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Stillers-Browns Postgame Analysis and Grades (condensed)

January 01, 2017 by Still Mill

 Stillers 27, Browns 24 (OT) ……. Jan 1, 2017…………Game # 16


Stillers-Browns Postgame Analysis and Grades (condensed)

The 10-5 Stillers hosted the hapless 1-14 Browns in a meaningless finale, as the Stillers had the #3 seed sewn up and could not obtain a higher seed.    Despite playing 90% of their D-side starters and most of the starting O-line, the Stillers played grab ass the first 3 quarters of the game, before finally tying it in the 4Q.   Cleve should have won it in regulation with a chippie FG as the clock ran out, but stupidly ran the ball with a RB, who fumbled away the pig.  This won’t be terribly in-depth, as this was a dull game played by 1 lousy team against a decent team that played like a lousy team. 



QB:   Laundry Jones got the start.   He looked skittish and timid the entire 1H, before warming up a bit in the 2H and OT.    Had a solid 2H, and was playing without Bell and AB, and had to play behind an O-line who decided to collectively take the day off.   Because of the mega-millions thrown around to mediocre QBs, he’s probably played his final snap as a Stiller, as he is a UFA come Feb.   B 



DeAngelo – solid work.    He saved Stoogelin’s bacon, TWICE no less, by furiously digging and stretching on successive plunge plays to avoid a safety, when the entire O-line blocked like dogshit.    He also made a superb stretch to the GL for a TD.   Something about this dude, ya just gotta love.   A+


Toussaint - Had a few carries.   Like Jones, this may be his last offensive PT as a Stiller.  



Johnson, Nix -  Nix saw some PT as a FB, but not much. 



Brownie – held out.  


Coates - did not play.   Another pansie, just like Piss-Ass Markus Wheaton.  


Rogers - stellar play, with 6 grabs.  I’m growing fonder of Eli as each week passes.    A


Heyward-Gay – finally returned after, what, 8 weeks from a mild foot injury.    Grabbed a deep ball for a 46-yard gain.   Also was the LONE man on offense to hustle after the Clev INT, and he poked the ball loose just before the Brown DB crossed the GL, taking 7 points off the board for Clev.    Pissed as I am that he took months to return to action, I’m glad to have his veteran presence and speed back on the field.   


Hamilton - snared the game-winning TD.    Is certainly making his 2017 employment much more secure. 


Ayers - very nice game, with 5 grabs and his first NFL TD.   Another fellow who might make the Stillers just cut bait with Margayvis Bryant.   Wasn’t exactly pleased, however, that in just his 2nd NFL game, he’s already preening, dancing, and crowing like Manny Sanders and Antonio Brown.    I fuking hate that, especially from a young player who is just 2 mere weeks removed from the P-squad.    



Jesse James - got most of the TE snaps.   Had 2 grabs. 

Green - naturally, did not dress.   There’s probably a 98% chance this pansie won’t play next week.  


OL:  Overall,  despite sitting just 1 starter (Pouncey), the line played like piss and vomit.   Time and time again, esp. in the 1st Half, they allowed defenders to swarm the RB or QB.   Just complete barf.   A fuking embarrassing effort for a crew that has apparently spent far too much time reading their press clippings.    The  O-line coach, Mike Assmunch, should be equally embarrassed.   D-  



Hargrave - got a concussion in the 4Q.   Great.   Now we’ll have zero depth at all on the DL come Wild Card weekend.   


Matthews - hurt his ankle, 1Q, and never returned.    Great.   Now we’ll have zero depth at all on the DL come Wild Card weekend. 


McCullers - actually, finally, did something productive.    I loved how he engulfed an interior blocker, and then, like Chewbacca, just reached out and grabbed the QB for a key sack.    We’ve waited THREE fuking years for this guy to do something.   


Tuitt – Once again, Stephonie sat this one out.    Odds are, this soft-assed pansie will sit out next week’s wild card game as well.  


