Loose Slag from The Still Mill (Jul. 24th, 2003)

�Loads of stupidity emanating this past week related to the Stillers.� Here�s some of it:

- Billy Cowher, in his infinite wisdom, has declared the job at strong safety to be veteran Mike Logan's, at least as long as he can hold off 1st rounder Troy Polamalu.� "It will be good healthy competition," Cowhead said. Say what?? ��The two best safeties on this team, hands down, are Logie and Pola.� WHY, then, would you have the two of them competing for the same (one) job, while the SLOWEST safety in the NFL, Burnt Alexander, �wins� a starting job by default???�� If Logie is healthy enough to compete for the SS job, then he�s healthy enough to compete for the FS job.� Logan is far superior to Burnt Alexander is every aspect.� Faster.� Quicker.� Better tackler.� Better instinct.� Better ballhawking.� If Logie is healthy, he must start�but he should start at FS.� The Stillers traded a king�s ransom to move up and select Pola, and now, with Cowher�s love-affair with rotting rookies, Pola could end up rotting behind Logie.� Or, just as worse, Pola could win the starting job, but then Logie would rot the bench while the NFL�s slowest safety, Burnt Alex, starts at FS and once again provides absolutely nothing to stop opponents from carving up the Stiller pass defense.� The myopic simpletons will claim that �Logan is needed in the nickel &/or dime defense.�� No, he�s not.� He�s desperately needed on the starting defense, because Burnt Alex can�t keep up with a clodhopping fullback, much less a WR or fleet TE.� Remember, opponents carved up the Stillers base defense quite often during routine �running downs� of 1st & 10, all because it was as easy as shooting fish in a barrel.� Furthermore, the dime defense will see limited duty, in order to keep the stable of LBs on the field.� And, CB DeShea Townsend can able serve as a nickel back, and rookie CB Ivan Taylor or 2nd-year man Chidi Iwuoma could be utilized if the team wanted to go with 6 DBs.� �So, in the end, what Billy Cowher has boiled this safety situation down to is this:� he�s going to pit his far and away two best safeties against each other and start only ONE of them, and he�s going to insist on starting a slow, sack o� dung like Burnt Alex at the other safety.� Remember this the next time you hear someone praising and pontificating about how bright and clever Billy Cowher is.

- Equally stupid is all the talk and blather about the supposed blockbuster impact that will be made by TE Jay Riemersma in terms of being a key cog on �3rd down plays and opening up the deep middle�.� The Pittsburgh media has jumped all over this, and sadly, few fans have seen through this ridiculous charade.� I like Riemersma, and was elated with his signing.� �However, that doesn�t negate the fact that, on obvious passing downs such as 3rd & 8, it�d be far better to have Randle El working out of the slot than Jay Riemersma.� Reim isn�t an oaf like Bruener, but he�s no Shockey or Sharpe.� And if the Stillers want to use a 4 WR set, then on those �longer� downs I�d rather see Lee Mayes or Chris Doering supplementing the trio of Plex, Ward, and El, than Jay Riemersma.� On a 3 WR set, it�s Randle El or Riemersma -- you take your pick.� �And as usual, the dimbulbed media has the big picture all wrong.� Where Riemersma will actually BENEFIT the team will be on �running downs� and also �tweener downs�, such as 2nd and 6�not on 3rd-and-longs.� These �shorter� downs are downs in which opponents love to run-blitz to bottle up Bettis, and it�s exactly on these downs where a TE can feast on short pop-passes in the middle of the field, especially off of convincing play-action fakes by the QB.� Riem will also chip in on some 3rd and under-five-yards, as well as red zone plays in which teams are expecting a Bettis or Amoz plunge.� But on 3rd and 12, Riem ought to be taking a breather on the bench, and 4 legitimately-quick WRs ought to be in the game.�

