The New England Patriots and the Fall of the Roman Empire

The New England Patriots and the Fall of the Roman Empire

by PalmerSucks
July 11, 2007

 

"It is foolish for a team to acquire a free agent whose circumstances are contemptible -- regardless of how well he performs on the field."
-- Bill Walsh

Why bother playing Super Bowl XLII? Just hand over the trophy to New England and skip the formalities.

At least that's what the sports experts are telling us.

Yes, the team that was seconds away from reaching another Super Bowl has loaded up on new players like there's no tomorrow. (More on the careful use of this phrase later.)

Get ready to hear this word a lot, football fans: "stacked." As in, the Patriots are totally stacked with football talent, thanks to a massive free-agent shopping spree.

In case you haven't heard yet:

*The Patriots, who only missed the Bowl last year by THIS much (hold thumb and forefinger as close together as possible without touching) stacked themselves silly by adding WRs Donte Stallworth and Wes Welker. Welker, as an added bonus, will add some 'zazz to the Patriots special teams.

*The Patsies landed THE defensive catch of the year, Adalius Thomas, who will stack the Patsies' D to heights unknown.

*As if that weren't enough, the Patsies', flush with cap room, went out and got THE Randy Moss. (Is there a word beyond "stacked" to describe how stacked the New England WR corps has become?)

The Pats' offense already ranked 11th in the league, and that was, as we all know, with a no-name WR corps. Imagine what Tom Brady will do with this group of studs! Imagine, too, what the defensive-whiz head coach will do with his new game-breaking LB.

OK -- now imagine someone with the nerve not to ask whom the Patsies will be playing in the Bowl, but if they'll get there in the first place.

Someone, say, like me.

First, let me start with the great Moss, who, according to some Pats fans, will take one whiff of the turf in New England and dump all the poor practice habits he displayed in Oakland.

So how's that going? Well, according to Michael Felger of the Boston Herald, who caught a recent Pats workout:

"Moss moved at his own pace. He rarely dug in. More often than not, he glided. On balance, the most talented receiver of his generation was just another guy... You'd have thought Moss would have taken the opportunity to make an early statement... But it's pretty much as the opposite. Moss was content to remain in the pack."

Sounds like a whole new leaf to me!

But hey, it's just practice, right? Who doesn't dog it in practice now and then?

Well, according to Felger, apparently some of Randy's new teammates don't:

"It's true the entire proceedings were run at about three-quarters speed, but that didn't stop Brady, Welker and Harrison from giving full effort. Moss' speedometer seemed stuck at around 60 percent."

So much for the new Moss. But again, I know... just practice. He'll bring it all once the real thing starts.

Then there's Thomas, a lock to terrorize opposing offenses. But what if his success had as much to do with the creative schemes employed in at Baltimore -- schemes that freed him up specifically to roam the field? Will he be used the same way in New England? And if Thomas is that good, why did the Ravens choose to lock up Bart Scott instead -- do they know something about him we don't?

Now, about that "just missed the Bowl" thing.

Lost in all this talk is one little fact: the Patriots didn't just lose, they pulled off the greatest choke job in the history of the AFC Championship Game. This from a team known for its clutch play down the stretch; even the once-infallible Tom Brady has coughed up game-turning picks the last two playoffs.

Think the Patriots haven't noticed this too?

You ask me, these free-agent moves are out of desperation more than strength. The lunchbucket bunch -- the Browns, the Bruschis, the Johnsons, the Vrabels -- are gone or getting old. Belichick can feel the draft from the closing window, and knows he's about run out of tomorrows. (Got that?) Something's got to be done, but fast! No matter what the cost.

Which brings us to the title of this little piece. The mighty Roman Empire didn't fall because it lost military power, it decayed from within once it lost sight of its principles. In other words, it collapsed because it rejected its own identity and ideals: who it was, and what it stood for.

As time went on, the Romans relied more and more on free-agent soldiers to guard the Empire. Outsiders, not guys who shared the Roman way of life. Then one day -- boom -- barbarians inside the gates.  Dynasty over.