Walton - chipped in some.


Maxey - saw a fair amount of PT.    Might have to start next weekend. 



Timmons – played what I believe was100% of all snaps, for reasons unknown.   Solid game. 


Shaquier –  Also played what I believe was 100% of all snaps, for reasons unknown.   Whiffed near the LOS on the 67-yard run by Crowell in the 4Q, and then, on the very next play, feebly whiffed on the short TD run.     One of the few positive things he did all day was the INT.   I have no idea why the most brittle man in the NFL played 99% of the snaps today.     C-


Moats - saw some PT.


Harrison – Despite dressing, he got the day off.


Jones –  Despite getting duped, badly, on a reverse in the 1H, Jarstiff actually made some plays, including a legit sack, a FF, and a batted pass.   Shit, he did more in this one game than in any 10 games combined of his entire career.    Probably gone in March, but the game tape of this game probably will earn him an extra $3M, if not more, on a 3-year deal.  


Chickillo - not permitted to play on D. 


Vinnie W. - not permitted to play on D, for reasons unknown to anyone with half a brain. 


Dupree – decent effort.   Had 5 solos and 2 As.   He’s got to be a playmaker come playoff time.   



Golden  – did not dress. 


Mitchell – woofed a lot, and also missed about 6 tackles.   


Gay  -  Had some struggles.  


Cockrell - Got tooled here and there. 


Burns - Got completely tooled LATE in the game on a Pop Warner stop & go route, which put Cleve in position to win the game.   Just a moronic play by a fellow with zero football sense at THAT point of the ballgame.   


Davis -  solid game, and for once, he actually didn’t over-run the QB on a blitz.  Had 8 solos to lead the D.     I believe next season we will see this young man flourish even more.   


Spec teams:  

Jordan Berry – punted okay.    There were some weak-assed punts, in which he got some lucky rolls.     Had a good, booming punt from his own EZ in the 4Q.    B-    


Boswell – No FG attempts today.    Stunningly, he didn’t boot any KO’s OOB.  


Rogers - finally, in week 16, he gets some work catching punts.   And looked rusty in the process. 


OC:   Sure, it was Laundry Jones at QB, but the offense was incredibly juvenilish, bland, and predictable the entire 1H.   1st down - handoff to DeAngelo.    2d down, another handoff to DeAngelo, or short pass.   3rd down - jailhouse blitz, sack.     Fuk me.    It wasn’t until the 2nd half that Haley finally discarded whatever diarrhea-laced gameplan he’d drawn up for this game.     D



Despite having like 80% of his starters on the field for the ENTIRE game, Keith Assler struggled like a little girlish bitch the entire game against a shit-eating, dreg of an offense.    He managed to make this moribund Clev offense look like the 2nd coming of the 1988 49ers.  How ‘bout that drive he allowed to Cleve to start OT ?   18 (EIGHTEEN) offensive plays, with nearly 8 minutes of clock chewed up.     If he wanted to tank, he should have done so on the very first play of OT, so that it would preclude further injury.    D-


HC:  Mike Dumblin narrowly avoided the ignominy of losing to a shit-licking Clev team, at home no less.    Still, for a team that played about 80% of their starters the entire game, the overall play smelled like ass.   It was a feeble, meek, tepid effort….one that won’t come close to winning a playoff game.     D 


Synopsis:   Now, a re-match with the Fish, although this time it’ll be in the chilly weather of The Burgh.   The depleted D-line concerns me, esp. the way the Fish gashed this defense with RB Jay Ajayi in the first meeting.   Let us not forget, Coach Stoogelin is 0-2 in home Wild Card games, so this game is far from a gimme, what with Asslin’s inability to whip-ass on an inferior playoff opponent. 


(Still Mill and -- when it comes to the analysis of the Pittsburgh Stillers, no one else comes close….)

Follow Mill on Twitter, at StillMill1

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