The Dick Report (Week 2, after loss to Balt.)
With all the patronizing, proselytizing, and worship of The Supreme Deity of Defensive Coaching, Saint Dick LeBeau, I felt it prudent to start a regular report to expose Dick as the fraud that he truly is. In years past, I’ve spent time exposing other frauds, to include Jason GilDong and LaMarr WoodenDong. Although Big Jason Worilds has shown to be a complete fraud this season, the bigger fraud is none other than Dick.
Dick’s loyal legions of worshippers has, for years, made up one quibble and one excuse after another to rationalize for Dick’s outrageous failures. Dick gives up 316 yards to Little Timmy Teblow in playoff loss? Why, it’s the offense’s fault. And the mile-high altitude. And the phases of the moon. Dick pisses away the biggest 4th Qtr lead in Sup Bowl history? Not Dick’s fault. And Dick gets totally carved up and ass-raped by the Jackers in the Sup Bowl?? Why, it’s everyone ELSE’S fault, except Saint Dick, who presumably has been given Papal infallibility and thus can never, ever, commit a mistake. Ever.
The latest excuse du jour is a doozy -- “Dick has to work with 5 (oft times written as 7, if you can believe that) new starters”. Obviously, it’s pure bullshit at its worst. Dick essentially has TWO new starters -- rookie ILB Ryan Shazier and SS Mike Mitchell. That’s it. Jarvis Jones is not a new starter, as he started 8 games last season. On paper, Cam Thomas is a starter, but old time Dick favorite Brett Keisel has gotten more of the snaps, and obviously Keisel isn’t new to this defense. Shaziier is a #1 draft pick out of a major college program. Mitchell is an experienced veteran in his prime years. So, there is absolutely no reason to feel sorry for Dick. There are defensive coordinators around the league who would sever an arm to have 7 (SEVEN) 1st/2nd round picks on their starting defense., which is precisely what Dick has been lavished with. 7 out of 12.
Below are the d-side stats from the first 2 games. It’s been ugly. Dick has been savagely ravaged by 2 of the most mediocre offenses in all of the NFL.
|
|
W-L |
Score |
QB faced |
Def. Pts allowed |
TDs allowed |
Rush Allowed |
Pass Allowed |
INTs |
FFs |
|
Notes |
|
Clev. |
W |
30-27 |
Brian Hoyer |
27 |
3 |
183 |
230 |
0 |
0 |
|
Dick had the luxury of a 27-3 lead at halftime, and then pissed away the lead by allowing Clev. to score on 4 consecutive 2H possessions. The one drive where Clev was "stopped" for a FG wasn't a stop at all; rather the QB & RB had a miscommo on a 3d down play, and Hoyer swallowed the pigskin for a loss and they settled for a FG. Hoyer was making his 5th ever NFL start. Starting RB Ben Tate and starting TE Jordan Cameron were injured in the 1H and did not return. Terrance West, a greenhorned rookie in his first NFL game, gashed Dick's defense for 100 yards on only 16 carries. |
|
@ Balt. |
L |
26-6 |
Flacco |
26 |
2 |
160 |
166 |
0 |
0 |
|
Jacco had all day in the pocket the entire game, and was never once harassed, much less sacked, and was 21 of 29. 35-year old Steve Smith was given huge, 12-yard cushions. The 2 TD drives were 80 and 85 yards long. Balt also scored on 4 consecutive possessions in the 2H. Bernard Peirce gashed Dicks' vaunted defense for 96 yards on 22 carries. |
Perhaps the worst stat is the same-old shit of zero turnovers. It’s been going on since 2011, with no end in sight. For the amount of salcap and high draft picks invested in this defense, it sucks ass. The primary problem, of course, is Dick and his Softee Defense ™, with its schemes of the softee sitback. When ya play soft n’ passive, ya don’t create turnovers. The only turnovers you’re likely to get, are when the opponent is simply careless or butter-fingered. Sure enough, though, you’ll continue to be inundated with babble about Dick’s “diabolical schemes” and “clever disguises”. Clever disguises?? He hasn’t stopped jack shit this season, despise facing offenses that are jack shit. Clever disguises, my ass. More like Dick cleverly disguising himself as a competent NFL coordinator.
Sure enough, you’ll watch a Stiller game on TV and the camera will zoom in on Dick, with the announcer gushing, “There’s Dick LeBeau….the revered coach who has been around the NFL for 62 years. He invented the zone blitz and has forgotten more about football than most coaches can remember...” First off, Dick invented the zone blitz….way back in like 1993. To put that in perspective, the Sony Walkman was all the rage and cell phones were the size of a mid-sized hoagie. Twenty years ago…! Like offensive coordinators haven’t seen Dick’s tired, worn schemes 300 times since then….??! And as for forgetting, the decrepit Dick, now 77, has simply forgotten more about football than he can remember. This is why he gets tooled and schooled by a vanilla dullard like Gary Kubiak, the OC of the PoeBirds.
Here at Stillers.com, we shall not rest until Dick does the right thing, and resigns…..or Mike Dumblin finally grows a pair and sends Dick packing. We’ll continue to expose Dick as the over-rated fraud and farce that he truly is. Stay tuned.
(Still Mill and Stillers.com -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)
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