� Pete also missed a chipshot FG.� Josh The Shitbag -- perhaps the most
overpaid player in the NFL besides Mark Bruener -- had a terribly shabby day.� Don't allow one TD to mask the hideous warts
that still exist on this Bill Cowher-coached special teams unit.�
OC:�
Mularkey faced a disinterested defense that would have been run roughshod
even if the opponent were William & Mary.��
DC:�
Armed with the big lead and facing a struggling offense, Lewis could
have taken a nap -- and perhaps did -- up in the booth.�
HC:�
Let's hope Billy Cowshit won't get all gaga and soft with this cheesy win.�� Warts still exist.� The special teams suck ass.� The diddle-dicking at the end of the 1st
half, in which any high school team in America could have gotten off a pass to
the EZ on 3rd down and then settled for the FG try, was typical FIELD GOAL BILL
at his worst.� It's easy to laugh off
such an event when the team is winning by 24 over a hapless opponent, but this
is the kind of sloppy, careless bullshit that has perennially bitten this team
in the ass, yet Cowshit allows it to fester and continue.�
Synopsis:
�Don't thump your chests too loudly.� As my esteemed colleague Bob Smizik (of the
Post Gazette) noted, beating up on the Seven Sisters of the Poor isn't an
adequate litmus test by any means.� For
mailing this game in, the Bungals should be sponsored by the US Postal Service,
just like Lance Armstrong and the US cycling team.� All this game showed was that the Stillers can beat up on a team
that showed up with no pride, no intensity, no desire, and no grit.� The Indy Dolts have had their own share of
problems, but they presumably will show up with a bit more gumption next Monday
nite for the tilt against the Stillers.