Come to think of it, the Patriots' situation also reminds me of the San Francisco 49ers of the 1990s. The 49ers were so desperate to keep winning, they went out and signed Lawrence Phillips, the single most legally-challenged player of his day.

That's the same self-proclaimed "classiest team in football" San Francisco 49ers, who once employed low-key, high-class superstars like Lott, Rice and Montana. Once the championships stopped coming, though, out went the class and in came the criminals.

Didn't matter though -- no matter how much they sold out, the 49ers couldn't restore the glory. The team of the '80s would become the league's laughingstock by the end of the '90s. Walsh, no doubt, knew what was coming and was so desperate to stave off the fall, he went back on his own sanctimonious advice. He wound up signing THE free agent of contemptible circumstances.

Now think about the Patriots -- the guys who refused individual player intros at the Super Bowl, and made a big deal of running out as a group instead. The humble, never-get-our-due-respect poor little grunt Patriots, who exemplified the meaning of "team." The Patsies thrived on this image -- and now they trade for the ultimate "me" player. I wonder what was going through their heads for this one?

But that's not all that's afoot with Team All-America this off-season:

**Tom Brady, All-American boy, has been the subject of some not-so-wholesome talk. Consider this bit, courtesy of a local New England politician named Kevin Thompson:

"Many millions of small, adoring fans look up to Brady only to find him chasing models, fathering children out of wedlock, and unashamedly engaging in an immoral lifestyle.  What kind of world is this if Tom Brady is not absolutely ashamed of himself?  He, a grown man, is showing the maturity of a hormone-driven teenager."

Ouch!  To make matters worse, Brady's ex announced her pregnancy around the same time Tommy took up with his new supermodel girlfriend. Setting off the gossip columnists from Boston to Brazil.

Brady's known for the work he does for charities -- he's someone obviously concerned with his public image. You have to wonder - when does the tabloid talk begin to take its toll?

Think it's nothing? Then find yourself a June 6th article in the Providence Journal titled "Media's blitz is getting too close for Tom Brady's comfort." You'll see what I mean.

**Bill Belichick -- Bill Belichick! -- is at the center of a nasty divorce case, being named the notorious "other man" by a very jilted, very angry husband. Bill B. a homewrecker? Say it isn't so, Coach!

Now, normally I couldn't give a Pat's ass what players do with their personal lives. But when things spill over into nasty public controversies, they have the potential to become major distractions. Especially to hush-hush guys like Belichick, who'd rather take saltwater enemas than give up information about ANYTHING. How do you think Coach
Everything's-a-Secret will respond to post-game questions when they're being asked by some reporter from the National Enquirer?

To put it another way -- the next defensive gameplan Coach Whizkid may be worrying about is his own. In court.

Which brings us to Moss and the whole contemptible-circumstances thing.  Would New England have signed a guy with his kind of baggage three years ago, while the Lombardis were still being lifted, and the Colts were still the team's cabana boys?  For Belichick, like Walsh, it's win now or bust, and let the next guy deal with the morality mess.

I know, I know -- the Patriots "didn't give up much" to get Moss, so if he flops, so what?  What do they have to lose?

The same thing was said about Philips; that was, until he missed a block that led to the hit that ended Steve Young's career. Call it karma, call it whatever -- we'll see what cosmic price the Pats pay, if any.

In the meantime, the sports media will continue to overlook this fundamental change in the Patriots, and keep up their "team to beat" gush fest.

Never mind that the Jets -- the same Jets who breathed down the Pats' necks last year -- may have made the year's most significant free-agent acquisition. Never mind that the running back the Patsies are counting on to shoulder the load this season is showing signs of a chronically bum shoulder. The Patriots may find it hard to win their own division, let alone cruise their way out of the conference.

Stillers fans take heart: maybe there's a shot for our guys after all.  Because if history is any guide, it won't be the New England Patriots who win it all next year. No matter how "stacked" they look right now.


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