- If you read or hear a more stupid statement by a Pittsburgh journalist than the one recently written by Ron Cook, please let us know.� Said Cook, �Mark Bruener is my new hero. He probably could have made more by leaving the Steelers as a free agent...this is one time it really wasn't about the money.��� Sure, Ron�..and Saddam Hussein ran a benevolent democracy.� As is all too typical of the Pittsburgh media, they overvalue a stiff like Bruener to the thousandth degree.�� Fact is, the market for an over-30, brittle, injury-prone, stonefooted, brick-fingered tight end is about as dry as the market for heated blankets in Liberia.� There�s not a single team that would be willing to give Boofooted Bruener a penny more than the veteran minimum.� Bruener accepted the paycut -- which still pays him above the veteran minimum -- because, plain and simple, he couldn�t and wouldn�t have gotten better elsewhere.��

- Speaking of stupidity, it�s utterly amazing that the Stillers have literally avoided bringing in safeties in order to send Burnt Alexander packing.� One would think this team would be so desperate to upgrade what is, aside from left OLB, their weakest position that they would invite every unemployed safety -- from the NFL level down to Arena Ball 2 -- for a tryout.� When you�re dealing at a baseline of Burnt Alexander -- a pathetic castoff from the lowly Arizona Cards, of all teams -- there simply has to be at least 45 players in America who could walk in off the street and perform much better.

- Where does 2nd-year man Chris Hope fit in at safety?�� We can�t be sure.� Why�s that?� Because Billy Cowher rotted the man his entire rookie season, so what we have is a 2nd-year man who never saw the field on defense during the entire regular season, and as such, is little more advanced than a rookie.� Sure, Hope should have a solid grasp of the playbook and scheme -- whatever scheme the Tin Can Defense might actually have -- but his on-field reps were nil.� I very much hope Hope is allowed to fight for a starting job, but Cowher�s love of veterans over youngsters, combined with the drafting of Pola�s in round 1, makes Hope have little hope.� What could have given Hope hope, was some plain and simple playing time.� Ask yourself this -- why couldn�t Hope have gotten some PT during the blowout victories against Cinci and Indy back in October?� Or in the rout of Carolina in December?� There�s only one reason why -- because the head coach is a myopic, stubborn simpleton named Billy Cowher. ��

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- Hold your laughter�Josh Miller hurt himself by �working out� and will probably be placed on the PUP list.� Miller�s been grossly overpaid the past couple of years, and now he�s injured from �working out�, which probably consisted of little more than lounging on the sofa and punching the clown.� Count Miller as yet another player who has been blatantly & drastically over-valued by the Steeler management, press corps, and fan base.�

- By August 5th, Billy Cowher will fret and stammer, �Ike Taylor just doesn�t know all of his assignments yet.� He�s still learning.� He has a lot to pick up.�� Blah blah blah.�� If history is a proven indicator, Taylor will play all of 9 reps as a DB the entire season, unless injuries ravage the secondary.� I�d previously written that Cowher would recite similar babble regarding �Zo Jackson by July 29th, but at the time of the article, I�d thought, based on scribbled, illegible handwriting in my planner, that camp was slated to begin July 19th.� Remember, Cowher is the brilliant genius who rotted Joey Porter his entire rookie season (except for the meaningless finale).� Cowher will deem Jackson too green, too young, and too ignorant by the 7th of August�

- The Stillers are blessed with the most abundant combination of wealth, talent, and experience in the entire league at 2 positions.� Which 2 positions, you ask�?� LB and WR�?� No, FB and TE.�� Because of the extreme neglect this team has with TEs, coupled with the general lack of importance of the FB position in the modern NFL, this �envious� stockpiling of wealth at these 2 relatively meaningless positions is roughly as important to winning a championship as an NBA team stockpiling midget hockey players.� If Randy Grossman and Rocky Blier were healthy enough to perform at an NFL level, they both probably would have been signed by the Stillers this past offseason�

- For all the blather from Cowher about how the Stillers have upgraded their �scheme� on pass defense, you�ll know exactly if this is bullshit or reality by watching one simple, obvious, on-field maneuver: if Scott and Washington play 11 yards off the LOS on each and every down, then absolutely nothing worthwhile has been upgraded in terms of scheme on the Tin Can Defense.�

�(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- the only nationally read coverage on the Pittsburgh Stillers that has accurately predicted the how's and the why's of the past 3 Stiller playoff losses�.)